The Return

I’m back, in an Ali-like (sans the talent, hair, credentials, and personality) return to the ring for the B-Slant. Following a three month plus summer vacation (where I literally didn’t go anywhere, I just stopped writing) I’m drawing inspiration from a long weekend with some of my old teammates (one of whom actually mentioned that his wife read this…wow she must have a boring job) and getting the site started up again. (Sidenote: how goofy is that picture to the right?)

And really, what better time to do it? BC is 3-0 and has won consecutive home games in double overtime. (That might be one of the most two faced sentences in the history of writing, on the surface it sounds good but when you consider that BYU and Central Michigan were involved in two of those games it slides dramatically downward.) The Patriots are 2-0 (see previous parentheses and replaces BYU and CM with Buffalo and the Jets, and for good measure think 17 fourth quarter points.) The Red Sox, by falling so far out of the race, have ensured that I will survive this October without a fourth straight coronary. And perhaps most importantly my Madden season is off to a 1-0 start with a dramatic fourth quarter comeback launching my Bengals (I love throwing to Chad Johnson, Carson Palmer has the easiest job in the world) over the Ravens 24-21.

So rather than going into longwinded explanations as to why I lost my motivation and my ability to write (not the most interesting story ever told) I’m just going to jump right into things with a quick review of this weekend, from my own experience.

The only sporting event I saw the entirety of was the BYU at BC football game, and to say I saw the entirety of it is to severely diminish the amount of time I spent just outside the stadium tailgating. A couple of quick thoughts on this through my booze addled eyes.

1. Tom O’Brien (or TOB) is really an overrated and under-criticized coach. His play calling is so easy to predict that even with my minimal understanding of the college game and crappy seats in the stadium I can call out with an 80% success rate the direction and nature of almost every play. If I can do this is it any wonder that the BC running game has been less than effective so far? Furthermore, I thought TOB was from the Tom Coughlin School of coaching, meaning his teams should be smart disciplined and make few mistakes. Why then do they rack up the personal fouls and stupid mental mistakes at about a 10 per game clip? Does the Tom Coughlin School just teach you how to be an asshole? Congratulations TOB on becoming the winningest coach in BC history, now kindly go away and make room for someone who can take us to the next level.

2. Mormons travel freakishly well. I guess when you’re not allowed to drink and have multiple wives traveling across the country to watch your team lose starts to seem like an upgrade from praying and….what else do Mormons do exactly? There had to have been 5,000 BYU fans in Alumni Stadium Saturday with, of all things, BYU “Superfan” shirts. Seeing BC fans read “Superfan” on the shirts of their opponents is like watching two girls discover that they wore the same dress to the prom, much anger and many polygamy jokes ensued. Speaking of polygamy jokes, a little known fact about the BYU fans in attendance, of the 1,000 women in the building only 800 were married….to the same guy.

3. Drinking with guys you haven’t seen in three years for 16 hours straight is an extremely bad idea. As is walking 2/3 of the way from BC to Somerville at four in the morning (roughly 4 miles) in order to get close enough to home to make the $15 in your pocket cover the remaining cost of a cab…which it doesn’t by the way. Sorry to the driver, that .75 cent tip was not intentional. Much more on this subject and the swimming alumni weekend in a coming post.

Now on to the NFL. When I think of an ideal way for a Super Bowl contender to start the season that vision normally does not include a fumble returned for a touchdown on the first offensive play, a victory garnered only by a gift safety in the second half, and nearly blowing a 24 point lead in the fourth quarter of week two. That being said the Patriots are (typically) 2-0 and have already put themselves in the driver’s seat in the AFC East without playing a quality game to this point.

I do have some concerns however. J.P. Losman didn’t look like Joe Montana in week one, but he moved the ball much more effectively against the Patriots defense than I had hoped he would given his rather extensive history of…well…sucking.

Also, I’m not going to over dramatize the departure of Deion Branch, he was a good (not great) player and a number one pick is definitely a good trade for New England. There is however a bit of a void at wide receiver, especially in terms of depth. For the Patriots to win they don’t need to have a singular number one option, but their go to guy can’t be Troy Brown either (not at this point in his career). Chad Jackson has potential and Doug Gabriel was supposed to be the third starter in Oakland behind Porter and Moss but I am not comfortable shouldering either of them with the load should something happen to Brown. There is a bit of a vacuum left behind here, certainly not one that I would call traumatic but nonetheless figuring out who can consistently catch Brady’s passes will be a top priority for Belichick and staff early in the season. I would look for a lot of balls to be heading towards tight ends Graham and Watson.

The running game should be solid with Dillon and Maroney (although a fantasy nightmare for owners of either, fucking platoons) and hopefully that can take some of the pressure off of Brady who once again is the lone star on the Patriots offensive roster.

My stance on this team after two weeks (of course it’s too early to really tell anything) is cautiously optimistic. After watching the Dolphins completely melt down yesterday I’m not convinced that they are anything more than an 8-8 team and we know roughly what to expect from the Bills and Jets (not to mention we already have two wins against them) so in my mind another division title is quite likely. As usual the biggest tests for the Patriots will come in the post season when they have to play teams like the Colts, Ravens, Bengals, and Steelers.

A couple of other Week 2 notes.

1. Tampa Bay and Oakland suck. I mean they really really suck. There isn’t much more to say about it than that.

2. Carolina must just be trying to lull everyone in the NFC South to sleep by starting out 0-2…right? Or maybe Day-Light Delhomme just isn’t that good, like I’ve been saying for THREE FREAKING YEARS! (Sorry I just can’t stand Jake Delhomme.) I still think they’ll be fine once they get Steve Smith back and Julius Peppers is an absolute freak.

3. I can’t decide what will cause a bigger riot, T.O. playing against the Eagles in week five, or T.O. not playing because of his broken finger. Either way the City of Brotherly love will look more like Beirut that Sunday.

4. It’s so funny that Eli and Peyton Manning are brothers and that they both play quarterback. So funny in fact that I think a gigantic multi-corporation ad campaign should be launched based on that fact. Wait…what? Their dad played football too? Holy Shit this like Christmas on Madison Avenue. These will literally be the funniest commercials ever!!! I’m envisioning a broken egg and a breakfast “audible” yes cha-ching!

