Sure I stole this picture from Page 2 but come on it's freaking hysterical. Just look at that face! He's the first freakin' pick?
Thursday, June 30, 2005
More Than a Day Late
This blog is so late the issues could have their own episode of "Where are They Now?".
Since we last spoke...
Tim Legler, Steven A. Smith, and Harold Reynolds (wait that's not Harold Reynolds? What do you mean, there is more than one bald ex-athlete commenting on an ESPN magazine show? Sorry Greg Anthony) declared both the Spurs and the Pistons the greatest team ever, on an alternating basis game by game. It went like this.
After Game 1: "The Spurs are an unstoppable machine! They will destroy the Pistons in 3 games, yes I know they have to win 4 but the officals will see how one sided the games have been and declare a mercy rule to spare the Pistons the humiliation! Spurs forever!"
After Game 2: "The Spurs are the greatest team ever ever ever ever! They will win so easily that the series will be called in only 2.5 games. Yaaayyyy Spurs, I'm moving to San Antonio and I'm going to bear Manu Ginobli's babies, yaaaayyy!!!! Fuck the Pistons, fuck them right in the ear, they might not even score in game 3. I submit myself to the world domination of the Spurs!"
After Game 3: "The Pistons were merely playing with the Spurs, padding their confidence for their eventual slaughter! It was all a game, and we the lowly "not-Pistons" were fooled. I will make no such mistake ever again. Forget being the best thing since, the Pistons are better than sliced bread! Oh how I worship those deceitful Pistons. The Spurs might not even score in game 4! Oh I love being right about all my predictions!!
After Game 4: "Hoooommmmmmmmmm I worship you Ben and Rasheed Wallace, Chauncey Billups, Rip Hamilton Hoooooommmmmm I will have no other gods above you Hoooommmmmmm I will make no false idols and worship them as if they were you Hooommmmmmmm I am at your mercy and will do your every bidding! Submit to the rule of Detroit or be damned!"
After Game 5: "Silly us, we thought it was the Pistons that were fooling around, but in fact it was the Spurs, what a wonderful reversal of fortune for us since we spent the post-games of 1 and 2 exhaulting them. Please remove these ridiculous Piston shrines and re-intall the Church Of Duncan in downtown Bristol. Oh how I love a good gag, how could we be so foolish?"
After Game 6: "Sisdufosj Ahdksdjfosijdfl NO IDEA WHAT'S HAPPENING! Skdskidfisjd fjfidjmslkj PISTONS! fjslfkjdieivj evjvlkjsj agjedib SPURS! seivvee wowirbov niviov HELP! TRAPPED IN BETWEEN BANDWAGONS, MISSED THE JUMP, GOING TO BE RUN OVER! eksjfi kskdid."
After Game 7: "See we knew it all along. From the beginning of the season I said that the Spurs would beat the Pistons in 7 games by that exact score and that the circumstances of the game would play out exactly as they did and that everyone would say exactly what they said in the post-game interviews and that the weather would be as it was and that the attendance would be as reported and I knew everything all along and gee whiz aren't I smart. When in reality I had NO FREAKING IDEA what was going on in this series and I flip flopped more than the B-Slants shoes on a summer walk and jumped on and off Bandwagons faster than Red Sox fans during a 4 game split with the Yankees."
As you can tell I was not the biggest fan of the NBA Live crew this past week. I normally can't stand Steven A. "Browbeater Angry Black Man for the sake of being Angry Black Man" Smith when he knows what he's talking about. When he's giving guesses and conjecture in his arrogant standoffish, "You are a moron if you are not me!" way he drives me to homicidal rage.
I just wish one of them would have come out and said, "We really don't know what's going to happen in this series and wasting everyone's time varying our opinions based on individual game performances is futile. Let's just sit back and watch a great series and we'll dissect it at the end." But no, Steven A. "I've Never Been Wrong" Smith couldn't even read that sentence out loud without falling into convulsions nevermind saying it on his own.
This is what happens when I sit on a post for too long, it compresses in my head and grows in wrath until, when it finally comes out, it sounds like a demonic call to war. I'm really not this angry all the time, I just get off on these crazy tangents and next thing I know I'm coming up with a different "name" to go between every announcer's first and last names. It's a slippery slope my friends, very slippery.
Other things that have gone on in the past week +.
- The Red Sox won 7 in a row, took over first place, backpedaled twice against the Indians, but managed the last game of the series. Meanwhile, the Baltimore "You Had Your Chance" Orioles slipped out of first for the first time since April. Calling all those who said the Orioles are for real! Anyone...anyone...awfully quiet on that Baltimore bandwagon now isn't it? Just remember who told you when the Red Sox were faltering around .500 that it was still going to come down to them and the Yankees, just remember.
- The weather here has spanned the gamut from November to seasonal, from Arctic to monsoon, and from New England summer to British fall. What the hell is up with Mother Nature this year?
- Kenny Rogers may have become an all star and also lost his damn mind. There's no reason other than insanity to attack not one but two camermen in one walk out to the field. Did the voices in your head tell you to, "Kill the cameras, they can seeeee you!" Kenny? Furthermore, why do you have to miss a start for a tiny fracture in the pinkie of your right hand when you are a left handed pitcher? How much better will it be in 5 days? Or is this missed start a chance for a trip to the "rest home".
- The Bucks won the lottery and then threw away the ticket before they cashed it. If Andrew Bogut (a shade under 7 feet and WHITE for the love of God) plays in one all star game I will eat my hat. On the other hand in Marvin Williams and Chris Paul combine for less than 8 I will eat both of my hats. (I don't know why I would eat two hats.) All I'm saying is the Bucks blew it, big time, Greg Ostertag, Big Country Bryant Reeves, yeah all those 7 foot white guys panned out real well. Let's see who can he cover? Duncan? Hell no. Garnett? Double Hell no. Stoudemire? No way. Ben Wallace? Maybe but he won't score, not one single basket. Shaq? Hahahaha!
