A Few Questions on Sunday Morning

1. Where did all my money go? Sometimes I think that Fenway Park employs little hobbits to run around stealing the cash out of your pockets between innings after you've had 5 or so beers.

2. How did I get this huge bruise on my left shin? Was there a 12 year old girl with a crush on me running around kicking it, or did a 2 AM soccer game break out and I was remis for being without my shin guards? Actually, I just remembered, it happened when I was walking down the stairs from the bleachers. I was trying to avoid an old woman who was really struggling to get from step to step by sliding past on her left, my foot slid off to the left of the step, crushing my toes and my shin between the aisle seat and the step. And of course this caused me to stumble to the right, therefore almost knocking over the old woman I was initially trying to avoid. Maybe it would be better if I didn't know the answer to this one.

3. Why have genetics and fate forsaken the Red Sox? The only way Mark Bellhorn can be up in as many crucial situations is if he has been cloned and he bats 4 times in the order. Damn you Bellhorn! His "actual" stat line usually reads 0-3 with a walk and 2 strikeouts and a walk, but in reality he bats 12 times a game, mostly with men on base, and strikes out 13 times. A guy sitting in the section to our left last night was actually ejected from the game for wearing a Bellhorn jersey. (Yeah I stole that joke, sorry Rob).

3a. How low does Bellhorn's average have to get before we'll see Bill Mueller at second and Kevin Youkilis at third? He's dancing around the illustrious .230 mark, is Terry thinking, "Gee if he can just get it up to .245 he'll be producing." I understand that you have to stick with your guys but 5 men left of base in last night's game and an American league leading strikeout total is enough for me.

4. How much fun is Jake Ivory's? I had never been there before last night. The dueling pianos were awesome, the crowd was young and friendly (did you say young and friendly on Landsdowne Street? Arugh?), their goofy games etc. keep everyone involved all night, and they serve huge 22's of Corona. And as if that weren't enough I have two words for you bachelorette parties. One girl who's tied down forever and a dozen who are desperate for a "confidence boost."

5. Am I a lame old man for watching the "Law and Order" marathon all morning? I think I have the answer to that one too...

6. Over/under 5, the number of total hours Jason Gore has slept in the last 2 nights? I'm going under, apparently he spent most of the night eating.

6a. Should Reteif Goosen have made the "All Boredom Team"?

7. Which Spurs team will show up tonight? Or rather which Pistons team will show up tonight? Even better, which referees will show up tonight?

7a. Why is this series so boring? Two boring teams, poor play, blowouts, bad officiating, too much defense, Larry Brown, two shitty cities, and the list goes on.

8. Does Skip Bayless' argument about instant replay in the major leagues have any validity? I'm on the fence, I think replay is great, take 4 hours if you have to but just get the calls right. In my opinion losing a game as a result of an officiating error is inexcusable and is not "part of the game" as may purists put it. It's robbery committed on the fans, the players, and it destroys the integrity of the game. On the other hand I really only like replay in football and basketball, once you open pandora's box in baseball are we eventually going to be looking at balls and strikes, or maybe switching to Questech? That would be disasterous. With a 162 game season a call here or there might not make a difference, but I would definitely support using it in the playoffs. Just look at last years ALCS, they got the calls right, but it would have been comforting to know that technology was going to prove that A-Rod was a slap-happy biiiiaaaccchhhhh.

9. Why doesn't the Sports Guy know anything about pizza? He put Pinos in Brookline in his "All Time Food Pantheon". Good lord man! It's not even the best pizza on that block! Prestos is without a doubt superior, bigger slices, endearingly gruff service, a two foot pizza for chrissake! The only thing they don't have is the bottle of tequilla that Pinos keeps behind the counter. Clearly the mistake of a graduate from a second rate school, Holy Cross. I suppose he can't be blamed for his mis-educations.

Sidenote: In the same article he mentioned the Heritage diner in Auburn, where the B-Slant was born and raised. He got that one right, the breakfast is great but they have this 18 year old snot faced kid working there that makes you want to sling your breakfast special right into his sneering mug. He's the most obnoxious service person I have ever encountered.