5. Remember last Monday when the Eagles were going to win the Super Bowl by one million points regardless of who their opponent was? Haha. I don’t like the Giants any more than the next New Englander but watching that meltdown was pretty enjoyable. God I love it when Sean Salisbury is wrong.

6. Please repeat number five about the San Diego Chargers once they play a team with a chance of winning more than three games. Two words: Phillip Rivers.

7. If the Ravens make it to the Super Bowl this year I stamp today September 18, 2006 that I will not watch. That defense and Brian Billick make for some really dull games. I still get nauseous thinking about Stinker Bowl I when they played the Giants and nearly ruined the big game for me forever. Not that I think Steve McNair can get them there anyway.

8. I almost picked up the New Orleans defense for my fantasy team this week just so I could have at least one guaranteed interception from Brett Favre. But then I remembered that it’s New Orleans, and even Green Bay can score on them. It was kind of exciting to consider having the Reggie Bush experience on my special teams though.

9. Did the Ravens DT Kelly Gregg who picked up the Raiders’ fumble and rumbled forty yards with it actually die while he was lying (after maybe being tackled by Ray Lewis?) on the field or was he just making snow angels? Where do these giant dudes hide during the pre-season running drills?

10. And finally, can we stop trying to figure out if Reggie Bush broke NCAA rules already. I don’t really care anymore, it’s done and in reality he was a professional football player anyway. Does anyone really think he was at USC for academics? It’s not like he robbed someone for a cell phone and then led police on a high speed chase with four guns in the car and a bulletproof vest on….(cough) Maurice Clarett.

From here I would move on to the Red Sox…but I can’t. They have sucked out a good portion of my soul this year and I can’t pour that kind of angst out right now. Let’s go Tigers (don’t jump on me my family lives in Michigan now) and hopefully you’ll be hearing from me again soon.

The Second Half

It’s time to get serious. The All-Star game has passed, home field advantage for the World Series is ensured. Now, the Red Sox have to find a way to get there.

After last night’s 15-3 drubbing by the very light hitting Oakland A’s, the Sox now find themselves in the midst of a 3 game tail spin and their lead in the AL East is down to just two games over the Yankees. Remember how the Yankees were dead yesterday? Right.

Josh Beckett suffered another miserable outing and continues to struggle against teams with winning records. Consider this: Josh Beckett is now 11-5, Tim Wakefield is 8-9 but Wakefield’s ERA is almost half a run lower than Beckett’s. He hasn’t been pitching that well he’s just been lucky in terms of run support.

The team as a whole has been following Beckett’s lead by struggling against the top clubs in the AL.

So what needs to be done for the Red Sox to survive the next 75 games and advance deep into the playoffs? Here are 10 things that would be a good start.

Josh Beckett:
He was brought here to be a number one or one-A next to Schilling. So far, despite his deceiving 11 wins he has been at best a two or a three. Beckett is on pace to break the record for home runs allowed in a season and his performance varies wildly based on the opponent. His performance will go a long way to determining the success of the Red Sox. If he can get away from relying solely on his straight fastball (which has been leaving the building at an alarming rate) and can master control of his curve and slider he can be dominating. If not, it could be a long road for Beckett and the Sox.

Curt Schilling:
With Beckett struggling Schilling has been the lynchpin of the rotation and that needs to continue. He could be well served to control the homerun ball a bit himself but as long as he maintains his health and his performance from the first half I will be satisfied. He is their bona fide ace and for the Red Sox to succeed he needs to continue to pitch like it.

Coco Crisp:
So far he has not been Johnny Damon. He needs to be in the second half. Perhaps the expectations placed on Coco to begin the season were a little too high. That being said since coming off of the DL he has done nothing but disappoint offensively. His bat and his legs need to come around and in a hurry. On defense he’s been spectacular (his diving catch in center field was one of the best ever) now he just needs to sort out his offense.

John Lester:
He’s going to lose some games. It’s a simple fact that a rookie pitching in big situations in the midst of a pressure packed playoff race is at some point going to make a mistake that is going to cost him team a game. I can live with that. He needs to minimize those mistakes and continue to pitch the way he has to this point. I don’t mean that he needs to stay undefeated (although that would be nice) he just needs to give the team a chance to win every time out. So far he has been all we could ask for and more, but with the lack of depth in the rotation right now we need to ask for even more.

The 5th Starter:
That mystery man who eludes us so. Whether it is Matt Clement, David Pauley, Kyle Snyder, or someone acquired at the trading deadline that position needs to be solidified. A team cannot survive the entire second half trying to patch over a spot in the rotation every fifth day. Someone needs to step up and pitch better than .500 the rest of the way and provide this team with a viable option that will keep their bullpen in better shape the rest of the way.

Kevin Youkilis:
To this point he has finally lived up to the hype we’ve been hearing for four years. Now we’ll see if he can do it when it counts. His average has been dropping of late, down to .292 and since this is his first full 162 game season with the major league club we should probably start to worry about him hitting the “rookie” wall. His OBP will always be there, as will his defense; they just can’t afford to lose his pop at the beginning of the order. He like Schilling, needs to maintain his performance for the Red Sox to have a chance.

Jonathan Papelbon:
What can you say so far? He’s been the best pitcher in baseball over the first 90 games. If the season ended today he would win the Rookie of the Year and would get serious consideration in both the MVP and Cy Young voting. Still, we’re talking about a true rookie here, someone who was basically pitching on cock-n’-balls last season and who has never faced the grind of July and August in a pennant race. I don’t think we have much to worry about here, but a drop off by Papelbon would be disastrous and would effectively end the season.

The Yankees:
In baseball you need some help. For example the White Sox have been playing some of the best baseball in the Major Leagues but they just aren’t getting any help for the Tigers who simply refuse to lose games. The Red Sox weren’t helping the Yankees at all during their 12 game win streak, but at the end of that they were only up three games. In order for them to win the division they need the Yankees not to reel off ten in a row at some point this season (like they usually do) and it wouldn’t hurt if Gary Sheffield and Hideki Matsui missed the rest of the year either. Basically they need the Yankees to be what they have been in the first half, and that is a mediocre team playing over their heads with bench players.

Terry Francona:
He needs to keep this ship together. He’s always been able to do it in the past and there is no reason to think that he won’t be able to this year, but it’s absolutely essential. Francona needs to keep Manny in the lineup everyday and happy, he needs to find a fix for Josh Beckett, he needs to figure out the fifth starter situation, he must decide on their best lineup(s), and he needs to manage the bullpen without ever using the words, “Get Seanez up.” In baseball little managerial decisions go a long way, Tito needs to make the right ones.

