More Than a Day Late

This blog is so late the issues could have their own episode of "Where are They Now?".

Since we last spoke...

Tim Legler, Steven A. Smith, and Harold Reynolds (wait that's not Harold Reynolds? What do you mean, there is more than one bald ex-athlete commenting on an ESPN magazine show? Sorry Greg Anthony) declared both the Spurs and the Pistons the greatest team ever, on an alternating basis game by game. It went like this.

After Game 1: "The Spurs are an unstoppable machine! They will destroy the Pistons in 3 games, yes I know they have to win 4 but the officals will see how one sided the games have been and declare a mercy rule to spare the Pistons the humiliation! Spurs forever!"

After Game 2: "The Spurs are the greatest team ever ever ever ever! They will win so easily that the series will be called in only 2.5 games. Yaaayyyy Spurs, I'm moving to San Antonio and I'm going to bear Manu Ginobli's babies, yaaaayyy!!!! Fuck the Pistons, fuck them right in the ear, they might not even score in game 3. I submit myself to the world domination of the Spurs!"

After Game 3: "The Pistons were merely playing with the Spurs, padding their confidence for their eventual slaughter! It was all a game, and we the lowly "not-Pistons" were fooled. I will make no such mistake ever again. Forget being the best thing since, the Pistons are better than sliced bread! Oh how I worship those deceitful Pistons. The Spurs might not even score in game 4! Oh I love being right about all my predictions!!

After Game 4: "Hoooommmmmmmmmm I worship you Ben and Rasheed Wallace, Chauncey Billups, Rip Hamilton Hoooooommmmmm I will have no other gods above you Hoooommmmmmm I will make no false idols and worship them as if they were you Hooommmmmmmm I am at your mercy and will do your every bidding! Submit to the rule of Detroit or be damned!"

After Game 5: "Silly us, we thought it was the Pistons that were fooling around, but in fact it was the Spurs, what a wonderful reversal of fortune for us since we spent the post-games of 1 and 2 exhaulting them. Please remove these ridiculous Piston shrines and re-intall the Church Of Duncan in downtown Bristol. Oh how I love a good gag, how could we be so foolish?"

After Game 6: "Sisdufosj Ahdksdjfosijdfl NO IDEA WHAT'S HAPPENING! Skdskidfisjd fjfidjmslkj PISTONS! fjslfkjdieivj evjvlkjsj agjedib SPURS! seivvee wowirbov niviov HELP! TRAPPED IN BETWEEN BANDWAGONS, MISSED THE JUMP, GOING TO BE RUN OVER! eksjfi kskdid."

After Game 7: "See we knew it all along. From the beginning of the season I said that the Spurs would beat the Pistons in 7 games by that exact score and that the circumstances of the game would play out exactly as they did and that everyone would say exactly what they said in the post-game interviews and that the weather would be as it was and that the attendance would be as reported and I knew everything all along and gee whiz aren't I smart. When in reality I had NO FREAKING IDEA what was going on in this series and I flip flopped more than the B-Slants shoes on a summer walk and jumped on and off Bandwagons faster than Red Sox fans during a 4 game split with the Yankees."

As you can tell I was not the biggest fan of the NBA Live crew this past week. I normally can't stand Steven A. "Browbeater Angry Black Man for the sake of being Angry Black Man" Smith when he knows what he's talking about. When he's giving guesses and conjecture in his arrogant standoffish, "You are a moron if you are not me!" way he drives me to homicidal rage.

I just wish one of them would have come out and said, "We really don't know what's going to happen in this series and wasting everyone's time varying our opinions based on individual game performances is futile. Let's just sit back and watch a great series and we'll dissect it at the end." But no, Steven A. "I've Never Been Wrong" Smith couldn't even read that sentence out loud without falling into convulsions nevermind saying it on his own.

This is what happens when I sit on a post for too long, it compresses in my head and grows in wrath until, when it finally comes out, it sounds like a demonic call to war. I'm really not this angry all the time, I just get off on these crazy tangents and next thing I know I'm coming up with a different "name" to go between every announcer's first and last names. It's a slippery slope my friends, very slippery.

Other things that have gone on in the past week +.

- The Red Sox won 7 in a row, took over first place, backpedaled twice against the Indians, but managed the last game of the series. Meanwhile, the Baltimore "You Had Your Chance" Orioles slipped out of first for the first time since April. Calling all those who said the Orioles are for real! Anyone...anyone...awfully quiet on that Baltimore bandwagon now isn't it? Just remember who told you when the Red Sox were faltering around .500 that it was still going to come down to them and the Yankees, just remember.

- The weather here has spanned the gamut from November to seasonal, from Arctic to monsoon, and from New England summer to British fall. What the hell is up with Mother Nature this year?

- Kenny Rogers may have become an all star and also lost his damn mind. There's no reason other than insanity to attack not one but two camermen in one walk out to the field. Did the voices in your head tell you to, "Kill the cameras, they can seeeee you!" Kenny? Furthermore, why do you have to miss a start for a tiny fracture in the pinkie of your right hand when you are a left handed pitcher? How much better will it be in 5 days? Or is this missed start a chance for a trip to the "rest home".

- The Bucks won the lottery and then threw away the ticket before they cashed it. If Andrew Bogut (a shade under 7 feet and WHITE for the love of God) plays in one all star game I will eat my hat. On the other hand in Marvin Williams and Chris Paul combine for less than 8 I will eat both of my hats. (I don't know why I would eat two hats.) All I'm saying is the Bucks blew it, big time, Greg Ostertag, Big Country Bryant Reeves, yeah all those 7 foot white guys panned out real well. Let's see who can he cover? Duncan? Hell no. Garnett? Double Hell no. Stoudemire? No way. Ben Wallace? Maybe but he won't score, not one single basket. Shaq? Hahahaha!

- Now don't get me wrong, Marvin Williams will be a star. BUT the Hawks took him at number 2. One huge problem with this for me, he's allegedly the second best player available, but he wasn't even one of the 5 (according to Roy Williams' starting lineups) best players on his college team! He played like 20 minutes per game. Big risk, probably big reward, but they needed Chris Paul and bad.

- The Celtics should be locked up for the steal they got with the 18th pick. Gerald Green is a perfect compliment to Al Jefferson and will signal the end of the Paul Pierce era in Boston. There is no way he should have fallen to 18, he was suppossed to go number 3! Can you imagine Danny Ainge's face when he fell to 10, then to 12, then when Danny Granger went at 17 to Indiana his face fell a little knowing that we're never going to beat them as long as Jermaine O'Neal walks the Earth, but then he checked the board 3,238,493 times to make sure he wasn't hallucinating that Green was still there and then did the funky chicken dance when the pick was announced.

I still hate Danny Ainge, his circuitous trades involving Antoine Walker and his return boggle my mind, (and make for one of my weirder posts) and he really shouldn't get any credit here. Just because other GMs are morons and pass on the best high school player doesn't make him a genius.

Too many phone calls about this coming 4th of July weekend have totally disrupted my flow here so I'm going to wrap it up.

Big make or break weekend for the Dockside, wish us well.

Wait, 2 more things:

1. Jeremy Roenick is an IDIOT of the worst degree.

Read: THE FANS PAY YOUR OUTRAGEOUS SALARY, AND SOME OF US WILL NEVER COME BACK AFTER THIS INSULT OF A LABOR DISPUTE YOU SELF-CENTERED REALITY IGNORANT JACKASS.

2. Wibledon is the most boring over-hyped sporting event in the world. Period, I just don't care.