Let's take a short trip back in time.
It's last Friday in Foxboro. Bill Bellichick has assembled his offensive staff for a meeting. He wants to hear the group's plan of attack for Sunday's game at the Jets.
After an exhaustive report from each position head, outlining every coach's decisions and recommendations Bill takes a deep breath and looks down at impressively marked notebook. After a pause he looks up and glances from face to face around the room. As his gaze moves from coach to coach none can hold his eye. When the last breaks eye-contact under the guise of scribbling a note Bellchick's normally placid face turns to a sneer, then quickly a grimace.
It is as he feared. Despite the contributions of the assembled group, some of the brightest offensive minds in football, they have all, himself included, come to the same conclusion. They cannot beat the Jets.
Silence hangs in the room, replacing the promise of the coming season, one which was heralded by fans, local, and national media as a potentially dominant campaign.
Months of planning, plotting, strategizing, and training have gone by the wayside even before kickoff as the Patriots' staff realizes that it has failed to figure out a way to utilize one of the deepest and fastest wide receiving corps in football, the second best quarterback in the game, and a developing running back to beat a mediocre division rival.
Bellichick says only two words. Words which give every man in the room chills. They are a veritable death sentence for the season and maybe for their careers.
"Call Estrella."
An appeal is voiced from the back of the room, a voice of reason, "Bill... No. We don't need this. Just throw it up to Moss. He's 6'5" with 4.2 speed, he can run by at least 3 defensive backs at a time!"
Bill's response is swift and harsh, "No! I will not leave this game in the hands of one of the greatest quarterback receiver tandems in NFL history! No chance. Your failures have left me with no choice! Why would I want men who have given their lives to football, who work 16 hour days studying film, looking for tendencies to make these types of decisions? My answer is nay I would not! Can't you see our only hope is to rest all of our faith on this young A/V intern's ability to steal and decode signs!"
Another plea, "But Bill, think about it. He's only 26, and has never played a down of football in his life. He's a technician not a coach. He won't even know what he's looking at. Not to mention the fact that once he films the signs he'll only have 15 seconds, maybe 20 to figure out which play they're calling from hundreds of polaroids or a 400 page playbook and relay that information to our staff, who then will maybe have a second or two to figure out the alignments involved and pick a play which suits our advantage and get the call to Tom who will already have had to snap the ball. It can't be done! It's madness!"
A scuffle ensues. Bellichick has called his goons in from the hallways to dispose of this dissenting opinion. Heavy is the head that wears the crown, the speaker will never be seen again, his body replaced by an exact robot replica which will stand on the sidelines as a reminder to all: This is a Dictatorship, not a Democracy!
"Put the plan into motion. Retrieve Estrella from the dungeons and alert him of his duties. Make sure to have plenty of sionide poison at the ready. He will have to be ready to make the ultimate sacrifice for this cause. He is our only hope."
Sounds a bit ridiculous doesn't it?
Well you wouldn't think so if you've turned on a TV or read a newspaper in the last three days. Cameragate has gripped the football world and polarized it into two groups. Patriot fans and everyone else. For the latter, and notably larger group it is almost like a victory parade. Now every fan of a mediocre franchise thinks they can explain why the Patriots have been so wildly successful while their team have not. For the former, well like I said heavy is the head the wears the crown.
The reality, in this case isn't even somewhere in the middle.
Of course what the Patriots did was wrong, in that it violated league rules and a NFL directive sent out by the commission in 2006, but to even suggest that this type of misdemeanor could have 1. Affected the outcome of Sunday's game or 2. Been the principal reason that the Patriots have won three Super Bowls since 2000 is utterly and embarassingly preposterious.
SInce I can't speak about every game in the Bellichick / Brady era where this has been an issue I'll just stick to using this one as an example for now. First and foremost the tapes were confiscated in the first quarter, which by any observers recollections was the most evenly played of the game. After that time the Patriots decimated the Jets, especially in the second half, even without the findings of the illicit tape. Is that sinking in? New England won the game by 24 points, and turned it into a laugher long after their renegade camera James Bond had been kicked out of the stadium. How, those of you who are calling for a forfeit, do you explain the Pats second half success? Luck? Maybe they had another camera?
Let's assume that they did, or that the camera in question was feeding to a recorder somewhere in the Meadowlands that the Jets never found. Why in the blue-fuck would they need Randy Moss to beat triple coverage with his super-human speed if they knew what defense was coming? And why, if they knew what was coming would Brady ever even look in the direction of a receiver flanked by three defensive backs. Do you really think this conversation took place between the booth and Bellichick.
"Hey, ah Bill we just stole some signs for this next play and it seems that they're going to triple cover Randy and leave the middle of the field totally open, you think we oughtta throw another receiver into the slot to fill that void?"
"Nah, you know what, I think, despite our knowledge of their play calling we should just let Randy run by the three defenders for a 50 yard TD. You know, do something nice for the kids, give everyone a reason to go out and buy those number 81 jerseys."
It's just laughable, and every arm-chair Bill Polian is getting his power and royal blue tightie whities up into a bunch because they hated the Patriots before this, and now they feel justified.
Is it a coincidence that the first player to come out vocally against Bellichick and the Pats is the same player who blasted them at the end of last season? Of course not! Tomlinson hates New England, hates their success, and hates most of all that they stole what will probably be his best chance to win a Super Bowl last year. Not exactly an objective opinion, but who cares put it on ESPN 100,000 times a day and print it in every newspaper nationwide. Hell, preach it as though it were gospel while you're at it.
And that's not even the most deplorable display following this incident. The New England fans who are leaping off the bandwagon, including spineless Herald (baseball, stick to that) columnist Tony Massarotti make this an even more aggravating story. Now of course you can't take this too seriously but on an ESPN.com message board today one post said and I quote, "Was a Pats fan 'til today...[insert paragraph of mindless drivel here] Am now a Colts fan."
Are you out of your mind? So on Sunday you liked the Patriots, but after finding out that they tried to steal signs you no longer like them... and oops how convenient for you that you just happened to pick the defending Super Bowl Champs as your new favorite team you bandwagon jumping, DLP buying, Peyton Manning ball-washing pathetic excuse for a fan. Good riddance, New England is better off without you. Just a guess here, you didn't pick that team randomly out of a hat did you?
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
The Sky is...
Falling! Duck! Take cover! The Red Sox lost to the Royals! It's over! Abandon ship! Maybe next year! Get Papelbon back in the rotation! Put Schilling out to pasture! Trade Lugo now! Are you worried yet?! Why NOT!? The fucking Yankees won today!
[Deep breath...]
Welcome to the 2007 Red Sox season. After one game a few things would seem to be glaringly apparent.
1. Curt Schilling is done, finished, may actually die of old age on the mound during his next start.
2. Julio Lugo is no more than a poor man's Jose Offerman, which is to say he will be lucky to hit .200.
3. Manny Ramirez is good for one thing and one thing only, grounding into sixth inning double plays.
4. That other Asian guy, Okajima, doesn't know the season started yet, he still thinks he's pitching batting practice.
5. Maybe a little less blogging and a little more pitching? Forget the changeup let's get that fastball up over 90 first eh?
But then again it's only been one game. Lest we forget, there are 161 left to play and in my humble opinion two things are for certain. The Red Sox are not going to finish the season 0-162 and the Royals will not end the year 162-0. It's been one day people, let's relax on the apocalyptic meltdowns ok?
So since we've decided we're not going to freak out anymore, let's take a logical look at what happened yesterday. The first and most troubling thing for me was Schilling's lack of velocity. Last year NESN didn't show the radar readings on all of Curt's pitches, now I wish they had stuck to that plan for this season. His fastball was topping out in the very low 90's in the first few innings and bottomed out in the fourth at 88. That's Keith Foulke-esque, and while I know he spent the whole spring working on it, Schilling doesn't have Foulke's changeup to compliment that "blazing" sub-90 heater (I guess Folke doesn't anymore either but at least he did at one point). Without mid-90's velocity on the straight fastball Schilling's effectiveness is minimized to some degree, because his best pitch, his splitter, has no velocity variance from his regular fastball. If hitters don't have to worry about the splitter buckling their knees AND the fastball blowing past them both pitches become remarkably ordinary.
Also, while this has been wildly overplayed in the media I just can't comment on Curt's struggles without mentioning his weight. The guy looks fat. Plain and simple. I'm not one of those people who is going to sit here and say things like, "More Jogging, Less Blogging!" (dirtdogs.com). No one can work out all day. But regardless of your extracurricular activities, there is no excuse for coming into the season looking fat, slow, and old if you want to be the ace of the Red Sox staff. It's not the main point of yesterday's start, but it should be on our minds going forward
Obviously I'm not ready to throw in the towel on a great competitor like Schilling after one game. Yesterday absolutely could have just been a hiccup and not an indicator of things to come. He's a warrior (I hate that sports cleche but it applies here) and even with deteriorating physical skills his ferocity and baseball intelligence should be able to buy him 12-15 wins this season. That being said, his spot at the front end of the rotation looks very shaky, and the door is certainly open for Josh Beckett or Diasuke Matusaka to step through and assume that role.
One thing about yesterday's game that is being overlooked is the performance by Gil Meche. While it certainly can be said that the Red Sox didn't hit, to place all of the blame on their lineup is to grossly underestimate the performance Mech put on. He made the Royals look like geniuses for inking him to a 55 million dollar contract last winter. After the first inning he simply dominated the Sox lineup, throwing under 10 pitches in three of his frames and once he was given the lead he never allowed them back in the game. Sometimes you just run into a buzzsaw on the mound, and wiith no other evidence to suggest otherwise, I am willing to say that is what happened yesterday. The Sox lineup is still potent and will not be shut down like that all the time, in fact they'll probably will bounce back with a far better performance on Wednesday.
An exclamation point on the struggles of the Sox offense was new shortstop Julio Lugo's three consecutive strikeouts in his first three at bats in a Red Sox uniform. If I were him I would avoid listening to WEEI at all today (which I guess won't be hard since they're on the road), they won't be kind. But the good news is all he has to do to get back in our good graces is have a good game tomorrow. To be fair, coming into the game Lugo was 0-7 lifetime against Meche, and it's just a fact that some pitchers just have some hitters' number, and vice versa. I don't think we're looking at a potential all star here, but we should still consider Lugo a key to this lineup so long as Gil Meche doesn't get traded to an AL East team.
This time of year everything is thrown into sharp relief, especially on paper. Looking at a team and trying to evaluate it after one (or even a few) game(s) is like trying to evaluate a hitter's batting average over the same amount of time. One day could be hitting 1.000, the next he could be down to .200. Everything is overly fluid at this point, and just like every season it will take a few weeks to sort out the good from the mediocre and even longer to determine the mediocre from the bad. So while the Yankees looked like they could win every game 9-5 yesterday and the Red Sox appeared to be the next incarnation of the '05 Tigers that could all be flipped on its head by this time tomorrow.
So relax, it's baseball season, a six month excuse to not leave your couch between 7 and 10 PM five nights a week.
While it wasn't a great day to be a Red Sox fan or player yesterday it certainly was a great time to be a former member of the hometown team. Seemingly everyone of consequence that has left the Sox over the past two seasons had a great day, highlighted by much maligned shortstop Edgar Renterria's two homeruns, including a game winner for the Atlanta Braves. Man, why can't we get players like that? Other ex-Sox studs studs on Monday, Trot Nixon went 3-4 for 3 runs scored, Hanley Ramirez went 4-6 with two doubles, an RBI, and four runs scored, and Johnny Damon predictably got on base twice and scored a run for the Yankees. At least Derek Lowe got shelled. That always gives me a warm feeling in my stomach.
[Deep breath...]
Welcome to the 2007 Red Sox season. After one game a few things would seem to be glaringly apparent.