Injuries:
Maybe this should have been number one. Everyone needs to stay healthy. Look at the Yankees, they are still close in the rear view mirror and they have already suffered their catastrophic losses for the season. Were someone on the Red Sox to go down that view could reverse itself in an instant. The most essential guys that need to stay healthy: Schilling (so far so good), Beckett, Papelbon, Ortiz, Ramirez, Timlin, Varitek, Loretta, Youkilis, and Coco. If any of those guys go down it could be lights out for this year’s club.

So there you have it, ten things the Red Sox need in order to take the division. I still think they are the slight favorite heading into the second half given the age of the Yankees, the inexperience of the Blue Jays and the quality of their roster. I didn’t mention Manny or Ortiz’s offense performance on this list because it’s so obvious that they need that production from day one that it is hardly ground breaking news. Clearly if either of those guys drop off the Sox are in really big trouble.

Whoa, two posts in just over two weeks. Look at me go!

One Month - In 10 Minutes

1. It's really really hard to find time to write in the summer. The beach, the booze, the traffic, the girls, everything takes away from that lonely time you want to spend at a desk raving about sports.

2. I have World Cup fever. I'm ashamed and I can promise you that I won't watch a moment of soccer after July 9th for exactly three years and 11 months...when the next World Cup rolls around. That being said, there is nothing more captivating that watching a group of guys play a game with the passionate knowedge that they are truly representing their people. Just don't ask the US players about that, because they have no idea.

3. In 25 years we are going to look back on the David Ortiz era and tell unbelievable, fantastic stories of his heroics. We are truly watching history in the making here. Don Orsillo said it best on Monday afternoon, "The greatest clutch hitter in Red Sox history has done it again."

4. Pedro Martinez no longer has American League stuff. I watched from the stands as he received three standing ovations and then proceeded to stink out the joint. I love Pedro for what he did here but after that performance I'm glad he's gone.

5. Why do Mets fans think we like them? Just because you don't cheer for the Yankees doesn't mean that we're going to forget 1986 or the fact that you're from New York.

6. The NBA Draft is almost as much of a non-event as the NFL Draft. At least we didn't have to hear about this one for a full three months beforehand, just two weeks. (And thanks be to God Sean Salisbury knows nothing about hoops.) The biggest lowlight - the fact that it brings Jay Bilas and his effusive arrogance back to the ESPN studios a full six months before college hoops season.

7. Did Isiah bet Bill Lambeer that he could destroy the Knicks permanently before 2010? If so he's right on pace. How do you justify firing one of the premiere coaches in the league only to replace him with a completely inept GM?

8 Do the C's really want Sebastian Telfair AND Allen Iverson? Can you spell c-h-a-r-a-c-t-e-r? The chances of that union of thugs not blowing up in Danny Ainge's face: One gazillion to one.

9. The Randy Foye / Rudy Gay era in Boston really would have sucked....wait no it wouldn't have.

10. Eric Winalda, ESPN's World Cup studio guy has said, "Typical German behavior," one thousand times since the beginning of the tournament. Probably a good thing he's in the studio, not at the stadium where rabid sausage wielding lunatics could reach him.

11. 23 didn't bother me, 24 sounded kinda cool...25 just sounds old. Dammit, I'm old.

12. One post for the month of June, not exactly the most ambitious amount of work I've ever put in but hey, nobody's perfect. Maybe July will be better....not likely.

Damon's Return

Last night’s first Sox v. Yanks game at Fenway was quite a case study in Red Sox Nation psychology. First you had the obvious drama of the game itself, which always carries a playoff-like atmosphere and a multitude of tensions. Of course that intrigue was only doubled or tripled by the return of Judas Demon to his old stomping grounds. And finally, for dessert the Sox re-traded for Tim Wakefield’s security blanket Doug Mirabelli, then enlisted the help of the Massachusetts State Police (they picked him up at the airport with his uniform and rushed him to the stadium with the siren on) to get him to the stadium on time. I think this might have been too much for our simple brains to handle.

Putting aside the big story for a moment, let’s talk about the game itself. It’s always exciting to watch the first Yankees vs. Red Sox game of the season because it’s a reminder of the past and a preview of things to come. The atmosphere feels like a playoff game (usually because it’s 40 degrees out) and the overreactions of the fans are commensurate with that impression. Last night was no exception.

For Sox fans it was an almost perfect evening. Wakefield provided seven quality innings and deserved better than his no decision. They got several hits with men in scoring position, which has been their Achilles heel in recent weeks, including Mark Loretta’s game winner (which redeemed his weak effort to stop a ground ball that led to two of the three Yankee runs). The best clutch hitter in baseball and the real 2005 MVP hit an improbable into-the-wind homerun that was caught fittingly by Jon Papelbon who was throwing in the bullpen. Then after tossing the souvenir into the stands Papelbon provided his own heroics by mowing down the Yankees 1-2-3 in the ninth. Toss in Doug Mirabelli not allowing a passed ball and it was a great night at the Fens.

For once however, the biggest reason to be at Fenway last night was not the game on the field. It was of course the return of Johnny Damon.

One of the things that frustrates me the most about professional sports writers is the high horse from which they condescendingly look down upon the average fan especially in terms of the fan behavior. In today’s papers (Globe, Providence Journal, Hartford Courant) all the talking heads Jackie MacMullen, Sean McAdams, and Jeff Jacobs took shots at the Red Sox faithful for booing Johnny Damon last night. What the hell did they expect and when did they stop being fans themselves?

Yes, he was a great player while he was here and he was probably the embodiment of the ’04 World Series team. But just one off season later he signed with New York (don’t forget Jackie and Sean, we hate them) for more money and began immediately invoking the, “Yankee tradition,” and started saying things like, “It just feels right to be a Yankee.” Come on now.

If he had gone to the Orioles, Dodgers, Indians, White Sox, Blue Jays, or any of the 30 other available teams he would have received a resounding standing ovation last night. He didn’t, he went to the one team that guaranteed he would be booed and aggressively. I know that players don’t grasp or really care about the fundamental hatred that Red Sox fans have for the Yankees and vice versa but when you put yourself in this position you reap what you sow. Johnny knew it was coming, he even told his wife to stay home because he anticipated the fans’ ferocity. So don’t martyr him for circumstances he not only expected but created.

