The following people are hereby deemed irrevocably stupid:
- Shawne Merriman: for chanting, "Brady sucks!" at a Chargers rally last week, as well as predicting a comeback by the Jets in their Wild Card game in Foxboro, and don't forget about juicing.
- Roosevelt Colvin: for being the catalyst for much of this post-game stupidity by yelling, "Lights out!" into the Chargers locker room after the game.
- Nate Harper: for being the guy to say the wrong thing just days before his team takes the field. "Yes I think we are in Tom Brady's head."
- Sean Salisbury: for everything.
- Jack Del Rio: for picking the Colts even though his team killed them in the regular season and then got killed by the Patriots at home.
- Jack Del Rio: for using the entire can of hair gel.
- Bill Simmons: for suggesting that the Patriots are the Yankees of the NFL. Here's why:
Yankees: largest payroll ever ever ever ever ever.
Patriots: 15 million under the salary cap.
Yankees: 0 world championships since 2000.
Patriots: 3 world championships since 2000.
Yankees: A-Rod.
Patriots: Ahhh....well Vinatieri missed on kick in Denver last year, does that qualify?
Yankees: at best, the sum of their parts.
Patriots: the consummate team.
Yankees: sign/steal the biggest name free agents available.
Patriots: turn low round draft picks into solid contributors.
Yankees: George Steinbrenner and Brian Cashman.
Patriots: Bob Kraft and Scott Pioli.
If anyone over the last six years has been the Yankees of the NFL it's the Colts. I don't even need to make the Peyton Manning / Alex Rodriguez comparison in terms of regular season production versus a lack thereof in the playoffs. They're both the highest profile teams in their leagues with a roster loaded with big names and flashy statistics, including the biggest free agent acquisition of last summer (Vinatieri) and it's amounted to nothing. They have an impressive streak of divisional titles and a growing resume of post season disappointment yet regardless of those repeated failures pundits everywhere are still inexplicably in love with them. They even have a big mouth moron executive driving the bus, just like Steinbrenner. Overall it's a much more apt comparison. Come on Sports Guy, you can do better than that 2000 words of obvious drivel.
Now that we have that established, on to the game itself.
I suppose I should throw in a passing word about the NFC Championship game, as the winner of the much over-hyped Patriots v. Colts matchup will have to face someone in the Super Bowl, although I hardly think it matters as the NFC is clearly the junior varsity division.
I would love to see the Saints win for a few reasons. First, I just don't like the Bears. I don't know if it's lingering animosity from the '86 Super Bowl, or the fact that I've never thought they were very good, or the Rex Grossman factor. Whatever it is I really don't care for them. Also, how can you root against the Saints? They play an exremely fun style of football, at least from a spectator's standpoint. They have the premier rookie in the league, the best quarterback in the NFC, the coach of the year, and they are the feel good sports story of the year by a wide margin.
That being said I don't know if I can pick them. The thing that scares me the most is the fact that it's going to be 25 degrees and windy in Chicago tomorrow and I'm worried about the impact that may have on the Saint's finesse offense. As good as they are in the passing game and on special teams they are pretty soft in the power running game and on defense which are the aspects of playoff football which usually rise to the top, especially in lousy conditions.
I hope that I'm wrong on this one but I see the Bears sneaking away with a low scoring victory and then getting absolutely killed in the Super Bowl. Should the Saints pull the upset (moderate) I think they have a much better chance than the Bears against either the Patriots or the Colts.
But really, for all intents and purposes the nightcap tomorrow is the Super Bowl. I know that's been said erroneously before, but do you really see either the Colts or Pats losing once they get past this game? Me neither.
So what's it going to come down to?
Obviously for the Patriots to win they need to get a heroic effort from their defense. Manning hasn't played well so far in the playoffs but hoping for three bad games in a row may be a bit of a long shot. New England must get to him early and often with big time physical pressure. They positively cannot let him get comfortable in the pocket and see down the field. It will be up to Richard Seymour and Ty Warren to come off the ends and bother his rhythm from the outset. If they can get into his head early we all know that he will start waving his arms and passing the blame for every incompletition by the middle of the second quarter. Everyone on the Pats D-line should watch the tape of the Steelers performance agains the Colts last year in the divisional round before they take the field.
In the secondary Hawkins and Hobbs need to play their best games of the season in order to slow down Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne. Hawkins, who will be matched up on Harrison may actually have the easier assignment here, as through the first two playoff games Manning has looked more to Wayne's side of the field (mostly because Harrison has been guarded by their opponents best cover corner) than he normally does. That will put the emphasis squarely on the shoulders of Ellis Hobbs. He needs to cover the short to medium range routes aggressively and rely on safety help if he gets caught biting on a move or a Manning pump fake. He can't afford to sit back and allow Wayne to move freely in the five to fifteen yard areas because that will allow for quick releases which would negate much of the Patriot pass rush.
A somewhat underappreciated aspect of this Colt offense is Joseph Addai. While he still technically shares carries with Dominic Rhodes the last few weeks of the regular season and the first two playoff games have been his coming out party so to speak. He has excellent burst up the middle, he gets to the edge fairly well, and he has shown recently that he can break a tackle or two, especially when defenders come at him high or with arm tackles. Just as importantly he is solid in the short passing game, to which Manning has been looking more this year than ever before.
While the Colts always had a reasonably successful running game with Edgerrin James in the past they were ususally unwilling to utilize it to it's fullest extent. That has not been the case so far this post-season as they have been allowing Addai and Rhodes to carry the offensive load as long as they are successful doing so ( see the second half against the Ravens). The Patriots need to be aware of the run more than in previous years because of this increased commitment to it.
Offensively New England cannot be fooled or intimidated by the allegdly new and improved Indianapolis defense. Success against the Ravens and Chiefs (not coincidentally against McNair and Green) does not a great defense make. Their run stopping ability is still questionable at best and unlike in the regular season the Patriots need to commit to using Maroney and Dillon for the entire game. They will find success against the Colts' front seven, and when they do Bob Sanders will have to come up from his safety position to help. When that happens this time the Patriots must take advantage by using play action to free up receivers down the field. In the regular season matchup New England gave up on the run entirely when Sanders started creeping up and they failed to use play action at all, they must learn from those mistakes if they want to win this game.
Obviously Tom Brady must play well for the Patriots to have a chance. He cannot repeat his performance from last week, nor can anyone else turn the ball over. Giving the Colts extra chances is always costly, especially if their offense starts clicking. Brady needs to manage the game and maybe more importantly the clock. Let's face it, the Patriots can't stop Indy for 60 minutes, at some point they're going to get rolling. The less they have the ball the fewer chances they have to score (duh) and a lot of that responsibility falls to number 12.
A quick start is imperitive for New England for several reasons. First, they need to take the RCA Dome crowd out of the game early. They mimick their quarterback's personality, meaning when things go bad from the start they tend to give up and quiet down. Brady plays well in domes but no one plays well when they can't hear anything. Second, the Patriots don't have the kind of offense that can generate big comebacks. Their passing game is predicated on at least marginal success in the running game, and their lack of a big downfield threat limits their ability to win shootout type contests. If the Colts get up early it could mean big trouble for the Pats, especially if Dwight Freeney and the rest of the Indy defense can forget about the run and just concentrate on Brady.
To be honest, I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. I do think that it won't take much for Manning to start thinking about the ghosts again, but I wonder if the Patriots have the manpower to get him moving in that direction again. Either way, I see a close game, and that both encourages and scares the crap out of me. I'm encouraged because nobody is better in the clutch than Brady and Bellichick, and on that same token no one has been worse than Dungy and Manning. However, should the game remain close to the very end there is a certain number 4 waiting in the wings, but now he's on the other sideline. Adam Vinatieri is my worst nightmare in this game, if we see him trotting out with under a minute to play with a chance to win the game, even if it's from 60 yards out I think it's going in. He's be best clutch kicker ever (as we know) and I'm sure nothing would give him more pleasure than bouncing his former mates into the off season.
At this point I just want the damn game to get here already. Enough of the predictions and analysis, everything has been said. Just like last week I'm not making any predictions (worked well last time, why change?) but I will speculate that we are on the eve of one of the great games in NFL playoff history. Whatever way it goes, it will surely be an entertaining spectacle.
God help us all if we have to listen to two weeks of Manning ball washing should the Colts advance. I won't turn on a damn TV I swear it.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Something Familiar
This hasn't been your typical post-season.
For the first time in a over a decade neither the one or two seed has reached the AFC Championship.
Scoring is down, despite the presence of only one truly great defense (Baltimore).
The Colts ARE playing defense.
Peyton Manning is throwing interceptions that AREN'T killing his team.
Tom Brady was outplayed by Phillip Rivers.
Rex Grossman, with one more victory could promote Trent Dilfer to the second worst quarterback to play in a Super Bowl.
The Saints are one win away from the Super Bowl. (And both ESPN pundits picked them to make it today.)
The class of the Patriots and Bill Belichick is being questioned by convicted cheaters.
What the hell is going on here?
Take a deep breath, it's okay, Marty Shottenheimer still managed to coach his team out of the playoffs despite having clearly the best team, and even more clearly the best player. Maybe the world isn't spinning off of its axis.
In the midst of this madness however, there is one current storyline, a pervailing theme if you will, that should ring familiar in New England and across the NFL. Everyone is picking the Colts over the Patriots in the AFC Championship game. Call me crazy, but I feel like we've been here before. Two years ago it was the electrifying Indy offense led by the unstoppable offensive magician Peyton Manning that were a sure bet to come into Gillette Stadium and humiliate the overmatched Patriots (the final was 20-3 New England in case you forgot). This time it's the Colts as a defensive minded team of destiny much like the Steelers of last year (despite the FACT that their defense stunk for 16 regular season games...) that will wave their magic wand and float along on fate's gently flowing wings to victory. Give me a break.
Every year the NFL, Manning's marketing army, Bill Polian, and ESPN come up with a bevy of reasons why the Colts will make it over the hump and vanquish their playoff failures with one ultimate and vindicating victory. But it never happens. Why should we all of a sudden forget all that we know of this team, and believe that this incarnation (which is probably the weakest of the last half-decade) will be able to accomplish what their superior predecessors have failed to do?
Furthermore why would we even begin to discuss this topic when lying before Indianapolis is their greatest nemesis. The team that has knocked them out of the playoffs two of the last four years, the team that has won three of the last five Super Bowls (to their big fat zero), the team that has been and done everything that they have not. Does recent history mean nothing?
Sure the Colts beat the Patriots at home this year by a touchdown, but has everyone forgotten the circumstances of that game?
Rodney Harrison got hurt on the third play of the game. Yes, the Patriots will likely be without him again this week, but this time they have had 12 weeks to get used to playing without him, that night that had one minute to do so.
The Patriots turned the ball over five times including four Tom Brady interceptions and they still only lost by a touchdown, and in fact had Kevin Faulk not volleyball-set a Brady pass directly into the hands of Bob Sanders with one minute to play there is a chance that New England would have tied the game.
Richard Seymour and Ty Warren were hurt, not so much that they were unable to play, but don't think for a second that their injuries didn't precipitate much of Manning's freedom outside of the pocket.
If those facts aren't enough for you consider this, how often does the same team beat the Patriots twice in one season?
And I haven't even started on Manning yet. To say that this game holds a great deal of pressure for him is analagous to saying that the climate on the surface of the sun is relatively warm. Manning NEEDS this game. He needs it to vanquish the ghosts of playoffs past. He needs it to silence, at least temporarily, his critics. He needs it to justify his whorish self promotions through grossly excessive advertising. He needs it to develop a legacy as anything other than a playoff bust. He needs it to even be mentioned with Brady, Montana, Young, and Elway as oppossed to Marino, Kelly, and Moon.
The window of opportunity for this Indy team is closing, and if he doesn't bring them through now it may slam shut on him forever. Given his history, why should we assume or even hope that he will rise to the occassion rather than wilt and pass the blame as before? He hasn't even played well in their victories this post-season, he's already choked, and choke he will again because that is who he is. I don't believe in him, and I won't consider him the elite quarterback ESPN and the NFL want him to be until he wins this game, and then does it again, and again, and again like number 12 in New England.
It's by no means a sure thing that New England will win on Sunday night, but if history holds true and all that we know to be comes to pass yet again there is no way that Manning rewrites the script this time.
I'll have a more football, less gut-feeling preview later in the week.
On that note I'd like to switch topics and declare that Bill Polian is a goat-fucking jackass. Sure I have no actual evidence as to Mr. Polian's penchant for beastailty and sexual deviance, but since he seemingly can say whatever the hell he wants and have it be so, why can't I?
"When you have blitzing teams and you allow that downfield stuff, such as what happened to (Colts wide receiver) Reggie Wayne, you’re going to limit offense. That’s the net of it. You encourage the power-running game, you discourage the passing game and if you’re limited to a running game, it’s rare that you can do what we did in the fourth quarter and take the game over with a power-running attack"...
"You went something like two-and-a-half games before a touchdown was scored? That’s not good, when the best teams play that way. That’s not good for the health of the game. I think that was certainly a contributing factor to a low-scoring game."
As you know this useless ass-bag thinks that blowing kisses at Colts receivers should be penalized with a 100 yard pass interference penalty and 25 point score adjustment, and that he should be the sole judge and jury of all things related to downfield passing infractions. In fact, in Polian's perfect world, there would be no defense allowed in the RCA Dome. Stepping off of the sidelines into the field of play while the Colts are in possession of the ball would be illegal and punishable by death.
