Fat guys are good for a lot of things. They make you feel better about the shape you’re in. They make you look better in front of women. They giggle when they move quickly and that makes me laugh. They can eat more than you at a buffet. The list goes on.

The list ends long before it reaches the: They are worthy to play on a professional sports team that I follow.

I hate David Wells. I hate him because he’s old, he loves the Yankees, he drinks more than me, he’s a clubhouse cancer, and he doesn’t want to be here. I also hate him because he’s fat.

If someone is paying you a couple million dollars a year to play a game that involves physical activity stay in shape. There is no excuse not to. You have six months of the year off, work out all day everyday. If you’re a pitcher even when you’re in season you only have to work once every five days, work out all day everyday the rest of the time. You body pays your bills, don’t let it look like your uncle Ralph’s.

And by God if you get fat do not walk into a Boston locker room.

As you can tell this is one of my biggest pet peeves. The phenomenon has always bothered me. I didn’t like El Guapo Rich Garces even though he had a few solid seasons because you knew that someone in that kind of shape would eventually break down. He did.

Wells however takes this from being a mild annoyance to a full blown obsession. I just plain can’t stand him. He looks like a guy that plays for the Leicester Police Department softball team, not the number four starter in the Red Sox rotation.

I don’t even know where I’m going with this it just drives me crazy and it’s been on my mind because Fatty Wells ruined my first live Sox game of the season by giving up seven runs in four innings and three home runs including a two run shot on the first pitch after I entered the stadium. Literally 30 seconds after we sat down the game was over, what a waste of $100 dollars and a hangover, and I blame it all on that fat idiot.

Okay this was more of a rant than anything else, and it just ran out of gas…