Not to mention the fact that Damon’s actions are a personification of the symptomatic problems in professional sports created by free agency. He should have been booed for his arrogance and his spotlight chasing. He should have been booed for spouting his mouth off about Yankee traditions of which he has never been a part. He should have been booed for continuing to perpetuate the one of the major societal issues in baseball, lack of loyalty and stability within teams. And most of all he should have been booed because he left the Red Sox to play for the Yankees!

So to Jacobs and friends in the news media I say, “Get off your high horse, you’re no better than us. You think you are the voice of reason because you know these guys better personally than we do, but if you were in the stands last night you would have been compelled to boo just like Sully from Dorchester. Don’t look down on us for doing what deep down you would have loved to do.”

That being said, it’s over now. He’s just another guy playing in pinstripes. The window of opportunity to either cheer his previous accomplishments or deride his career decisions is closed. It’s time to put his departure and our feelings about it behind us.

I don’t believe this to be true about all Yankees. I think that A-Rod should be booed at all times, everywhere. If Paul O’Neil were ever to enter Fenway Park for any reason he should be jeered immediately, Jorge “Elmo” Posada as well. But Damon is different. He was one of our guys, the king of the idiots, and we can’t totally dismiss the fact that his grand slam in Game 7 of the ’04 ALCS probably, more than any hit (not struck by D.O.) brought the World Series home to Boston. And, as much as it pains me to say it, Damon showed class last night.

When he tipped his cap and pointed towards the Red Sox dugout he softened my hatred for him enough to stop the bloodlust. There is no way that he thought he was being cheered more than jeered (as he said after the game), the ratio was roughly 80-20 but he acted as though the Fenway faithful were greeting him in the way that he was greeting them, and that was impressive. He may be a moron and an ego-maniac but he’s still a human being and deep down inside it must have struck a nerve at least a little bit to be booed by the fans that loved you so unconditionally for four years.

To the credit of the fans in attendance (although they will get none from the Vatican Counsel of Boston sports writers) once Damon acknowledged them the cheers seemed to at least equal and maybe outweigh the jeers. Which, considering what I expected (AA’s to be hitting him in the face etc.) is a great show of restraint and rationality on the part of a fan base which is not known for such traits.

Sure he will be booed tonight as well and at every game he plays at Fenway for the rest of his career. But from now on his boos will be for an opposing player, not a demonic Judas that broke our hearts and our faith in the idiots.

And a final word to McAdams and the rest, not only were you arrogant, condescending, and pompous in your reviews of the fans’ reaction to Damon, you were also wrong. Many cheered him when he showed respect, and those many deserve credit more than those who booed him justifiably (just as you would have done if you were sitting the bleachers instead of the press box) deserve your unwarranted derision.

P.S. I just love this sign "Looks like Jesus, Acts like Judas, Throws Like Mary"

NFL Draft

Well ladies and gentlemen it’s NFL Draft day here in B-Slant land and let me tell you the excitement has been at a fever pitch all afternoon. There really is nothing like the endless waiting and speculation about infrequent picks that always turn out exactly like we thought they were going to three months ago. Good God could this be more of a non-event?

I love the crowd at the draft every year in New York, especially when the Jets are picking early. When Paul Tagliabue takes the stage to put the first team officially on the clock they’re chomping at the bit. An hour later when the Jets pick the crowd erupts again. After pick ten nobody has heard of the defensive tackles and safeties that start flying off the board and by the end of the first round there are two fantasy football junkies and one passed out tailgater left in the crowd.

I just don’t get it. Maybe it’s because the Patriots have picked so late in the past few years that I can’t even wait around long enough to see them make their selection. And once they do pick it inevitably is someone I have never seen play and have only heard of within the last week.

Or maybe it’s because the draft the most speculative event of the year. All these “experts” like Sean “Bullhorn” Salisbury and Michael Irvin sit around and try to dissect the potential careers of guys who have played exactly zero professional snaps. It’s ridiculous. Not to mention no one ever says, “Well I think this guy had a great college career but his stock was elevated unfairly by a great combine and I just don’t think he’s going to make it,” even if everyone knows that is what’s going to happen.

This isn’t basketball where one player like Lebron James can change the face and status of a franchise forever. Reggie Bush, who went second to the Saints, can’t single-handedly change the fortunes of the team without a decent offensive line and a good year from Drew Brees. Everyone in the NFL needs help so one selection is likely not going to make or break your future. You never hear stories from the NFL about guys who were passed over or picked before future Hall of Fame players unless the variance is incredibly extreme (Tom Brady in the sixth round for example). In the NBA you hear all the time about the guys that were picked ahead of Michael Jordan or that Darko went before Carmello and D-Wade because the individual future of a team depends dramatically on what they do with that first pick.

It probably seems like I’m piling on ESPN right now but they totally force the NFL Draft down your throat for weeks before the actual non-event. Mel Kiper does not need to be on every single show from February to April dissecting the same ten guys over and over again. How many times have we heard in the last week that Matt Leinart’s arm might not be strong enough for the NFL? Thank you Mel for that late-breaking story that you reported LAST year when he was thinking about coming out. Teams are concerned about Vince Young’s throwing motion? No kidding, polish up the Pulitzer. It’s a bad thing that Lendale White has a torn ACL and is fat? Okay hold on…let me write this down: torn ACL = bad and fat = bad, got it.

For the love of God does Kiper not have the best scam in the world going? He’s a “draft expert” meaning he watches college football and listens to their analysts to tell him who the best players are. Then he finds their height, weight, and 40 times and maybe watches a few games the punches it all into a computer and voila he has six hours a day of airtime for a month! Like it takes a freaking rocket scientist to know that Reggie Bush is fast and that D’Brickashaw Ferguson is huge.

It’s now 3:15PM, three hours and fifteen minutes from the beginning of ESPN’s coverage, and 18 picks have been made. Watching women’s amateur curling contains more fast paced action than this.

Only forty-five more minutes until the Patriots pick…that is unless there’s a trade, then the clock starts all over again. Yawn.

ESPN's Big Mistake

For the past 25 or so years you can count the big mistakes ESPN has made on one hand. In fact I can’t think of one that truly stands out as a total disaster with a legitimate backlash. Bowling coverage is stupid and annoying but not offensive. Stump the Schwaub only appeals to people like me who actually think they might have a chance of beating him. Their own 25th anniversary celebration was obnoxious but understandable and actually made for a decent highlight reel of my lifetime.