- Now don't get me wrong, Marvin Williams will be a star. BUT the Hawks took him at number 2. One huge problem with this for me, he's allegedly the second best player available, but he wasn't even one of the 5 (according to Roy Williams' starting lineups) best players on his college team! He played like 20 minutes per game. Big risk, probably big reward, but they needed Chris Paul and bad.
- The Celtics should be locked up for the steal they got with the 18th pick. Gerald Green is a perfect compliment to Al Jefferson and will signal the end of the Paul Pierce era in Boston. There is no way he should have fallen to 18, he was suppossed to go number 3! Can you imagine Danny Ainge's face when he fell to 10, then to 12, then when Danny Granger went at 17 to Indiana his face fell a little knowing that we're never going to beat them as long as Jermaine O'Neal walks the Earth, but then he checked the board 3,238,493 times to make sure he wasn't hallucinating that Green was still there and then did the funky chicken dance when the pick was announced.
I still hate Danny Ainge, his circuitous trades involving Antoine Walker and his return boggle my mind, (and make for one of my weirder posts) and he really shouldn't get any credit here. Just because other GMs are morons and pass on the best high school player doesn't make him a genius.
Too many phone calls about this coming 4th of July weekend have totally disrupted my flow here so I'm going to wrap it up.
Big make or break weekend for the Dockside, wish us well.
Wait, 2 more things:
1. Jeremy Roenick is an IDIOT of the worst degree.
Read: THE FANS PAY YOUR OUTRAGEOUS SALARY, AND SOME OF US WILL NEVER COME BACK AFTER THIS INSULT OF A LABOR DISPUTE YOU SELF-CENTERED REALITY IGNORANT JACKASS.
2. Wibledon is the most boring over-hyped sporting event in the world. Period, I just don't care.
Since we last spoke...
Tim Legler, Steven A. Smith, and Harold Reynolds (wait that's not Harold Reynolds? What do you mean, there is more than one bald ex-athlete commenting on an ESPN magazine show? Sorry Greg Anthony) declared both the Spurs and the Pistons the greatest team ever, on an alternating basis game by game. It went like this.
After Game 1: "The Spurs are an unstoppable machine! They will destroy the Pistons in 3 games, yes I know they have to win 4 but the officals will see how one sided the games have been and declare a mercy rule to spare the Pistons the humiliation! Spurs forever!"
After Game 2: "The Spurs are the greatest team ever ever ever ever! They will win so easily that the series will be called in only 2.5 games. Yaaayyyy Spurs, I'm moving to San Antonio and I'm going to bear Manu Ginobli's babies, yaaaayyy!!!! Fuck the Pistons, fuck them right in the ear, they might not even score in game 3. I submit myself to the world domination of the Spurs!"
After Game 3: "The Pistons were merely playing with the Spurs, padding their confidence for their eventual slaughter! It was all a game, and we the lowly "not-Pistons" were fooled. I will make no such mistake ever again. Forget being the best thing since, the Pistons are better than sliced bread! Oh how I worship those deceitful Pistons. The Spurs might not even score in game 4! Oh I love being right about all my predictions!!
After Game 4: "Hoooommmmmmmmmm I worship you Ben and Rasheed Wallace, Chauncey Billups, Rip Hamilton Hoooooommmmmm I will have no other gods above you Hoooommmmmmm I will make no false idols and worship them as if they were you Hooommmmmmmm I am at your mercy and will do your every bidding! Submit to the rule of Detroit or be damned!"
After Game 5: "Silly us, we thought it was the Pistons that were fooling around, but in fact it was the Spurs, what a wonderful reversal of fortune for us since we spent the post-games of 1 and 2 exhaulting them. Please remove these ridiculous Piston shrines and re-intall the Church Of Duncan in downtown Bristol. Oh how I love a good gag, how could we be so foolish?"
After Game 6: "Sisdufosj Ahdksdjfosijdfl NO IDEA WHAT'S HAPPENING! Skdskidfisjd fjfidjmslkj PISTONS! fjslfkjdieivj evjvlkjsj agjedib SPURS! seivvee wowirbov niviov HELP! TRAPPED IN BETWEEN BANDWAGONS, MISSED THE JUMP, GOING TO BE RUN OVER! eksjfi kskdid."
After Game 7: "See we knew it all along. From the beginning of the season I said that the Spurs would beat the Pistons in 7 games by that exact score and that the circumstances of the game would play out exactly as they did and that everyone would say exactly what they said in the post-game interviews and that the weather would be as it was and that the attendance would be as reported and I knew everything all along and gee whiz aren't I smart. When in reality I had NO FREAKING IDEA what was going on in this series and I flip flopped more than the B-Slants shoes on a summer walk and jumped on and off Bandwagons faster than Red Sox fans during a 4 game split with the Yankees."
As you can tell I was not the biggest fan of the NBA Live crew this past week. I normally can't stand Steven A. "Browbeater Angry Black Man for the sake of being Angry Black Man" Smith when he knows what he's talking about. When he's giving guesses and conjecture in his arrogant standoffish, "You are a moron if you are not me!" way he drives me to homicidal rage.
I just wish one of them would have come out and said, "We really don't know what's going to happen in this series and wasting everyone's time varying our opinions based on individual game performances is futile. Let's just sit back and watch a great series and we'll dissect it at the end." But no, Steven A. "I've Never Been Wrong" Smith couldn't even read that sentence out loud without falling into convulsions nevermind saying it on his own.
This is what happens when I sit on a post for too long, it compresses in my head and grows in wrath until, when it finally comes out, it sounds like a demonic call to war. I'm really not this angry all the time, I just get off on these crazy tangents and next thing I know I'm coming up with a different "name" to go between every announcer's first and last names. It's a slippery slope my friends, very slippery.
Other things that have gone on in the past week +.
- The Red Sox won 7 in a row, took over first place, backpedaled twice against the Indians, but managed the last game of the series. Meanwhile, the Baltimore "You Had Your Chance" Orioles slipped out of first for the first time since April. Calling all those who said the Orioles are for real! Anyone...anyone...awfully quiet on that Baltimore bandwagon now isn't it? Just remember who told you when the Red Sox were faltering around .500 that it was still going to come down to them and the Yankees, just remember.
