TV Ads

Maybe I watch too much TV, maybe commercials are over-run, maybe it's a little bit of both. On a slow-ish sports day here are some thoughts on some ads I've seen.

- I really wish Franklin would get his ass of the god-damned "EASY" button. Everyday, 12 times a day those poor office workers are deluged by ink cartridges while Franklin just sits by idly eating his yogurt. Get off your ass and do something!

- If I ever see Ernie Boch Jr. on the street I will mow him down like a diesel powered turbine. The only thing that he will be able to say "come on down" about will be my headlights barreling onto him at 80 MPH. The man gives me seizures every time he's on TV, which is often.

- Nike, are you committing commercial suicide? Has your ad department just had it? JoinBode.com? Kobe Bryant? The ad where all the athletes (including Tom Brady) are getting up at the crack of dawn to work out is awesome and makes me want to run laps around my living room, but don't align yourself with the underachiever and the rapist.

(Side note: Have you noticed the ridiculous quantity of commercial breaks in the Olympic coverage? I haven't timed it against a normal broadcast but it seems to me that they're going to break every 6 minutes or so. It has to be unprecedented because it's obscenely noticeable.)

- The King... No man can achieve that level of football greatness in a robe. Not to mention he reminds me more of a serial killer than a hamburger spokesperson. Young children everywhere are checking under the bed every night to make sure he's not there with a bacon egg and cheese and that freaky mask.

- Neither a Lexus nor a cell phone is a good/practical Valentine's Day gift. That is really pushing it. Thank you both very much for setting the bar way too high.

- Sonic, if you had spent a little more money on building stores in the northeast and a little less on advertising here maybe I would have seen one...ever! You don't operate up here, stop running commercials for an establishment we can never go to without leaving the region. Is this rocket science?

- The Mirak auto dealership ads with the two semi-manly daughters talking in dead pan monotone is just painful. You can tell that over 25+ years these poor girls have had every ounce of ambition and life sucked out of them by the painful reality that they will someday have to take over the Mirak legacy and sell used cars in New England. Maybe the tall one wanted to be an astronaut, maybe the short one wanted to be a teacher, nope they will have their asses pinched by mechanics everyday until they go postal and smack someone with a tire iron. Their eyes remind me of those dead stripper eyes, the ones that are pointed at you but really all they are seeing is an eternity of misery stretching out into the distance.

- Did you know that ESPN has started its own cell phone service? Yes. Did you also realize that the people in that ad are real athletes not actors? Me neither, thank you Sports Guy for introducing me to the hilarity that is the idea of trying to sell something using Houston Street and a tennis player that looks a little bit like Andy Roddick.

- One man works with a bunch of monkeys, one lady works with a bunch of jackasses. You're trying to tell me she doesn't feel like drinking at lunch? CareerBuilder.com I can feel myself getting stupider every time those monkeys turn the flow chart upside down.

(Just a general commercial idea here. If you can't afford a legitimate production company, actor, or narrator skip the idea all together. Nothing says "budget operation" like a grainy poorly narrated ad shot at short angles with lousy lighting.)

- With that said 33 Restaurant and Lounge - please read the above paragraph. Your ad is awful, and you refused to hire me. That's a double whammy.

I'm sure I missed a bunch of annoying ads; feel free to add your own in a comment.