That unblemished record seems to be coming to a totally unnecessary end.

I cannot imagine any reason that a network, especially one as reputable as the “Worldwide Leader” would want to be in the Barry Bonds business right now but apparently ESPN has piggybacked itself with the most controversial, abrasive, and ultimately guilty athlete of our generation on a number of levels. Obviously they pimp their own show “Bonds on Bonds” incessantly but their ties to Bonds are starting to leak into their everyday programming especially on “Sportscenter” and “Baseball Tonight”.

It is pathetic and deplorable commercialism to headline an (allegedly) objective magazine program with coverage of an irrelevant event such as a Bonds’ third inning at bat while more pressing and legitimate stories are pushed to the backburner due to some programming affiliation. Not only is it stupid, it’s transparent and irritating.

Here’s the problem in its simplest form. Everyone knows that Barry Bonds took and likely still takes steroids. Game of Shadows proves that statement beyond a reasonable doubt, as does his appearance and late career statistical explosion. By putting themselves in the corner with Bonds ESPN has presented itself as a part of the team to either spin or redact Bonds’ involvement with the BALCO scandal and rampant steroid use in baseball. Whether or not that is true is irrelevant because from the outside looking in that’s how it appears. Further, by beginning each “Sportscenter” and “Baseball Tonight” with coverage of meaningless Bonds at bats, thereby giving less attention to more important stories like the NBA and NHL playoffs, ESPN only emphasizes the impression of collaboration and conspiracy.

In a time when everyone should be pulling out of Bonds’ corner ESPN is moving in the opposite direction. Now instead of being able to objectively report on baseball’s investigation into steroid use and the Grand Jury’s investigation into Bonds’ potential perjury ESPN has to consider (before reporting) what effect their reports will have on the ratings of one of their own shows. That is a conflict of interest that no sensible network would want and one that should be examined and scrutinized regularly by the millions of people who turn to Sportscenter daily for its entertaining and informative coverage of all aspects of the sports world.

The decision to go this route with “Bonds on Bonds” makes no sense. The brass at ESPN had to know that he was not going to give all-access to the cameras and allow them to film him with a needle sticking out of his ass. With that knowledge going in they should have known that what was going to come of their coverage was going to look like a puff piece and would irrevocably associate them with an about to be exposed villain.

The show comes off like an attempt to humanize one of the most arrogant, selfish, and deceitful athletes of all time and to be the network that purveys that type of portrayal sets up a difficult and troublesome dichotomy for ESPN between legitimate news coverage and individually affected spin.

What becomes of “Bonds on Bonds” when he is tried and convicted of perjury, which he clearly committed? What will ESPN do if and when he fails a steroid test? What about when some evidence surfaces that proves beyond a shadow of a Giants fan’s doubt that he is guilty of all the things we know he is guilty of? Does ESPN suddenly jump ship and cancel the show? Or do they become a part of Bonds’ legal team, a group set up to discredit and dissemble the facts that are piling up against him? Furthermore, if nothing incriminating ever comes out and Bonds goes on to break Hank Aaron’s record how will the network cover it? Will they celebrate it as a legitimate achievement that we all know it is not? Their absurd bit “Top 40 Bonds Moments” only makes the case against them worse.

ESPN, the network which spends more time on my dial than any other, has truly painted itself into a corner here and something needs to change. They cannot continue to pretend that coverage of Bonds should lead every episode of “Baseball Tonight” and most “Sportscenters” and expect that viewers everywhere will not start questioning the validity of their prioritization.

It’s my feeling that Bonds is not someone with whom you want to be associated with in the coming months and if I were making the decisions at ESPN we would be jumping off of this bandwagon ASAP.

US Cellular

I admit that I am not a baseball stadium expert. I’ve only been to three aside from Fenway: Yankee Stadium, PacBell (formerly) in San Francisco, and most recently US Cellular Field in Chicago.

Having primarily seen live games in Boston any stadium seems like a palatial land of opulence. The seats face the field? Oh dear lord! The fat guy next to you doesn’t have his love handles in your popcorn? Three Cheers for that! You can get seats for less than double face value? What a concept! Beer vendors that come to the seats? Hooray!

That being said my visit to the White Sox new home on the south side of Chicago was (in some analytical ways) a disappointing experience. US Cellular is a beautiful facility in every sense of a functional baseball stadium. It’s easy to get to using public transportation, the seats are cheap ($60 on stubhub.com for lower level 12 rows back from 1st base, $34 face value), there are roaming beer guys, and there is no such thing as an obstructed view.

However, for some reason the atmosphere can only be described as vanilla. First the surrounding area is essentially vacant. I wandered around about half of the exterior of the stadium and literally did not see one bar or souvenir shop. How do these things not just spring up all over the place next to stadiums? Maybe it’s because you’re allowed to tailgate outside of the park which is an odd phenomenon, in my mind, for baseball.

Once you get inside their seating “caste system” as we called it only contributes to the grayish atmosphere. Our seats were in the 100 section, which is the lowest level of the stadium. In order to get into the 100’s you have to show a ticket (even before the game) which means that if your seats are in the upper deck there is no opportunity for you to take your kids down to the field level to watch batting practice or try to get autographs which for a family is just about the only reason to arrive at the park before game time. It also keeps the “real fans” (i.e. the one’s who can’ afford season tickets or who just buy the cheapest seats available) far away from the action while the older more stodgy spectators watch the game with a Milwaukee Brewer’s like intensity.

For example, the couple that sat next to us was a season ticket holder and his absolutely ancient mother. This woman was so small and withered that when everyone stood up for the national anthem she had a proctologist’s view. As the game went on they talked and talked and talked about everything but baseball. At one point my dad whispered to me, “She’s putting on makeup.” I thought he was kidding. When I glanced to my left a few moments later I saw with horror that he wasn’t. She was smearing blood red lipstick over half of her face while holding a compact mirror approximately ¼ of an inch from her nose. This was certainly not an enraptured fan.