Okay maybe I'm getting a little (a lot?) carried away here but the fact of the matter is this. Polian is already suggesting (and not very subtly) that he thinks the game should be called tighter. He's conditioning the referees to be predisposed to flag any and all contact on his receivers, thereby letting them run free under threat of huge (game changing) yardage penalties should they be obstructed (which of course is Indy's best chance to win). Normally this would just be idle musings from a loudmouth executive but in this case it's something more. After the Patriots trounced the Colts in 2003 Polian whined about the rough treatment his wideouts received in Foxboro, and that coupled with his substantial influence on the NFL Competition Committee resulted in the new downfiled illegal contact rules known, at least informally as the "Patriot Rule". Now, just days before kickoff Polian is using this preposterous statment to remind the officials that they don't want to end up in front of him and his committee in March. It's laughable and pathetic and leads to a troubling and hopefully avoidable conclusion.
This game is going to be the pinnacle of poor officiating. (Disclaimer: this is going to sound like I'm making excuses for the Patriots to lose, I'm not, if I know this going in then they do as well.) Not only has Polian poisoned their objectivity with this thinly veiled threat but it is hardly a secret that the NFL is DYING to get Manning into a Super Bowl. They already showed last year that they are willing to bend the rules to make that happen, even though it didn't work (recall the totally and obviously bogus reversal of Troy Polamalu's fourth quarter interception in the divisional round) and I can only hope that the transparency of that atttempt will force the officials to keep up the upmost appearance of propriety.
Last word on this (for today). Does Polian realize that some teams would rather take over a game with a power running attack, especially against his squad's extremely (until the last two weeks I guess...) porous run defense? Running the football is a part of the game and is a factor in the passing game. In fact, I think every team in the league would rather run the ball than pass if given the option. As the famous saying goes, "When you pass the football three things can happen and two of them are bad." Not to mention, does he think that people don't realize that every complaint he has centers on the Patriots? First it was the '03 officiating, then it was compensatory draft picks, then the field in Foxboro wasn't good enough, and now this. Clearly he shares Mannings attitude that winning is his right (Tagliabue and MasterCard told me so! Waaahhh!) and that anyone or anything that stands in his way must be illegal and should be changed or outlawed. This reeks of a frustrated group outraged by the success of the glamour and glitz free Patriots, as a couterpoint to their overwhelming and in their minds inexplicable failure. Maybe someone needs to remind Polian that they play the games on the field and that so far, despite the fact that the NFL has given in to him at every turn, his soft team led by his soft overrated quarterback has won exactly nothing.
Well look at that, I ranted myself right out of rage, I have none left for Roosevelt Colvin, Shawne Merriman, LT, or any of the other fools involved in that Patriots / Chargers post-game nonsense. More on that later.
For the first time in a over a decade neither the one or two seed has reached the AFC Championship.
Scoring is down, despite the presence of only one truly great defense (Baltimore).
The Colts ARE playing defense.
Peyton Manning is throwing interceptions that AREN'T killing his team.
Tom Brady was outplayed by Phillip Rivers.
Rex Grossman, with one more victory could promote Trent Dilfer to the second worst quarterback to play in a Super Bowl.
The Saints are one win away from the Super Bowl. (And both ESPN pundits picked them to make it today.)
The class of the Patriots and Bill Belichick is being questioned by convicted cheaters.
What the hell is going on here?
Take a deep breath, it's okay, Marty Shottenheimer still managed to coach his team out of the playoffs despite having clearly the best team, and even more clearly the best player. Maybe the world isn't spinning off of its axis.
In the midst of this madness however, there is one current storyline, a pervailing theme if you will, that should ring familiar in New England and across the NFL. Everyone is picking the Colts over the Patriots in the AFC Championship game. Call me crazy, but I feel like we've been here before. Two years ago it was the electrifying Indy offense led by the unstoppable offensive magician Peyton Manning that were a sure bet to come into Gillette Stadium and humiliate the overmatched Patriots (the final was 20-3 New England in case you forgot). This time it's the Colts as a defensive minded team of destiny much like the Steelers of last year (despite the FACT that their defense stunk for 16 regular season games...) that will wave their magic wand and float along on fate's gently flowing wings to victory. Give me a break.
Every year the NFL, Manning's marketing army, Bill Polian, and ESPN come up with a bevy of reasons why the Colts will make it over the hump and vanquish their playoff failures with one ultimate and vindicating victory. But it never happens. Why should we all of a sudden forget all that we know of this team, and believe that this incarnation (which is probably the weakest of the last half-decade) will be able to accomplish what their superior predecessors have failed to do?
Furthermore why would we even begin to discuss this topic when lying before Indianapolis is their greatest nemesis. The team that has knocked them out of the playoffs two of the last four years, the team that has won three of the last five Super Bowls (to their big fat zero), the team that has been and done everything that they have not. Does recent history mean nothing?
Sure the Colts beat the Patriots at home this year by a touchdown, but has everyone forgotten the circumstances of that game?
Rodney Harrison got hurt on the third play of the game. Yes, the Patriots will likely be without him again this week, but this time they have had 12 weeks to get used to playing without him, that night that had one minute to do so.
The Patriots turned the ball over five times including four Tom Brady interceptions and they still only lost by a touchdown, and in fact had Kevin Faulk not volleyball-set a Brady pass directly into the hands of Bob Sanders with one minute to play there is a chance that New England would have tied the game.
Richard Seymour and Ty Warren were hurt, not so much that they were unable to play, but don't think for a second that their injuries didn't precipitate much of Manning's freedom outside of the pocket.
If those facts aren't enough for you consider this, how often does the same team beat the Patriots twice in one season?
And I haven't even started on Manning yet. To say that this game holds a great deal of pressure for him is analagous to saying that the climate on the surface of the sun is relatively warm. Manning NEEDS this game. He needs it to vanquish the ghosts of playoffs past. He needs it to silence, at least temporarily, his critics. He needs it to justify his whorish self promotions through grossly excessive advertising. He needs it to develop a legacy as anything other than a playoff bust. He needs it to even be mentioned with Brady, Montana, Young, and Elway as oppossed to Marino, Kelly, and Moon.
The window of opportunity for this Indy team is closing, and if he doesn't bring them through now it may slam shut on him forever. Given his history, why should we assume or even hope that he will rise to the occassion rather than wilt and pass the blame as before? He hasn't even played well in their victories this post-season, he's already choked, and choke he will again because that is who he is. I don't believe in him, and I won't consider him the elite quarterback ESPN and the NFL want him to be until he wins this game, and then does it again, and again, and again like number 12 in New England.
It's by no means a sure thing that New England will win on Sunday night, but if history holds true and all that we know to be comes to pass yet again there is no way that Manning rewrites the script this time.
I'll have a more football, less gut-feeling preview later in the week.
On that note I'd like to switch topics and declare that Bill Polian is a goat-fucking jackass. Sure I have no actual evidence as to Mr. Polian's penchant for beastailty and sexual deviance, but since he seemingly can say whatever the hell he wants and have it be so, why can't I?
"When you have blitzing teams and you allow that downfield stuff, such as what happened to (Colts wide receiver) Reggie Wayne, you’re going to limit offense. That’s the net of it. You encourage the power-running game, you discourage the passing game and if you’re limited to a running game, it’s rare that you can do what we did in the fourth quarter and take the game over with a power-running attack"...
"You went something like two-and-a-half games before a touchdown was scored? That’s not good, when the best teams play that way. That’s not good for the health of the game. I think that was certainly a contributing factor to a low-scoring game."
As you know this useless ass-bag thinks that blowing kisses at Colts receivers should be penalized with a 100 yard pass interference penalty and 25 point score adjustment, and that he should be the sole judge and jury of all things related to downfield passing infractions. In fact, in Polian's perfect world, there would be no defense allowed in the RCA Dome. Stepping off of the sidelines into the field of play while the Colts are in possession of the ball would be illegal and punishable by death.
Okay maybe I'm getting a little (a lot?) carried away here but the fact of the matter is this. Polian is already suggesting (and not very subtly) that he thinks the game should be called tighter. He's conditioning the referees to be predisposed to flag any and all contact on his receivers, thereby letting them run free under threat of huge (game changing) yardage penalties should they be obstructed (which of course is Indy's best chance to win). Normally this would just be idle musings from a loudmouth executive but in this case it's something more. After the Patriots trounced the Colts in 2003 Polian whined about the rough treatment his wideouts received in Foxboro, and that coupled with his substantial influence on the NFL Competition Committee resulted in the new downfiled illegal contact rules known, at least informally as the "Patriot Rule". Now, just days before kickoff Polian is using this preposterous statment to remind the officials that they don't want to end up in front of him and his committee in March. It's laughable and pathetic and leads to a troubling and hopefully avoidable conclusion.
This game is going to be the pinnacle of poor officiating. (Disclaimer: this is going to sound like I'm making excuses for the Patriots to lose, I'm not, if I know this going in then they do as well.) Not only has Polian poisoned their objectivity with this thinly veiled threat but it is hardly a secret that the NFL is DYING to get Manning into a Super Bowl. They already showed last year that they are willing to bend the rules to make that happen, even though it didn't work (recall the totally and obviously bogus reversal of Troy Polamalu's fourth quarter interception in the divisional round) and I can only hope that the transparency of that atttempt will force the officials to keep up the upmost appearance of propriety.
Last word on this (for today). Does Polian realize that some teams would rather take over a game with a power running attack, especially against his squad's extremely (until the last two weeks I guess...) porous run defense? Running the football is a part of the game and is a factor in the passing game. In fact, I think every team in the league would rather run the ball than pass if given the option. As the famous saying goes, "When you pass the football three things can happen and two of them are bad." Not to mention, does he think that people don't realize that every complaint he has centers on the Patriots? First it was the '03 officiating, then it was compensatory draft picks, then the field in Foxboro wasn't good enough, and now this. Clearly he shares Mannings attitude that winning is his right (Tagliabue and MasterCard told me so! Waaahhh!) and that anyone or anything that stands in his way must be illegal and should be changed or outlawed. This reeks of a frustrated group outraged by the success of the glamour and glitz free Patriots, as a couterpoint to their overwhelming and in their minds inexplicable failure. Maybe someone needs to remind Polian that they play the games on the field and that so far, despite the fact that the NFL has given in to him at every turn, his soft team led by his soft overrated quarterback has won exactly nothing.
Well look at that, I ranted myself right out of rage, I have none left for Roosevelt Colvin, Shawne Merriman, LT, or any of the other fools involved in that Patriots / Chargers post-game nonsense. More on that later.
Friday, January 12, 2007
An Open Letter To NC State
Congratulations to North Carolina State Football on your newly minted, shiny (or should I say scraggly) head coach Tom O'Brien.
As an alum and fan of his previous employer Boston College I have a few suggestions for you on how to maximize your enjoyment during the O'Brien era. Also I have some information on what you can and cannot expect from your new acquisition.
Always refer to coach O'Brien as T.O.B. He loves it and it saves key strokes and syllables which will give you more time to enjoy your football program's meteoric rise to mediocrity.
Never expect to go 3-9 again.
Never expect to be ranked higher than 15 nationally.
After next season you will play in a bowl game every year for the remainder of his tenure.
You may not have been aware but they play bowl games in places like Boise, Idaho. Awareness of that fact, and others much like it will be upon you shortly.
You will never play in a bowl game in Florida...ever.
Each year you will beat a team ranked quite a bit higher than you.
Each year you will lose to a team ranked quite a bit lower than you. This loss will likely punch your ticket to Boise or another equally desirable locale.
If T.O.B.'s tenure at NC State lasts for 10 years no less than twice you will be in position to clinch at least a share of a conference title with a victory in your final regular season game against an inferior opponent.
The Wolfpack will come out woefully underprepared for said game and will either: a. be blown out of the building by a huge margin, or b. T.O.B. will call such conservative plays (think alternating between inside handoffs and screens, even when trailing) that the game will be close but you will never have a legitimate chance to win.
Read the previous paragraph again to make sure it sinks in, you will NEVER win that game.
T.O.B. will never sign a recruit you have heard of.
Remove the following phrase from your vocabulary: Vertical Passing Game. It does not exist.
You will send more offensive linemen to the NFL than any school in the ACC, maybe the country.
You will never have more than two players on your team who run under a 4.7. T.O.B. says, "Speed kills."
T.O.B. does not know how to smile. He may in fact be a robot, that is as yet undetermined.
If you are a freshman on the NC State team T.O.B. will not talk to you from the moment you sign your letter of intent until you show up for fall practice as a sophomore.
Your backup quarterback will play the first possession of the second quarter regardless of score, time, or field position.
The above sentence will cost you no less than three games in T.O.B.'s tenure.
Your defense will be wildly overrated on a regular basis, this will be a result of T.O.B.'s lack of personality. It reminds media types of Bill Bellichick and that makes people presume a nonexistent defensive prowess.
At times you will think T.O.B. is throwing games with his play calling. This is not the case, he is just a lousy coach.
T.O.B. is not a good college football coach.
Etch that into your brains now and you will enjoy the slow climb from 3-9 to a perennial ranking between 20 and 25. Congratulations again!
Love,
The Overjoyed Fans of Boston College who feel as though they have been freed from the tyranny of an oppressive dictator.
As an alum and fan of his previous employer Boston College I have a few suggestions for you on how to maximize your enjoyment during the O'Brien era. Also I have some information on what you can and cannot expect from your new acquisition.
Always refer to coach O'Brien as T.O.B. He loves it and it saves key strokes and syllables which will give you more time to enjoy your football program's meteoric rise to mediocrity.
Never expect to go 3-9 again.
Never expect to be ranked higher than 15 nationally.
After next season you will play in a bowl game every year for the remainder of his tenure.
You may not have been aware but they play bowl games in places like Boise, Idaho. Awareness of that fact, and others much like it will be upon you shortly.
You will never play in a bowl game in Florida...ever.
Each year you will beat a team ranked quite a bit higher than you.
Each year you will lose to a team ranked quite a bit lower than you. This loss will likely punch your ticket to Boise or another equally desirable locale.