- The weather here has spanned the gamut from November to seasonal, from Arctic to monsoon, and from New England summer to British fall. What the hell is up with Mother Nature this year?
- Kenny Rogers may have become an all star and also lost his damn mind. There's no reason other than insanity to attack not one but two camermen in one walk out to the field. Did the voices in your head tell you to, "Kill the cameras, they can seeeee you!" Kenny? Furthermore, why do you have to miss a start for a tiny fracture in the pinkie of your right hand when you are a left handed pitcher? How much better will it be in 5 days? Or is this missed start a chance for a trip to the "rest home".
- The Bucks won the lottery and then threw away the ticket before they cashed it. If Andrew Bogut (a shade under 7 feet and WHITE for the love of God) plays in one all star game I will eat my hat. On the other hand in Marvin Williams and Chris Paul combine for less than 8 I will eat both of my hats. (I don't know why I would eat two hats.) All I'm saying is the Bucks blew it, big time, Greg Ostertag, Big Country Bryant Reeves, yeah all those 7 foot white guys panned out real well. Let's see who can he cover? Duncan? Hell no. Garnett? Double Hell no. Stoudemire? No way. Ben Wallace? Maybe but he won't score, not one single basket. Shaq? Hahahaha!
- Now don't get me wrong, Marvin Williams will be a star. BUT the Hawks took him at number 2. One huge problem with this for me, he's allegedly the second best player available, but he wasn't even one of the 5 (according to Roy Williams' starting lineups) best players on his college team! He played like 20 minutes per game. Big risk, probably big reward, but they needed Chris Paul and bad.
- The Celtics should be locked up for the steal they got with the 18th pick. Gerald Green is a perfect compliment to Al Jefferson and will signal the end of the Paul Pierce era in Boston. There is no way he should have fallen to 18, he was suppossed to go number 3! Can you imagine Danny Ainge's face when he fell to 10, then to 12, then when Danny Granger went at 17 to Indiana his face fell a little knowing that we're never going to beat them as long as Jermaine O'Neal walks the Earth, but then he checked the board 3,238,493 times to make sure he wasn't hallucinating that Green was still there and then did the funky chicken dance when the pick was announced.
I still hate Danny Ainge, his circuitous trades involving Antoine Walker and his return boggle my mind, (and make for one of my weirder posts) and he really shouldn't get any credit here. Just because other GMs are morons and pass on the best high school player doesn't make him a genius.
Too many phone calls about this coming 4th of July weekend have totally disrupted my flow here so I'm going to wrap it up.
Big make or break weekend for the Dockside, wish us well.
Wait, 2 more things:
1. Jeremy Roenick is an IDIOT of the worst degree.
Read: THE FANS PAY YOUR OUTRAGEOUS SALARY, AND SOME OF US WILL NEVER COME BACK AFTER THIS INSULT OF A LABOR DISPUTE YOU SELF-CENTERED REALITY IGNORANT JACKASS.
2. Wibledon is the most boring over-hyped sporting event in the world. Period, I just don't care.
Sunday, June 19, 2005
A Few Questions on Sunday Morning
1. Where did all my money go? Sometimes I think that Fenway Park employs little hobbits to run around stealing the cash out of your pockets between innings after you've had 5 or so beers.
2. How did I get this huge bruise on my left shin? Was there a 12 year old girl with a crush on me running around kicking it, or did a 2 AM soccer game break out and I was remis for being without my shin guards? Actually, I just remembered, it happened when I was walking down the stairs from the bleachers. I was trying to avoid an old woman who was really struggling to get from step to step by sliding past on her left, my foot slid off to the left of the step, crushing my toes and my shin between the aisle seat and the step. And of course this caused me to stumble to the right, therefore almost knocking over the old woman I was initially trying to avoid. Maybe it would be better if I didn't know the answer to this one.
3. Why have genetics and fate forsaken the Red Sox? The only way Mark Bellhorn can be up in as many crucial situations is if he has been cloned and he bats 4 times in the order. Damn you Bellhorn! His "actual" stat line usually reads 0-3 with a walk and 2 strikeouts and a walk, but in reality he bats 12 times a game, mostly with men on base, and strikes out 13 times. A guy sitting in the section to our left last night was actually ejected from the game for wearing a Bellhorn jersey. (Yeah I stole that joke, sorry Rob).
3a. How low does Bellhorn's average have to get before we'll see Bill Mueller at second and Kevin Youkilis at third? He's dancing around the illustrious .230 mark, is Terry thinking, "Gee if he can just get it up to .245 he'll be producing." I understand that you have to stick with your guys but 5 men left of base in last night's game and an American league leading strikeout total is enough for me.
4. How much fun is Jake Ivory's? I had never been there before last night. The dueling pianos were awesome, the crowd was young and friendly (did you say young and friendly on Landsdowne Street? Arugh?), their goofy games etc. keep everyone involved all night, and they serve huge 22's of Corona. And as if that weren't enough I have two words for you bachelorette parties. One girl who's tied down forever and a dozen who are desperate for a "confidence boost."
5. Am I a lame old man for watching the "Law and Order" marathon all morning? I think I have the answer to that one too...
6. Over/under 5, the number of total hours Jason Gore has slept in the last 2 nights? I'm going under, apparently he spent most of the night eating.
6a. Should Reteif Goosen have made the "All Boredom Team"?
7. Which Spurs team will show up tonight? Or rather which Pistons team will show up tonight? Even better, which referees will show up tonight?
7a. Why is this series so boring? Two boring teams, poor play, blowouts, bad officiating, too much defense, Larry Brown, two shitty cities, and the list goes on.
8. Does Skip Bayless' argument about instant replay in the major leagues have any validity? I'm on the fence, I think replay is great, take 4 hours if you have to but just get the calls right. In my opinion losing a game as a result of an officiating error is inexcusable and is not "part of the game" as may purists put it. It's robbery committed on the fans, the players, and it destroys the integrity of the game. On the other hand I really only like replay in football and basketball, once you open pandora's box in baseball are we eventually going to be looking at balls and strikes, or maybe switching to Questech? That would be disasterous. With a 162 game season a call here or there might not make a difference, but I would definitely support using it in the playoffs. Just look at last years ALCS, they got the calls right, but it would have been comforting to know that technology was going to prove that A-Rod was a slap-happy biiiiaaaccchhhhh.