On the whole the place just lacks character. Maybe I’m too used to Fenway but to me it seemed like big building that can’t decide what it wants to be. They play their introductory music WAY too loud especially in the early part of the game when the stadium is half empty and throughout the game they inundate you with various sensory overloads. There is hardly a moment between innings when something isn’t flashing or singing or racing across the big screen accompanied by ear drum shattering sound. My dad summed it up best, “It’s like they’re trying to be WWF baseball.” It seemed to me that a lot of what they were doing was a desperate attempt to make attending the games an experience worth repeating. The White Sox have never drawn enormously well, and now that they are it almost feels like they’re forcing it a little.

You could say that I’m just a baseball elitist and that I only have eyes for Fenway Park, but that would be untrue. I loved PacBell Park and if you gave me the option of trading it for the old monstrosity we have here I would have to seriously think about it. PacBell manages to combine the old with the new in an effective way while US Cellular beats you down with the new and suggests that the old is built in because the team itself has tradition. And even saying that is debatable. They have tradition from last year, but prior to that (and into the future) they are the second team in the second city and sadly the feel of their stadium reflects that.

All that being said attending a game at US Cellular is an enjoyable time with one giant exception.

I thought the Red Sox were obnoxious about their World Series victory last season with the hour long opening day ceremony and the marching out of every elderly man who had ever worked for the team in any capacity. I was wrong. The White Sox beat it into your head with the fury of a team that his lived in the shadows in its own city forever. Everything in the stadium says 2005 World Series Champion Chicago White Sox on it. EVERYTHING. They announced their team twice, once before the national anthem and then again individually as the team took the field.

The first time they pounded your skull with, “Now the starting lineup for YOUR 2005 WORLD SERIES CHAMPION CHICAGO WHITE SOX!”

The second time the PA announcer was flat out offensive. “Stand up White Sox fans and welcome YOUR 2005 WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS. At first base your 2005 World Series Champion first baseman Paul Konerko…” and on and on and on until the entire starting nine took the field to, like my father said, a WWF style introduction.

First of all, you don’t need to introduce your team twice; everyone in the stadium should know your players. Secondly, we know you won the World Series last year; you don’t need to remind us as a precursor to every sentence. Finally, don’t tell me to stand up. You are presuming that your fans are very lame if you need to instruct them on how to cheer for their team? Come on.

I think that if the White Sox have another good season and earn equal ink with the Cubs that most of these things will work themselves out. They have a great team and should walk away with the central and could challenge for another World Series. With another winning year under their belt hopefully a lot of these little nagging annoyances will disappear as they learn how to be winners not only on the field but to their fans and in their city.

Marathon Monday

Marathon Monday is often considered, among Bostonians, as the greatest day of each year. Falling on the third Monday of April, which is also a little known holiday called Patriots’ Day the marathon provides a race as a backdrop to the biggest day of drinking and legalized hookie-playing found anywhere in the country. The holiday itself is a non-event, most people don’t even know that it exists; the real holiday is the fact that if you work anywhere in downtown Boston you have the day off because you can’t get to work due to road closures and as a result you should start drinking at 9:00 AM.

Over at BC the day takes on even more epic proportions. First of all classes are cancelled as the race runs right past campus making it impossible for teachers and commuter students to get there. Second, the best party neighborhood off campus, Cleveland Circle (also along the race route) is an unofficial hot spot for marathon fans and heavy drinkers alike. Finally, it’s just a huge excuse to get wasted…really wasted…like blacked out by 1:00 PM wasted. The stringent community and campus official restrictions on drinking are relaxed for the day and an anything goes mentality pervades. In short it’s a total shit show and every college student’s dream.

This year, sadly I missed the greatest day of the year in Boston as I was in transit back from Chicago so I thought as homage to the enormity of Marathon Monday I would present a fictional live-diary of what would have happened if I had been here.

8:00 AM: The alarm goes off at a ridiculously ambitious hour. Last night I really thought I was going to leap out of bed with Christmas morning exuberance at this insane time? Why the hell did I drink so much last night when I knew I had to get up this early? Ughhh.

8:30 AM: I finally drag myself out of bed and into the shower. Someone in my house is pestering me to drink a mimosa which turns my stomach and makes me smile at the same time.

9:00 AM: I succumb to peer-pressure and chug a mimosa to take the edge off. Nearly vomit, but then immediately feel better.

9:30 AM: We depart from my house to head towards Fenway Park to catch some of the annual 11:00 AM Red Sox game at the newly renovated Cask and Flagon. Our stench offends those forced to work on this glorious day and the marathon unawares, as does the volume of our half drunk / half hung-over slurring.

10:15 AM: Arrive at Fenway after a miserable 45 minutes on the T which can make you nauseous even when you haven’t just gunned down half a bottle of champagne and a half gallon of orange juice before 10:00 AM. We stumble out of the station looking green and wondering what the hell we are doing with our lives. The mob-scene we encounter wakes us up and gives us life again. Here is the great crossroads of marathon day. Families taking in the race line the streets where Commonwealth Ave and Beacon Street meet. Late arriving Sox fans lucky enough to have the elusive tickets scurry towards the stadium followed by the tag-alongs like us just there for the spectacle and the plethora of bars. There are some that have clearly been drinking since 7:00, and some that look vaguely afraid of them. A guy is already being kicked out of Copperfield’s for puking. Ahh the marathon…

10:45: Enter the Cask after waiting in an offensively slow moving line. Immediately we head to the bar for life sustaining alcohol. Ridiculous over consumption follows as we try to drown our headaches and the little voice inside our head telling us that maybe eating would be a good idea.

11:00 AM – 2:00 PM: Watch the Sox win a thriller over the Mariners on a Mark Loretta walk off. The excitement emboldens us, we take shots. We immediately regret the shots. Finally we order a burger and our stomachs remind us what a bad idea it is to have 8 beers before breakfast.

2:15 PM: We stumble out in bright daylight which always shocks you when you’ve been inside a bar for four hours. Is it really still light out and am I really this drunk? Why are all those skinny people running down the middle of the road, don’t they know how dangerous that is? In an unsuccessful attempt to legitimize ourselves with the rest of the world we wander over to Comm. Ave to watch some of the race. After a few moments I realize that we’re standing next to a family of 5 who are shooting cautious glances at us every few seconds as though they’re afraid that one of us might whip it out and start peeing in the road. Their fears are legitimate, we move on.