If T.O.B.'s tenure at NC State lasts for 10 years no less than twice you will be in position to clinch at least a share of a conference title with a victory in your final regular season game against an inferior opponent.
The Wolfpack will come out woefully underprepared for said game and will either: a. be blown out of the building by a huge margin, or b. T.O.B. will call such conservative plays (think alternating between inside handoffs and screens, even when trailing) that the game will be close but you will never have a legitimate chance to win.
Read the previous paragraph again to make sure it sinks in, you will NEVER win that game.
T.O.B. will never sign a recruit you have heard of.
Remove the following phrase from your vocabulary: Vertical Passing Game. It does not exist.
You will send more offensive linemen to the NFL than any school in the ACC, maybe the country.
You will never have more than two players on your team who run under a 4.7. T.O.B. says, "Speed kills."
T.O.B. does not know how to smile. He may in fact be a robot, that is as yet undetermined.
If you are a freshman on the NC State team T.O.B. will not talk to you from the moment you sign your letter of intent until you show up for fall practice as a sophomore.
Your backup quarterback will play the first possession of the second quarter regardless of score, time, or field position.
The above sentence will cost you no less than three games in T.O.B.'s tenure.
Your defense will be wildly overrated on a regular basis, this will be a result of T.O.B.'s lack of personality. It reminds media types of Bill Bellichick and that makes people presume a nonexistent defensive prowess.
At times you will think T.O.B. is throwing games with his play calling. This is not the case, he is just a lousy coach.
T.O.B. is not a good college football coach.
Etch that into your brains now and you will enjoy the slow climb from 3-9 to a perennial ranking between 20 and 25. Congratulations again!
Love,
The Overjoyed Fans of Boston College who feel as though they have been freed from the tyranny of an oppressive dictator.
Irresistable
"Not any discredit to the New England Patriots because they know how to win, but everybody to us has the same record in the playoffs. All your stats and my 17 sacks go away. You have to start all over again. That's what it's all about, reestablishing yourself as that team in the playoffs." - Shawne Merriman, San Diego Chargers 'roid-head linebacker.
So let's review this comment. When an athlete says something like, "Not any discredit..." (which of course makes no grammatical sense...) it usually means, "I'm basically trying to discredit them without ending up on a bulletin board." Well at least he tried. I'll let that slide. What is really laughable here Merriman's idea that, "...everybody to us has the same record in the playoffs."
Ah, Shawne, at last check your name shouldn't have an "e" at the end of it and a 5-12 playoff record is not in the same universe as an 11-1 mark. I assure you, Marty Shottenheimer and his propensity to choke on the grandest stage is aware of those numbers and knows they don't add up to the same conclusion.
Nice work mentioning your own sack total by the way. There might not be an "I" in team but there is one in "steroid".
The Chargers should know by now that if they want to be "that team" in the playoffs they have to beat the group that has been "that team" for the better part of this decade, and perhaps it would be best to leave your own regular (or as it should be known in San Diego, "Marty") season stats and your not so veiled shots at the three time Super Bowl Champion Patriots right where they are in your locker room until sometime Sunday night when your season may or may not be over.
Here are some more "records" that aren't the same.
Phillip Rivers playoff record: 0-0
Tom Brady's playoff record: 11-1
The unstoppable Ladanian Tomlinson's Super Bowl appearances: 0
Corey Dillon's Super Bowl rings: 1
In their last four games against the top seed the Patriots are 4-0
The Chargers haven't played four playoff games in my lifetime.
Bill Bellichick's defensive schemes have befuddled far greater quarterbacks than Rivers in January, i.e. Manning, McNair, McNabb, Delhomme, and Warner. Ok, that's not a number it's a statement, and it's also a fact.
Don't get me wrong, it's by no means a foregone conclusion that the Patriots will emerge from Sunday's game with a victory but the last thing in the world Shawne Merriman should be doing is adding fuel to a fire that, for his interests, needs no further stoking. Merriman has never played in a playoff game, he knows naught of what he speaks, and if he thinks gliding through the AFC West over the course of a steriod suspension shortened season gives him any credibility to attack the greatest sports franchise of the past 10 years he is sorely mistaken.
And if he's not worried about the Patriots, maybe he should take a cue from his fans. The Chargers and their fans are doing everything possible to keep Pats fans from invading their space this weekend. Tickets cannot be purchased by anyone with a mailing address outside of California or a proven track record of Chargers support. What kind of paranoid bull-shit is that? To me it says two things:
1. Your fans are so lame that they won't sell out a playoff game fast enough to keep Patriot fans from even having the opportunity to buy tickets first hand.
2. Your fans are so vanilla that, even in the stadium, they will not make enough noise to drown out a vastly outnumbered minority of Patriot fans willing to make the trip across the country.
Sounds scared to me, and they should be.
Given my recent track record of sports predictions I am not going on record with anything at this time (let's just say I had Ohio State over Florida 35-10...) but even the thick skulled Sean Salisbury has finally learned not to pick agains the Pats in the playoffs...
PS: If you're craving a little nausea check out the Chargers theme song at www.myspace.com/pod.
So let's review this comment. When an athlete says something like, "Not any discredit..." (which of course makes no grammatical sense...) it usually means, "I'm basically trying to discredit them without ending up on a bulletin board." Well at least he tried. I'll let that slide. What is really laughable here Merriman's idea that, "...everybody to us has the same record in the playoffs."
Ah, Shawne, at last check your name shouldn't have an "e" at the end of it and a 5-12 playoff record is not in the same universe as an 11-1 mark. I assure you, Marty Shottenheimer and his propensity to choke on the grandest stage is aware of those numbers and knows they don't add up to the same conclusion.
Nice work mentioning your own sack total by the way. There might not be an "I" in team but there is one in "steroid".
The Chargers should know by now that if they want to be "that team" in the playoffs they have to beat the group that has been "that team" for the better part of this decade, and perhaps it would be best to leave your own regular (or as it should be known in San Diego, "Marty") season stats and your not so veiled shots at the three time Super Bowl Champion Patriots right where they are in your locker room until sometime Sunday night when your season may or may not be over.
Here are some more "records" that aren't the same.
Phillip Rivers playoff record: 0-0
Tom Brady's playoff record: 11-1
The unstoppable Ladanian Tomlinson's Super Bowl appearances: 0
Corey Dillon's Super Bowl rings: 1
In their last four games against the top seed the Patriots are 4-0
The Chargers haven't played four playoff games in my lifetime.
Bill Bellichick's defensive schemes have befuddled far greater quarterbacks than Rivers in January, i.e. Manning, McNair, McNabb, Delhomme, and Warner. Ok, that's not a number it's a statement, and it's also a fact.
Don't get me wrong, it's by no means a foregone conclusion that the Patriots will emerge from Sunday's game with a victory but the last thing in the world Shawne Merriman should be doing is adding fuel to a fire that, for his interests, needs no further stoking. Merriman has never played in a playoff game, he knows naught of what he speaks, and if he thinks gliding through the AFC West over the course of a steriod suspension shortened season gives him any credibility to attack the greatest sports franchise of the past 10 years he is sorely mistaken.
And if he's not worried about the Patriots, maybe he should take a cue from his fans. The Chargers and their fans are doing everything possible to keep Pats fans from invading their space this weekend. Tickets cannot be purchased by anyone with a mailing address outside of California or a proven track record of Chargers support. What kind of paranoid bull-shit is that? To me it says two things:
1. Your fans are so lame that they won't sell out a playoff game fast enough to keep Patriot fans from even having the opportunity to buy tickets first hand.
2. Your fans are so vanilla that, even in the stadium, they will not make enough noise to drown out a vastly outnumbered minority of Patriot fans willing to make the trip across the country.
Sounds scared to me, and they should be.
Given my recent track record of sports predictions I am not going on record with anything at this time (let's just say I had Ohio State over Florida 35-10...) but even the thick skulled Sean Salisbury has finally learned not to pick agains the Pats in the playoffs...
PS: If you're craving a little nausea check out the Chargers theme song at www.myspace.com/pod.
Monday, September 18, 2006
The Return
I’m back, in an Ali-like (sans the talent, hair, credentials, and personality) return to the ring for the B-Slant. Following a three month plus summer vacation (where I literally didn’t go anywhere, I just stopped writing) I’m drawing inspiration from a long weekend with some of my old teammates (one of whom actually mentioned that his wife read this…wow she must have a boring job) and getting the site started up again. (Sidenote: how goofy is that picture to the right?)
And really, what better time to do it? BC is 3-0 and has won consecutive home games in double overtime. (That might be one of the most two faced sentences in the history of writing, on the surface it sounds good but when you consider that BYU and Central Michigan were involved in two of those games it slides dramatically downward.) The Patriots are 2-0 (see previous parentheses and replaces BYU and CM with Buffalo and the Jets, and for good measure think 17 fourth quarter points.) The Red Sox, by falling so far out of the race, have ensured that I will survive this October without a fourth straight coronary. And perhaps most importantly my Madden season is off to a 1-0 start with a dramatic fourth quarter comeback launching my Bengals (I love throwing to Chad Johnson, Carson Palmer has the easiest job in the world) over the Ravens 24-21.
So rather than going into longwinded explanations as to why I lost my motivation and my ability to write (not the most interesting story ever told) I’m just going to jump right into things with a quick review of this weekend, from my own experience.
The only sporting event I saw the entirety of was the BYU at BC football game, and to say I saw the entirety of it is to severely diminish the amount of time I spent just outside the stadium tailgating. A couple of quick thoughts on this through my booze addled eyes.
1. Tom O’Brien (or TOB) is really an overrated and under-criticized coach. His play calling is so easy to predict that even with my minimal understanding of the college game and crappy seats in the stadium I can call out with an 80% success rate the direction and nature of almost every play. If I can do this is it any wonder that the BC running game has been less than effective so far? Furthermore, I thought TOB was from the Tom Coughlin School of coaching, meaning his teams should be smart disciplined and make few mistakes. Why then do they rack up the personal fouls and stupid mental mistakes at about a 10 per game clip? Does the Tom Coughlin School just teach you how to be an asshole? Congratulations TOB on becoming the winningest coach in BC history, now kindly go away and make room for someone who can take us to the next level.
2. Mormons travel freakishly well. I guess when you’re not allowed to drink and have multiple wives traveling across the country to watch your team lose starts to seem like an upgrade from praying and….what else do Mormons do exactly? There had to have been 5,000 BYU fans in Alumni Stadium Saturday with, of all things, BYU “Superfan” shirts. Seeing BC fans read “Superfan” on the shirts of their opponents is like watching two girls discover that they wore the same dress to the prom, much anger and many polygamy jokes ensued. Speaking of polygamy jokes, a little known fact about the BYU fans in attendance, of the 1,000 women in the building only 800 were married….to the same guy.
3. Drinking with guys you haven’t seen in three years for 16 hours straight is an extremely bad idea. As is walking 2/3 of the way from BC to Somerville at four in the morning (roughly 4 miles) in order to get close enough to home to make the $15 in your pocket cover the remaining cost of a cab…which it doesn’t by the way. Sorry to the driver, that .75 cent tip was not intentional. Much more on this subject and the swimming alumni weekend in a coming post.
Now on to the NFL. When I think of an ideal way for a Super Bowl contender to start the season that vision normally does not include a fumble returned for a touchdown on the first offensive play, a victory garnered only by a gift safety in the second half, and nearly blowing a 24 point lead in the fourth quarter of week two. That being said the Patriots are (typically) 2-0 and have already put themselves in the driver’s seat in the AFC East without playing a quality game to this point.
I do have some concerns however. J.P. Losman didn’t look like Joe Montana in week one, but he moved the ball much more effectively against the Patriots defense than I had hoped he would given his rather extensive history of…well…sucking.
Also, I’m not going to over dramatize the departure of Deion Branch, he was a good (not great) player and a number one pick is definitely a good trade for New England. There is however a bit of a void at wide receiver, especially in terms of depth. For the Patriots to win they don’t need to have a singular number one option, but their go to guy can’t be Troy Brown either (not at this point in his career). Chad Jackson has potential and Doug Gabriel was supposed to be the third starter in Oakland behind Porter and Moss but I am not comfortable shouldering either of them with the load should something happen to Brown. There is a bit of a vacuum left behind here, certainly not one that I would call traumatic but nonetheless figuring out who can consistently catch Brady’s passes will be a top priority for Belichick and staff early in the season. I would look for a lot of balls to be heading towards tight ends Graham and Watson.
The running game should be solid with Dillon and Maroney (although a fantasy nightmare for owners of either, fucking platoons) and hopefully that can take some of the pressure off of Brady who once again is the lone star on the Patriots offensive roster.
My stance on this team after two weeks (of course it’s too early to really tell anything) is cautiously optimistic. After watching the Dolphins completely melt down yesterday I’m not convinced that they are anything more than an 8-8 team and we know roughly what to expect from the Bills and Jets (not to mention we already have two wins against them) so in my mind another division title is quite likely. As usual the biggest tests for the Patriots will come in the post season when they have to play teams like the Colts, Ravens, Bengals, and Steelers.
A couple of other Week 2 notes.
1. Tampa Bay and Oakland suck. I mean they really really suck. There isn’t much more to say about it than that.
2. Carolina must just be trying to lull everyone in the NFC South to sleep by starting out 0-2…right? Or maybe Day-Light Delhomme just isn’t that good, like I’ve been saying for THREE FREAKING YEARS! (Sorry I just can’t stand Jake Delhomme.) I still think they’ll be fine once they get Steve Smith back and Julius Peppers is an absolute freak.
3. I can’t decide what will cause a bigger riot, T.O. playing against the Eagles in week five, or T.O. not playing because of his broken finger. Either way the City of Brotherly love will look more like Beirut that Sunday.
