What a long strange time it's been since last we spoke, actually since last I had internet access. Beach-time leads to a sedentary lifestyle not condusive to trips to the local library, that closes at 4:30, to get on a computer in a room without air conditioning or windows. Thus, it's been a month, maybe more since I've put anything into this so forgive me while I shake off the rust.
Rather than trying to catch up from the past, which seems as daunting as climbing Everest backwards, I'm going to give a rundown of my month with my sports impressions and thoughts as they relate.
First and foremost the Manny saga. I sent my roomate from Boston a text message on Saturday saying, "If they trade Manny I'm going to burn down Theo's house." That would have been an under-reaction. Trading Manny would have been the greastest mistake in Red Sox history, save maybe trading the Babe but only if there actually was a curse. Here's why:
1. He is the 2nd best (Pujols) right handed hitter in baseball. Period. Mike Cameron and Aubrey Huff combine to make the 187th best utility player during day games with the wind blowing from south south east on odd Wednesdays in July of even numbered years.
2. Without him David Ortiz is what he was in Minnesota, combined with a dash of Barry Bonds. Meaning his average drops, his RBI's plummett, his walks sky-rocket (4 on Saturday with Ramirez on the bench and Olerud behind him), and he becomes very ordinary.
3. Trot Nixon is already down, without Ramirez Damon would be the only everyday outfielder who knows the angles and bounces of the unusual Fenway outfield. Yes Manny often looks like a wandering nomad in his pursits of the ball in the left but he plays the wall as well as anyone and better than Mike Cameron would in 60 games.
4. He's Manny Ramirez! Think back a few years, remember when we got him... Remember how excited we were... Think further back, remember how scared of him we were when he was with Cleveland, it wasn't Alomar or Bell or Lofton that drove that hitting machine, it was Ramirez and look what they've done without him. He leads the AL with 92 RBI's and it's not August yet! He's going to put up 45 and 135, there is no way Cameron, Huff, Kapler, Roberts, or 10 other nobodies are going to put up those kind of numbers, forget it.
5. Manny is the Red Sox best player and the team is in first place. Have you ever heard of a team trading their best player in the middle of a playoff race with their most hated rivals that they are leading? Of course not!
But it didn't happen, relieving me of my arson responsibilities and allowing me to keep the few hairs I still have left growing on my ever developing bald spot. I think everyone around me is happy he stayed as well, I threatened and abused everyone who disagreed with me about this issue for the last week and was probably utterly miserable to be around. My apologies, but I have never been so sure I was right about a sporting debate in my life, anyone who disagreed may as well have been trying to convince me that up was down.
So what else has been going on in the last month? You mean other than worrying about "Manny being Manny" in Queens? Well...
Things at the Dockside aren't going well. We've tried gimmicks, karaoke, theme parties, promotions, radio ads, word of mouth, gift cards, signs, blowjobs (okay that might have worked) and really nothing has worked for the bar. The restaurant has been busier and busier every week, which is excellent, but the all the business is outside and the place is empty by 10:00 every night. For some reason we can't build a night life crowd whatsoever. I believe it's a combination of factors, lack of knowledge, expensive drinks (especially beers), difficult to find location, cheesy theme parties every thursday, and a nostalgic name that only resonates with an older clientele that likes to come in and reminisce about the days of the "Drunkside" in the '80s.
I've tried as much as I can to remain positive but the heart of the season ends in a month and it's becoming clearer every Friday when I'm out of work at 11:00 that it just isn't going to happen this season. This of course had led to a rather dire financial situation augmented and made worse by my developing alcoholism.
The Cape in the summer basically functions on Island time. People that come for lunch at 11:00 AM have a drink or two because they're on vacation. Every day is Saturday, no one works and if they do they work in jobs like mine, everyone goes out every night and drinks more than they should and then rots in the sun from the following noon until they have to work. It would take a much stronger person than I to avoid getting fat, sunburnt, and stupid. Why go work out after a day shift when you can sit and sip free drinks while playing photo hunt until 7 PM then go home take a nap while watching the Sox game and then go out at 11:00 when all your friends get out of work. It's so unhealthy but it's unhealthy with a finite ending. If life was like this it would get old and depressing but when you know it can only last until mid-October and even that is a stretch because it's really over in September when the tourists and college kids leave, you cram every last second of it in while you've got it.
Speaking of college kids, most of the waitresses at the Dockside are either in school, dropped out, or just graduated. Don't let the abundance of education fool you, these are truly some of the stupiest people I have ever encountered in my life. Sometimes I'll be working and I will stop and just stare at them after they say something particularly dumb and they'll just look at me like, "What?" as my eyes glaze over and drool drips down my chin. If stupid were contagious I'd be taking the short bus to work and sucking my thumb all the way. Among the highlights:
1. (While the GM was feeding the fish in our tank) Waitress: Whatcha doin'?
GM: Feeding the fish, don't want to feed them too much though or they'll grow too big for the tank.
Waitress: Fish grow? Shut up you're messing with me! Fish don't grow!
2. (Before driving 13 hours to visit her boyfriend) Waitress: Do you think it's going to take me a really long time to drive 13 hours?
* Note, this one graduated from Duke, yes that Duke, the one in North Carolina.
3. (Confused look as she reads a drink order she just took) Waitress: Do you know how to make a St. Pauli Girl?
4. (Completely out of nowhere in July) Duke waitress: You know what sucks? Wearing flip-flops in the snow.
5. (Same girl after discussing an incident where a guy spit on a girl he had made out with) Duke: Why did he spit on her? What is he a cannibal or something?
Luckily despite his tendency to hire some serious mental midgets Jason the owner does have some serious standards in another area if you know what I mean... So, as long as they don't talk or do anything work related they're just great to have around.
Outside of work things are pretty standard. Living in a house owned by my parents and currently habitated by my difficult mother is a constant strain. This strain is only worsened by the fact that she has no job, no hobbies, no friends, no interests, no constraints on her time, and literally spends 24 hours each day at the house doing nothing. The woman is so bored that she has me mowing the lawn twice a week because she has time to sit on the deck and watch the grass grow from day to day. After 6 years of living outside of any parental criticisms and constraints it's agonizingly difficult to return home from work or the beach and simply know (not wonder but know) that she is going to be there. If she happens to be at the grocery store or the Christmas Tree Shop (where I swear she bought every hideous beach themed decoration in our over-decorated bored-woman-to-a-T decor) it's like being on vacation. I need to come up with a cleverly unobtrusive way to suggest that she return to Michigan with my father but for the love of God I can't come up with anything. I'm just about at my wits end with her, but in reality there isn't much I can do about it since it's her house and I'm basically a welch. How those of you live at home for any extended period of time after returning from college is beyond me, may God help you.
Hopefully to help both my financial problems and my inability to live with moms anymore I'm getting a second job at the Blue Coral in Chatham. Check it out at www.thebluecoral.com. It's an all outdoor, tropical feeling, higher end dining restaurant. The bar is outside under tree cover and a straw tent, check out the pictures on the web-site, the place is awesome. I think I'm going to be there on Wednesday nights if you're in the area.
Well if I haven't talked to you in a while there's a nice little re-cap of my month. If you've already heard all this I'm sorry and if I get a blog out again before I head back down to the Cape maybe it will be at least somewhat sports related.