2:25 PM: We find our way back to the Kenmore T station and jump on a C line train heading towards Cleveland Circle with intentions of stopping by a couple of BC parties and our old college haunt Mary Ann’s. The ride is pure hell as sitting down and riding on a bumpy train is a perfect catalyst for a nauseous booze filled stomach and a premature hangover.

2:55 PM: Arrive in Cleveland Circle only to find a massive line outside of Mary Ann’s. This is no surprise. Our backup plan is a party at a buddy’s place who is on the extended BC five-year plan. We enter, and as alumni are immediately regarded by every girl in the place as a sketchy presence worthy of a trip to the opposite side of the room to avoid. We all shed a small tear for our lost collegiate status and then proceed to own the Beirut table for an hour. Our conversation is pure alumni, the only topics being how much we miss college and how much bigger and better our Marathon Monday party was when we lived in Cleveland Circle. Around us is debauchery at its best. It’s not Cancun flashing lights and boobs insanity; it’s more like the last few hours of the wedding reception for your first buddy to get married. Everyone’s loaded and friendly but don’t necessarily know each other that well and the cross section of people makes for high quality entertainment…if you could remember it.

5:00 PM: The college kids who started drinking at 7:00 are passed out and those of us who started a few hours later aren’t feeling so hot either. We cross the street back to Mary Ann’s where the line has disappeared and the energy is dissipating. The only runners still going by are the old men with more determination and guts than I’ll ever have who just hope to finish before the course is closed. Cars are starting to reappear on the roads. I can’t even imagine how these men watch the crowd cheering them on slowly evaporate and yet they continue on knowing that there will be just a smattering of people there to congratulate them at the finish line. It’s more mental toughness than your average person could dream of. Anyway, we enter Mary Ann’s in a daze, hoping to find revitalization within. Our hopes are met initially as we recall the time we spent here just a few years ago, but that fades quickly. We’re tired and old and can’t quite hack the all day drunk-fest like we used to. It’s a sad reality.

6:00 PM: We pack it in. Fearing another ride on the T would kill me I encourage taking a taxi back home and it is readily agreed upon.

6:30 PM: Stop by Anna’s Taqueria for much needed grease and cheese so that we can lift our heads tomorrow. Few burritos have ever tasted so good or been so necessary.

7:00 PM: Home and dead.

Sigh...if only it were true. Maybe next year.

Fat guys are good for a lot of things. They make you feel better about the shape you’re in. They make you look better in front of women. They giggle when they move quickly and that makes me laugh. They can eat more than you at a buffet. The list goes on.

The list ends long before it reaches the: They are worthy to play on a professional sports team that I follow.

I hate David Wells. I hate him because he’s old, he loves the Yankees, he drinks more than me, he’s a clubhouse cancer, and he doesn’t want to be here. I also hate him because he’s fat.

If someone is paying you a couple million dollars a year to play a game that involves physical activity stay in shape. There is no excuse not to. You have six months of the year off, work out all day everyday. If you’re a pitcher even when you’re in season you only have to work once every five days, work out all day everyday the rest of the time. You body pays your bills, don’t let it look like your uncle Ralph’s.

And by God if you get fat do not walk into a Boston locker room.

As you can tell this is one of my biggest pet peeves. The phenomenon has always bothered me. I didn’t like El Guapo Rich Garces even though he had a few solid seasons because you knew that someone in that kind of shape would eventually break down. He did.

Wells however takes this from being a mild annoyance to a full blown obsession. I just plain can’t stand him. He looks like a guy that plays for the Leicester Police Department softball team, not the number four starter in the Red Sox rotation.

I don’t even know where I’m going with this it just drives me crazy and it’s been on my mind because Fatty Wells ruined my first live Sox game of the season by giving up seven runs in four innings and three home runs including a two run shot on the first pitch after I entered the stadium. Literally 30 seconds after we sat down the game was over, what a waste of $100 dollars and a hangover, and I blame it all on that fat idiot.

Okay this was more of a rant than anything else, and it just ran out of gas…

AL East Preview - 2006

It’s that time again, early April, when hope and worry both spring (although not eternal, but likely interminable) in New England and (as I said last year) our eyes are cast to the Death Star located several hundred miles to the south in the Bronx. It’s true, after such a seemingly short interval it is time yet again for another 162 game odyssey to decide the fate of the American League East.

For the past few years both teams have relied on the same mantra, hit until you are blue in the face. Yes pitching is important in the playoffs but to get there both the Red Sox and Yankees have relied on a steady diet of offensive firepower. This year things are different. The juxtaposition of the Bombers against the Sox is always sharp but this year there are distinctions that will shatter that into tiny unrecognizable shards.

For the first time in a long while the bitterest of rivals will take different paths to their ultimate success or failure. The Yankees will stick with the currently effective theory of blasting the cover off the ball. Their lineup is on paper the most fearsome of my lifetime and may be one of the best ever. The Red Sox on the other hand, while still remarkably formidable have lessened their chops on the offensive side of the ball while strengthening their defense up the middle and their pitching. To answer who will come out on top I give you the second annual AL East Preview.

LINEUP:
Okay, I’m going to say right off the bat that I hate to concede New York’s superiority over Boston in any sense aside from the quality of delis but I’m forced yet again to make an admission. The Yankee lineup is better. The Red Sox have a more frightening 3-4 punch with David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez, but top to bottom the Yanks are a nightmarish combination.

Going from position to position this is what it looks like. At first base the Red Sox will be starting their most well known prospect of the decade Kevin Youkilis. While familiarity with the name and a general feeling that he deserves a shot at playing everyday will give most Red Sox fans confidence the B-Slant isn’t sold on the kid just yet. For his career he has hit just .262 in 294 at bats with 8 homeruns and 44 RBI. It’s hard to make much out of numbers that have come from such limited playing time but my feeling is that if he were that good he would have been playing more, especially last year with Kevin Millar’s struggles. J.T. Snow will see some time there, especially if Youkilis falters and at least he is a solid veteran presence. The Bombers will counter with Jason Giambi last year’s Comeback Player of the Year. Once the face of the steroid controversy; Giambi silenced critics last season hitting .271 with 32 homeruns and 87 RBI. If he puts up numbers like that again the best the Sox can hope for is a wash. My feeling is the advantage is going to New York here.