4. It’s so funny that Eli and Peyton Manning are brothers and that they both play quarterback. So funny in fact that I think a gigantic multi-corporation ad campaign should be launched based on that fact. Wait…what? Their dad played football too? Holy Shit this like Christmas on Madison Avenue. These will literally be the funniest commercials ever!!! I’m envisioning a broken egg and a breakfast “audible” yes cha-ching!
5. Remember last Monday when the Eagles were going to win the Super Bowl by one million points regardless of who their opponent was? Haha. I don’t like the Giants any more than the next New Englander but watching that meltdown was pretty enjoyable. God I love it when Sean Salisbury is wrong.
6. Please repeat number five about the San Diego Chargers once they play a team with a chance of winning more than three games. Two words: Phillip Rivers.
7. If the Ravens make it to the Super Bowl this year I stamp today September 18, 2006 that I will not watch. That defense and Brian Billick make for some really dull games. I still get nauseous thinking about Stinker Bowl I when they played the Giants and nearly ruined the big game for me forever. Not that I think Steve McNair can get them there anyway.
8. I almost picked up the New Orleans defense for my fantasy team this week just so I could have at least one guaranteed interception from Brett Favre. But then I remembered that it’s New Orleans, and even Green Bay can score on them. It was kind of exciting to consider having the Reggie Bush experience on my special teams though.
9. Did the Ravens DT Kelly Gregg who picked up the Raiders’ fumble and rumbled forty yards with it actually die while he was lying (after maybe being tackled by Ray Lewis?) on the field or was he just making snow angels? Where do these giant dudes hide during the pre-season running drills?
10. And finally, can we stop trying to figure out if Reggie Bush broke NCAA rules already. I don’t really care anymore, it’s done and in reality he was a professional football player anyway. Does anyone really think he was at USC for academics? It’s not like he robbed someone for a cell phone and then led police on a high speed chase with four guns in the car and a bulletproof vest on….(cough) Maurice Clarett.
From here I would move on to the Red Sox…but I can’t. They have sucked out a good portion of my soul this year and I can’t pour that kind of angst out right now. Let’s go Tigers (don’t jump on me my family lives in Michigan now) and hopefully you’ll be hearing from me again soon.
And really, what better time to do it? BC is 3-0 and has won consecutive home games in double overtime. (That might be one of the most two faced sentences in the history of writing, on the surface it sounds good but when you consider that BYU and Central Michigan were involved in two of those games it slides dramatically downward.) The Patriots are 2-0 (see previous parentheses and replaces BYU and CM with Buffalo and the Jets, and for good measure think 17 fourth quarter points.) The Red Sox, by falling so far out of the race, have ensured that I will survive this October without a fourth straight coronary. And perhaps most importantly my Madden season is off to a 1-0 start with a dramatic fourth quarter comeback launching my Bengals (I love throwing to Chad Johnson, Carson Palmer has the easiest job in the world) over the Ravens 24-21.
So rather than going into longwinded explanations as to why I lost my motivation and my ability to write (not the most interesting story ever told) I’m just going to jump right into things with a quick review of this weekend, from my own experience.
The only sporting event I saw the entirety of was the BYU at BC football game, and to say I saw the entirety of it is to severely diminish the amount of time I spent just outside the stadium tailgating. A couple of quick thoughts on this through my booze addled eyes.
1. Tom O’Brien (or TOB) is really an overrated and under-criticized coach. His play calling is so easy to predict that even with my minimal understanding of the college game and crappy seats in the stadium I can call out with an 80% success rate the direction and nature of almost every play. If I can do this is it any wonder that the BC running game has been less than effective so far? Furthermore, I thought TOB was from the Tom Coughlin School of coaching, meaning his teams should be smart disciplined and make few mistakes. Why then do they rack up the personal fouls and stupid mental mistakes at about a 10 per game clip? Does the Tom Coughlin School just teach you how to be an asshole? Congratulations TOB on becoming the winningest coach in BC history, now kindly go away and make room for someone who can take us to the next level.
2. Mormons travel freakishly well. I guess when you’re not allowed to drink and have multiple wives traveling across the country to watch your team lose starts to seem like an upgrade from praying and….what else do Mormons do exactly? There had to have been 5,000 BYU fans in Alumni Stadium Saturday with, of all things, BYU “Superfan” shirts. Seeing BC fans read “Superfan” on the shirts of their opponents is like watching two girls discover that they wore the same dress to the prom, much anger and many polygamy jokes ensued. Speaking of polygamy jokes, a little known fact about the BYU fans in attendance, of the 1,000 women in the building only 800 were married….to the same guy.
3. Drinking with guys you haven’t seen in three years for 16 hours straight is an extremely bad idea. As is walking 2/3 of the way from BC to Somerville at four in the morning (roughly 4 miles) in order to get close enough to home to make the $15 in your pocket cover the remaining cost of a cab…which it doesn’t by the way. Sorry to the driver, that .75 cent tip was not intentional. Much more on this subject and the swimming alumni weekend in a coming post.
Now on to the NFL. When I think of an ideal way for a Super Bowl contender to start the season that vision normally does not include a fumble returned for a touchdown on the first offensive play, a victory garnered only by a gift safety in the second half, and nearly blowing a 24 point lead in the fourth quarter of week two. That being said the Patriots are (typically) 2-0 and have already put themselves in the driver’s seat in the AFC East without playing a quality game to this point.
I do have some concerns however. J.P. Losman didn’t look like Joe Montana in week one, but he moved the ball much more effectively against the Patriots defense than I had hoped he would given his rather extensive history of…well…sucking.
Also, I’m not going to over dramatize the departure of Deion Branch, he was a good (not great) player and a number one pick is definitely a good trade for New England. There is however a bit of a void at wide receiver, especially in terms of depth. For the Patriots to win they don’t need to have a singular number one option, but their go to guy can’t be Troy Brown either (not at this point in his career). Chad Jackson has potential and Doug Gabriel was supposed to be the third starter in Oakland behind Porter and Moss but I am not comfortable shouldering either of them with the load should something happen to Brown. There is a bit of a vacuum left behind here, certainly not one that I would call traumatic but nonetheless figuring out who can consistently catch Brady’s passes will be a top priority for Belichick and staff early in the season. I would look for a lot of balls to be heading towards tight ends Graham and Watson.
The running game should be solid with Dillon and Maroney (although a fantasy nightmare for owners of either, fucking platoons) and hopefully that can take some of the pressure off of Brady who once again is the lone star on the Patriots offensive roster.
My stance on this team after two weeks (of course it’s too early to really tell anything) is cautiously optimistic. After watching the Dolphins completely melt down yesterday I’m not convinced that they are anything more than an 8-8 team and we know roughly what to expect from the Bills and Jets (not to mention we already have two wins against them) so in my mind another division title is quite likely. As usual the biggest tests for the Patriots will come in the post season when they have to play teams like the Colts, Ravens, Bengals, and Steelers.
A couple of other Week 2 notes.
1. Tampa Bay and Oakland suck. I mean they really really suck. There isn’t much more to say about it than that.
2. Carolina must just be trying to lull everyone in the NFC South to sleep by starting out 0-2…right? Or maybe Day-Light Delhomme just isn’t that good, like I’ve been saying for THREE FREAKING YEARS! (Sorry I just can’t stand Jake Delhomme.) I still think they’ll be fine once they get Steve Smith back and Julius Peppers is an absolute freak.
3. I can’t decide what will cause a bigger riot, T.O. playing against the Eagles in week five, or T.O. not playing because of his broken finger. Either way the City of Brotherly love will look more like Beirut that Sunday.
4. It’s so funny that Eli and Peyton Manning are brothers and that they both play quarterback. So funny in fact that I think a gigantic multi-corporation ad campaign should be launched based on that fact. Wait…what? Their dad played football too? Holy Shit this like Christmas on Madison Avenue. These will literally be the funniest commercials ever!!! I’m envisioning a broken egg and a breakfast “audible” yes cha-ching!
5. Remember last Monday when the Eagles were going to win the Super Bowl by one million points regardless of who their opponent was? Haha. I don’t like the Giants any more than the next New Englander but watching that meltdown was pretty enjoyable. God I love it when Sean Salisbury is wrong.
6. Please repeat number five about the San Diego Chargers once they play a team with a chance of winning more than three games. Two words: Phillip Rivers.
7. If the Ravens make it to the Super Bowl this year I stamp today September 18, 2006 that I will not watch. That defense and Brian Billick make for some really dull games. I still get nauseous thinking about Stinker Bowl I when they played the Giants and nearly ruined the big game for me forever. Not that I think Steve McNair can get them there anyway.
8. I almost picked up the New Orleans defense for my fantasy team this week just so I could have at least one guaranteed interception from Brett Favre. But then I remembered that it’s New Orleans, and even Green Bay can score on them. It was kind of exciting to consider having the Reggie Bush experience on my special teams though.
9. Did the Ravens DT Kelly Gregg who picked up the Raiders’ fumble and rumbled forty yards with it actually die while he was lying (after maybe being tackled by Ray Lewis?) on the field or was he just making snow angels? Where do these giant dudes hide during the pre-season running drills?
10. And finally, can we stop trying to figure out if Reggie Bush broke NCAA rules already. I don’t really care anymore, it’s done and in reality he was a professional football player anyway. Does anyone really think he was at USC for academics? It’s not like he robbed someone for a cell phone and then led police on a high speed chase with four guns in the car and a bulletproof vest on….(cough) Maurice Clarett.
From here I would move on to the Red Sox…but I can’t. They have sucked out a good portion of my soul this year and I can’t pour that kind of angst out right now. Let’s go Tigers (don’t jump on me my family lives in Michigan now) and hopefully you’ll be hearing from me again soon.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
The Second Half
It’s time to get serious. The All-Star game has passed, home field advantage for the World Series is ensured. Now, the Red Sox have to find a way to get there.
After last night’s 15-3 drubbing by the very light hitting Oakland A’s, the Sox now find themselves in the midst of a 3 game tail spin and their lead in the AL East is down to just two games over the Yankees. Remember how the Yankees were dead yesterday? Right.
Josh Beckett suffered another miserable outing and continues to struggle against teams with winning records. Consider this: Josh Beckett is now 11-5, Tim Wakefield is 8-9 but Wakefield’s ERA is almost half a run lower than Beckett’s. He hasn’t been pitching that well he’s just been lucky in terms of run support.
The team as a whole has been following Beckett’s lead by struggling against the top clubs in the AL.
So what needs to be done for the Red Sox to survive the next 75 games and advance deep into the playoffs? Here are 10 things that would be a good start.
Josh Beckett:
He was brought here to be a number one or one-A next to Schilling. So far, despite his deceiving 11 wins he has been at best a two or a three. Beckett is on pace to break the record for home runs allowed in a season and his performance varies wildly based on the opponent. His performance will go a long way to determining the success of the Red Sox. If he can get away from relying solely on his straight fastball (which has been leaving the building at an alarming rate) and can master control of his curve and slider he can be dominating. If not, it could be a long road for Beckett and the Sox.
Curt Schilling:
With Beckett struggling Schilling has been the lynchpin of the rotation and that needs to continue. He could be well served to control the homerun ball a bit himself but as long as he maintains his health and his performance from the first half I will be satisfied. He is their bona fide ace and for the Red Sox to succeed he needs to continue to pitch like it.
Coco Crisp:
So far he has not been Johnny Damon. He needs to be in the second half. Perhaps the expectations placed on Coco to begin the season were a little too high. That being said since coming off of the DL he has done nothing but disappoint offensively. His bat and his legs need to come around and in a hurry. On defense he’s been spectacular (his diving catch in center field was one of the best ever) now he just needs to sort out his offense.
John Lester:
He’s going to lose some games. It’s a simple fact that a rookie pitching in big situations in the midst of a pressure packed playoff race is at some point going to make a mistake that is going to cost him team a game. I can live with that. He needs to minimize those mistakes and continue to pitch the way he has to this point. I don’t mean that he needs to stay undefeated (although that would be nice) he just needs to give the team a chance to win every time out. So far he has been all we could ask for and more, but with the lack of depth in the rotation right now we need to ask for even more.
The 5th Starter:
That mystery man who eludes us so. Whether it is Matt Clement, David Pauley, Kyle Snyder, or someone acquired at the trading deadline that position needs to be solidified. A team cannot survive the entire second half trying to patch over a spot in the rotation every fifth day. Someone needs to step up and pitch better than .500 the rest of the way and provide this team with a viable option that will keep their bullpen in better shape the rest of the way.
Kevin Youkilis:
To this point he has finally lived up to the hype we’ve been hearing for four years. Now we’ll see if he can do it when it counts. His average has been dropping of late, down to .292 and since this is his first full 162 game season with the major league club we should probably start to worry about him hitting the “rookie” wall. His OBP will always be there, as will his defense; they just can’t afford to lose his pop at the beginning of the order. He like Schilling, needs to maintain his performance for the Red Sox to have a chance.
Jonathan Papelbon:
What can you say so far? He’s been the best pitcher in baseball over the first 90 games. If the season ended today he would win the Rookie of the Year and would get serious consideration in both the MVP and Cy Young voting. Still, we’re talking about a true rookie here, someone who was basically pitching on cock-n’-balls last season and who has never faced the grind of July and August in a pennant race. I don’t think we have much to worry about here, but a drop off by Papelbon would be disastrous and would effectively end the season.
The Yankees:
In baseball you need some help. For example the White Sox have been playing some of the best baseball in the Major Leagues but they just aren’t getting any help for the Tigers who simply refuse to lose games. The Red Sox weren’t helping the Yankees at all during their 12 game win streak, but at the end of that they were only up three games. In order for them to win the division they need the Yankees not to reel off ten in a row at some point this season (like they usually do) and it wouldn’t hurt if Gary Sheffield and Hideki Matsui missed the rest of the year either. Basically they need the Yankees to be what they have been in the first half, and that is a mediocre team playing over their heads with bench players.