1. Curt Schilling is done, finished, may actually die of old age on the mound during his next start.
2. Julio Lugo is no more than a poor man's Jose Offerman, which is to say he will be lucky to hit .200.
3. Manny Ramirez is good for one thing and one thing only, grounding into sixth inning double plays.
4. That other Asian guy, Okajima, doesn't know the season started yet, he still thinks he's pitching batting practice.
5. Maybe a little less blogging and a little more pitching? Forget the changeup let's get that fastball up over 90 first eh?
But then again it's only been one game. Lest we forget, there are 161 left to play and in my humble opinion two things are for certain. The Red Sox are not going to finish the season 0-162 and the Royals will not end the year 162-0. It's been one day people, let's relax on the apocalyptic meltdowns ok?
So since we've decided we're not going to freak out anymore, let's take a logical look at what happened yesterday. The first and most troubling thing for me was Schilling's lack of velocity. Last year NESN didn't show the radar readings on all of Curt's pitches, now I wish they had stuck to that plan for this season. His fastball was topping out in the very low 90's in the first few innings and bottomed out in the fourth at 88. That's Keith Foulke-esque, and while I know he spent the whole spring working on it, Schilling doesn't have Foulke's changeup to compliment that "blazing" sub-90 heater (I guess Folke doesn't anymore either but at least he did at one point). Without mid-90's velocity on the straight fastball Schilling's effectiveness is minimized to some degree, because his best pitch, his splitter, has no velocity variance from his regular fastball. If hitters don't have to worry about the splitter buckling their knees AND the fastball blowing past them both pitches become remarkably ordinary.
Also, while this has been wildly overplayed in the media I just can't comment on Curt's struggles without mentioning his weight. The guy looks fat. Plain and simple. I'm not one of those people who is going to sit here and say things like, "More Jogging, Less Blogging!" (dirtdogs.com). No one can work out all day. But regardless of your extracurricular activities, there is no excuse for coming into the season looking fat, slow, and old if you want to be the ace of the Red Sox staff. It's not the main point of yesterday's start, but it should be on our minds going forward
Obviously I'm not ready to throw in the towel on a great competitor like Schilling after one game. Yesterday absolutely could have just been a hiccup and not an indicator of things to come. He's a warrior (I hate that sports cleche but it applies here) and even with deteriorating physical skills his ferocity and baseball intelligence should be able to buy him 12-15 wins this season. That being said, his spot at the front end of the rotation looks very shaky, and the door is certainly open for Josh Beckett or Diasuke Matusaka to step through and assume that role.
One thing about yesterday's game that is being overlooked is the performance by Gil Meche. While it certainly can be said that the Red Sox didn't hit, to place all of the blame on their lineup is to grossly underestimate the performance Mech put on. He made the Royals look like geniuses for inking him to a 55 million dollar contract last winter. After the first inning he simply dominated the Sox lineup, throwing under 10 pitches in three of his frames and once he was given the lead he never allowed them back in the game. Sometimes you just run into a buzzsaw on the mound, and wiith no other evidence to suggest otherwise, I am willing to say that is what happened yesterday. The Sox lineup is still potent and will not be shut down like that all the time, in fact they'll probably will bounce back with a far better performance on Wednesday.
An exclamation point on the struggles of the Sox offense was new shortstop Julio Lugo's three consecutive strikeouts in his first three at bats in a Red Sox uniform. If I were him I would avoid listening to WEEI at all today (which I guess won't be hard since they're on the road), they won't be kind. But the good news is all he has to do to get back in our good graces is have a good game tomorrow. To be fair, coming into the game Lugo was 0-7 lifetime against Meche, and it's just a fact that some pitchers just have some hitters' number, and vice versa. I don't think we're looking at a potential all star here, but we should still consider Lugo a key to this lineup so long as Gil Meche doesn't get traded to an AL East team.
This time of year everything is thrown into sharp relief, especially on paper. Looking at a team and trying to evaluate it after one (or even a few) game(s) is like trying to evaluate a hitter's batting average over the same amount of time. One day could be hitting 1.000, the next he could be down to .200. Everything is overly fluid at this point, and just like every season it will take a few weeks to sort out the good from the mediocre and even longer to determine the mediocre from the bad. So while the Yankees looked like they could win every game 9-5 yesterday and the Red Sox appeared to be the next incarnation of the '05 Tigers that could all be flipped on its head by this time tomorrow.
So relax, it's baseball season, a six month excuse to not leave your couch between 7 and 10 PM five nights a week.
While it wasn't a great day to be a Red Sox fan or player yesterday it certainly was a great time to be a former member of the hometown team. Seemingly everyone of consequence that has left the Sox over the past two seasons had a great day, highlighted by much maligned shortstop Edgar Renterria's two homeruns, including a game winner for the Atlanta Braves. Man, why can't we get players like that? Other ex-Sox studs studs on Monday, Trot Nixon went 3-4 for 3 runs scored, Hanley Ramirez went 4-6 with two doubles, an RBI, and four runs scored, and Johnny Damon predictably got on base twice and scored a run for the Yankees. At least Derek Lowe got shelled. That always gives me a warm feeling in my stomach.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Variance
Congratulations to the Colts. While their Championship is largely due to circumstance, officiating, and luck they still had to win the games and as such are deserving of that credit. Now, with a large mouthful of sour grapes I'm done with the NFL until April and the draft.
Of course my problem going forward is that we have nowhere to go from here. The Celtics have lost 16 straight games and are only seven losses away from the all time NBA record (with a five game west coast swing coming up...). As much as I want to I cannot, as a fan of the team who ended up with Chauncey Billups instead of Tim Duncan ten years ago (when the Celtics had a franchise record low 15 wins) put 100% of my hopes into the Greg Oden / Kevin Durant sweepstakes. Even if the C's don't win another game this season there is no guarantee (only about a 60% chance)) that they will end up with one of the first two picks. Such is life with a draft lottery.
The Bruins draw about as well as the Revolution and their play is reflective of that apathy. Granted I'm not a huge hockey fan, but I can't get behind a team that can give up three goals in less than 100 seconds like they did last night. Not to mention the NHL is still having serious trouble recovering from their strike and the subsequent fallout.
So lest I delve into an in depth analysis of BC women's tennis, I am going in a different direction.
Today, I'm going to blast a former Irish mafia boss with serious (?) connections to Whitey Bulger. To read John "Red" Shea's memoir (again ?) Rat Bastards and believe it (which you really can't) is to worship at the altar of the self proclaimed biggest badass and greatest overall human being in the history of badasses and human beings.
To be honest he lost me on page six where he explicitly details his first night after after being released from prison. His buddies from Southie, being the good ol' boys that they are, leave him a little present in his hotel room, "two Oriental girls." Rascist misnomers aside, the story degenerates quickly from that point culminating in a paragraph so inconceivable that I actually laughed out loud.
"Of course, after a bit I'd had enough of watching them and had to get into it. I worked on the older one first. After a half hour of that, I switched to the smaller one. She couldn't take it. She couldn't quite take me. I couldn't believe it. She was screaming like I was killing her. The older one said, 'Too big for her, mister. Too big.' The small one said, 'Me Chinese, you too big.' She tried to squirt this lubricant, and I knocked it away. I just continued to slam her. She was grimacing in pain, but she finally stopped screaming and yelling, 'Too big, too big!" I was slaughtering her. Fast slow, hard, soft, it didn't matter. I thought, What did they send me a virgin whore?"
The problems with this paragraph clearly abound, but the highlights for me are the following. After 12 years of prison with nothing but memories and of course the showers as entertainment (in which he vehemently denies any participation, of course) am I really supposed to believe that "Red" is such a sexual dynamo that he can watch two girls go out it, then have sex with one for half an hour without any sort of...incident? Pardon my phrasing but the guy hasn't had pussy in over a decade, nobody has that kind of control. Furthermore, as far as I know prostitues get paid to have sex, a lot of sex, and Shea is an Irish name. I guess anything is possible but even if he's hung like a zebra why the hell do I care? Does that have anything to do with his time in the mob, his drug dealing, his life story, anything at all other than his desire to tell the world about his allegedly prodigious package?
This story is an excellent example of my biggest problem with the book as a whole: there is no burden of proof. He could have made the whole thing up. I remember reading a criticism of Jame's Frey's A Million Little Pieces, which centered on the fact that since the entire story takes place in an anonymous environment (a rehabilitation clinic) there is no one in the world that can prove his outlandish tales true. The same can be said for Shea and Rat Bastards. Nearly everyone involved in his tales, from Bulger down the line, eiither flipped and testified or vanished off the face of the earth. He could claim that Whitey had a third hand growing out of his ass and there would be no one to refute it, there's no accountability.
I'm not debating the fact that he was a major player in the Irish Mob and that he worked closely with highest members therein. I'm sure all of that is true or he wouldn't have done 12 years in prision. What I question is the personal braggery inherent in every detail of the story.
He paints himself as the unflinching moral, ethical, and social compass for all of South Boston and the United States prison system. Everyone who flipped on Whitey (even though he had already ratted many of them to the FBI) for whatever reason is a useless piece of garbage who should be killed. Anyone who ever backed down from a fight isn't a man and should be viewed as a spineless weasel. Anyone who ever tried to stand up to him or fight him was cowed by his intimidation and ferocity, even the most hardened criminals in jail, because lest we forget, John Shea invented to the words bad and ass and it was his idea to put them next to each other.
From being the unquestioned leader in all of his multiple houses of correction to getting a getting a fellow inmate to quit his job rounding up stray cats on the prison grounds because animals don't like to be caged any more than humans (I shit you not, page 250, "Red" Shea drug dealer, ass kicker, lover of kittens) it was always the "Red" way or the wrong way. And of course the wrong way was always swiftly punished with Chuck Norris justice.
It just reeks of bullshit. I'm sure he dealt a lot of drugs, won a lot of fights, and that he really does despise anyone who ratted to keep themselves out of prison but you just can't read this book and believe it word for word. His last story from prison is a indicative punctuation mark to a series of tales that go from entertaining to wildly improbable. Shea was just 30 days from his release date after 12 long years, all he had to do was keep his nose clean and he was free. Of course a Cuban guy decides to call him a pussy, because clearly he was unaware that you don't mess with John Shea no matter what. In a shocking plot twist "Red" finds the guy and pounds him into the ground whispering into his ear in a very badass Van Damme kind of way, "A real pussy huh?" as the Cuban lay flat on his back with a broken jaw.
For his indiscretion Shea got to spend his last month, plus a few extra weeks for his behavior, in the hole. But our hero "Red" he wouldn't have it any other way.
" Sure enough, thirty days in the hole: narrow bunk, twenty-three hours a day lockdown, meals shoved at you through the door, no company, nothing. But I did what I had to do. If I didn't stand up to this Cuban, I'd be like Vinny Black and Dominic (guys who got out of jail on time because they are big bleeding vaginas who wouldn't fight to keep themselves in longer...). No matter when it happens, even if it's two minutes before I'm supposed to be released, no one is going to fuckin' treat me like a punk. If it means staying in jail, picking up a new case, or another ten years. so be it. I walked into prison a man, I am going to leave a man, no matter what. Can't let it happen, as I told these guys and as I proved. Practice what you preach."
Maybe I'm looking at this with too much rationality, but that's just stupid. If you've really kicked ass and taken names for 12 years you've proved your toughness and your worth. To just call this Cuban a punk, laugh in his face, or at least make him hit you first, makes a hell of a lot more sense than purposefully buying yourself more time in the joint.
I do have to give him credit, if he means all of this crap, then he is more set in his convictions than most other people, and that is probably to a fault. To take the rap when everyone around him was jumping off the sinking ship takes a serious amount of fortitude, and his rage at those who, in his mind failed to do the right thing, is somewhat understandable. While the actions that brought him to that point certainly aren't admirable, his ultimate unwavering support of what he believed in is, if only to a point.
The story of John Shea's life would make an interesting read, and I would like to see it someday. Unfortunately Rat Bastards skips too much of the story in favor of street morality lessons and and one overwhelming message: John Shea wants you to know that he is the hardest guy in the history of Boston's hardest neighborhood (of course everyone who could swear to that is conspicuously missing...) and if you question that undeniable fact he will come directly to your house to kick your ass too. And God help you if you tell on him for it...
