NBA Monday

The biggest thing in China....Get it?

If you're a Dallas fan you must be teetering on top of a rooftop right now. This worthless stick figure who doesn't even understand the jeers I hurl at him whenever he touches the ball lit up your Mavs for 33 in Houston's dramatic two point victory in Dallas last night. 33 points on 13 of 14 shooting, someone in your organization should be taken out back and shot for this. This Gumby look alike has no playoff experience, no nose for the basketball, no fight, he's just tall. And my God look at that goofy celebration, he looks like the special kid rounding the bases after the gym teacher told him he had hit a home run after swinging and missing 37 times.

I know that paragraph is really offensive but I just can't stand Yao.

The other thing that Mavs fans must be griping about today is the anemic play of Keith Van Horn down the stretch. Yes Dirk had a bad shooting game again but he turned it on towards the end, Van Horn just looked scared to shoot and opted to throw the ball to no one when he was wide open from 12 feet. Eventually he cost Dallas the game by failing to jump out on the screen that allowed T-Mac to hit the game winning jumper with 2 seconds left. It's not as if this guy has no playoff experience, just ask any Celtics fan who watched Van Horn and his Nets knock the Celtics out twice. Where was this a few years ago Keith?

On the other side of the coin Houston fans must be ecstatic. All I've heard since the matchups were finalized is, "The Mavs are going to destroy the Rockets in at most 5 games. Who's going to guard Nowitzki? Finley is twice as good as David Wesley and Bob Sura combined!" Everyone was sure of this, apparently everyone except for the Mavs and the Rockets.

T-Mac has taken his game to an almost Jordan-esque level in the first 2 games and the defensive pressure that he requires has opened up things for everyone else like the stick-figure or Bob Sura (who buried two huge threes in the final minutes last night...but then got chewed out by Van Gundy for celebrating). He has also taken on the daunting task of covering Nowitzki on the defensive end where he's done an admirable job, although he has been helped by Dirk's cold shooting. McGrady actually presents defensive problems for Nowitzki, especially when his shot isn't there because he isn't quick enough to get by T-Mac and is forced to rely only on his jumper.

It's been more than T-Mac's amazing play that has brought down the Mavs in the series. Dallas is playing as though they are hearing the footsteps of all their past playoff collapses getting closer and closer and they are feeling the pressure of being, "the most playoff ready" team in recent years. Dirk was walking dead for the first 43 minutes of last night's game and completely forgot to show up for game 1, Yao was able to score 33 which is 31 more than he should ever drop, Sura has been everywhere hitting big shots and playing defense, and the Mavs for some reason continue to play Erik Dampier who is the only guy in the NBA stupider than Ricky Davis.

It remains to be seen if they can get back into this series and the keystone is Nowitzki. He had a career year and on most nights seemed unstoppable. He needs to regain that form or his legacy as a playoff choke artist will just grow and grow.

Now you might be thinking why the hell is the Boston Slant so concerned about....hold on I just flipped the channel to MTV Hits and caught the end of the "One Thing" video. I don't know who that girl is but she is ridiculous in those white booty shorts, apparently her name is Amerie, which is also hot.

Okay sorry, like I was saying you might be asking why am I so concerned about the Dallas v. Houston series on the day after the Celtics lost a heartbreaker to the Pacers at home. There's a few reasons.

1. Frankly the Dallas v. Houston series is more interesting to write about. There's a huge stud on each team, the games have been close with dramatic finishes, and the West just plays better basketball than the East.

2. I knew the Celtics were going to lose last night's game. This is still a mediocre team, as much as I and all other C's fans don't want to admit it this team struggled to win the Atlantic Division and is just a few games over .500 in the East. Not to mention, after a blow out of such epic proportions most teams bounce back especially when they have a veteran leader who is playing not to keep his season alive but to extend his career. The Celtics are still going to win this series, but now they know that they're going to have to win 4 games not just one game by 30.

3. I can't write even the least bit objectively (not that I ever do) about last night's game because I am fully blinded by my rage at Ricky Davis. I know my late-night blog yesterday was a little over the top but in all seriousness there is nothing worse than talking a whole bunch of bullshit about your opponent after 1 game. We as Boston sports fans should know better than anyone that a big blow out and a lead in a series means nothing! (Ahem 19-8, 3-0?!!). I would be writing along and all of a sudden I would get to the part where that thug jerkoff misses the crucial jumper with 40 seconds to play (maybe all the hot air he was expelling pushed it offline) and I would start twitching and foaming at the mouth with really tends to freak out the neighbors.

4. The bar I watched the end of the Celtics game at for some reason was playing the audio for the Red Sox game, in which they were getting blown out, instead of the Celtics game, which was actually a little distracting. All of a sudden there'd be a big roar while the Pacers were walking the ball up the court, it's really strange to hear crowd noise and announcing that has nothing whatsoever to do with the game in question. Whatever, that has nothing to do with this I just wanted to write it because it annoyed me at the time.

Okay that's it for now. Red Sox blog later.