Terry Francona:
He needs to keep this ship together. He’s always been able to do it in the past and there is no reason to think that he won’t be able to this year, but it’s absolutely essential. Francona needs to keep Manny in the lineup everyday and happy, he needs to find a fix for Josh Beckett, he needs to figure out the fifth starter situation, he must decide on their best lineup(s), and he needs to manage the bullpen without ever using the words, “Get Seanez up.” In baseball little managerial decisions go a long way, Tito needs to make the right ones.
Injuries:
Maybe this should have been number one. Everyone needs to stay healthy. Look at the Yankees, they are still close in the rear view mirror and they have already suffered their catastrophic losses for the season. Were someone on the Red Sox to go down that view could reverse itself in an instant. The most essential guys that need to stay healthy: Schilling (so far so good), Beckett, Papelbon, Ortiz, Ramirez, Timlin, Varitek, Loretta, Youkilis, and Coco. If any of those guys go down it could be lights out for this year’s club.
So there you have it, ten things the Red Sox need in order to take the division. I still think they are the slight favorite heading into the second half given the age of the Yankees, the inexperience of the Blue Jays and the quality of their roster. I didn’t mention Manny or Ortiz’s offense performance on this list because it’s so obvious that they need that production from day one that it is hardly ground breaking news. Clearly if either of those guys drop off the Sox are in really big trouble.
Whoa, two posts in just over two weeks. Look at me go!
After last night’s 15-3 drubbing by the very light hitting Oakland A’s, the Sox now find themselves in the midst of a 3 game tail spin and their lead in the AL East is down to just two games over the Yankees. Remember how the Yankees were dead yesterday? Right.
Josh Beckett suffered another miserable outing and continues to struggle against teams with winning records. Consider this: Josh Beckett is now 11-5, Tim Wakefield is 8-9 but Wakefield’s ERA is almost half a run lower than Beckett’s. He hasn’t been pitching that well he’s just been lucky in terms of run support.
The team as a whole has been following Beckett’s lead by struggling against the top clubs in the AL.
So what needs to be done for the Red Sox to survive the next 75 games and advance deep into the playoffs? Here are 10 things that would be a good start.
Josh Beckett:
He was brought here to be a number one or one-A next to Schilling. So far, despite his deceiving 11 wins he has been at best a two or a three. Beckett is on pace to break the record for home runs allowed in a season and his performance varies wildly based on the opponent. His performance will go a long way to determining the success of the Red Sox. If he can get away from relying solely on his straight fastball (which has been leaving the building at an alarming rate) and can master control of his curve and slider he can be dominating. If not, it could be a long road for Beckett and the Sox.
Curt Schilling:
With Beckett struggling Schilling has been the lynchpin of the rotation and that needs to continue. He could be well served to control the homerun ball a bit himself but as long as he maintains his health and his performance from the first half I will be satisfied. He is their bona fide ace and for the Red Sox to succeed he needs to continue to pitch like it.
Coco Crisp:
So far he has not been Johnny Damon. He needs to be in the second half. Perhaps the expectations placed on Coco to begin the season were a little too high. That being said since coming off of the DL he has done nothing but disappoint offensively. His bat and his legs need to come around and in a hurry. On defense he’s been spectacular (his diving catch in center field was one of the best ever) now he just needs to sort out his offense.
John Lester:
He’s going to lose some games. It’s a simple fact that a rookie pitching in big situations in the midst of a pressure packed playoff race is at some point going to make a mistake that is going to cost him team a game. I can live with that. He needs to minimize those mistakes and continue to pitch the way he has to this point. I don’t mean that he needs to stay undefeated (although that would be nice) he just needs to give the team a chance to win every time out. So far he has been all we could ask for and more, but with the lack of depth in the rotation right now we need to ask for even more.
The 5th Starter:
That mystery man who eludes us so. Whether it is Matt Clement, David Pauley, Kyle Snyder, or someone acquired at the trading deadline that position needs to be solidified. A team cannot survive the entire second half trying to patch over a spot in the rotation every fifth day. Someone needs to step up and pitch better than .500 the rest of the way and provide this team with a viable option that will keep their bullpen in better shape the rest of the way.
Kevin Youkilis:
To this point he has finally lived up to the hype we’ve been hearing for four years. Now we’ll see if he can do it when it counts. His average has been dropping of late, down to .292 and since this is his first full 162 game season with the major league club we should probably start to worry about him hitting the “rookie” wall. His OBP will always be there, as will his defense; they just can’t afford to lose his pop at the beginning of the order. He like Schilling, needs to maintain his performance for the Red Sox to have a chance.
Jonathan Papelbon:
What can you say so far? He’s been the best pitcher in baseball over the first 90 games. If the season ended today he would win the Rookie of the Year and would get serious consideration in both the MVP and Cy Young voting. Still, we’re talking about a true rookie here, someone who was basically pitching on cock-n’-balls last season and who has never faced the grind of July and August in a pennant race. I don’t think we have much to worry about here, but a drop off by Papelbon would be disastrous and would effectively end the season.
The Yankees:
In baseball you need some help. For example the White Sox have been playing some of the best baseball in the Major Leagues but they just aren’t getting any help for the Tigers who simply refuse to lose games. The Red Sox weren’t helping the Yankees at all during their 12 game win streak, but at the end of that they were only up three games. In order for them to win the division they need the Yankees not to reel off ten in a row at some point this season (like they usually do) and it wouldn’t hurt if Gary Sheffield and Hideki Matsui missed the rest of the year either. Basically they need the Yankees to be what they have been in the first half, and that is a mediocre team playing over their heads with bench players.
Terry Francona:
He needs to keep this ship together. He’s always been able to do it in the past and there is no reason to think that he won’t be able to this year, but it’s absolutely essential. Francona needs to keep Manny in the lineup everyday and happy, he needs to find a fix for Josh Beckett, he needs to figure out the fifth starter situation, he must decide on their best lineup(s), and he needs to manage the bullpen without ever using the words, “Get Seanez up.” In baseball little managerial decisions go a long way, Tito needs to make the right ones.
Injuries:
Maybe this should have been number one. Everyone needs to stay healthy. Look at the Yankees, they are still close in the rear view mirror and they have already suffered their catastrophic losses for the season. Were someone on the Red Sox to go down that view could reverse itself in an instant. The most essential guys that need to stay healthy: Schilling (so far so good), Beckett, Papelbon, Ortiz, Ramirez, Timlin, Varitek, Loretta, Youkilis, and Coco. If any of those guys go down it could be lights out for this year’s club.
So there you have it, ten things the Red Sox need in order to take the division. I still think they are the slight favorite heading into the second half given the age of the Yankees, the inexperience of the Blue Jays and the quality of their roster. I didn’t mention Manny or Ortiz’s offense performance on this list because it’s so obvious that they need that production from day one that it is hardly ground breaking news. Clearly if either of those guys drop off the Sox are in really big trouble.
Whoa, two posts in just over two weeks. Look at me go!
Friday, June 30, 2006
One Month - In 10 Minutes
1. It's really really hard to find time to write in the summer. The beach, the booze, the traffic, the girls, everything takes away from that lonely time you want to spend at a desk raving about sports.
2. I have World Cup fever. I'm ashamed and I can promise you that I won't watch a moment of soccer after July 9th for exactly three years and 11 months...when the next World Cup rolls around. That being said, there is nothing more captivating that watching a group of guys play a game with the passionate knowedge that they are truly representing their people. Just don't ask the US players about that, because they have no idea.
3. In 25 years we are going to look back on the David Ortiz era and tell unbelievable, fantastic stories of his heroics. We are truly watching history in the making here. Don Orsillo said it best on Monday afternoon, "The greatest clutch hitter in Red Sox history has done it again."
4. Pedro Martinez no longer has American League stuff. I watched from the stands as he received three standing ovations and then proceeded to stink out the joint. I love Pedro for what he did here but after that performance I'm glad he's gone.
5. Why do Mets fans think we like them? Just because you don't cheer for the Yankees doesn't mean that we're going to forget 1986 or the fact that you're from New York.
6. The NBA Draft is almost as much of a non-event as the NFL Draft. At least we didn't have to hear about this one for a full three months beforehand, just two weeks. (And thanks be to God Sean Salisbury knows nothing about hoops.) The biggest lowlight - the fact that it brings Jay Bilas and his effusive arrogance back to the ESPN studios a full six months before college hoops season.
7. Did Isiah bet Bill Lambeer that he could destroy the Knicks permanently before 2010? If so he's right on pace. How do you justify firing one of the premiere coaches in the league only to replace him with a completely inept GM?
8 Do the C's really want Sebastian Telfair AND Allen Iverson? Can you spell c-h-a-r-a-c-t-e-r? The chances of that union of thugs not blowing up in Danny Ainge's face: One gazillion to one.
9. The Randy Foye / Rudy Gay era in Boston really would have sucked....wait no it wouldn't have.
10. Eric Winalda, ESPN's World Cup studio guy has said, "Typical German behavior," one thousand times since the beginning of the tournament. Probably a good thing he's in the studio, not at the stadium where rabid sausage wielding lunatics could reach him.
11. 23 didn't bother me, 24 sounded kinda cool...25 just sounds old. Dammit, I'm old.
12. One post for the month of June, not exactly the most ambitious amount of work I've ever put in but hey, nobody's perfect. Maybe July will be better....not likely.
2. I have World Cup fever. I'm ashamed and I can promise you that I won't watch a moment of soccer after July 9th for exactly three years and 11 months...when the next World Cup rolls around. That being said, there is nothing more captivating that watching a group of guys play a game with the passionate knowedge that they are truly representing their people. Just don't ask the US players about that, because they have no idea.
3. In 25 years we are going to look back on the David Ortiz era and tell unbelievable, fantastic stories of his heroics. We are truly watching history in the making here. Don Orsillo said it best on Monday afternoon, "The greatest clutch hitter in Red Sox history has done it again."
4. Pedro Martinez no longer has American League stuff. I watched from the stands as he received three standing ovations and then proceeded to stink out the joint. I love Pedro for what he did here but after that performance I'm glad he's gone.
5. Why do Mets fans think we like them? Just because you don't cheer for the Yankees doesn't mean that we're going to forget 1986 or the fact that you're from New York.
6. The NBA Draft is almost as much of a non-event as the NFL Draft. At least we didn't have to hear about this one for a full three months beforehand, just two weeks. (And thanks be to God Sean Salisbury knows nothing about hoops.) The biggest lowlight - the fact that it brings Jay Bilas and his effusive arrogance back to the ESPN studios a full six months before college hoops season.
7. Did Isiah bet Bill Lambeer that he could destroy the Knicks permanently before 2010? If so he's right on pace. How do you justify firing one of the premiere coaches in the league only to replace him with a completely inept GM?
8 Do the C's really want Sebastian Telfair AND Allen Iverson? Can you spell c-h-a-r-a-c-t-e-r? The chances of that union of thugs not blowing up in Danny Ainge's face: One gazillion to one.
9. The Randy Foye / Rudy Gay era in Boston really would have sucked....wait no it wouldn't have.
10. Eric Winalda, ESPN's World Cup studio guy has said, "Typical German behavior," one thousand times since the beginning of the tournament. Probably a good thing he's in the studio, not at the stadium where rabid sausage wielding lunatics could reach him.
11. 23 didn't bother me, 24 sounded kinda cool...25 just sounds old. Dammit, I'm old.
12. One post for the month of June, not exactly the most ambitious amount of work I've ever put in but hey, nobody's perfect. Maybe July will be better....not likely.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Damon's Return
Last night’s first Sox v. Yanks game at Fenway was quite a case study in Red Sox Nation psychology. First you had the obvious drama of the game itself, which always carries a playoff-like atmosphere and a multitude of tensions. Of course that intrigue was only doubled or tripled by the return of Judas Demon to his old stomping grounds. And finally, for dessert the Sox re-traded for Tim Wakefield’s security blanket Doug Mirabelli, then enlisted the help of the Massachusetts State Police (they picked him up at the airport with his uniform and rushed him to the stadium with the siren on) to get him to the stadium on time. I think this might have been too much for our simple brains to handle.Putting aside the big story for a moment, let’s talk about the game itself. It’s always exciting to watch the first Yankees vs. Red Sox game of the season because it’s a reminder of the past and a preview of things to come. The atmosphere feels like a playoff game (usually because it’s 40 degrees out) and the overreactions of the fans are commensurate with that impression. Last night was no exception.
For Sox fans it was an almost perfect evening. Wakefield provided seven quality innings and deserved better than his no decision. They got several hits with men in scoring position, which has been their Achilles heel in recent weeks, including Mark Loretta’s game winner (which redeemed his weak effort to stop a ground ball that led to two of the three Yankee runs). The best clutch hitter in baseball and the real 2005 MVP hit an improbable into-the-wind homerun that was caught fittingly by Jon Papelbon who was throwing in the bullpen. Then after tossing the souvenir into the stands Papelbon provided his own heroics by mowing down the Yankees 1-2-3 in the ninth. Toss in Doug Mirabelli not allowing a passed ball and it was a great night at the Fens.
For once however, the biggest reason to be at Fenway last night was not the game on the field. It was of course the return of Johnny Damon.
One of the things that frustrates me the most about professional sports writers is the high horse from which they condescendingly look down upon the average fan especially in terms of the fan behavior. In today’s papers (Globe, Providence Journal, Hartford Courant) all the talking heads Jackie MacMullen, Sean McAdams, and Jeff Jacobs took shots at the Red Sox faithful for booing Johnny Damon last night. What the hell did they expect and when did they stop being fans themselves?
Yes, he was a great player while he was here and he was probably the embodiment of the ’04 World Series team. But just one off season later he signed with New York (don’t forget Jackie and Sean, we hate them) for more money and began immediately invoking the, “Yankee tradition,” and started saying things like, “It just feels right to be a Yankee.” Come on now.