Of course my problem going forward is that we have nowhere to go from here. The Celtics have lost 16 straight games and are only seven losses away from the all time NBA record (with a five game west coast swing coming up...). As much as I want to I cannot, as a fan of the team who ended up with Chauncey Billups instead of Tim Duncan ten years ago (when the Celtics had a franchise record low 15 wins) put 100% of my hopes into the Greg Oden / Kevin Durant sweepstakes. Even if the C's don't win another game this season there is no guarantee (only about a 60% chance)) that they will end up with one of the first two picks. Such is life with a draft lottery.
The Bruins draw about as well as the Revolution and their play is reflective of that apathy. Granted I'm not a huge hockey fan, but I can't get behind a team that can give up three goals in less than 100 seconds like they did last night. Not to mention the NHL is still having serious trouble recovering from their strike and the subsequent fallout.
So lest I delve into an in depth analysis of BC women's tennis, I am going in a different direction.
Today, I'm going to blast a former Irish mafia boss with serious (?) connections to Whitey Bulger. To read John "Red" Shea's memoir (again ?) Rat Bastards and believe it (which you really can't) is to worship at the altar of the self proclaimed biggest badass and greatest overall human being in the history of badasses and human beings.
To be honest he lost me on page six where he explicitly details his first night after after being released from prison. His buddies from Southie, being the good ol' boys that they are, leave him a little present in his hotel room, "two Oriental girls." Rascist misnomers aside, the story degenerates quickly from that point culminating in a paragraph so inconceivable that I actually laughed out loud.
"Of course, after a bit I'd had enough of watching them and had to get into it. I worked on the older one first. After a half hour of that, I switched to the smaller one. She couldn't take it. She couldn't quite take me. I couldn't believe it. She was screaming like I was killing her. The older one said, 'Too big for her, mister. Too big.' The small one said, 'Me Chinese, you too big.' She tried to squirt this lubricant, and I knocked it away. I just continued to slam her. She was grimacing in pain, but she finally stopped screaming and yelling, 'Too big, too big!" I was slaughtering her. Fast slow, hard, soft, it didn't matter. I thought, What did they send me a virgin whore?"
The problems with this paragraph clearly abound, but the highlights for me are the following. After 12 years of prison with nothing but memories and of course the showers as entertainment (in which he vehemently denies any participation, of course) am I really supposed to believe that "Red" is such a sexual dynamo that he can watch two girls go out it, then have sex with one for half an hour without any sort of...incident? Pardon my phrasing but the guy hasn't had pussy in over a decade, nobody has that kind of control. Furthermore, as far as I know prostitues get paid to have sex, a lot of sex, and Shea is an Irish name. I guess anything is possible but even if he's hung like a zebra why the hell do I care? Does that have anything to do with his time in the mob, his drug dealing, his life story, anything at all other than his desire to tell the world about his allegedly prodigious package?
This story is an excellent example of my biggest problem with the book as a whole: there is no burden of proof. He could have made the whole thing up. I remember reading a criticism of Jame's Frey's A Million Little Pieces, which centered on the fact that since the entire story takes place in an anonymous environment (a rehabilitation clinic) there is no one in the world that can prove his outlandish tales true. The same can be said for Shea and Rat Bastards. Nearly everyone involved in his tales, from Bulger down the line, eiither flipped and testified or vanished off the face of the earth. He could claim that Whitey had a third hand growing out of his ass and there would be no one to refute it, there's no accountability.
I'm not debating the fact that he was a major player in the Irish Mob and that he worked closely with highest members therein. I'm sure all of that is true or he wouldn't have done 12 years in prision. What I question is the personal braggery inherent in every detail of the story.
He paints himself as the unflinching moral, ethical, and social compass for all of South Boston and the United States prison system. Everyone who flipped on Whitey (even though he had already ratted many of them to the FBI) for whatever reason is a useless piece of garbage who should be killed. Anyone who ever backed down from a fight isn't a man and should be viewed as a spineless weasel. Anyone who ever tried to stand up to him or fight him was cowed by his intimidation and ferocity, even the most hardened criminals in jail, because lest we forget, John Shea invented to the words bad and ass and it was his idea to put them next to each other.
From being the unquestioned leader in all of his multiple houses of correction to getting a getting a fellow inmate to quit his job rounding up stray cats on the prison grounds because animals don't like to be caged any more than humans (I shit you not, page 250, "Red" Shea drug dealer, ass kicker, lover of kittens) it was always the "Red" way or the wrong way. And of course the wrong way was always swiftly punished with Chuck Norris justice.
It just reeks of bullshit. I'm sure he dealt a lot of drugs, won a lot of fights, and that he really does despise anyone who ratted to keep themselves out of prison but you just can't read this book and believe it word for word. His last story from prison is a indicative punctuation mark to a series of tales that go from entertaining to wildly improbable. Shea was just 30 days from his release date after 12 long years, all he had to do was keep his nose clean and he was free. Of course a Cuban guy decides to call him a pussy, because clearly he was unaware that you don't mess with John Shea no matter what. In a shocking plot twist "Red" finds the guy and pounds him into the ground whispering into his ear in a very badass Van Damme kind of way, "A real pussy huh?" as the Cuban lay flat on his back with a broken jaw.
For his indiscretion Shea got to spend his last month, plus a few extra weeks for his behavior, in the hole. But our hero "Red" he wouldn't have it any other way.
" Sure enough, thirty days in the hole: narrow bunk, twenty-three hours a day lockdown, meals shoved at you through the door, no company, nothing. But I did what I had to do. If I didn't stand up to this Cuban, I'd be like Vinny Black and Dominic (guys who got out of jail on time because they are big bleeding vaginas who wouldn't fight to keep themselves in longer...). No matter when it happens, even if it's two minutes before I'm supposed to be released, no one is going to fuckin' treat me like a punk. If it means staying in jail, picking up a new case, or another ten years. so be it. I walked into prison a man, I am going to leave a man, no matter what. Can't let it happen, as I told these guys and as I proved. Practice what you preach."
Maybe I'm looking at this with too much rationality, but that's just stupid. If you've really kicked ass and taken names for 12 years you've proved your toughness and your worth. To just call this Cuban a punk, laugh in his face, or at least make him hit you first, makes a hell of a lot more sense than purposefully buying yourself more time in the joint.
I do have to give him credit, if he means all of this crap, then he is more set in his convictions than most other people, and that is probably to a fault. To take the rap when everyone around him was jumping off the sinking ship takes a serious amount of fortitude, and his rage at those who, in his mind failed to do the right thing, is somewhat understandable. While the actions that brought him to that point certainly aren't admirable, his ultimate unwavering support of what he believed in is, if only to a point.
The story of John Shea's life would make an interesting read, and I would like to see it someday. Unfortunately Rat Bastards skips too much of the story in favor of street morality lessons and and one overwhelming message: John Shea wants you to know that he is the hardest guy in the history of Boston's hardest neighborhood (of course everyone who could swear to that is conspicuously missing...) and if you question that undeniable fact he will come directly to your house to kick your ass too. And God help you if you tell on him for it...
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Apathy
I want to care about the Super Bowl. As an admitted sports fanatic I am obligated to care about the Super Bowl. But damn it, I just don't care about this fucking Super Bowl.
What has happened to me? Am I such a sore loser that my team's elimination means I can no longer take pleasure in one of the premier sporting events of the year? Do I really need a vested personal interest in the outcome of the game in order to have a passing interest?
Of course I want the Colts to lose, badly. But on that same token I don't want the Bears to win. I think they are a mediocre team, at best, with a terrible quarterback and an overrated defense that sailed through the softest division in football and won an NFC Championship in a year where that title is comparable to being the best of the worst. How tough it is to win 13 games when you have four to six guaranteed victories in your division at the outset?
This lack of a perferential option has led me to what would have previously been an inconceivable apathy. I'm rooting for the Bears in theory, although I'm not sure they can win, but in practice the game is almost meaningless to me. A win for the Colts does not elevate them into the same class as the Patriots of recent years, nor does a victory for Peyton Manning put him on the same level as Tom Brady. A loss sets them back of course, but Manning's statistical dominance will always lend the uneducated and the uninclined to exhault his greatness regardless of his ultimate failures. The advertising can't get any worse, and I can't hope that it will lessen even with a loss.
So what's actually at stake here? Sure the media will be horrendously obnoxious in their praise of Manning should the Colts prevail, but will that really be much of a change? Mainstream sports media always degenerates into hyperbole immediately following champtionships, as they extol the victors as the greatest team in memory, forgetting that memory is extremely recent and ultimately fleeting. And if the Bears win they will join the annals of lousy teams who got lucky with circumstance, scheduling, and perhaps one miracle game.
Neither of these teams are worthy, and that vacuum has robbed me of a passion for this event that has almost always been ample in years past.
For the NFL however this is the dream, their highest profile player against one of their largest and most passionate markets. This game will get huge ratings, as everyone in the Chicago area will obviously tune in, while the rest of the country (save a few intelligent New Englanders) will watch to see if everyone's favorite nice guy can finally earn his birthright (pardon me while I throw up a little bit in my mouth). Regardless of the outcome it's a win for the league.
On that same note, I heard an interesting theory on WEEI this morning. Mustard and Johnson fielded a caller who made a statement to the effect that the NFL is absolutely thrilled with this Super Bowl matchup, and that with a victory Peyton Manning will vault over Tom Brady as the most respected quarterback in the game. After predictably and correctly lambasting the caller's final point their response was to say that a victory for the Colts is actually another dream for the league as well because it will set up the best rivalry between two quarterbacks that the NFL has ever seen. They made the obvious comparisons to Bird v. Magic, and the Red Sox and Yankees. Oddly I think I would agree.
Should the Colts win tomorrow Manning will obviously have a huge monkey off his back, and that perceived vindication will put him closer to equal footiing with Brady. Without the obvious caveat of, "Well, where's Peyton's ring?" dominating the debate any longer the league would have a rare circumstance on its hands where two premier quarterbacks both in their primes, both with Super Bowl championships will be squared off consistently in a meaningful and wildly entertaining rivalry. It's a ratings and publicity bonanza which would invoke memories of the glory days of the NBA when Magic and Bird combined for eight championships in their historic duels.
Believe me I hope it doesn't play out that way, but for everyone other than Patriots fans it would set up a yearly drama the likes of which football has not seen in years.
To be honest, sports wouldn't be what they are without rivalries. I hate the Yankees, but Red Sox season would be just a bit duller if both teams weren't competitive every year and didn't play each other 19 times and often in the post season. In the same regard I hate the Colts, but I can't ever remember being more excited about a game, and more engaged in the actual contest than I was two Sundays ago. To consider your team the good guys there has to be a villain. To really love one team, you need someone to hate with equal passion. Why do you think that the most passionate sports fans also have the most venom? Do you see many foaming at the mouth maniac Brewers fans? Of course not, but who would they hate, the Rockies? Sports rivalries transcend the games themselves, enrapturing cities, colleges, and neighborhoods the way no physical competition ever could on its own.
So while I hate the Colts and wish them nothing but failure, on some level I'm glad that they're around because rooting for is not nearly as fun as rooting both for and against.
As for this Super Bowl itself I'm not actually invested enough to make any analysis beyond the following. It's going to rain and that gives the Bears a chance. The blueprint on how to beat Manning is there, hit him in the mouth and hope he starts crying. Shorten the game with the run and whatever you do don't fall behind. Also, don't let Rexy kill you and try to win the field posiition game. If the Bears have one advantage it is that they have far less to lose than the Colts. There is no pressure on them, they're not supposed to win, but the exact opposite is true for Indy.
Can you tell I'm searching for ways the Bears can win?
Well they can.
But they won't. Colts: 24-13.