9. Why doesn't the Sports Guy know anything about pizza? He put Pinos in Brookline in his "All Time Food Pantheon". Good lord man! It's not even the best pizza on that block! Prestos is without a doubt superior, bigger slices, endearingly gruff service, a two foot pizza for chrissake! The only thing they don't have is the bottle of tequilla that Pinos keeps behind the counter. Clearly the mistake of a graduate from a second rate school, Holy Cross. I suppose he can't be blamed for his mis-educations.
Sidenote: In the same article he mentioned the Heritage diner in Auburn, where the B-Slant was born and raised. He got that one right, the breakfast is great but they have this 18 year old snot faced kid working there that makes you want to sling your breakfast special right into his sneering mug. He's the most obnoxious service person I have ever encountered.
2. How did I get this huge bruise on my left shin? Was there a 12 year old girl with a crush on me running around kicking it, or did a 2 AM soccer game break out and I was remis for being without my shin guards? Actually, I just remembered, it happened when I was walking down the stairs from the bleachers. I was trying to avoid an old woman who was really struggling to get from step to step by sliding past on her left, my foot slid off to the left of the step, crushing my toes and my shin between the aisle seat and the step. And of course this caused me to stumble to the right, therefore almost knocking over the old woman I was initially trying to avoid. Maybe it would be better if I didn't know the answer to this one.
3. Why have genetics and fate forsaken the Red Sox? The only way Mark Bellhorn can be up in as many crucial situations is if he has been cloned and he bats 4 times in the order. Damn you Bellhorn! His "actual" stat line usually reads 0-3 with a walk and 2 strikeouts and a walk, but in reality he bats 12 times a game, mostly with men on base, and strikes out 13 times. A guy sitting in the section to our left last night was actually ejected from the game for wearing a Bellhorn jersey. (Yeah I stole that joke, sorry Rob).
3a. How low does Bellhorn's average have to get before we'll see Bill Mueller at second and Kevin Youkilis at third? He's dancing around the illustrious .230 mark, is Terry thinking, "Gee if he can just get it up to .245 he'll be producing." I understand that you have to stick with your guys but 5 men left of base in last night's game and an American league leading strikeout total is enough for me.
4. How much fun is Jake Ivory's? I had never been there before last night. The dueling pianos were awesome, the crowd was young and friendly (did you say young and friendly on Landsdowne Street? Arugh?), their goofy games etc. keep everyone involved all night, and they serve huge 22's of Corona. And as if that weren't enough I have two words for you bachelorette parties. One girl who's tied down forever and a dozen who are desperate for a "confidence boost."
5. Am I a lame old man for watching the "Law and Order" marathon all morning? I think I have the answer to that one too...
6. Over/under 5, the number of total hours Jason Gore has slept in the last 2 nights? I'm going under, apparently he spent most of the night eating.
6a. Should Reteif Goosen have made the "All Boredom Team"?
7. Which Spurs team will show up tonight? Or rather which Pistons team will show up tonight? Even better, which referees will show up tonight?
7a. Why is this series so boring? Two boring teams, poor play, blowouts, bad officiating, too much defense, Larry Brown, two shitty cities, and the list goes on.
8. Does Skip Bayless' argument about instant replay in the major leagues have any validity? I'm on the fence, I think replay is great, take 4 hours if you have to but just get the calls right. In my opinion losing a game as a result of an officiating error is inexcusable and is not "part of the game" as may purists put it. It's robbery committed on the fans, the players, and it destroys the integrity of the game. On the other hand I really only like replay in football and basketball, once you open pandora's box in baseball are we eventually going to be looking at balls and strikes, or maybe switching to Questech? That would be disasterous. With a 162 game season a call here or there might not make a difference, but I would definitely support using it in the playoffs. Just look at last years ALCS, they got the calls right, but it would have been comforting to know that technology was going to prove that A-Rod was a slap-happy biiiiaaaccchhhhh.
9. Why doesn't the Sports Guy know anything about pizza? He put Pinos in Brookline in his "All Time Food Pantheon". Good lord man! It's not even the best pizza on that block! Prestos is without a doubt superior, bigger slices, endearingly gruff service, a two foot pizza for chrissake! The only thing they don't have is the bottle of tequilla that Pinos keeps behind the counter. Clearly the mistake of a graduate from a second rate school, Holy Cross. I suppose he can't be blamed for his mis-educations.
Sidenote: In the same article he mentioned the Heritage diner in Auburn, where the B-Slant was born and raised. He got that one right, the breakfast is great but they have this 18 year old snot faced kid working there that makes you want to sling your breakfast special right into his sneering mug. He's the most obnoxious service person I have ever encountered.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Inter...esting
The weather in New England stinks.
Don't tell me about the beauty of the changing seasons, the yearly variety, the monotony of eternal sunshine, the first snowfall of the winter, or any other meterological justification for our misery. It just stinks.
I'm sitting here on a Tuesday in June and it is no more than 65 degrees and pouring. Yesterday it was over 90 with 100% humidity and from 93 north in Quincy a haze clouded the skyline so that it looked like a glimpse into a polution ridden future.
Maybe I'm stupid. I'm the idiot that waits around all snowy winter for May to arrive. Then when it's 45 and rainy the week leading up to Memorial Day I prophesize that it cannot get any worse. Then when the sun finally shines it's like someone kicked the ant hill, people everywhere squinting against that mysterious yellow beacon in the sky. I'm elated for those few weeks of the summer when it is truly comfortable here, and then in September I begin to dread the doldrums of winter again.
Thank you, but I've had enough. When the season at the Dockside ends I'm out like the perverbial fat girl in dodgeball.
Of course now that I finish this rant the rain is abetting and the sun is trying to poke it's teasing little grin out of the clouds. Here is where a lesser writer would resort to the old adage, "If you don't like the weather in New England just wait a minute." Instead I will fall upon and even more grizzled and over-effused expression of New Englander angst, "What the fuck!"