If he had gone to the Orioles, Dodgers, Indians, White Sox, Blue Jays, or any of the 30 other available teams he would have received a resounding standing ovation last night. He didn’t, he went to the one team that guaranteed he would be booed and aggressively. I know that players don’t grasp or really care about the fundamental hatred that Red Sox fans have for the Yankees and vice versa but when you put yourself in this position you reap what you sow. Johnny knew it was coming, he even told his wife to stay home because he anticipated the fans’ ferocity. So don’t martyr him for circumstances he not only expected but created.
Not to mention the fact that Damon’s actions are a personification of the symptomatic problems in professional sports created by free agency. He should have been booed for his arrogance and his spotlight chasing. He should have been booed for spouting his mouth off about Yankee traditions of which he has never been a part. He should have been booed for continuing to perpetuate the one of the major societal issues in baseball, lack of loyalty and stability within teams. And most of all he should have been booed because he left the Red Sox to play for the Yankees!
So to Jacobs and friends in the news media I say, “Get off your high horse, you’re no better than us. You think you are the voice of reason because you know these guys better personally than we do, but if you were in the stands last night you would have been compelled to boo just like Sully from Dorchester. Don’t look down on us for doing what deep down you would have loved to do.”
That being said, it’s over now. He’s just another guy playing in pinstripes. The window of opportunity to either cheer his previous accomplishments or deride his career decisions is closed. It’s time to put his departure and our feelings about it behind us.
I don’t believe this to be true about all Yankees. I think that A-Rod should be booed at all times, everywhere. If Paul O’Neil were ever to enter Fenway Park for any reason he should be jeered immediately, Jorge “Elmo” Posada as well. But Damon is different. He was one of our guys, the king of the idiots, and we can’t totally dismiss the fact that his grand slam in Game 7 of the ’04 ALCS probably, more than any hit (not struck by D.O.) brought the World Series home to Boston. And, as much as it pains me to say it, Damon showed class last night.
When he tipped his cap and pointed towards the Red Sox dugout he softened my hatred for him enough to stop the bloodlust. There is no way that he thought he was being cheered more than jeered (as he said after the game), the ratio was roughly 80-20 but he acted as though the Fenway faithful were greeting him in the way that he was greeting them, and that was impressive. He may be a moron and an ego-maniac but he’s still a human being and deep down inside it must have struck a nerve at least a little bit to be booed by the fans that loved you so unconditionally for four years.
To the credit of the fans in attendance (although they will get none from the Vatican Counsel of Boston sports writers) once Damon acknowledged them the cheers seemed to at least equal and maybe outweigh the jeers. Which, considering what I expected (AA’s to be hitting him in the face etc.) is a great show of restraint and rationality on the part of a fan base which is not known for such traits.
Sure he will be booed tonight as well and at every game he plays at Fenway for the rest of his career. But from now on his boos will be for an opposing player, not a demonic Judas that broke our hearts and our faith in the idiots.
And a final word to McAdams and the rest, not only were you arrogant, condescending, and pompous in your reviews of the fans’ reaction to Damon, you were also wrong. Many cheered him when he showed respect, and those many deserve credit more than those who booed him justifiably (just as you would have done if you were sitting the bleachers instead of the press box) deserve your unwarranted derision.
P.S. I just love this sign "Looks like Jesus, Acts like Judas, Throws Like Mary"
Saturday, April 29, 2006
NFL Draft
Well ladies and gentlemen it’s NFL Draft day here in B-Slant land and let me tell you the excitement has been at a fever pitch all afternoon. There really is nothing like the endless waiting and speculation about infrequent picks that always turn out exactly like we thought they were going to three months ago. Good God could this be more of a non-event?I love the crowd at the draft every year in New York, especially when the Jets are picking early. When Paul Tagliabue takes the stage to put the first team officially on the clock they’re chomping at the bit. An hour later when the Jets pick the crowd erupts again. After pick ten nobody has heard of the defensive tackles and safeties that start flying off the board and by the end of the first round there are two fantasy football junkies and one passed out tailgater left in the crowd.
I just don’t get it. Maybe it’s because the Patriots have picked so late in the past few years that I can’t even wait around long enough to see them make their selection. And once they do pick it inevitably is someone I have never seen play and have only heard of within the last week.
Or maybe it’s because the draft the most speculative event of the year. All these “experts” like Sean “Bullhorn” Salisbury and Michael Irvin sit around and try to dissect the potential careers of guys who have played exactly zero professional snaps. It’s ridiculous. Not to mention no one ever says, “Well I think this guy had a great college career but his stock was elevated unfairly by a great combine and I just don’t think he’s going to make it,” even if everyone knows that is what’s going to happen.
This isn’t basketball where one player like Lebron James can change the face and status of a franchise forever. Reggie Bush, who went second to the Saints, can’t single-handedly change the fortunes of the team without a decent offensive line and a good year from Drew Brees. Everyone in the NFL needs help so one selection is likely not going to make or break your future. You never hear stories from the NFL about guys who were passed over or picked before future Hall of Fame players unless the variance is incredibly extreme (Tom Brady in the sixth round for example). In the NBA you hear all the time about the guys that were picked ahead of Michael Jordan or that Darko went before Carmello and D-Wade because the individual future of a team depends dramatically on what they do with that first pick.
It probably seems like I’m piling on ESPN right now but they totally force the NFL Draft down your th
roat for weeks before the actual non-event. Mel Kiper does not need to be on every single show from February to April dissecting the same ten guys over and over again. How many times have we heard in the last week that Matt Leinart’s arm might not be strong enough for the NFL? Thank you Mel for that late-breaking story that you reported LAST year when he was thinking about coming out. Teams are concerned about Vince Young’s throwing motion? No kidding, polish up the Pulitzer. It’s a bad thing that Lendale White has a torn ACL and is fat? Okay hold on…let me write this down: torn ACL = bad and fat = bad, got it.For the love of God does Kiper not have the best scam in the world going? He’s a “draft expert” meaning he watches college football and listens to their analysts to tell him who the best players are. Then he finds their height, weight, and 40 times and maybe watches a few games the punches it all into a computer and voila he has six hours a day of airtime for a month! Like it takes a freaking rocket scientist to know that Reggie Bush is fast and that D’Brickashaw Ferguson is huge.
It’s now 3:15PM, three hours and fifteen minutes from the beginning of ESPN’s coverage, and 18 picks have been made. Watching women’s amateur curling contains more fast paced action than this.
Only forty-five more minutes until the Patriots pick…that is unless there’s a trade, then the clock starts all over again. Yawn.
Friday, April 28, 2006
ESPN's Big Mistake
For the past 25 or so years you can count the big mistakes ESPN has made on one hand. In fact I can’t think of one that truly stands out as a total disaster with a legitimate backlash. Bowling coverage is stupid and annoying but not offensive. Stump the Schwaub only appeals to people like me who actually think they might have a chance of beating him. Their own 25th anniversary celebration was obnoxious but understandable and actually made for a decent highlight reel of my lifetime.
That unblemished record seems to be coming to a totally unnecessary end.
I cannot imagine any reason that a network, especially one as reputable as the “Worldwide Leader” would want to be in the Barry Bonds business right now but apparently ESPN has piggybacked itself with the most controversial, abrasive, and ultimately guilty athlete of our generation on a number of levels. Obviously they pimp their own show “Bonds on Bonds” incessantly but their ties to Bonds are starting to leak into their everyday programming especially on “Sportscenter” and “Baseball Tonight”.
It is pathetic and deplorable commercialism to headline an (allegedly) objective magazine program with coverage of an irrelevant event such as a Bonds’ third inning at bat while more pressing and legitimate stories are pushed to the backburner due to some programming affiliation. Not only is it stupid, it’s transparent and irritating.
Here’s the problem in its simplest form. Everyone knows that Barry Bonds took and likely still takes steroids. Game of Shadows proves that statement beyond a reasonable doubt, as does his appearance and late career statistical explosion. By putting themselves in the corner with Bonds ESPN has presented itself as a part of the team to either spin or redact Bonds’ involvement with the BALCO scandal and rampant steroid use in baseball. Whether or not that is true is irrelevant because from the outside looking in that’s how it appears. Further, by beginning each “Sportscenter” and “Baseball Tonight” with coverage of meaningless Bonds at bats, thereby giving less attention to more important stories like the NBA and NHL playoffs, ESPN only emphasizes the impression of collaboration and conspiracy.
In a time when everyone should be pulling out of Bonds’ corner ESPN is moving in the opposite direction. Now instead of being able to objectively report on baseball’s investigation into steroid use and the Grand Jury’s investigation into Bonds’ potential perjury ESPN has to consider (before reporting) what effect their reports will have on the ratings of one of their own shows. That is a conflict of interest that no sensible network would want and one that should be examined and scrutinized regularly by the millions of people who turn to Sportscenter daily for its entertaining and informative coverage of all aspects of the sports world.
The decision to go this route with “Bonds on Bonds” makes no sense. The brass at ESPN had to know that he was not going to give all-access to the cameras and allow them to film him with a needle sticking out of his ass. With that knowledge going in they should have known that what was going to come of their coverage was going to look like a puff piece and would irrevocably associate them with an about to be exposed villain.
The show comes off like an attempt to humanize one of the most arrogant, selfish, and deceitful athletes of all time and to be the network that purveys that type of portrayal sets up a difficult and troublesome dichotomy for ESPN between legitimate news coverage and individually affected spin.
What becomes of “Bonds on Bonds” when he is tried and convicted of perjury, which he clearly committed? What will ESPN do if and when he fails a steroid test? What about when some evidence surfaces that proves beyond a shadow of a Giants fan’s doubt that he is guilty of all the things we know he is guilty of? Does ESPN suddenly jump ship and cancel the show? Or do they become a part of Bonds’ legal team, a group set up to discredit and dissemble the facts that are piling up against him? Furthermore, if nothing incriminating ever comes out and Bonds goes on to break Hank Aaron’s record how will the network cover it? Will they celebrate it as a legitimate achievement that we all know it is not? Their absurd bit “Top 40 Bonds Moments” only makes the case against them worse.
ESPN, the network which spends more time on my dial than any other, has truly painted itself into a corner here and something needs to change. They cannot continue to pretend that coverage of Bonds should lead every episode of “Baseball Tonight” and most “Sportscenters” and expect that viewers everywhere will not start questioning the validity of their prioritization.
It’s my feeling that Bonds is not someone with whom you want to be associated with in the coming months and if I were making the decisions at ESPN we would be jumping off of this bandwagon ASAP.
That unblemished record seems to be coming to a totally unnecessary end.
I cannot imagine any reason that a network, especially one as reputable as the “Worldwide Leader” would want to be in the Barry Bonds business right now but apparently ESPN has piggybacked itself with the most controversial, abrasive, and ultimately guilty athlete of our generation on a number of levels. Obviously they pimp their own show “Bonds on Bonds” incessantly but their ties to Bonds are starting to leak into their everyday programming especially on “Sportscenter” and “Baseball Tonight”.
It is pathetic and deplorable commercialism to headline an (allegedly) objective magazine program with coverage of an irrelevant event such as a Bonds’ third inning at bat while more pressing and legitimate stories are pushed to the backburner due to some programming affiliation. Not only is it stupid, it’s transparent and irritating.
Here’s the problem in its simplest form. Everyone knows that Barry Bonds took and likely still takes steroids. Game of Shadows proves that statement beyond a reasonable doubt, as does his appearance and late career statistical explosion. By putting themselves in the corner with Bonds ESPN has presented itself as a part of the team to either spin or redact Bonds’ involvement with the BALCO scandal and rampant steroid use in baseball. Whether or not that is true is irrelevant because from the outside looking in that’s how it appears. Further, by beginning each “Sportscenter” and “Baseball Tonight” with coverage of meaningless Bonds at bats, thereby giving less attention to more important stories like the NBA and NHL playoffs, ESPN only emphasizes the impression of collaboration and conspiracy.
In a time when everyone should be pulling out of Bonds’ corner ESPN is moving in the opposite direction. Now instead of being able to objectively report on baseball’s investigation into steroid use and the Grand Jury’s investigation into Bonds’ potential perjury ESPN has to consider (before reporting) what effect their reports will have on the ratings of one of their own shows. That is a conflict of interest that no sensible network would want and one that should be examined and scrutinized regularly by the millions of people who turn to Sportscenter daily for its entertaining and informative coverage of all aspects of the sports world.
The decision to go this route with “Bonds on Bonds” makes no sense. The brass at ESPN had to know that he was not going to give all-access to the cameras and allow them to film him with a needle sticking out of his ass. With that knowledge going in they should have known that what was going to come of their coverage was going to look like a puff piece and would irrevocably associate them with an about to be exposed villain.
The show comes off like an attempt to humanize one of the most arrogant, selfish, and deceitful athletes of all time and to be the network that purveys that type of portrayal sets up a difficult and troublesome dichotomy for ESPN between legitimate news coverage and individually affected spin.
What becomes of “Bonds on Bonds” when he is tried and convicted of perjury, which he clearly committed? What will ESPN do if and when he fails a steroid test? What about when some evidence surfaces that proves beyond a shadow of a Giants fan’s doubt that he is guilty of all the things we know he is guilty of? Does ESPN suddenly jump ship and cancel the show? Or do they become a part of Bonds’ legal team, a group set up to discredit and dissemble the facts that are piling up against him? Furthermore, if nothing incriminating ever comes out and Bonds goes on to break Hank Aaron’s record how will the network cover it? Will they celebrate it as a legitimate achievement that we all know it is not? Their absurd bit “Top 40 Bonds Moments” only makes the case against them worse.