What has happened to me? Am I such a sore loser that my team's elimination means I can no longer take pleasure in one of the premier sporting events of the year? Do I really need a vested personal interest in the outcome of the game in order to have a passing interest?
Of course I want the Colts to lose, badly. But on that same token I don't want the Bears to win. I think they are a mediocre team, at best, with a terrible quarterback and an overrated defense that sailed through the softest division in football and won an NFC Championship in a year where that title is comparable to being the best of the worst. How tough it is to win 13 games when you have four to six guaranteed victories in your division at the outset?
This lack of a perferential option has led me to what would have previously been an inconceivable apathy. I'm rooting for the Bears in theory, although I'm not sure they can win, but in practice the game is almost meaningless to me. A win for the Colts does not elevate them into the same class as the Patriots of recent years, nor does a victory for Peyton Manning put him on the same level as Tom Brady. A loss sets them back of course, but Manning's statistical dominance will always lend the uneducated and the uninclined to exhault his greatness regardless of his ultimate failures. The advertising can't get any worse, and I can't hope that it will lessen even with a loss.
So what's actually at stake here? Sure the media will be horrendously obnoxious in their praise of Manning should the Colts prevail, but will that really be much of a change? Mainstream sports media always degenerates into hyperbole immediately following champtionships, as they extol the victors as the greatest team in memory, forgetting that memory is extremely recent and ultimately fleeting. And if the Bears win they will join the annals of lousy teams who got lucky with circumstance, scheduling, and perhaps one miracle game.
Neither of these teams are worthy, and that vacuum has robbed me of a passion for this event that has almost always been ample in years past.
For the NFL however this is the dream, their highest profile player against one of their largest and most passionate markets. This game will get huge ratings, as everyone in the Chicago area will obviously tune in, while the rest of the country (save a few intelligent New Englanders) will watch to see if everyone's favorite nice guy can finally earn his birthright (pardon me while I throw up a little bit in my mouth). Regardless of the outcome it's a win for the league.
On that same note, I heard an interesting theory on WEEI this morning. Mustard and Johnson fielded a caller who made a statement to the effect that the NFL is absolutely thrilled with this Super Bowl matchup, and that with a victory Peyton Manning will vault over Tom Brady as the most respected quarterback in the game. After predictably and correctly lambasting the caller's final point their response was to say that a victory for the Colts is actually another dream for the league as well because it will set up the best rivalry between two quarterbacks that the NFL has ever seen. They made the obvious comparisons to Bird v. Magic, and the Red Sox and Yankees. Oddly I think I would agree.
Should the Colts win tomorrow Manning will obviously have a huge monkey off his back, and that perceived vindication will put him closer to equal footiing with Brady. Without the obvious caveat of, "Well, where's Peyton's ring?" dominating the debate any longer the league would have a rare circumstance on its hands where two premier quarterbacks both in their primes, both with Super Bowl championships will be squared off consistently in a meaningful and wildly entertaining rivalry. It's a ratings and publicity bonanza which would invoke memories of the glory days of the NBA when Magic and Bird combined for eight championships in their historic duels.
Believe me I hope it doesn't play out that way, but for everyone other than Patriots fans it would set up a yearly drama the likes of which football has not seen in years.
To be honest, sports wouldn't be what they are without rivalries. I hate the Yankees, but Red Sox season would be just a bit duller if both teams weren't competitive every year and didn't play each other 19 times and often in the post season. In the same regard I hate the Colts, but I can't ever remember being more excited about a game, and more engaged in the actual contest than I was two Sundays ago. To consider your team the good guys there has to be a villain. To really love one team, you need someone to hate with equal passion. Why do you think that the most passionate sports fans also have the most venom? Do you see many foaming at the mouth maniac Brewers fans? Of course not, but who would they hate, the Rockies? Sports rivalries transcend the games themselves, enrapturing cities, colleges, and neighborhoods the way no physical competition ever could on its own.
So while I hate the Colts and wish them nothing but failure, on some level I'm glad that they're around because rooting for is not nearly as fun as rooting both for and against.
As for this Super Bowl itself I'm not actually invested enough to make any analysis beyond the following. It's going to rain and that gives the Bears a chance. The blueprint on how to beat Manning is there, hit him in the mouth and hope he starts crying. Shorten the game with the run and whatever you do don't fall behind. Also, don't let Rexy kill you and try to win the field posiition game. If the Bears have one advantage it is that they have far less to lose than the Colts. There is no pressure on them, they're not supposed to win, but the exact opposite is true for Indy.
Can you tell I'm searching for ways the Bears can win?
Well they can.
But they won't. Colts: 24-13.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Is it Over?
I can't watch ESPN.
The NFL Network? Well that might as well be video of my own execution for as far as I'm concerned.
SI.com? Absolutely out of the question.
I flipped on sports radio 850 WEEI yesterday, they were talking about Vinatieri. I changed the channel.
Since Sunday I've lived in a self-imposed football free coccoon.
It's been four days and I'm still not ready to face the reality that the Patriots were eliminated one game short of the Super Bowl by the much heralded though marginally accomplished Indinapolis Colts.
If only it had been anyone else. If only we didn't have to find ourselves overwhelmed and inundated by Peyton Manning ball washing for the next two weeks, then maybe I would be a normal human being again by this point. Alas, I am not.
Thinking about the game still makes me angry. The name Reche Caldwell is banned from my ears, don't utter it near me lest my fury turn on you. I'm thinking of cutting up my MasterCard due to their involvement with that goofy nitwit that wears number 18.
Sadly I have learned that there are casual fans in this country who think things like, "Wow, I'm really happy for Peyton Manning, he seems like such a nice guy." And, "I like his commercials, espeically the one where he cheers for the regular people. Such a fine gentlemen and role model for our children." Really? Are you fucking insane? Did you forget that the role model himself sumarily threw his entire offensive line under the bus after last year's loss to Pittsburgh?
Is he a great quarterback? Yes. Was this victory on Sunday a coronation of him as the premier signal caller in the NFL, vindicated and freed from criticism through superior play? Absolutely not., He didn't win this game for the Colts, the Patriots, Tom Brady, Reche Caldwell, and Todd Sauerbrun gave it to him.
As Bill Simmons said on Monday, "We had it."
I think that's what makes it so difficult to accept. They should have won. In fact they had the game won. At the Colts 28 yard line, with less than three minutes to play in the first half, up 21-3 the Patriots had tickets to Miami punched. A touchdown
and the game is over. A field goal with no time left for the Colts to score at the end of the half and the game is probably still over. Yet that's not how it happened. A questionable offensive pass interference call, a bonehead penalty, and a sack pushed the Patriots out of field goal range and gave "D-Caf!" a shot to get back into it.
I'm a wildly sore loser. Anyone who knows me can vouch for that, and this week is no exception, I'm full of heinsight and bad intentions. I want Reche Caldwell to go down in the history books as the Bill Buckner of football. How do you drop a ball when you are so wide open that the announcers are screaming about no one being on your side of the field? Sure he might not have scored on that play, but where would he have been stopped, at the five, at the two? To say that play didn't cost them the game is grossly understating the importance of that drive. They ended up losing by four, a touchdown there instead of a field goad... well thanks again Reche.
As you can probably tell I don't know where to start. This is actually my third attempt at writing this. I started out thinking I would write a nice couple of paragraphs about how the Colts were the better team and, in a tremendously out of character move, I would try to be a good sport. I can't do that. I hate this Colts team and everything about it, especially it's quarterback too much. Then I thought I would write about how the we saw history on Sunday, as the Pats dynasty faded into the past. But as I started writing I became less and less convinced that was the case.
The result of those false starts is this meandering pointless post which may or may not get relegated to the deleted file soon after publishing.
I'm still unable to put into words how frustrating it is to lose a game to a hated rival when victory is so near. Now that I think about it, it's probably what the Colts have felt about the Patriots until this year. The problem for me is that it's not suppossed to be this way. We're used to winning that game, and while we have lost in the recent past, we have never lost the close game that hinged on clutch plays by dueling stars. Tom Brady has always been able to kill 3:30 with a three point lead. Bill Bellichick has always been able to pull out last minute defensive miracles against powerful offenses. They have always taken advantage of their chance to win in the end.
But not this time. It's like having your girlfriend let her ex shave her head randomly, you want to still like her, but how can you deal with the change and disappointment?
I have learned a few things from this experience though. There is nothing on TV during the day aside from ESPN. I can't even count the number of hours I've killed watching Family Guy and 24 dvds merely to avoid the possibility of seeing a Super Bowl preview on SportsCenter. I also learned I don't really go to any non-sports related web-sites, and God forbid I go to one of those now, lest there be a picture of a Dungy, Manning, Vinatieri circle jerk.
Random aside: do you think Vinatieri advertises for the regional pizza chain in Indiana and have they, like Papa Ginos did here, started calling all their non-pizza appetizers kickers?
So I guess the question is what do we do now? Well for one thing I need to think more about the dynasty and whether it's actually over. My initial thought was that it most certainly is done. Teams historically fall off dramatically in the sixth year after their first Super Bowl victory, (the Steelers and Cowboys both missed the playoffs) but do we really count that first one? They didn't even make the playoffs the following season. The real dynasty started after they won the second one in '03, which I guess would give us three more years of competitive teams. And with Brady and Bellichick still in their primes (at least Brady...eek) at the helm, will the fall off be that dramatic? I'm still not sure, but there will certainly be more about this coming later.
Another question: do I now root for the Bears? Worse, do I now have to put my Super Bowl hopes on Rex Grossman? I guess I do. I'm certainly not rooting for the Colts because if they win I will have to avoid all sports media outlets for another month while the world slowly washes Peyton Manning's ass crack and apologizes for calling him a choke artist for the last five years (when he was a choke artist, THE choke artist).
I absolutely loathe the idea of Indy winning a ring. I don't want them mentioned in the same breath as the Patriots of this decade, and while I'm no fan of the Bears either, I guess I'm throwing my hat in the ring for a repeat of the '86 Super Bowl Shuffle.
I guess that's it for now. I should get back to watching the Lifetime Movie Network anyway, they were starting to wonder where their one viewer went. More on the fallout, the Super Bowl, and the future of the Patriots coming soon.
The NFL Network? Well that might as well be video of my own execution for as far as I'm concerned.
SI.com? Absolutely out of the question.
I flipped on sports radio 850 WEEI yesterday, they were talking about Vinatieri. I changed the channel.
Since Sunday I've lived in a self-imposed football free coccoon.
It's been four days and I'm still not ready to face the reality that the Patriots were eliminated one game short of the Super Bowl by the much heralded though marginally accomplished Indinapolis Colts.
If only it had been anyone else. If only we didn't have to find ourselves overwhelmed and inundated by Peyton Manning ball washing for the next two weeks, then maybe I would be a normal human being again by this point. Alas, I am not.
Thinking about the game still makes me angry. The name Reche Caldwell is banned from my ears, don't utter it near me lest my fury turn on you. I'm thinking of cutting up my MasterCard due to their involvement with that goofy nitwit that wears number 18.
Sadly I have learned that there are casual fans in this country who think things like, "Wow, I'm really happy for Peyton Manning, he seems like such a nice guy." And, "I like his commercials, espeically the one where he cheers for the regular people. Such a fine gentlemen and role model for our children." Really? Are you fucking insane? Did you forget that the role model himself sumarily threw his entire offensive line under the bus after last year's loss to Pittsburgh?
Is he a great quarterback? Yes. Was this victory on Sunday a coronation of him as the premier signal caller in the NFL, vindicated and freed from criticism through superior play? Absolutely not., He didn't win this game for the Colts, the Patriots, Tom Brady, Reche Caldwell, and Todd Sauerbrun gave it to him.
As Bill Simmons said on Monday, "We had it."
