Congratulations to North Carolina State Football on your newly minted, shiny (or should I say scraggly) head coach Tom O'Brien.
As an alum and fan of his previous employer Boston College I have a few suggestions for you on how to maximize your enjoyment during the O'Brien era. Also I have some information on what you can and cannot expect from your new acquisition.
Always refer to coach O'Brien as T.O.B. He loves it and it saves key strokes and syllables which will give you more time to enjoy your football program's meteoric rise to mediocrity.
Never expect to go 3-9 again.
Never expect to be ranked higher than 15 nationally.
After next season you will play in a bowl game every year for the remainder of his tenure.
You may not have been aware but they play bowl games in places like Boise, Idaho. Awareness of that fact, and others much like it will be upon you shortly.
You will never play in a bowl game in Florida...ever.
Each year you will beat a team ranked quite a bit higher than you.
Each year you will lose to a team ranked quite a bit lower than you. This loss will likely punch your ticket to Boise or another equally desirable locale.
If T.O.B.'s tenure at NC State lasts for 10 years no less than twice you will be in position to clinch at least a share of a conference title with a victory in your final regular season game against an inferior opponent.
The Wolfpack will come out woefully underprepared for said game and will either: a. be blown out of the building by a huge margin, or b. T.O.B. will call such conservative plays (think alternating between inside handoffs and screens, even when trailing) that the game will be close but you will never have a legitimate chance to win.
Read the previous paragraph again to make sure it sinks in, you will NEVER win that game.
T.O.B. will never sign a recruit you have heard of.
Remove the following phrase from your vocabulary: Vertical Passing Game. It does not exist.
You will send more offensive linemen to the NFL than any school in the ACC, maybe the country.
You will never have more than two players on your team who run under a 4.7. T.O.B. says, "Speed kills."
T.O.B. does not know how to smile. He may in fact be a robot, that is as yet undetermined.
If you are a freshman on the NC State team T.O.B. will not talk to you from the moment you sign your letter of intent until you show up for fall practice as a sophomore.
Your backup quarterback will play the first possession of the second quarter regardless of score, time, or field position.
The above sentence will cost you no less than three games in T.O.B.'s tenure.
Your defense will be wildly overrated on a regular basis, this will be a result of T.O.B.'s lack of personality. It reminds media types of Bill Bellichick and that makes people presume a nonexistent defensive prowess.
At times you will think T.O.B. is throwing games with his play calling. This is not the case, he is just a lousy coach.
T.O.B. is not a good college football coach.
Etch that into your brains now and you will enjoy the slow climb from 3-9 to a perennial ranking between 20 and 25. Congratulations again!
Love,
The Overjoyed Fans of Boston College who feel as though they have been freed from the tyranny of an oppressive dictator.
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