ESPN, the network which spends more time on my dial than any other, has truly painted itself into a corner here and something needs to change. They cannot continue to pretend that coverage of Bonds should lead every episode of “Baseball Tonight” and most “Sportscenters” and expect that viewers everywhere will not start questioning the validity of their prioritization.
It’s my feeling that Bonds is not someone with whom you want to be associated with in the coming months and if I were making the decisions at ESPN we would be jumping off of this bandwagon ASAP.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
US Cellular
I admit that I am not a baseball stadium expert. I’ve only been to three aside from Fenway: Yankee Stadium, PacBell (formerly) in San Francisco, and most recently US Cellular Field in Chicago.Having primarily seen live games in Boston any stadium seems like a palatial land of opulence. The seats face the field? Oh dear lord! The fat guy next to you doesn’t have his love handles in your popcorn? Three Cheers for that! You can get seats for less than double face value? What a concept! Beer vendors that come to the seats? Hooray!
That being said my visit to the White Sox new home on the south side of Chicago was (in some analytical ways) a disappointing experience. US Cellular is a beautiful facility in every sense of a functional baseball stadium. It’s easy to get to using public transportation, the seats are cheap ($60 on stubhub.com for lower level 12 rows back from 1st base, $34 face value), there are roaming beer guys, and there is no such thing as an obstructed view.
However, for some reason the atmosphere can only be described as vanilla. First the surrounding area is essentially vacant. I wandered around about half of the exterior of the stadium and literally did not see one bar or souvenir shop. How do these things not just spring up all over the place next to stadiums? Maybe it’s because you’re allowed to tailgate outside of the park which is an odd phenomenon, in my mind, for baseball.
Once you get inside their seating “caste system” as we called it only contributes to the grayish atmosphere. Our seats were in the 100 section, which is the lowest level of the stadium. In order to get into the 100’s you have to show a ticket (even before the game) which means that if your seats are in the upper deck there is no opportunity for you to take your kids down to the field level to watch batting practice or try to get autographs which for a family is just about the only reason to arrive at the park before game time. It also keeps the “real fans” (i.e. the one’s who can’ afford season tickets or who just buy the cheapest seats available) far away from the action while the older more stodgy spectators watch the game with a Milwaukee Brewer’s like intensity.
For example, the couple that sat next to us was a season ticket holder and his absolutely ancient mother. This woman was so small and withered that when everyone stood up for the national anthem she had a proctologist’s view. As the game went on they talked and talked and talked about everything but baseball. At one point my dad whispered to me, “She’s putting on makeup.” I thought he was kidding. When I glanced to my left a few moments later I saw with horror that he wasn’t. She was smearing blood red lipstick over half of her face while holding a compact mirror approximately ¼ of an inch from her nose. This was certainly not an enraptured fan.
On the whole the place just lacks character. Maybe I’m too used to Fenway but to me it seemed like big building that can’t decide what it wants to be. They play their introductory music WAY too loud especially in the early part of the game when the stadium is half empty and throughout the game they inundate you with various sensory overloads. There is hardly a moment between innings when something isn’t flashing or singing or racing across the big screen accompanied by ear drum shattering sound. My dad summed it up best, “It’s like they’re trying to be WWF baseball.” It seemed to me that a lot of what they were doing was a desperate attempt to make attending the games an experience worth repeating. The White Sox have never drawn enormously well, and now that they are it almost feels like they’re forcing it a little.
You could say that I’m just a baseball elitist and that I only have eyes for Fenway Park, but that would be untrue. I loved PacBell Park and if you gave me the option of trading it for the old monstrosity we have here I would have to seriously think about it. PacBell manages to combine the old with the new in an effective way while US Cellular beats you down with the new and suggests that the old is built in because the team itself has tradition. And even saying that is debatable. They have tradition from last year, but prior to that (and into the future) they are the second team in the second city and sadly the feel of their stadium reflects that.
All that being said attending a game at US Cellular is an enjoyable time with one giant exception.
I thought the Red Sox were obnoxious about their World Series victory last season with the hour long opening day ceremony and the marching out of every elderly man who had ever worked for the team in any capacity. I was wrong. The White Sox beat it into your head with the fury of a team that his lived in the shadows in its own city forever. Everything in the stadium says 2005 World Series Champion Chicago White Sox on it. EVERYTHING. They announced their team twice, once before the national anthem and then again individually as the team took the field.
The first time they pounded your skull with, “Now the starting lineup for YOUR 2005 WORLD SERIES CHAMPION CHICAGO WHITE SOX!”
The second time the PA announcer was flat out offensive. “Stand up White Sox fans and welcome YOUR 2005 WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS. At first base your 2005 World Series Champion first baseman Paul Konerko…” and on and on and on until the entire starting nine took the field to, like my father said, a WWF style introduction.
First of all, you don’t need to introduce your team twice; everyone in the stadium should know your players. Secondly, we know you won the World Series last year; you don’t need to remind us as a precursor to every sentence. Finally, don’t tell me to stand up. You are presuming that your fans are very lame if you need to instruct them on how to cheer for their team? Come on.
I think that if the White Sox have another good season and earn equal ink with the Cubs that most of these things will work themselves out. They have a great team and should walk away with the central and could challenge for another World Series. With another winning year under their belt hopefully a lot of these little nagging annoyances will disappear as they learn how to be winners not only on the field but to their fans and in their city.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Marathon Monday
Marathon Monday is often considered, among Bostonians, as the greatest day of each year. Falling on the third Monday of April, which is also a little known holiday called Patriots’ Day the marathon provides a race as a backdrop to the biggest day of drinking and legalized hookie-playing found anywhere in the country. The holiday itself is a non-event, most people don’t even know that it exists; the real holiday is the fact that if you work anywhere in downtown Boston you have the day off because you can’t get to work due to road closures and as a result you should start drinking at 9:00 AM.Over at BC the day takes on even more epic proportions. First of all classes are cancelled as the race runs right past campus making it impossible for teachers and commuter students to get there. Second, the best party neighborhood off campus, Cleveland Circle (also along the race route) is an unofficial hot spot for marathon fans and heavy drinkers alike. Finally, it’s just a huge excuse to get wasted…really wasted…like blacked out by 1:00 PM wasted. The stringent community and campus official restrictions on drinking are relaxed for the day and an anything goes mentality pervades. In short it’s a total shit show and every college student’s dream.
This year, sadly I missed the greatest day of the year in Boston as I was in transit back from Chicago so I thought as homage to the enormity of Marathon Monday I would present a fictional live-diary of what would have happened if I had been here.
8:00 AM: The alarm goes off at a ridiculously ambitious hour. Last night I really thought I was going to leap out of bed with Christmas morning exuberance at this insane time? Why the hell did I drink so much last night when I knew I had to get up this early? Ughhh.
8:30 AM: I finally drag myself out of bed and into the shower. Someone in my house is pestering me to drink a mimosa which turns my stomach and makes me smile at the same time.
9:00 AM: I succumb to peer-pressure and chug a mimosa to take the edge off. Nearly vomit, but then immediately feel better.
9:30 AM: We depart from my house to head towards Fenway Park to catch some of the annual 11:00 AM Red Sox game at the newly renovated Cask and Flagon. Our stench offends those forced to work on this glorious day and the marathon unawares, as does the volume of our half drunk / half hung-over slurring.
10:15 AM: Arrive at Fenway after a miserable 45 minutes on the T which can make you nauseous even when you haven’t just gunned down half a bottle of champagne and a half gallon of orange juice before 10:00 AM. We stumble out of the station looking green and wondering what the hell we are doing with our lives. The mob-scene we encounter wakes us up and gives us life again. Here is the great crossroads of marathon day. Families taking in the race line the streets where Commonwealth Ave and Beacon Street meet. Late arriving Sox fans lucky enough to have the elusive tickets scurry towards the stadium followed by the tag-alongs like us just there for the spectacle and the plethora of bars. There are some that have clearly been drinking since 7:00, and some that look vaguely afraid of them. A guy is already being kicked out of Copperfield’s for puking. Ahh the marathon…
10:45: Enter the Cask after waiting in an offensively slow moving line. Immediately we head to the bar for life sustaining alcohol. Ridiculous over consumption follows as we try to drown our headaches and the little voice inside our head telling us that maybe eating would be a good idea.
11:00 AM – 2:00 PM: Watch the Sox win a thriller over the Mariners on a Mark Loretta walk off. The excitement emboldens us, we take shots. We immediately regret the shots. Finally we order a burger and our stomachs remind us what a bad idea it is to have 8 beers before breakfast.
2:15 PM: We stumble out in bright daylight which always shocks you when you’ve been inside a bar for four hours. Is it really still light out and am I really this drunk? Why are all those skinny people running down the middle of the road, don’t they know how dangerous that is? In an unsuccessful attempt to legitimize ourselves with the rest of the world we wander over to Comm. Ave to watch some of the race. After a few moments I realize that we’re standing next to a family of 5 who are shooting cautious glances at us every few seconds as though they’re afraid that one of us might whip it out and start peeing in the road. Their fears are legitimate, we move on.
2:25 PM: We find our way back to the Kenmore T station and jump on a C line train heading towards Cleveland Circle with intentions of stopping by a couple of BC parties and our old college haunt Mary Ann’s. The ride is pure hell as sitting down and riding on a bumpy train is a perfect catalyst for a nauseous booze filled stomach and a premature hangover.
2:55 PM: Arrive in Cleveland Circle only to find a massive line outside of Mary Ann’s. This is no surprise. Our backup plan is a party at a buddy’s place who is on the extended BC five-year plan. We enter, and as alumni are immediately regarded by every girl in the place as a sketchy presence worthy of a trip to the opposite side of the room to avoid. We all shed a small tear for our lost collegiate status and then proceed to own the Beirut table for an hour. Our conversation is pure alumni, the only topics being how much we miss college and how much bigger and better our Marathon Monday party was when we lived in Cleveland Circle. Around us is debauchery at its best. It’s not Cancun flashing lights and boobs insanity; it’s more like the last few hours of the wedding reception for your first buddy to get married. Everyone’s loaded and friendly but don’t necessarily know each other that well and the cross section of people makes for high quality entertainment…if you could remember it.
5:00 PM: The college kids who started drinking at 7:00 are passed out and those of us who started a few hours later aren’t feeling so hot either. We cross the street back to Mary Ann’s where the line has disappeared and the energy is dissipating. The only runners still going by are the old men with more determination and guts than I’ll ever have who just hope to finish before the course is closed. Cars are starting to reappear on the roads. I can’t even imagine how these men watch the crowd cheering them on slowly evaporate and yet they continue on knowing that there will be just a smattering of people there to congratulate them at the finish line. It’s more mental toughness than your average person could dream of. Anyway, we enter Mary Ann’s in a daze, hoping to find revitalization within. Our hopes are met initially as we recall the time we spent here just a few years ago, but that fades quickly. We’re tired and old and can’t quite hack the all day drunk-fest like we used to. It’s a sad reality.
6:00 PM: We pack it in. Fearing another ride on the T would kill me I encourage taking a taxi back home and it is readily agreed upon.
6:30 PM: Stop by Anna’s Taqueria for much needed grease and cheese so that we can lift our heads tomorrow. Few burritos have ever tasted so good or been so necessary.
7:00 PM: Home and dead.
Sigh...if only it were true. Maybe next year.
Friday, April 14, 2006
Fat guys are good for a lot of things. They make you feel better about the shape you’re in. They make you look better in front of women. They giggle when they move quickly and that makes me laugh. They can eat more than you at a buffet. The list goes on.
The list ends long before it reaches the: They are worthy to play on a professional sports team that I follow.
I hate David Wells. I hate him because he’s old, he loves the Yankees, he drinks more than me, he’s a clubhouse cancer, and he doesn’t want to be here. I also hate him because he’s fat.
If someone is paying you a couple million dollars a year to play a game that involves physical activity stay in shape. There is no excuse not to. You have six months of the year off, work out all day everyday. If you’re a pitcher even when you’re in season you only have to work once every five days, work out all day everyday the rest of the time. You body pays your bills, don’t let it look like your uncle Ralph’s.
And by God if you get fat do not walk into a Boston locker room.
As you can tell this is one of my biggest pet peeves. The phenomenon has always bothered me. I didn’t like El Guapo Rich Garces even though he had a few solid seasons because you knew that someone in that kind of shape would eventually break down. He did.
Wells however takes this from being a mild annoyance to a full blown obsession. I just plain can’t stand him. He looks like a guy that plays for the Leicester Police Department softball team, not the number four starter in the Red Sox rotation.
I don’t even know where I’m going with this it just drives me crazy and it’s been on my mind because Fatty Wells ruined my first live Sox game of the season by giving up seven runs in four innings and three home runs including a two run shot on the first pitch after I entered the stadium. Literally 30 seconds after we sat down the game was over, what a waste of $100 dollars and a hangover, and I blame it all on that fat idiot.
Okay this was more of a rant than anything else, and it just ran out of gas…
Thursday, April 06, 2006
AL East Preview - 2006
It’s that time again, early April, when hope and worry both spring (although not eternal, but likely interminable) in New England and (as I said last year) our eyes are cast to the Death Star located several hundred miles to the south in the Bronx. It’s true, after such a seemingly short interval it is time yet again for another 162 game odyssey to decide the fate of the American League East.For the past few years both teams have relied on the same mantra, hit until you are blue in the face. Yes pitching is important in the playoffs but to get there both the Red Sox and Yankees have relied on a steady diet of offensive firepower. This year things are different. The juxtaposition of the Bombers against the Sox is always sharp but this year there are distinctions that will shatter that into tiny unrecognizable shards.
For the first time in a long while the bitterest of rivals will take different paths to their ultimate success or failure. The Yankees will stick with the currently effective theory of blasting the cover off the ball. Their lineup is on paper the most fearsome of my lifetime and may be one of the best ever. The Red Sox on the other hand, while still remarkably formidable have lessened their chops on the offensive side of the ball while strengthening their defense up the middle and their pitching. To answer who will come out on top I give you the second annual AL East Preview.