So, now that we have that out of the way, what do I want to write about?
Let's see. We have the Red Sox, but I'm not sure I have rant enough left in me to elucidate the seething volcano of rage I felt watching them play so horribly at Wrigley this past weekend. Sure they blew out the Reds last night, but Cincinnati hasn't been .500 since they beat the Sox in the World Series in the early '70s.
Instead...
How is it still unclear to baseball that Interleague play is a total and utter failure? It has completely lost its charm to me and the fact that the games are unfairly biased towards the National League is evident in the overall results. The American League is obviously the stronger, with the best teams (exclude the Cardinals) and the highest payrolls (yes that matters). Over the past 5 years the best teams in baseball have been, in no particular order the Yankees, Angels, Red Sox, Athletics (not this year), Braves, Cardinals, Twins, and this season the White Sox and Orioles. Yes the Marlins broke through and won the World Series 2 years ago, but they barely grabbed the Wild Card to get into those playoffs and consistently they haven't been there. Yet, the National League leads the overall interleague series 1124-1074. Those American League teams I mentioned are 504-469, a decent winning percentage for the top teams in the league. But if you exclude those top teams the American League is 570-755. Of course these stats can be a little deceiving since I did not exclude the top teams in the NL.
The point however, remains the same. The NL is killing the AL in these contests because having a DH makes the NL teams better while having to bat a pitcher makes the AL teams substantially worse. Furthermore, when the pitcher is a part of the batting order it forces teams to play NL style baseball (i.e. bunting, moving runners along, squeezing, etc.) but the DH does not force NL teams to play AL ball. All it allows them to do is pick and choose which style they would like to play based on given situations. Does this mean that the NL teams are better than the AL? Obviously not given that 10 of the last 15 World Champions have come from the AL. It just indicates that the games are unfairly slanted to favor the NL teams.
As if that were not reason enough to call interleague play a failure look at the unbalanced scheduling that it causes. Teams within the same division no longer play the same amount of games against the same teams, meaning that in a NL team could lose the division because they got swept by the Twins while their divisional counterparts swept the Royals. The geographic rivalries make cute story lines but while the Red Sox are playing the ever powerful Braves the Yankees are normally beating up on their brethren from Queens. An even greater injustice is done to the Braves themselves, while their "geographic" series matches them with the Red Sox their division rival Marlins are playing the perennial doormat Devil Rays. Unlike the divisional unbalanced schedule the other shoe never falls for the teams forced to play tougher competition, the geographic rivalries are the same every year causing the same teams to face the same injustice of having to overcome unfair scheduling season after season. So while the Braves are splitting with the Sox the Marlins will gain 2 games every season if they can take care of business against the D-Rays. Totally unfair, and no longer the novelty it once was.
It's time MLB to put a stop to the experiment. It was instituted to bring fans back after the strike of 1994. It worked. Fan attendence is back to where it was and baseball is once again America's past time, but it's time to renew the intrigue of the World Series and stop unfairly punishing teams who happen to be "geographically" matched up against tough competition.
But it's not going to happen. Attendence is up 7% during interleague play and if you think for a second that the owners are going to give up that kind of money (since it really is all about the $$) you're crazy. It will take a total lack of fan interest and a financial LOSS for the owners before this is going to change and such a development is nowhere in sight.
I know this is totally unrelated but the Lakers just re-hired Phil Jackson. I'm not even sure that I care. He cannot get along with Kobe, they don't have Shaq, Lamar Odom is a career long underachiever, and Vlade is 108 years old. Maybe his influence will get them back to the playoffs but how can they expect to compete with Phoenix, Seattle, Sacramento, Dallas, and especially San Antonio. If they were in the East this might mean something, but if they were in the east they wouldn't need Phil Jackson. My prediction: Phil retires still tied with Red Auerbach with 9 championship rings, in less than 3 years.
I'll now use the Phil story to segue into Game 3 of the NBA Finals tonight.
The Spurs are just impressive. There is no denying it. They ran all over Phoenix, out pacing the fastest and most athletic team in the league in a track meet. They beat them at their own game. In the first two games of the finals they have stuffed the Pistons tough minded defense right back down their throat, beating them at their own game. It's not like the NFL Champion Patriots who took what other teams wanted to do most and stopped it, the Spurs take what you want to do and do it better. It's not very exciting to watch but it certainly is impressive.
But now the series is back to Mo-Town, maybe the only advantage the Pistons have, but the only chance they have of crawling back into this series is if they take tonights game by the throat and don't let go. They have to shut down Ginobli, pack it in on Duncan, and make Parker, Horry, and Bowen beat them. Sure if Bowen hits 4 more 3's tonight it will undoubtably be over, but at this stage they have to take their chances. Who knows what they can do offensively? I think they can only hope to keep the game in the 70-80 range and try to pull it out at the end.
Don't you love how quickly we all jump on the Spurs bandwagon? If they lose tonight everyone will be saying, "Okay, now we've got a series! Look out for those scrappy Pistons." The media has been more fickle during these playoffs than I can ever remember. Think back to the beginning of the second round when after game 1 all the Stephen A. Gasbag's of the world were talking about 4 potetial sweeps. 3 of those series actually turned out to be interesting.
Riveting coverage of Sox interleague play continues tonight as they play game 2 of their crucial series with "rival" Cincinnati and their iron man Ken Griffey Jr..
What a joke.
Don't tell me about the beauty of the changing seasons, the yearly variety, the monotony of eternal sunshine, the first snowfall of the winter, or any other meterological justification for our misery. It just stinks.
I'm sitting here on a Tuesday in June and it is no more than 65 degrees and pouring. Yesterday it was over 90 with 100% humidity and from 93 north in Quincy a haze clouded the skyline so that it looked like a glimpse into a polution ridden future.
Maybe I'm stupid. I'm the idiot that waits around all snowy winter for May to arrive. Then when it's 45 and rainy the week leading up to Memorial Day I prophesize that it cannot get any worse. Then when the sun finally shines it's like someone kicked the ant hill, people everywhere squinting against that mysterious yellow beacon in the sky. I'm elated for those few weeks of the summer when it is truly comfortable here, and then in September I begin to dread the doldrums of winter again.