I think that's what makes it so difficult to accept. They should have won. In fact they had the game won. At the Colts 28 yard line, with less than three minutes to play in the first half, up 21-3 the Patriots had tickets to Miami punched. A touchdown
and the game is over. A field goal with no time left for the Colts to score at the end of the half and the game is probably still over. Yet that's not how it happened. A questionable offensive pass interference call, a bonehead penalty, and a sack pushed the Patriots out of field goal range and gave "D-Caf!" a shot to get back into it.
I'm a wildly sore loser. Anyone who knows me can vouch for that, and this week is no exception, I'm full of heinsight and bad intentions. I want Reche Caldwell to go down in the history books as the Bill Buckner of football. How do you drop a ball when you are so wide open that the announcers are screaming about no one being on your side of the field? Sure he might not have scored on that play, but where would he have been stopped, at the five, at the two? To say that play didn't cost them the game is grossly understating the importance of that drive. They ended up losing by four, a touchdown there instead of a field goad... well thanks again Reche.
As you can probably tell I don't know where to start. This is actually my third attempt at writing this. I started out thinking I would write a nice couple of paragraphs about how the Colts were the better team and, in a tremendously out of character move, I would try to be a good sport. I can't do that. I hate this Colts team and everything about it, especially it's quarterback too much. Then I thought I would write about how the we saw history on Sunday, as the Pats dynasty faded into the past. But as I started writing I became less and less convinced that was the case.
The result of those false starts is this meandering pointless post which may or may not get relegated to the deleted file soon after publishing.
I'm still unable to put into words how frustrating it is to lose a game to a hated rival when victory is so near. Now that I think about it, it's probably what the Colts have felt about the Patriots until this year. The problem for me is that it's not suppossed to be this way. We're used to winning that game, and while we have lost in the recent past, we have never lost the close game that hinged on clutch plays by dueling stars. Tom Brady has always been able to kill 3:30 with a three point lead. Bill Bellichick has always been able to pull out last minute defensive miracles against powerful offenses. They have always taken advantage of their chance to win in the end.
But not this time. It's like having your girlfriend let her ex shave her head randomly, you want to still like her, but how can you deal with the change and disappointment?
I have learned a few things from this experience though. There is nothing on TV during the day aside from ESPN. I can't even count the number of hours I've killed watching Family Guy and 24 dvds merely to avoid the possibility of seeing a Super Bowl preview on SportsCenter. I also learned I don't really go to any non-sports related web-sites, and God forbid I go to one of those now, lest there be a picture of a Dungy, Manning, Vinatieri circle jerk.
Random aside: do you think Vinatieri advertises for the regional pizza chain in Indiana and have they, like Papa Ginos did here, started calling all their non-pizza appetizers kickers?
So I guess the question is what do we do now? Well for one thing I need to think more about the dynasty and whether it's actually over. My initial thought was that it most certainly is done. Teams historically fall off dramatically in the sixth year after their first Super Bowl victory, (the Steelers and Cowboys both missed the playoffs) but do we really count that first one? They didn't even make the playoffs the following season. The real dynasty started after they won the second one in '03, which I guess would give us three more years of competitive teams. And with Brady and Bellichick still in their primes (at least Brady...eek) at the helm, will the fall off be that dramatic? I'm still not sure, but there will certainly be more about this coming later.
Another question: do I now root for the Bears? Worse, do I now have to put my Super Bowl hopes on Rex Grossman? I guess I do. I'm certainly not rooting for the Colts because if they win I will have to avoid all sports media outlets for another month while the world slowly washes Peyton Manning's ass crack and apologizes for calling him a choke artist for the last five years (when he was a choke artist, THE choke artist).
I absolutely loathe the idea of Indy winning a ring. I don't want them mentioned in the same breath as the Patriots of this decade, and while I'm no fan of the Bears either, I guess I'm throwing my hat in the ring for a repeat of the '86 Super Bowl Shuffle.
I guess that's it for now. I should get back to watching the Lifetime Movie Network anyway, they were starting to wonder where their one viewer went. More on the fallout, the Super Bowl, and the future of the Patriots coming soon.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
My List and My Preview
The following people are hereby deemed irrevocably stupid:
- Shawne Merriman: for chanting, "Brady sucks!" at a Chargers rally last week, as well as predicting a comeback by the Jets in their Wild Card game in Foxboro, and don't forget about juicing.
- Roosevelt Colvin: for being the catalyst for much of this post-game stupidity by yelling, "Lights out!" into the Chargers locker room after the game.
- Nate Harper: for being the guy to say the wrong thing just days before his team takes the field. "Yes I think we are in Tom Brady's head."
- Sean Salisbury: for everything.
- Jack Del Rio: for picking the Colts even though his team killed them in the regular season and then got killed by the Patriots at home.
- Jack Del Rio: for using the entire can of hair gel.
- Bill Simmons: for suggesting that the Patriots are the Yankees of the NFL. Here's why:
Yankees: largest payroll ever ever ever ever ever.
Patriots: 15 million under the salary cap.
Yankees: 0 world championships since 2000.
Patriots: 3 world championships since 2000.
Yankees: A-Rod.
Patriots: Ahhh....well Vinatieri missed on kick in Denver last year, does that qualify?
Yankees: at best, the sum of their parts.
Patriots: the consummate team.
Yankees: sign/steal the biggest name free agents available.
Patriots: turn low round draft picks into solid contributors.
Yankees: George Steinbrenner and Brian Cashman.
Patriots: Bob Kraft and Scott Pioli.
If anyone over the last six years has been the Yankees of the NFL it's the Colts. I don't even need to make the Peyton Manning / Alex Rodriguez comparison in terms of regular season production versus a lack thereof in the playoffs. They're both the highest profile teams in their leagues with a roster loaded with big names and flashy statistics, including the biggest free agent acquisition of last summer (Vinatieri) and it's amounted to nothing. They have an impressive streak of divisional titles and a growing resume of post season disappointment yet regardless of those repeated failures pundits everywhere are still inexplicably in love with them. They even have a big mouth moron executive driving the bus, just like Steinbrenner. Overall it's a much more apt comparison. Come on Sports Guy, you can do better than that 2000 words of obvious drivel.
Now that we have that established, on to the game itself.
I suppose I should throw in a passing word about the NFC Championship game, as the winner of the much over-hyped Patriots v. Colts matchup will have to face someone in the Super Bowl, although I hardly think it matters as the NFC is clearly the junior varsity division.
I would love to see the Saints win for a few reasons. First, I just don't like the Bears. I don't know if it's lingering animosity from the '86 Super Bowl, or the fact that I've never thought they were very good, or the Rex Grossman factor. Whatever it is I really don't care for them. Also, how can you root against the Saints? They play an exremely fun style of football, at least from a spectator's standpoint. They have the premier rookie in the league, the best quarterback in the NFC, the coach of the year, and they are the feel good sports story of the year by a wide margin.
That being said I don't know if I can pick them. The thing that scares me the most is the fact that it's going to be 25 degrees and windy in Chicago tomorrow and I'm worried about the impact that may have on the Saint's finesse offense. As good as they are in the passing game and on special teams they are pretty soft in the power running game and on defense which are the aspects of playoff football which usually rise to the top, especially in lousy conditions.
I hope that I'm wrong on this one but I see the Bears sneaking away with a low scoring victory and then getting absolutely killed in the Super Bowl. Should the Saints pull the upset (moderate) I think they have a much better chance than the Bears against either the Patriots or the Colts.
But really, for all intents and purposes the nightcap tomorrow is the Super Bowl. I know that's been said erroneously before, but do you really see either the Colts or Pats losing once they get past this game? Me neither.
So what's it going to come down to?
Obviously for the Patriots to win they need to get a heroic effort from their defense. Manning hasn't played well so far in the playoffs but hoping for three bad games in a row may be a bit of a long shot. New England must get to him early and often with big time physical pressure. They positively cannot let him get comfortable in the pocket and see down the field. It will be up to Richard Seymour and Ty Warren to come off the ends and bother his rhythm from the outset. If they can get into his head early we all know that he will start waving his arms and passing the blame for every incompletition by the middle of the second quarter. Everyone on the Pats D-line should watch the tape of the Steelers performance agains the Colts last year in the divisional round before they take the field.
In the secondary Hawkins and Hobbs need to play their best games of the season in order to slow down Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne. Hawkins, who will be matched up on Harrison may actually have the easier assignment here, as through the first two playoff games Manning has looked more to Wayne's side of the field (mostly because Harrison has been guarded by their opponents best cover corner) than he normally does. That will put the emphasis squarely on the shoulders of Ellis Hobbs. He needs to cover the short to medium range routes aggressively and rely on safety help if he gets caught biting on a move or a Manning pump fake. He can't afford to sit back and allow Wayne to move freely in the five to fifteen yard areas because that will allow for quick releases which would negate much of the Patriot pass rush.
A somewhat underappreciated aspect of this Colt offense is Joseph Addai. While he still technically shares carries with Dominic Rhodes the last few weeks of the regular season and the first two playoff games have been his coming out party so to speak. He has excellent burst up the middle, he gets to the edge fairly well, and he has shown recently that he can break a tackle or two, especially when defenders come at him high or with arm tackles. Just as importantly he is solid in the short passing game, to which Manning has been looking more this year than ever before.
While the Colts always had a reasonably successful running game with Edgerrin James in the past they were ususally unwilling to utilize it to it's fullest extent. That has not been the case so far this post-season as they have been allowing Addai and Rhodes to carry the offensive load as long as they are successful doing so ( see the second half against the Ravens). The Patriots need to be aware of the run more than in previous years because of this increased commitment to it.
Offensively New England cannot be fooled or intimidated by the allegdly new and improved Indianapolis defense. Success against the Ravens and Chiefs (not coincidentally against McNair and Green) does not a great defense make. Their run stopping ability is still questionable at best and unlike in the regular season the Patriots need to commit to using Maroney and Dillon for the entire game. They will find success against the Colts' front seven, and when they do Bob Sanders will have to come up from his safety position to help. When that happens this time the Patriots must take advantage by using play action to free up receivers down the field. In the regular season matchup New England gave up on the run entirely when Sanders started creeping up and they failed to use play action at all, they must learn from those mistakes if they want to win this game.
Obviously Tom Brady must play well for the Patriots to have a chance. He cannot repeat his performance from last week, nor can anyone else turn the ball over. Giving the Colts extra chances is always costly, especially if their offense starts clicking. Brady needs to manage the game and maybe more importantly the clock. Let's face it, the Patriots can't stop Indy for 60 minutes, at some point they're going to get rolling. The less they have the ball the fewer chances they have to score (duh) and a lot of that responsibility falls to number 12.
A quick start is imperitive for New England for several reasons. First, they need to take the RCA Dome crowd out of the game early. They mimick their quarterback's personality, meaning when things go bad from the start they tend to give up and quiet down. Brady plays well in domes but no one plays well when they can't hear anything. Second, the Patriots don't have the kind of offense that can generate big comebacks. Their passing game is predicated on at least marginal success in the running game, and their lack of a big downfield threat limits their ability to win shootout type contests. If the Colts get up early it could mean big trouble for the Pats, especially if Dwight Freeney and the rest of the Indy defense can forget about the run and just concentrate on Brady.
To be honest, I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. I do think that it won't take much for Manning to start thinking about the ghosts again, but I wonder if the Patriots have the manpower to get him moving in that direction again. Either way, I see a close game, and that both encourages and scares the crap out of me. I'm encouraged because nobody is better in the clutch than Brady and Bellichick, and on that same token no one has been worse than Dungy and Manning. However, should the game remain close to the very end there is a certain number 4 waiting in the wings, but now he's on the other sideline. Adam Vinatieri is my worst nightmare in this game, if we see him trotting out with under a minute to play with a chance to win the game, even if it's from 60 yards out I think it's going in. He's be best clutch kicker ever (as we know) and I'm sure nothing would give him more pleasure than bouncing his former mates into the off season.
At this point I just want the damn game to get here already. Enough of the predictions and analysis, everything has been said. Just like last week I'm not making any predictions (worked well last time, why change?) but I will speculate that we are on the eve of one of the great games in NFL playoff history. Whatever way it goes, it will surely be an entertaining spectacle.