LINEUP:
Okay, I’m going to say right off the bat that I hate to concede New York’s superiority over Boston in any sense aside from the quality of delis but I’m forced yet again to make an admission. The Yankee lineup is better. The Red Sox have a more frightening 3-4 punch with David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez, but top to bottom the Yanks are a nightmarish combination.
Going from position to position this is what it looks like. At first base the Red Sox will be starting their most well known prospect of the decade Kevin Youkilis. While familiarity with the name and a general feeling that he deserves a shot at playing everyday will give most Red Sox fans confidence the B-Slant isn’t sold on the kid just yet. For his career he has hit just .262 in 294 at bats with 8 homeruns and 44 RBI. It’s hard to make much out of numbers that have come from such limited playing time but my feeling is that if he were that good he would have been playing more, especially last year with Kevin Millar’s struggles. J.T. Snow will see some time there, especially if Youkilis falters and at least he is a solid veteran presence. The Bombers will counter with Jason Giambi last year’s Comeback Player of the Year. Once the face of the steroid controversy; Giambi silenced critics last season hitting .271 with 32 homeruns and 87 RBI. If he puts up numbers like that again the best the Sox can hope for is a wash. My feeling is the advantage is going to New York here.
At second base Boston will likely have one of its few edges over the Yankees in terms of offensive production. Robinson Cano could be a star eventually but in his second season I see a sophomore slump coming on. Last year as a rookie the pressure probably seemed minimal more or less because of ignorance. That will not be the case this time, everyone knows his name, no one will overlook him and he may falter. In comparison to the paltry contributions they got from their plethora of second basemen last year Mark Loretta’s career averages look like a delightful step forward for the Red Sox. A career .301 hitter with a proven track record of performance, Loretta seems unlikely to take a step backwards this year.
There is no debate at shortstop. Alex Gonzalez will play great defense but Derek Jeter is a Hall of Fame caliber player. If the Sox get .250, 4, and 45 from Gonzalez he will be an offensive success. Look for much more than that from Jeter.
Same story at third base. Mike Lowell took steroids. He is no longer taking them which is really too bad for Red Sox fans. A-Rod was not the MVP last year, but he won it anyway which means he had pretty good numbers despite his inability to hit in the clutch like his highway-robbed runner-up. While I think Lowell will improve on his .237 from a year ago he will never be in A-Rod’s league, ever.
Left field is contrast of styles. Manny and his smooth, textbook right handed swing against Hideki Matsui and his ugly Japanese style left handed hack. Each is effective in its own way. Last year’s numbers bear out the comparison. After a dreadful start Matsui thundered down the stretch to end the season at .305 with 23 homeruns and 116 RBIs. Manny had a down year in terms of average at only .292 but still came up with huge power numbers including 45 homeruns and 144 RBIs. If you were starting a team you would take both of these guys if you could but for my money Manny is better. Over the long haul he has a better swing and better strike zone coverage which will probably lead to higher production.
It’s hard to talk about this rivalry without touching on Benedict Arnold himself Johnny Damon. Say what you want about the hypocrisy of fans’ expectations in terms of athlete loyalty but Damon deserted Boston for the brighter spotlight and the bigger paycheck, period. While I think he’s a deplorable little slug for invoking the “Yankee tradition” before ever playing a game in pinstripes it’s undeniable that he is still one of the best leadoff hitters in the game. The Red Sox made the right move for the long term in getting younger, faster, and able-to-throw-like-a-man Coco Crisp but that improvement will take two or three years to show itself. At this stage of their careers Damon is still better at least in terms of experience playing under pressure and the ability to handle the spotlight. However, if Johnny’s shoulder continues to bother him and limits his ability to swing and throw the balance could easily shift in the Sox favor. As everyone knows Crisp’s numbers are nearly identical to Damon’s numbers when he came to the Red Sox four years ago. If he improves in the same marked way each year Boston will have made a brilliant move in signing a player on the rise while sending a declining veteran to the enemy. I hope we see signs of that this season. This dichotomy is one of the larger questions of the upcoming campaign and while I expect Damon to outperform Crisp I think the margin will be smaller than many think and like I said any injury to the 32 year old Damon could lean this into the positive for Red Sox nation.
In right field it’s the same old question for Boston. Will Trot Nixon stay healthy? We love Nixon here but in all honesty he has been a bust. He was the seventh overall pick in the 1993 draft and has been a “can’t miss” talent for his entire career; he is just unable to keep himself off of the DL for an entire season. If he can manage to do so he could put up numbers that will merit at least a reasonable comparison with Gary Sheffield, who hit .292 with 34 homeruns and 123 RBI in 154 games last season against Nixon’s .275, 13, and 67 in 124 games. Until Nixon (maybe combined with Willy Mo Pena) proves that he can make it thorough 150 games the edge at this spot goes to the Yanks.
At the designated hitter position the balance that was swung in favor of New York at shortstop and third base is swung in equal measure to the side of the Red Sox. David Ortiz does this better than anyone and ranks highly among the best clutch hitters in the game. In the 9th inning there is no one you would rather have at the plate, and for the first eight he isn’t bad either. Last season he hit an even .300 with 47 homeruns and 148 RBI. On their official web site the Yankees don’t even have a section for designated hitters. The most likely scenario is that it will be a platoon between “Weekend at Bernie’s” Williams and Jason Giambi (when Andy Phillips is at 1st base) with a host of others potentially filling in the gap. This is the only “no contest” in favor of Boston.
In terms of overall lineup potential there is little doubt that the Yankees have more pop. They should score a ton of runs and launch a ludicrous amount of homeruns. The question is whether they will be an effective lineup together or just the sum of their parts. The Red Sox need to be productive together to compete because the sum of their lesser talents (only in comparison with NY, the rest of the league with a few exceptions would love to have Boston’s lineup) will not be enough to carry the club as it has in the past. However, like I said before for the first time in a few years this offensive comparison will not be the overlying factor in who wins the East.
PITCHING:
Comparing the pitching staffs of the Red Sox and Yankees is like trying to answer test questions in another language, i.e. total guesswork. Unknowns abound on both sides.
At the top of each rotation, at least theoretically there is an aging veteran formerly of the Diamondbacks. Randy Johnson is coming off of a 17-8 season in which he carried a 3.79 ERA (and don’t forget he beat the Sox five times). Curt Schilling is coming off a fat / injury plagued season. Last year is one that I’m sure he’d rather forget as would we all. When Schilling is right he is better than Johnson, when he isn’t we don’t really know what he is. He seems healthy and slimmed down but to speculate on the health of nearly 40 year old pitchers in April is foolhardy at best. I’m calling this match-up a wash with a reasonable probability that it will lean in the favor of he Sox.
Similar story at the number two position for each club. Boston will march out their newest shiny toy Josh Beckett, a 25 year old hard throwing right hander who has proved two things without a doubt: he can win in Yankee stadium under pressure and he is very injury prone. The Yankees will counter with 37 year old Mike Mussina who has had his own injury issues over the past few seasons, most notably chronic back problems. If Beckett stays healthy and lives up to that .234 career opponents’ batting average the Sox will be a few steps ahead at this spot.
I see the final three spots in each rotation producing at a similar level. While there are differences aplenty between the trio of Shawn Chacon, Jaret Wright, and Chien-Ming Wang for NY and Boston’s Tim Wakefield, David Wells, and Matt Clement the overall output should be about the same. That is to say 30-40 wins and a projected ERA in the mid to high fours. Changes will certainly take place in each group as Wells is unlikely to be with the team for the duration if he proves to be a valuable trade commodity and Chacon and Wang may suffer sophomore slumps and Wright’s health is hardly guaranteed.
In the starting rotation comparison the advantage is, in my mind, firmly with the Red Sox at the outset. If Schilling or Beckett go down or Clement falls apart in the second half again all bets are off but going into the year I like where Boston stands on the mound better.
In the bullpen things always begin, or I should say end with the closer. For the past decade no one in baseball has been able to hold a candle to the Yankees in that department, and while the Red Sox have had some success against Sandman I won’t be holding my breath for Keith Foulke to out-duel Mariano Rivera on a regular basis. Foulke is probably the third biggest question / concern for Red Sox fans after the health of Schilling and Beckett and his physical well-being is only one part of the equation. After the nightmare he suffered through last year, including the abuse from the fans, the media, and his teammates it would be ridiculous to assume that he is coming into this campaign with a full set of marbles mentally. His confidence is surely on a tenuous balance and if he gets off to a slow start that will only get worse, not to mention how quickly the Red Sox faithful will turn on him. If he doesn’t produce however, all is not lost. Jonathan Papelbon could be there to save the day and begin his Red Sox legacy. Deep down inside every Red Sox fan is at least somewhat hoping for this, we won’t admit it but we’ve all given up on Foulke as the answer and are looking for something better. The grapefruits and talent that Papelbon showed last year indicated that he could be that solution.
The other question for me regarding Boston’s bullpen is the age and durability of Mike Timlin. I know questioning Timlin’s ability to eat innings is like doubting Star Jones’ love of cheeseburgers but at 40 years of age it’s a legitimate concern. He was ineffective in the World Baseball Classic and seemed to have a bit of a dead arm, if that carries into the season he could leave a large void (something like 81 appearances large) for the rest of the staff to fill.
The Yankees on the other hand lost their version of Timlin with Tom Gordon heading out of town. Filling that void in New York will not be a one man show. The role will initially go to the psychotic Australian Kyle Farnsworth with lefty help coming from ex-Sox reliever Mike Myers. Tanyon Sturtze still sucks (or maybe I just hate him) and aside from his numbers (56 games 5.91 ERA 76 hits in 70 innings) I don’t know a thing about Scott Proctor. After Rivera nothing is really jumping out at me on this list as remarkably reliable.
The complimentary guys in the Sox bullpen aren’t awe inspiring either but I feel slightly better about their chances to be solid contributors. Julian Tavarez will probably hurt his pitching hand punching something hard because he’s as dumb as a bag of hammers but when he’s on the mound he has good career stats (642 games, 4.33 ERA, 626 strikeouts) although all of that was in the Norris Division (NL). David Riske also looks alright on paper, coming into Boston with a career 3.59 ERA and American League experience. Rudy Seanez is someone about whom I know almost nothing despite the fact that he pitched in 9 games for the Red Sox in 2003. (He did?) However, last year in 54 games his ERA was a very solid 2.69 and he only gave up 18 earned runs and struck out 84 in 60.1 innings for the Padres. Even if he adds a little onto that because of the switch to the major leagues…I mean AL (sorry I keep slamming the NL like this but they just don’t hit as well) he should still be pretty valuable out there.
The biggest weakness I see for the Sox in terms of relief is the lack of a proven left hander. Lenny DiNardo, (despite being involved in one of my favorite, “Oh shit back the camera up a little,” moments with Johnny Pesky during the ’04 ring ceremony when the grizzled Pesky audibly muttered “DiNardo you son a bitch!” as he passed him in the handshake line) is probably not going to be a Myers-like option. Everyone else out there is right handed. That means with Matsui up and the bases loaded in the seventh we basically have nowhere to go. That will become an issue at some point.
That being said I still think overall the Sox edge the Yankees again in terms of complimentary relievers. So where does that leave us?
Well oddly enough this season there is actually another team in the AL East that might merit a look. The Toronto Blue Jays were one of the most active clubs in the off season and seem poised to cause some ruckus in that hideous dome they have up there. Their lineup is stacked with solid talent like Troy Glaus, Eric Hinske, Vernon Wells, Reed Johnson, Frank Catalanotto, and Bengie Molina. On the hill they added A.J. Burnett to former Cy Young Award winner Roy Halladay and Red Sox killer Ted Lilly forming a very solid top three at the head of their rotation. They also have flamethrower B.J. Ryan and Scott Schoeneweis anchoring down the bullpen. On paper that should be plenty to compete.
But in the end it won’t be. They made some nice moves but like the Orioles last year they will be gone by the middle of August. If they’re in it at the trading deadline they might be a piece or two away from hanging in until the end, but that doesn’t seem likely to me.
So what it will come down to AGAIN is the 19 games that the Sox and Yanks will play against each other, as it has for the past one billion years (I guess it only seems that long). For the last eight the Bombers have walked away with the AL East crown. I think that ends this year. They have mortgaged themselves out too far in terms of age and unreliable arms. Sure, if Johnson and Mussina return to peak form and Chacon and Wang hold themselves up to last year’s unlikely standards the division should be theirs. I really don’t see that happening though. This team can trot out 8 potential All-Stars in their everyday lineup but within that 8 they also play a half dozen potential season crippling injury victims (oh God in heaven let it be Damon that goes down first).
Earlier in the off season I thought that the Red Sox had taken a few large steps backwards, now I think differently. Basically they swapped Johnny Damon now for Johnny Damon a few years ago with a manly throwing motion and better wheels. They traded Edgar Renterria and his flat .270 and 30 errors for one of the best defensive shortstops in the league. They ditched the village idiot Kevin Millar for potential and a veteran in Youkilis and Snow. They upgraded their staff with one of the most pressure proven young arms in baseball and added bull pen depth. This is a better team than last year so while I said above that the Yankees out slam the Red Sox at almost every position I believe that Boston pulls it all together to make the better all around squad, and that is much more important than being just the sum of your very expensive parts. Ask last year’s White Sox. NY will win some games 18-3 and it will be impressive, but at the end of the day I think Brian Cashman would trade those results for the 2-1 victories the Red Sox will be hanging up on a regular basis.
PREDICTION:RED SOX: 96-66
Yankees: 92-70
Blue Jays: 81-81
Devil Rays: 80-82
Orioles: 75-87
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