Thank you, but I've had enough. When the season at the Dockside ends I'm out like the perverbial fat girl in dodgeball.
Of course now that I finish this rant the rain is abetting and the sun is trying to poke it's teasing little grin out of the clouds. Here is where a lesser writer would resort to the old adage, "If you don't like the weather in New England just wait a minute." Instead I will fall upon and even more grizzled and over-effused expression of New Englander angst, "What the fuck!"
So, now that we have that out of the way, what do I want to write about?
Let's see. We have the Red Sox, but I'm not sure I have rant enough left in me to elucidate the seething volcano of rage I felt watching them play so horribly at Wrigley this past weekend. Sure they blew out the Reds last night, but Cincinnati hasn't been .500 since they beat the Sox in the World Series in the early '70s.
Instead...
How is it still unclear to baseball that Interleague play is a total and utter failure? It has completely lost its charm to me and the fact that the games are unfairly biased towards the National League is evident in the overall results. The American League is obviously the stronger, with the best teams (exclude the Cardinals) and the highest payrolls (yes that matters). Over the past 5 years the best teams in baseball have been, in no particular order the Yankees, Angels, Red Sox, Athletics (not this year), Braves, Cardinals, Twins, and this season the White Sox and Orioles. Yes the Marlins broke through and won the World Series 2 years ago, but they barely grabbed the Wild Card to get into those playoffs and consistently they haven't been there. Yet, the National League leads the overall interleague series 1124-1074. Those American League teams I mentioned are 504-469, a decent winning percentage for the top teams in the league. But if you exclude those top teams the American League is 570-755. Of course these stats can be a little deceiving since I did not exclude the top teams in the NL.
The point however, remains the same. The NL is killing the AL in these contests because having a DH makes the NL teams better while having to bat a pitcher makes the AL teams substantially worse. Furthermore, when the pitcher is a part of the batting order it forces teams to play NL style baseball (i.e. bunting, moving runners along, squeezing, etc.) but the DH does not force NL teams to play AL ball. All it allows them to do is pick and choose which style they would like to play based on given situations. Does this mean that the NL teams are better than the AL? Obviously not given that 10 of the last 15 World Champions have come from the AL. It just indicates that the games are unfairly slanted to favor the NL teams.
As if that were not reason enough to call interleague play a failure look at the unbalanced scheduling that it causes. Teams within the same division no longer play the same amount of games against the same teams, meaning that in a NL team could lose the division because they got swept by the Twins while their divisional counterparts swept the Royals. The geographic rivalries make cute story lines but while the Red Sox are playing the ever powerful Braves the Yankees are normally beating up on their brethren from Queens. An even greater injustice is done to the Braves themselves, while their "geographic" series matches them with the Red Sox their division rival Marlins are playing the perennial doormat Devil Rays. Unlike the divisional unbalanced schedule the other shoe never falls for the teams forced to play tougher competition, the geographic rivalries are the same every year causing the same teams to face the same injustice of having to overcome unfair scheduling season after season. So while the Braves are splitting with the Sox the Marlins will gain 2 games every season if they can take care of business against the D-Rays. Totally unfair, and no longer the novelty it once was.
It's time MLB to put a stop to the experiment. It was instituted to bring fans back after the strike of 1994. It worked. Fan attendence is back to where it was and baseball is once again America's past time, but it's time to renew the intrigue of the World Series and stop unfairly punishing teams who happen to be "geographically" matched up against tough competition.
But it's not going to happen. Attendence is up 7% during interleague play and if you think for a second that the owners are going to give up that kind of money (since it really is all about the $$) you're crazy. It will take a total lack of fan interest and a financial LOSS for the owners before this is going to change and such a development is nowhere in sight.
I know this is totally unrelated but the Lakers just re-hired Phil Jackson. I'm not even sure that I care. He cannot get along with Kobe, they don't have Shaq, Lamar Odom is a career long underachiever, and Vlade is 108 years old. Maybe his influence will get them back to the playoffs but how can they expect to compete with Phoenix, Seattle, Sacramento, Dallas, and especially San Antonio. If they were in the East this might mean something, but if they were in the east they wouldn't need Phil Jackson. My prediction: Phil retires still tied with Red Auerbach with 9 championship rings, in less than 3 years.
I'll now use the Phil story to segue into Game 3 of the NBA Finals tonight.
The Spurs are just impressive. There is no denying it. They ran all over Phoenix, out pacing the fastest and most athletic team in the league in a track meet. They beat them at their own game. In the first two games of the finals they have stuffed the Pistons tough minded defense right back down their throat, beating them at their own game. It's not like the NFL Champion Patriots who took what other teams wanted to do most and stopped it, the Spurs take what you want to do and do it better. It's not very exciting to watch but it certainly is impressive.
But now the series is back to Mo-Town, maybe the only advantage the Pistons have, but the only chance they have of crawling back into this series is if they take tonights game by the throat and don't let go. They have to shut down Ginobli, pack it in on Duncan, and make Parker, Horry, and Bowen beat them. Sure if Bowen hits 4 more 3's tonight it will undoubtably be over, but at this stage they have to take their chances. Who knows what they can do offensively? I think they can only hope to keep the game in the 70-80 range and try to pull it out at the end.
Don't you love how quickly we all jump on the Spurs bandwagon? If they lose tonight everyone will be saying, "Okay, now we've got a series! Look out for those scrappy Pistons." The media has been more fickle during these playoffs than I can ever remember. Think back to the beginning of the second round when after game 1 all the Stephen A. Gasbag's of the world were talking about 4 potetial sweeps. 3 of those series actually turned out to be interesting.
Riveting coverage of Sox interleague play continues tonight as they play game 2 of their crucial series with "rival" Cincinnati and their iron man Ken Griffey Jr..
What a joke.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Tuesday News Day
Your World Champs...maybe
Last year at this time I was up on my soap box, professing to the world that the Pistons had no more than a snowball's chance in hell of beating the Lakers in the NBA Finals. 5 games later I was shamelessly watching the golden boys of the world's ugliest city celebrating racously after demolishing the Laker dynasty.