God help us all if we have to listen to two weeks of Manning ball washing should the Colts advance. I won't turn on a damn TV I swear it.
- Shawne Merriman: for chanting, "Brady sucks!" at a Chargers rally last week, as well as predicting a comeback by the Jets in their Wild Card game in Foxboro, and don't forget about juicing.
- Roosevelt Colvin: for being the catalyst for much of this post-game stupidity by yelling, "Lights out!" into the Chargers locker room after the game.
- Nate Harper: for being the guy to say the wrong thing just days before his team takes the field. "Yes I think we are in Tom Brady's head."
- Sean Salisbury: for everything.
- Jack Del Rio: for picking the Colts even though his team killed them in the regular season and then got killed by the Patriots at home.
- Jack Del Rio: for using the entire can of hair gel.
- Bill Simmons: for suggesting that the Patriots are the Yankees of the NFL. Here's why:
Yankees: largest payroll ever ever ever ever ever.
Patriots: 15 million under the salary cap.
Yankees: 0 world championships since 2000.
Patriots: 3 world championships since 2000.
Yankees: A-Rod.
Patriots: Ahhh....well Vinatieri missed on kick in Denver last year, does that qualify?
Yankees: at best, the sum of their parts.
Patriots: the consummate team.
Yankees: sign/steal the biggest name free agents available.
Patriots: turn low round draft picks into solid contributors.
Yankees: George Steinbrenner and Brian Cashman.
Patriots: Bob Kraft and Scott Pioli.
If anyone over the last six years has been the Yankees of the NFL it's the Colts. I don't even need to make the Peyton Manning / Alex Rodriguez comparison in terms of regular season production versus a lack thereof in the playoffs. They're both the highest profile teams in their leagues with a roster loaded with big names and flashy statistics, including the biggest free agent acquisition of last summer (Vinatieri) and it's amounted to nothing. They have an impressive streak of divisional titles and a growing resume of post season disappointment yet regardless of those repeated failures pundits everywhere are still inexplicably in love with them. They even have a big mouth moron executive driving the bus, just like Steinbrenner. Overall it's a much more apt comparison. Come on Sports Guy, you can do better than that 2000 words of obvious drivel.
Now that we have that established, on to the game itself.
I suppose I should throw in a passing word about the NFC Championship game, as the winner of the much over-hyped Patriots v. Colts matchup will have to face someone in the Super Bowl, although I hardly think it matters as the NFC is clearly the junior varsity division.
I would love to see the Saints win for a few reasons. First, I just don't like the Bears. I don't know if it's lingering animosity from the '86 Super Bowl, or the fact that I've never thought they were very good, or the Rex Grossman factor. Whatever it is I really don't care for them. Also, how can you root against the Saints? They play an exremely fun style of football, at least from a spectator's standpoint. They have the premier rookie in the league, the best quarterback in the NFC, the coach of the year, and they are the feel good sports story of the year by a wide margin.
That being said I don't know if I can pick them. The thing that scares me the most is the fact that it's going to be 25 degrees and windy in Chicago tomorrow and I'm worried about the impact that may have on the Saint's finesse offense. As good as they are in the passing game and on special teams they are pretty soft in the power running game and on defense which are the aspects of playoff football which usually rise to the top, especially in lousy conditions.
I hope that I'm wrong on this one but I see the Bears sneaking away with a low scoring victory and then getting absolutely killed in the Super Bowl. Should the Saints pull the upset (moderate) I think they have a much better chance than the Bears against either the Patriots or the Colts.
But really, for all intents and purposes the nightcap tomorrow is the Super Bowl. I know that's been said erroneously before, but do you really see either the Colts or Pats losing once they get past this game? Me neither.
So what's it going to come down to?
Obviously for the Patriots to win they need to get a heroic effort from their defense. Manning hasn't played well so far in the playoffs but hoping for three bad games in a row may be a bit of a long shot. New England must get to him early and often with big time physical pressure. They positively cannot let him get comfortable in the pocket and see down the field. It will be up to Richard Seymour and Ty Warren to come off the ends and bother his rhythm from the outset. If they can get into his head early we all know that he will start waving his arms and passing the blame for every incompletition by the middle of the second quarter. Everyone on the Pats D-line should watch the tape of the Steelers performance agains the Colts last year in the divisional round before they take the field.
In the secondary Hawkins and Hobbs need to play their best games of the season in order to slow down Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne. Hawkins, who will be matched up on Harrison may actually have the easier assignment here, as through the first two playoff games Manning has looked more to Wayne's side of the field (mostly because Harrison has been guarded by their opponents best cover corner) than he normally does. That will put the emphasis squarely on the shoulders of Ellis Hobbs. He needs to cover the short to medium range routes aggressively and rely on safety help if he gets caught biting on a move or a Manning pump fake. He can't afford to sit back and allow Wayne to move freely in the five to fifteen yard areas because that will allow for quick releases which would negate much of the Patriot pass rush.
A somewhat underappreciated aspect of this Colt offense is Joseph Addai. While he still technically shares carries with Dominic Rhodes the last few weeks of the regular season and the first two playoff games have been his coming out party so to speak. He has excellent burst up the middle, he gets to the edge fairly well, and he has shown recently that he can break a tackle or two, especially when defenders come at him high or with arm tackles. Just as importantly he is solid in the short passing game, to which Manning has been looking more this year than ever before.
While the Colts always had a reasonably successful running game with Edgerrin James in the past they were ususally unwilling to utilize it to it's fullest extent. That has not been the case so far this post-season as they have been allowing Addai and Rhodes to carry the offensive load as long as they are successful doing so ( see the second half against the Ravens). The Patriots need to be aware of the run more than in previous years because of this increased commitment to it.
Offensively New England cannot be fooled or intimidated by the allegdly new and improved Indianapolis defense. Success against the Ravens and Chiefs (not coincidentally against McNair and Green) does not a great defense make. Their run stopping ability is still questionable at best and unlike in the regular season the Patriots need to commit to using Maroney and Dillon for the entire game. They will find success against the Colts' front seven, and when they do Bob Sanders will have to come up from his safety position to help. When that happens this time the Patriots must take advantage by using play action to free up receivers down the field. In the regular season matchup New England gave up on the run entirely when Sanders started creeping up and they failed to use play action at all, they must learn from those mistakes if they want to win this game.
Obviously Tom Brady must play well for the Patriots to have a chance. He cannot repeat his performance from last week, nor can anyone else turn the ball over. Giving the Colts extra chances is always costly, especially if their offense starts clicking. Brady needs to manage the game and maybe more importantly the clock. Let's face it, the Patriots can't stop Indy for 60 minutes, at some point they're going to get rolling. The less they have the ball the fewer chances they have to score (duh) and a lot of that responsibility falls to number 12.
A quick start is imperitive for New England for several reasons. First, they need to take the RCA Dome crowd out of the game early. They mimick their quarterback's personality, meaning when things go bad from the start they tend to give up and quiet down. Brady plays well in domes but no one plays well when they can't hear anything. Second, the Patriots don't have the kind of offense that can generate big comebacks. Their passing game is predicated on at least marginal success in the running game, and their lack of a big downfield threat limits their ability to win shootout type contests. If the Colts get up early it could mean big trouble for the Pats, especially if Dwight Freeney and the rest of the Indy defense can forget about the run and just concentrate on Brady.
To be honest, I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. I do think that it won't take much for Manning to start thinking about the ghosts again, but I wonder if the Patriots have the manpower to get him moving in that direction again. Either way, I see a close game, and that both encourages and scares the crap out of me. I'm encouraged because nobody is better in the clutch than Brady and Bellichick, and on that same token no one has been worse than Dungy and Manning. However, should the game remain close to the very end there is a certain number 4 waiting in the wings, but now he's on the other sideline. Adam Vinatieri is my worst nightmare in this game, if we see him trotting out with under a minute to play with a chance to win the game, even if it's from 60 yards out I think it's going in. He's be best clutch kicker ever (as we know) and I'm sure nothing would give him more pleasure than bouncing his former mates into the off season.
At this point I just want the damn game to get here already. Enough of the predictions and analysis, everything has been said. Just like last week I'm not making any predictions (worked well last time, why change?) but I will speculate that we are on the eve of one of the great games in NFL playoff history. Whatever way it goes, it will surely be an entertaining spectacle.
God help us all if we have to listen to two weeks of Manning ball washing should the Colts advance. I won't turn on a damn TV I swear it.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Something Familiar
This hasn't been your typical post-season.
For the first time in a over a decade neither the one or two seed has reached the AFC Championship.
Scoring is down, despite the presence of only one truly great defense (Baltimore).
The Colts ARE playing defense.
Peyton Manning is throwing interceptions that AREN'T killing his team.
Tom Brady was outplayed by Phillip Rivers.
Rex Grossman, with one more victory could promote Trent Dilfer to the second worst quarterback to play in a Super Bowl.
The Saints are one win away from the Super Bowl. (And both ESPN pundits picked them to make it today.)
The class of the Patriots and Bill Belichick is being questioned by convicted cheaters.
What the hell is going on here?
Take a deep breath, it's okay, Marty Shottenheimer still managed to coach his team out of the playoffs despite having clearly the best team, and even more clearly the best player. Maybe the world isn't spinning off of its axis.
In the midst of this madness however, there is one current storyline, a pervailing theme if you will, that should ring familiar in New England and across the NFL. Everyone is picking the Colts over the Patriots in the AFC Championship game. Call me crazy, but I feel like we've been here before. Two years ago it was the electrifying Indy offense led by the unstoppable offensive magician Peyton Manning that were a sure bet to come into Gillette Stadium and humiliate the overmatched Patriots (the final was 20-3 New England in case you forgot). This time it's the Colts as a defensive minded team of destiny much like the Steelers of last year (despite the FACT that their defense stunk for 16 regular season games...) that will wave their magic wand and float along on fate's gently flowing wings to victory. Give me a break.
Every year the NFL, Manning's marketing army, Bill Polian, and ESPN come up with a bevy of reasons why the Colts will make it over the hump and vanquish their playoff failures with one ultimate and vindicating victory. But it never happens. Why should we all of a sudden forget all that we know of this team, and believe that this incarnation (which is probably the weakest of the last half-decade) will be able to accomplish what their superior predecessors have failed to do?
Furthermore why would we even begin to discuss this topic when lying before Indianapolis is their greatest nemesis. The team that has knocked them out of the playoffs two of the last four years, the team that has won three of the last five Super Bowls (to their big fat zero), the team that has been and done everything that they have not. Does recent history mean nothing?
Sure the Colts beat the Patriots at home this year by a touchdown, but has everyone forgotten the circumstances of that game?
Rodney Harrison got hurt on the third play of the game. Yes, the Patriots will likely be without him again this week, but this time they have had 12 weeks to get used to playing without him, that night that had one minute to do so.
The Patriots turned the ball over five times including four Tom Brady interceptions and they still only lost by a touchdown, and in fact had Kevin Faulk not volleyball-set a Brady pass directly into the hands of Bob Sanders with one minute to play there is a chance that New England would have tied the game.
Richard Seymour and Ty Warren were hurt, not so much that they were unable to play, but don't think for a second that their injuries didn't precipitate much of Manning's freedom outside of the pocket.
If those facts aren't enough for you consider this, how often does the same team beat the Patriots twice in one season?
And I haven't even started on Manning yet. To say that this game holds a great deal of pressure for him is analagous to saying that the climate on the surface of the sun is relatively warm. Manning NEEDS this game. He needs it to vanquish the ghosts of playoffs past. He needs it to silence, at least temporarily, his critics. He needs it to justify his whorish self promotions through grossly excessive advertising. He needs it to develop a legacy as anything other than a playoff bust. He needs it to even be mentioned with Brady, Montana, Young, and Elway as oppossed to Marino, Kelly, and Moon.
