Tuesday News Day

1 FOR THE SEASON

- Kevin Millar got off his proverbial backside last night with his 7th inning homer against the Oakland A's. Millar had been homerless to this point, a fact not lost on his teammates, or the media. Curt Schilling said, on Millar's 1st homerun, "...he's been hearing it from both sides, and to get that out of the way is nice." The Sox infield has been sorely lacking in power numbers to this point...

- Speaking of sore, Manny Ramirez was hit by a pitch for the second day in a row in the 1st inning of last night's game, this time in the head. He was reportedly dizzy and unsteady afterwards and left the game. The team has not said if he will miss any action. The B-Slant isn't sure what Manny did to piss off the respective pitching staffs of the A's and Mariners, but we would love to see him make amends so he can stop getting drilled. Maybe take them out for drinks at the Four Seasons, we know you can do that in any condition.

- Cla Meredith, the secondary goat of Sunday's game 2 loss to the Mariners, behind only Terry Francona for bringing him in, is still getting blasted for his performance. The kid is 21 and was brought up straight from AA after only 14 innings of work. He had not given up a run for the Portland Sea Dogs, but then again he had not faced anyone with major league skills, like for example Richie Sexson. Is it any surprise that he got rocked? Send the kid back down, leave his damaged psyche alone, and rip Francona for this senseless move. No one said it was easy to manage the second game of a double header but there were other arms available.

- Barry Bonds is apparently in danger of being convicted of tax fraud. Are you kidding me? The only thing that would surprise me more than this would be if Barry used illegal steroids to help enhance his performance... Actually this is dumber that using steroids because this can actually be proven after the fact. Between lying to the Grand Jury and tax evasion we might be seeing Bonds in pin stripes, the bad kind.

- Imagine being this guy. You're at a race track in Florida, holding your tickets for the Derby. Somehow on your Superfecta ticket you landed a 50-1 underdog named Giacomo winning followed by Closing Argument, Afleet Alex, and Don't Get Mad. You're thinking, "I might as well throw this ticket away because there is no chance this Giacomo is going to win, I should never play the Quick Pick again, that's it I'm reformed, after I lose this one no more gambling for me." But you don't throw the ticket away, you put it in your pocket after taking it out of the machine, or so you think. Then the race starts and things look to be shaking down as planned, except Giacomo is still in the top 4 about halfway to the finish. As they round that final turn and start heading towards the stretch a horse starts to make a charge, MY GOD IT'S GIACOMO heading up to pass Closing Argument. Now another horse, Afleet Alex is making a charge but he's too far behind to catch Closing Argument but is solidly in third. Giacomo holds on to win by half a length with 2-4 falling as stated above. Now imagine that you suddenly realize that you hit the Superfecta in the second highest paying Derby upset in history...but you lost the winning ticket worth over $800,000. 2 panicked hours later you still can't find it. At first you're laughing, "Haha, yea I know I have it somewhere." Then you're getting nervous, "I know I have it I just can't remember where I put it." Then you freak, "I don't fucking believe this! Who stole my ticket." Then you sob like a fat girl on prom night. The track closes and you have to go home, you just lost a one in a billiongazillion chance. You go home to a bottle of Jim Beam and nearly kill yourself drinking 2/3 of it, but in the morning you get a phone call. A track employee found your ticket next to the machine from which you purchased it, you lucky stupid bastard, and you still get your 800 grand. Just imagine that.

- I just had to listen to John Kruk say this about Ricky Henderson on Baseball Tonight, "If I had that physique I would wear a nice tight shirt to show it off too." John, buddy, you are a really long way from that physique and if you could keep your homo-erotic thoughts out of Baseball Tonight that'd be great. Thanks.

- Speaking of Ricky Henderson he's making a comeback with a Padres minor league team the Surf Dawgs. Three words: Give, It, Up.

- Greatest Ricky Henderson quote, "Today I am the greatest of all time." Sometimes I think Ricky had a self confidence problem.

- Please go check out barrybonds.com. This guy is not from this planet, I swear he was born on Neptune and his saga on Earth is the greatest reality TV show throughout the galaxy.

- Freddie Mitchell was the cut by the Eagles. Poor Fred Ex, huge mouth, tiny body, not a whole lot of talent, no Super Bowl ring, and there's a good chance he'll end up in Tennessee or Washington where all mediocre receivers go to catch 27 balls and 1 TD. In this case that 1 TD will be followed by a huge celebration and a subsequent fine. Who exactly is Donovan going to throw the ball to this season? Anyone in Phili have an answer for this?

- 50-1: the odds that Giacomo would win the Derby. 100-1: the odds that Bellamy Road, Steinbrenner's horse will stay out of the glue factory now that his injury will keep him out of the final two Triple Crown races. Hey it's easier than killing Cashman.

- 10000-1: the odds that anyone other than the B-Slant is watching the 2003 homerun derby on ESPN right now, which is why this post is now over, and I'm going out into the sunshine.