So what will happen this year? I have no idea.
On paper the Spurs are better. Duncan is better than either Wallace. Ginobli and Parker are unstoppable when they get into the open court and are much quicker than Prince, Billups, or Hamilton. Bowen will shut down one of Detroit's perimeter options. But last year Shaq and Kobe were unstoppable, so I guess we'll call it a toss up.
Maybe someone will blow up the Palace during game 4 and rid us of a ultimately unsatisfying series.
On that note, all over the media today there is a backlash against the idea that this is going to be a boring series. This reverberation is similar to the Steve Nash MVP vote. I don't hear anyone saying that this is going to be a boring series, all I hear are people saying, "Whoever thinks this is going to be a boring series doesn't appreciate good team basketball," or, "Just because this isn't as sexy as the Suns versus the Heat doesn't mean that it won't be a quality contest." That sounds a lot like, "Just because Steve Nash doesn't put up 30 points per game doesn't mean that he isn't a deserving MVP." There is just such a negative reaction towards the superstar culture of the NBA recently. How can the same men (and women) who built this problem all of a sudden turn on it so violently? Remember that the media coverage of the one man Allen "I will never ever ever pass the ball" shows in the NBA are what precipitated this problem in the first place.
Pin me down and force me to choose I'll reluctantly take the Spurs in 6 because they have home court and damn it I just don't like the Pistons.
Other stuff on Tuesday:
Surging to the top of the list of "Stupidest Ways to Ruin Your Career" just behind Mark Rypien's back wall head-butt, is Rockies rookie short stop Clint Barnes will likely miss the rest of the season after injuring himself while carrying groceries up the stairs to his apartment. In other news the Rockies GM was found swinging by a rope in his office this afternoon.
Vikings running back Onterrio Smith will miss the entire 2005-2006 season after being suspended for his "third strike" from the NFL's substance abuse policy. He was caught transporting a device for beating drug tests through an airport. During questioning by airport security Smith attempted the ever popular, "throw anonymous cousin under the bus," defense which once worked for Patriots stars Terry Glenn and Ty Law. Smith would have been better off claiming the prosthetic penis was, "for the missus if you know what I mean."
The Red Sox were just handled by the St. Louis Cardinals last night in the first game of a three game World Series rematch. They fell 7-1 to Matt Morris who tossed a complete game 5 hitter. This would be perfectly acceptable if the "mole rat" of the MLB David Eckstein hadn't been the catalyst to the Cardinals offense. Eckstein is professional baseball's version of the pug, short, ugly, yippy, and obnoxious. I would rather have seen Pujols go deep twice, at least someone would have gotten fantasy points out of it.
The Major League "1st year players" draft was held today. Why is this a non event? Oh right because there's something like 10,000 rounds, 90% of the players never make it out of AA and there are two other drafts later in the year! I think I was actually drafted by the Expos last year, and signed to a A league contract. Think about this, only 4 number one overall picks have ever won the MVP, and Albert Pujols the game's best player was taken in the 13th round. This is a pack page story at best and deserves even less coverage than it gets. The Sox took a closer with their first pick by the way.
Call me crazy but I'm starting to think that Drew Rosenhaus isn't the devil. Sure it's all going to come crashing down on him someday, but read the front page article on ESPN.com today and you'll see that there is definitely a method to the madness. He has over 90 clients and no freaking secretary, the guy is a machine. The argument that since the teams can cut players with no consequences if they don't perform why can't the players demand more money when they exceed expectations actually makes a modicum of sense. The problem is that it totally discounts the fans. There is no attention whatsoever paid to the fact that the fans who scrape together money for tickets are subjected to the lunacy of rich men arguing over millions which in the long run will make almost no difference in their excessively deep pockets. It's somewhat nauseating but there is no denying the Rosenhaus knows how to play the game.
It's 85 and sunny and too nice to be sitting in here writing. More next week.
Monday, June 06, 2005
Hell Freezes Over
Write it down, June 6, 2005 at 4:11 PM. Skip Bayless said something that I agree with. I hope you like this time of day because obviously the world has stopped spinning.
Wait, nevermind, he was merely disagreeing with something said by Woody Paige so it cancels itself out. It's like adding an equal positive and negative, no matter how big or apparently impressive either side is the end result is 0.
Is there a show on television worse than "1st and 10"?
It's not possible, I know I rant and rave about this all the time but what are the producers at ESPN thinking putting these two blowharts together on the same set? Anyway, before I use this entire blog to rip each any every word uttered by the magical moron twins. (Paige just said, "I'll give you two words for Triple Crown 'Pu' and 'jols'." Ahh Woody that's one word...and it's a name...my GOD!)
So back to the point here, my agreement with Skip Bayless, a slightly rarer event than a full solar eclipse. There is some talk about Roger Clemens returning to Boston, or maybe to New York. Woody is of the opinion that the Rocket wants to return to Boston to mend fences with his original fans and the rescue the floundering world champions and that he will not go to New York because he's through with the circus of the New York media. Huh?
Circus? If the New York media is a circus the Boston media is the side show, just as loud and obnoxious but on a smaller scale. Maybe say that Clemens will not return to New York because they're 7 games out of first in mid June and have little to no chance of climbing all the way back especially with at least 2 teams in front of them.
He will not return to the Red Sox for an even more compelling reason. There's nothing left to be done here that hasn't already been done by his contemporary Curt Schilling. Whatever Clemens does will not compare with what Schilling did by vanquishing the curse and bringing the city it's first championship in 86 years, especially since Clemens was the ace of the Sox staff for 15 of those years. Furthermore, Schilling did what Clemens failed to do in Game 7 of the 1986 World Series against the Mets, he won the biggest game of his career in Game 6 of the ALCS at Yankee Stadium. Clemens may be the greatest Red Sox pitcher of all time, and he may be one of the top right handers of all time but in this town he will always play second fiddle to the man (men if you count Pedro) that brought the city what he could not, baseball satisfaction.