The window of opportunity for this Indy team is closing, and if he doesn't bring them through now it may slam shut on him forever. Given his history, why should we assume or even hope that he will rise to the occassion rather than wilt and pass the blame as before? He hasn't even played well in their victories this post-season, he's already choked, and choke he will again because that is who he is. I don't believe in him, and I won't consider him the elite quarterback ESPN and the NFL want him to be until he wins this game, and then does it again, and again, and again like number 12 in New England.
It's by no means a sure thing that New England will win on Sunday night, but if history holds true and all that we know to be comes to pass yet again there is no way that Manning rewrites the script this time.
I'll have a more football, less gut-feeling preview later in the week.
On that note I'd like to switch topics and declare that Bill Polian is a goat-fucking jackass. Sure I have no actual evidence as to Mr. Polian's penchant for beastailty and sexual deviance, but since he seemingly can say whatever the hell he wants and have it be so, why can't I?
"When you have blitzing teams and you allow that downfield stuff, such as what happened to (Colts wide receiver) Reggie Wayne, you’re going to limit offense. That’s the net of it. You encourage the power-running game, you discourage the passing game and if you’re limited to a running game, it’s rare that you can do what we did in the fourth quarter and take the game over with a power-running attack"...
"You went something like two-and-a-half games before a touchdown was scored? That’s not good, when the best teams play that way. That’s not good for the health of the game. I think that was certainly a contributing factor to a low-scoring game."
As you know this useless ass-bag thinks that blowing kisses at Colts receivers should be penalized with a 100 yard pass interference penalty and 25 point score adjustment, and that he should be the sole judge and jury of all things related to downfield passing infractions. In fact, in Polian's perfect world, there would be no defense allowed in the RCA Dome. Stepping off of the sidelines into the field of play while the Colts are in possession of the ball would be illegal and punishable by death.
Okay maybe I'm getting a little (a lot?) carried away here but the fact of the matter is this. Polian is already suggesting (and not very subtly) that he thinks the game should be called tighter. He's conditioning the referees to be predisposed to flag any and all contact on his receivers, thereby letting them run free under threat of huge (game changing) yardage penalties should they be obstructed (which of course is Indy's best chance to win). Normally this would just be idle musings from a loudmouth executive but in this case it's something more. After the Patriots trounced the Colts in 2003 Polian whined about the rough treatment his wideouts received in Foxboro, and that coupled with his substantial influence on the NFL Competition Committee resulted in the new downfiled illegal contact rules known, at least informally as the "Patriot Rule". Now, just days before kickoff Polian is using this preposterous statment to remind the officials that they don't want to end up in front of him and his committee in March. It's laughable and pathetic and leads to a troubling and hopefully avoidable conclusion.
This game is going to be the pinnacle of poor officiating. (Disclaimer: this is going to sound like I'm making excuses for the Patriots to lose, I'm not, if I know this going in then they do as well.) Not only has Polian poisoned their objectivity with this thinly veiled threat but it is hardly a secret that the NFL is DYING to get Manning into a Super Bowl. They already showed last year that they are willing to bend the rules to make that happen, even though it didn't work (recall the totally and obviously bogus reversal of Troy Polamalu's fourth quarter interception in the divisional round) and I can only hope that the transparency of that atttempt will force the officials to keep up the upmost appearance of propriety.
Last word on this (for today). Does Polian realize that some teams would rather take over a game with a power running attack, especially against his squad's extremely (until the last two weeks I guess...) porous run defense? Running the football is a part of the game and is a factor in the passing game. In fact, I think every team in the league would rather run the ball than pass if given the option. As the famous saying goes, "When you pass the football three things can happen and two of them are bad." Not to mention, does he think that people don't realize that every complaint he has centers on the Patriots? First it was the '03 officiating, then it was compensatory draft picks, then the field in Foxboro wasn't good enough, and now this. Clearly he shares Mannings attitude that winning is his right (Tagliabue and MasterCard told me so! Waaahhh!) and that anyone or anything that stands in his way must be illegal and should be changed or outlawed. This reeks of a frustrated group outraged by the success of the glamour and glitz free Patriots, as a couterpoint to their overwhelming and in their minds inexplicable failure. Maybe someone needs to remind Polian that they play the games on the field and that so far, despite the fact that the NFL has given in to him at every turn, his soft team led by his soft overrated quarterback has won exactly nothing.
Well look at that, I ranted myself right out of rage, I have none left for Roosevelt Colvin, Shawne Merriman, LT, or any of the other fools involved in that Patriots / Chargers post-game nonsense. More on that later.
For the first time in a over a decade neither the one or two seed has reached the AFC Championship.
Scoring is down, despite the presence of only one truly great defense (Baltimore).
The Colts ARE playing defense.
Peyton Manning is throwing interceptions that AREN'T killing his team.
Tom Brady was outplayed by Phillip Rivers.
Rex Grossman, with one more victory could promote Trent Dilfer to the second worst quarterback to play in a Super Bowl.
The Saints are one win away from the Super Bowl. (And both ESPN pundits picked them to make it today.)
The class of the Patriots and Bill Belichick is being questioned by convicted cheaters.
What the hell is going on here?
Take a deep breath, it's okay, Marty Shottenheimer still managed to coach his team out of the playoffs despite having clearly the best team, and even more clearly the best player. Maybe the world isn't spinning off of its axis.
In the midst of this madness however, there is one current storyline, a pervailing theme if you will, that should ring familiar in New England and across the NFL. Everyone is picking the Colts over the Patriots in the AFC Championship game. Call me crazy, but I feel like we've been here before. Two years ago it was the electrifying Indy offense led by the unstoppable offensive magician Peyton Manning that were a sure bet to come into Gillette Stadium and humiliate the overmatched Patriots (the final was 20-3 New England in case you forgot). This time it's the Colts as a defensive minded team of destiny much like the Steelers of last year (despite the FACT that their defense stunk for 16 regular season games...) that will wave their magic wand and float along on fate's gently flowing wings to victory. Give me a break.
Every year the NFL, Manning's marketing army, Bill Polian, and ESPN come up with a bevy of reasons why the Colts will make it over the hump and vanquish their playoff failures with one ultimate and vindicating victory. But it never happens. Why should we all of a sudden forget all that we know of this team, and believe that this incarnation (which is probably the weakest of the last half-decade) will be able to accomplish what their superior predecessors have failed to do?
Furthermore why would we even begin to discuss this topic when lying before Indianapolis is their greatest nemesis. The team that has knocked them out of the playoffs two of the last four years, the team that has won three of the last five Super Bowls (to their big fat zero), the team that has been and done everything that they have not. Does recent history mean nothing?
Sure the Colts beat the Patriots at home this year by a touchdown, but has everyone forgotten the circumstances of that game?
Rodney Harrison got hurt on the third play of the game. Yes, the Patriots will likely be without him again this week, but this time they have had 12 weeks to get used to playing without him, that night that had one minute to do so.
The Patriots turned the ball over five times including four Tom Brady interceptions and they still only lost by a touchdown, and in fact had Kevin Faulk not volleyball-set a Brady pass directly into the hands of Bob Sanders with one minute to play there is a chance that New England would have tied the game.
Richard Seymour and Ty Warren were hurt, not so much that they were unable to play, but don't think for a second that their injuries didn't precipitate much of Manning's freedom outside of the pocket.
If those facts aren't enough for you consider this, how often does the same team beat the Patriots twice in one season?
And I haven't even started on Manning yet. To say that this game holds a great deal of pressure for him is analagous to saying that the climate on the surface of the sun is relatively warm. Manning NEEDS this game. He needs it to vanquish the ghosts of playoffs past. He needs it to silence, at least temporarily, his critics. He needs it to justify his whorish self promotions through grossly excessive advertising. He needs it to develop a legacy as anything other than a playoff bust. He needs it to even be mentioned with Brady, Montana, Young, and Elway as oppossed to Marino, Kelly, and Moon.
The window of opportunity for this Indy team is closing, and if he doesn't bring them through now it may slam shut on him forever. Given his history, why should we assume or even hope that he will rise to the occassion rather than wilt and pass the blame as before? He hasn't even played well in their victories this post-season, he's already choked, and choke he will again because that is who he is. I don't believe in him, and I won't consider him the elite quarterback ESPN and the NFL want him to be until he wins this game, and then does it again, and again, and again like number 12 in New England.
It's by no means a sure thing that New England will win on Sunday night, but if history holds true and all that we know to be comes to pass yet again there is no way that Manning rewrites the script this time.
I'll have a more football, less gut-feeling preview later in the week.
On that note I'd like to switch topics and declare that Bill Polian is a goat-fucking jackass. Sure I have no actual evidence as to Mr. Polian's penchant for beastailty and sexual deviance, but since he seemingly can say whatever the hell he wants and have it be so, why can't I?
"When you have blitzing teams and you allow that downfield stuff, such as what happened to (Colts wide receiver) Reggie Wayne, you’re going to limit offense. That’s the net of it. You encourage the power-running game, you discourage the passing game and if you’re limited to a running game, it’s rare that you can do what we did in the fourth quarter and take the game over with a power-running attack"...
"You went something like two-and-a-half games before a touchdown was scored? That’s not good, when the best teams play that way. That’s not good for the health of the game. I think that was certainly a contributing factor to a low-scoring game."
As you know this useless ass-bag thinks that blowing kisses at Colts receivers should be penalized with a 100 yard pass interference penalty and 25 point score adjustment, and that he should be the sole judge and jury of all things related to downfield passing infractions. In fact, in Polian's perfect world, there would be no defense allowed in the RCA Dome. Stepping off of the sidelines into the field of play while the Colts are in possession of the ball would be illegal and punishable by death.
Okay maybe I'm getting a little (a lot?) carried away here but the fact of the matter is this. Polian is already suggesting (and not very subtly) that he thinks the game should be called tighter. He's conditioning the referees to be predisposed to flag any and all contact on his receivers, thereby letting them run free under threat of huge (game changing) yardage penalties should they be obstructed (which of course is Indy's best chance to win). Normally this would just be idle musings from a loudmouth executive but in this case it's something more. After the Patriots trounced the Colts in 2003 Polian whined about the rough treatment his wideouts received in Foxboro, and that coupled with his substantial influence on the NFL Competition Committee resulted in the new downfiled illegal contact rules known, at least informally as the "Patriot Rule". Now, just days before kickoff Polian is using this preposterous statment to remind the officials that they don't want to end up in front of him and his committee in March. It's laughable and pathetic and leads to a troubling and hopefully avoidable conclusion.
This game is going to be the pinnacle of poor officiating. (Disclaimer: this is going to sound like I'm making excuses for the Patriots to lose, I'm not, if I know this going in then they do as well.) Not only has Polian poisoned their objectivity with this thinly veiled threat but it is hardly a secret that the NFL is DYING to get Manning into a Super Bowl. They already showed last year that they are willing to bend the rules to make that happen, even though it didn't work (recall the totally and obviously bogus reversal of Troy Polamalu's fourth quarter interception in the divisional round) and I can only hope that the transparency of that atttempt will force the officials to keep up the upmost appearance of propriety.
Last word on this (for today). Does Polian realize that some teams would rather take over a game with a power running attack, especially against his squad's extremely (until the last two weeks I guess...) porous run defense? Running the football is a part of the game and is a factor in the passing game. In fact, I think every team in the league would rather run the ball than pass if given the option. As the famous saying goes, "When you pass the football three things can happen and two of them are bad." Not to mention, does he think that people don't realize that every complaint he has centers on the Patriots? First it was the '03 officiating, then it was compensatory draft picks, then the field in Foxboro wasn't good enough, and now this. Clearly he shares Mannings attitude that winning is his right (Tagliabue and MasterCard told me so! Waaahhh!) and that anyone or anything that stands in his way must be illegal and should be changed or outlawed. This reeks of a frustrated group outraged by the success of the glamour and glitz free Patriots, as a couterpoint to their overwhelming and in their minds inexplicable failure. Maybe someone needs to remind Polian that they play the games on the field and that so far, despite the fact that the NFL has given in to him at every turn, his soft team led by his soft overrated quarterback has won exactly nothing.