Now do not get me wrong, Clemens could do a lot of good for a team just holding on by a thread on the mound these days, but he will not want to come here. His family is in Texas, his 3 sons play within driving distance of Houston. He has experienced the two most intense media markets in baseball and nearly retired before resurrecting himself from another shallow grave for 2 more seasons in Houston and at least one more Cy Young. He could have continued to play in New York but he chose not to and even lied to the boss and had a retirement party in order to avoid playing another season under the brightest lights in sports. He is living on easy street in Houston. There is no pressure, he does not have to travel if he does not want to, he is making a ton of money, he is cementing himself as probably the greatest righty other than Nolan Ryan, and the lights of the media are dim and friendly. There is nothing left for Clemens to prove in Boston or New York and for that reason he will end his career in Houston, maybe with another Cy Young and a legend untarnished.
Okay, Skippy enjoy your time in the sun because tomorrow I'll be back to blasting you, and regardless of whether or not I agree with your stance on Clemens you're still an ass clown and your article about Shaq's legacy on ESPN.com today was 2 pages of assinine drivel. As I say the sun even shines on a dog's ass somedays.
On a totally unrelated note Mike Tyson is a complete lunatic. He is now comparing himself to Jeffrey Daumer, saying that if the media found a whole bunch of bodies and heads that they would rather accuse him of, "eating those people," than the late Daumer. Where does he come up with this stuff, and is he really insane or is he just the greatest self-publicist of all time? Maybe he just realizes that he's falling out of interest with the media and he says to himself, "Well, time to go coo-koo again, maybe I'll talk about eating babies, that always works."
The Red Sox return to the scene of their World Series victory tonight when they open a series in St. Louis. This would be great except for the fact that St. Louis is still the best team in the NL and frankly I'd rather not see them on the schedule. I'll go and take pictures of the stadium but keep Albert "Two Words for Triple Crown" Pu - Jols out of the batters box against Alan Embree's dead straight 90 MPH slow ball.
Wait, nevermind, he was merely disagreeing with something said by Woody Paige so it cancels itself out. It's like adding an equal positive and negative, no matter how big or apparently impressive either side is the end result is 0.
Is there a show on television worse than "1st and 10"?
It's not possible, I know I rant and rave about this all the time but what are the producers at ESPN thinking putting these two blowharts together on the same set? Anyway, before I use this entire blog to rip each any every word uttered by the magical moron twins. (Paige just said, "I'll give you two words for Triple Crown 'Pu' and 'jols'." Ahh Woody that's one word...and it's a name...my GOD!)
So back to the point here, my agreement with Skip Bayless, a slightly rarer event than a full solar eclipse. There is some talk about Roger Clemens returning to Boston, or maybe to New York. Woody is of the opinion that the Rocket wants to return to Boston to mend fences with his original fans and the rescue the floundering world champions and that he will not go to New York because he's through with the circus of the New York media. Huh?
Circus? If the New York media is a circus the Boston media is the side show, just as loud and obnoxious but on a smaller scale. Maybe say that Clemens will not return to New York because they're 7 games out of first in mid June and have little to no chance of climbing all the way back especially with at least 2 teams in front of them.
He will not return to the Red Sox for an even more compelling reason. There's nothing left to be done here that hasn't already been done by his contemporary Curt Schilling. Whatever Clemens does will not compare with what Schilling did by vanquishing the curse and bringing the city it's first championship in 86 years, especially since Clemens was the ace of the Sox staff for 15 of those years. Furthermore, Schilling did what Clemens failed to do in Game 7 of the 1986 World Series against the Mets, he won the biggest game of his career in Game 6 of the ALCS at Yankee Stadium. Clemens may be the greatest Red Sox pitcher of all time, and he may be one of the top right handers of all time but in this town he will always play second fiddle to the man (men if you count Pedro) that brought the city what he could not, baseball satisfaction.
Now do not get me wrong, Clemens could do a lot of good for a team just holding on by a thread on the mound these days, but he will not want to come here. His family is in Texas, his 3 sons play within driving distance of Houston. He has experienced the two most intense media markets in baseball and nearly retired before resurrecting himself from another shallow grave for 2 more seasons in Houston and at least one more Cy Young. He could have continued to play in New York but he chose not to and even lied to the boss and had a retirement party in order to avoid playing another season under the brightest lights in sports. He is living on easy street in Houston. There is no pressure, he does not have to travel if he does not want to, he is making a ton of money, he is cementing himself as probably the greatest righty other than Nolan Ryan, and the lights of the media are dim and friendly. There is nothing left for Clemens to prove in Boston or New York and for that reason he will end his career in Houston, maybe with another Cy Young and a legend untarnished.
Okay, Skippy enjoy your time in the sun because tomorrow I'll be back to blasting you, and regardless of whether or not I agree with your stance on Clemens you're still an ass clown and your article about Shaq's legacy on ESPN.com today was 2 pages of assinine drivel. As I say the sun even shines on a dog's ass somedays.
On a totally unrelated note Mike Tyson is a complete lunatic. He is now comparing himself to Jeffrey Daumer, saying that if the media found a whole bunch of bodies and heads that they would rather accuse him of, "eating those people," than the late Daumer. Where does he come up with this stuff, and is he really insane or is he just the greatest self-publicist of all time? Maybe he just realizes that he's falling out of interest with the media and he says to himself, "Well, time to go coo-koo again, maybe I'll talk about eating babies, that always works."
The Red Sox return to the scene of their World Series victory tonight when they open a series in St. Louis. This would be great except for the fact that St. Louis is still the best team in the NL and frankly I'd rather not see them on the schedule. I'll go and take pictures of the stadium but keep Albert "Two Words for Triple Crown" Pu - Jols out of the batters box against Alan Embree's dead straight 90 MPH slow ball.
Friday, June 03, 2005
PAPI!!
What else can I say? He's one of the top clutch hitters in baseball, and proved that yet again yesterday with his 3-run walk off blast off Orioles closer B.J. Ryan.
Red Sox nation owes D.O. a boatload and more. What a legend he is building for himself in Boston lore.
* It's going to be 80+ and sunny this weekend, perfect Dockside drinking weather. You know where I'll be.
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