Well look at that, I ranted myself right out of rage, I have none left for Roosevelt Colvin, Shawne Merriman, LT, or any of the other fools involved in that Patriots / Chargers post-game nonsense. More on that later.
Friday, January 12, 2007
An Open Letter To NC State
Congratulations to North Carolina State Football on your newly minted, shiny (or should I say scraggly) head coach Tom O'Brien.
As an alum and fan of his previous employer Boston College I have a few suggestions for you on how to maximize your enjoyment during the O'Brien era. Also I have some information on what you can and cannot expect from your new acquisition.
Always refer to coach O'Brien as T.O.B. He loves it and it saves key strokes and syllables which will give you more time to enjoy your football program's meteoric rise to mediocrity.
Never expect to go 3-9 again.
Never expect to be ranked higher than 15 nationally.
After next season you will play in a bowl game every year for the remainder of his tenure.
You may not have been aware but they play bowl games in places like Boise, Idaho. Awareness of that fact, and others much like it will be upon you shortly.
You will never play in a bowl game in Florida...ever.
Each year you will beat a team ranked quite a bit higher than you.
Each year you will lose to a team ranked quite a bit lower than you. This loss will likely punch your ticket to Boise or another equally desirable locale.
If T.O.B.'s tenure at NC State lasts for 10 years no less than twice you will be in position to clinch at least a share of a conference title with a victory in your final regular season game against an inferior opponent.
The Wolfpack will come out woefully underprepared for said game and will either: a. be blown out of the building by a huge margin, or b. T.O.B. will call such conservative plays (think alternating between inside handoffs and screens, even when trailing) that the game will be close but you will never have a legitimate chance to win.
Read the previous paragraph again to make sure it sinks in, you will NEVER win that game.
T.O.B. will never sign a recruit you have heard of.
Remove the following phrase from your vocabulary: Vertical Passing Game. It does not exist.
You will send more offensive linemen to the NFL than any school in the ACC, maybe the country.
You will never have more than two players on your team who run under a 4.7. T.O.B. says, "Speed kills."
T.O.B. does not know how to smile. He may in fact be a robot, that is as yet undetermined.
If you are a freshman on the NC State team T.O.B. will not talk to you from the moment you sign your letter of intent until you show up for fall practice as a sophomore.
Your backup quarterback will play the first possession of the second quarter regardless of score, time, or field position.
The above sentence will cost you no less than three games in T.O.B.'s tenure.
Your defense will be wildly overrated on a regular basis, this will be a result of T.O.B.'s lack of personality. It reminds media types of Bill Bellichick and that makes people presume a nonexistent defensive prowess.
At times you will think T.O.B. is throwing games with his play calling. This is not the case, he is just a lousy coach.
T.O.B. is not a good college football coach.
Etch that into your brains now and you will enjoy the slow climb from 3-9 to a perennial ranking between 20 and 25. Congratulations again!
Love,
The Overjoyed Fans of Boston College who feel as though they have been freed from the tyranny of an oppressive dictator.
As an alum and fan of his previous employer Boston College I have a few suggestions for you on how to maximize your enjoyment during the O'Brien era. Also I have some information on what you can and cannot expect from your new acquisition.
Always refer to coach O'Brien as T.O.B. He loves it and it saves key strokes and syllables which will give you more time to enjoy your football program's meteoric rise to mediocrity.
Never expect to go 3-9 again.
Never expect to be ranked higher than 15 nationally.
After next season you will play in a bowl game every year for the remainder of his tenure.
You may not have been aware but they play bowl games in places like Boise, Idaho. Awareness of that fact, and others much like it will be upon you shortly.
You will never play in a bowl game in Florida...ever.
Each year you will beat a team ranked quite a bit higher than you.
Each year you will lose to a team ranked quite a bit lower than you. This loss will likely punch your ticket to Boise or another equally desirable locale.
If T.O.B.'s tenure at NC State lasts for 10 years no less than twice you will be in position to clinch at least a share of a conference title with a victory in your final regular season game against an inferior opponent.
The Wolfpack will come out woefully underprepared for said game and will either: a. be blown out of the building by a huge margin, or b. T.O.B. will call such conservative plays (think alternating between inside handoffs and screens, even when trailing) that the game will be close but you will never have a legitimate chance to win.
Read the previous paragraph again to make sure it sinks in, you will NEVER win that game.
T.O.B. will never sign a recruit you have heard of.
Remove the following phrase from your vocabulary: Vertical Passing Game. It does not exist.
You will send more offensive linemen to the NFL than any school in the ACC, maybe the country.
You will never have more than two players on your team who run under a 4.7. T.O.B. says, "Speed kills."
T.O.B. does not know how to smile. He may in fact be a robot, that is as yet undetermined.
If you are a freshman on the NC State team T.O.B. will not talk to you from the moment you sign your letter of intent until you show up for fall practice as a sophomore.
Your backup quarterback will play the first possession of the second quarter regardless of score, time, or field position.
The above sentence will cost you no less than three games in T.O.B.'s tenure.
Your defense will be wildly overrated on a regular basis, this will be a result of T.O.B.'s lack of personality. It reminds media types of Bill Bellichick and that makes people presume a nonexistent defensive prowess.
At times you will think T.O.B. is throwing games with his play calling. This is not the case, he is just a lousy coach.
T.O.B. is not a good college football coach.
Etch that into your brains now and you will enjoy the slow climb from 3-9 to a perennial ranking between 20 and 25. Congratulations again!
Love,
The Overjoyed Fans of Boston College who feel as though they have been freed from the tyranny of an oppressive dictator.
Irresistable
"Not any discredit to the New England Patriots because they know how to win, but everybody to us has the same record in the playoffs. All your stats and my 17 sacks go away. You have to start all over again. That's what it's all about, reestablishing yourself as that team in the playoffs." - Shawne Merriman, San Diego Chargers 'roid-head linebacker.
So let's review this comment. When an athlete says something like, "Not any discredit..." (which of course makes no grammatical sense...) it usually means, "I'm basically trying to discredit them without ending up on a bulletin board." Well at least he tried. I'll let that slide. What is really laughable here Merriman's idea that, "...everybody to us has the same record in the playoffs."
Ah, Shawne, at last check your name shouldn't have an "e" at the end of it and a 5-12 playoff record is not in the same universe as an 11-1 mark. I assure you, Marty Shottenheimer and his propensity to choke on the grandest stage is aware of those numbers and knows they don't add up to the same conclusion.
Nice work mentioning your own sack total by the way. There might not be an "I" in team but there is one in "steroid".
The Chargers should know by now that if they want to be "that team" in the playoffs they have to beat the group that has been "that team" for the better part of this decade, and perhaps it would be best to leave your own regular (or as it should be known in San Diego, "Marty") season stats and your not so veiled shots at the three time Super Bowl Champion Patriots right where they are in your locker room until sometime Sunday night when your season may or may not be over.
Here are some more "records" that aren't the same.
Phillip Rivers playoff record: 0-0
Tom Brady's playoff record: 11-1
The unstoppable Ladanian Tomlinson's Super Bowl appearances: 0
Corey Dillon's Super Bowl rings: 1
In their last four games against the top seed the Patriots are 4-0
The Chargers haven't played four playoff games in my lifetime.
Bill Bellichick's defensive schemes have befuddled far greater quarterbacks than Rivers in January, i.e. Manning, McNair, McNabb, Delhomme, and Warner. Ok, that's not a number it's a statement, and it's also a fact.
Don't get me wrong, it's by no means a foregone conclusion that the Patriots will emerge from Sunday's game with a victory but the last thing in the world Shawne Merriman should be doing is adding fuel to a fire that, for his interests, needs no further stoking. Merriman has never played in a playoff game, he knows naught of what he speaks, and if he thinks gliding through the AFC West over the course of a steriod suspension shortened season gives him any credibility to attack the greatest sports franchise of the past 10 years he is sorely mistaken.
And if he's not worried about the Patriots, maybe he should take a cue from his fans. The Chargers and their fans are doing everything possible to keep Pats fans from invading their space this weekend. Tickets cannot be purchased by anyone with a mailing address outside of California or a proven track record of Chargers support. What kind of paranoid bull-shit is that? To me it says two things:
1. Your fans are so lame that they won't sell out a playoff game fast enough to keep Patriot fans from even having the opportunity to buy tickets first hand.
2. Your fans are so vanilla that, even in the stadium, they will not make enough noise to drown out a vastly outnumbered minority of Patriot fans willing to make the trip across the country.
Sounds scared to me, and they should be.
Given my recent track record of sports predictions I am not going on record with anything at this time (let's just say I had Ohio State over Florida 35-10...) but even the thick skulled Sean Salisbury has finally learned not to pick agains the Pats in the playoffs...
PS: If you're craving a little nausea check out the Chargers theme song at www.myspace.com/pod.
So let's review this comment. When an athlete says something like, "Not any discredit..." (which of course makes no grammatical sense...) it usually means, "I'm basically trying to discredit them without ending up on a bulletin board." Well at least he tried. I'll let that slide. What is really laughable here Merriman's idea that, "...everybody to us has the same record in the playoffs."
Ah, Shawne, at last check your name shouldn't have an "e" at the end of it and a 5-12 playoff record is not in the same universe as an 11-1 mark. I assure you, Marty Shottenheimer and his propensity to choke on the grandest stage is aware of those numbers and knows they don't add up to the same conclusion.
Nice work mentioning your own sack total by the way. There might not be an "I" in team but there is one in "steroid".
The Chargers should know by now that if they want to be "that team" in the playoffs they have to beat the group that has been "that team" for the better part of this decade, and perhaps it would be best to leave your own regular (or as it should be known in San Diego, "Marty") season stats and your not so veiled shots at the three time Super Bowl Champion Patriots right where they are in your locker room until sometime Sunday night when your season may or may not be over.
Here are some more "records" that aren't the same.
Phillip Rivers playoff record: 0-0
Tom Brady's playoff record: 11-1
The unstoppable Ladanian Tomlinson's Super Bowl appearances: 0
Corey Dillon's Super Bowl rings: 1
In their last four games against the top seed the Patriots are 4-0
The Chargers haven't played four playoff games in my lifetime.
Bill Bellichick's defensive schemes have befuddled far greater quarterbacks than Rivers in January, i.e. Manning, McNair, McNabb, Delhomme, and Warner. Ok, that's not a number it's a statement, and it's also a fact.
Don't get me wrong, it's by no means a foregone conclusion that the Patriots will emerge from Sunday's game with a victory but the last thing in the world Shawne Merriman should be doing is adding fuel to a fire that, for his interests, needs no further stoking. Merriman has never played in a playoff game, he knows naught of what he speaks, and if he thinks gliding through the AFC West over the course of a steriod suspension shortened season gives him any credibility to attack the greatest sports franchise of the past 10 years he is sorely mistaken.
And if he's not worried about the Patriots, maybe he should take a cue from his fans. The Chargers and their fans are doing everything possible to keep Pats fans from invading their space this weekend. Tickets cannot be purchased by anyone with a mailing address outside of California or a proven track record of Chargers support. What kind of paranoid bull-shit is that? To me it says two things:
1. Your fans are so lame that they won't sell out a playoff game fast enough to keep Patriot fans from even having the opportunity to buy tickets first hand.
2. Your fans are so vanilla that, even in the stadium, they will not make enough noise to drown out a vastly outnumbered minority of Patriot fans willing to make the trip across the country.
Sounds scared to me, and they should be.
Given my recent track record of sports predictions I am not going on record with anything at this time (let's just say I had Ohio State over Florida 35-10...) but even the thick skulled Sean Salisbury has finally learned not to pick agains the Pats in the playoffs...
PS: If you're craving a little nausea check out the Chargers theme song at www.myspace.com/pod.
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