At second base Boston will likely have one of its few edges over the Yankees in terms of offensive production. Robinson Cano could be a star eventually but in his second season I see a sophomore slump coming on. Last year as a rookie the pressure probably seemed minimal more or less because of ignorance. That will not be the case this time, everyone knows his name, no one will overlook him and he may falter. In comparison to the paltry contributions they got from their plethora of second basemen last year Mark Loretta’s career averages look like a delightful step forward for the Red Sox. A career .301 hitter with a proven track record of performance, Loretta seems unlikely to take a step backwards this year.

There is no debate at shortstop. Alex Gonzalez will play great defense but Derek Jeter is a Hall of Fame caliber player. If the Sox get .250, 4, and 45 from Gonzalez he will be an offensive success. Look for much more than that from Jeter.

Same story at third base. Mike Lowell took steroids. He is no longer taking them which is really too bad for Red Sox fans. A-Rod was not the MVP last year, but he won it anyway which means he had pretty good numbers despite his inability to hit in the clutch like his highway-robbed runner-up. While I think Lowell will improve on his .237 from a year ago he will never be in A-Rod’s league, ever.

Left field is contrast of styles. Manny and his smooth, textbook right handed swing against Hideki Matsui and his ugly Japanese style left handed hack. Each is effective in its own way. Last year’s numbers bear out the comparison. After a dreadful start Matsui thundered down the stretch to end the season at .305 with 23 homeruns and 116 RBIs. Manny had a down year in terms of average at only .292 but still came up with huge power numbers including 45 homeruns and 144 RBIs. If you were starting a team you would take both of these guys if you could but for my money Manny is better. Over the long haul he has a better swing and better strike zone coverage which will probably lead to higher production.

It’s hard to talk about this rivalry without touching on Benedict Arnold himself Johnny Damon. Say what you want about the hypocrisy of fans’ expectations in terms of athlete loyalty but Damon deserted Boston for the brighter spotlight and the bigger paycheck, period. While I think he’s a deplorable little slug for invoking the “Yankee tradition” before ever playing a game in pinstripes it’s undeniable that he is still one of the best leadoff hitters in the game. The Red Sox made the right move for the long term in getting younger, faster, and able-to-throw-like-a-man Coco Crisp but that improvement will take two or three years to show itself. At this stage of their careers Damon is still better at least in terms of experience playing under pressure and the ability to handle the spotlight. However, if Johnny’s shoulder continues to bother him and limits his ability to swing and throw the balance could easily shift in the Sox favor. As everyone knows Crisp’s numbers are nearly identical to Damon’s numbers when he came to the Red Sox four years ago. If he improves in the same marked way each year Boston will have made a brilliant move in signing a player on the rise while sending a declining veteran to the enemy. I hope we see signs of that this season. This dichotomy is one of the larger questions of the upcoming campaign and while I expect Damon to outperform Crisp I think the margin will be smaller than many think and like I said any injury to the 32 year old Damon could lean this into the positive for Red Sox nation.

In right field it’s the same old question for Boston. Will Trot Nixon stay healthy? We love Nixon here but in all honesty he has been a bust. He was the seventh overall pick in the 1993 draft and has been a “can’t miss” talent for his entire career; he is just unable to keep himself off of the DL for an entire season. If he can manage to do so he could put up numbers that will merit at least a reasonable comparison with Gary Sheffield, who hit .292 with 34 homeruns and 123 RBI in 154 games last season against Nixon’s .275, 13, and 67 in 124 games. Until Nixon (maybe combined with Willy Mo Pena) proves that he can make it thorough 150 games the edge at this spot goes to the Yanks.

At the designated hitter position the balance that was swung in favor of New York at shortstop and third base is swung in equal measure to the side of the Red Sox. David Ortiz does this better than anyone and ranks highly among the best clutch hitters in the game. In the 9th inning there is no one you would rather have at the plate, and for the first eight he isn’t bad either. Last season he hit an even .300 with 47 homeruns and 148 RBI. On their official web site the Yankees don’t even have a section for designated hitters. The most likely scenario is that it will be a platoon between “Weekend at Bernie’s” Williams and Jason Giambi (when Andy Phillips is at 1st base) with a host of others potentially filling in the gap. This is the only “no contest” in favor of Boston.

In terms of overall lineup potential there is little doubt that the Yankees have more pop. They should score a ton of runs and launch a ludicrous amount of homeruns. The question is whether they will be an effective lineup together or just the sum of their parts. The Red Sox need to be productive together to compete because the sum of their lesser talents (only in comparison with NY, the rest of the league with a few exceptions would love to have Boston’s lineup) will not be enough to carry the club as it has in the past. However, like I said before for the first time in a few years this offensive comparison will not be the overlying factor in who wins the East.

PITCHING:

Comparing the pitching staffs of the Red Sox and Yankees is like trying to answer test questions in another language, i.e. total guesswork. Unknowns abound on both sides.

At the top of each rotation, at least theoretically there is an aging veteran formerly of the Diamondbacks. Randy Johnson is coming off of a 17-8 season in which he carried a 3.79 ERA (and don’t forget he beat the Sox five times). Curt Schilling is coming off a fat / injury plagued season. Last year is one that I’m sure he’d rather forget as would we all. When Schilling is right he is better than Johnson, when he isn’t we don’t really know what he is. He seems healthy and slimmed down but to speculate on the health of nearly 40 year old pitchers in April is foolhardy at best. I’m calling this match-up a wash with a reasonable probability that it will lean in the favor of he Sox.

Similar story at the number two position for each club. Boston will march out their newest shiny toy Josh Beckett, a 25 year old hard throwing right hander who has proved two things without a doubt: he can win in Yankee stadium under pressure and he is very injury prone. The Yankees will counter with 37 year old Mike Mussina who has had his own injury issues over the past few seasons, most notably chronic back problems. If Beckett stays healthy and lives up to that .234 career opponents’ batting average the Sox will be a few steps ahead at this spot.

I see the final three spots in each rotation producing at a similar level. While there are differences aplenty between the trio of Shawn Chacon, Jaret Wright, and Chien-Ming Wang for NY and Boston’s Tim Wakefield, David Wells, and Matt Clement the overall output should be about the same. That is to say 30-40 wins and a projected ERA in the mid to high fours. Changes will certainly take place in each group as Wells is unlikely to be with the team for the duration if he proves to be a valuable trade commodity and Chacon and Wang may suffer sophomore slumps and Wright’s health is hardly guaranteed.

In the starting rotation comparison the advantage is, in my mind, firmly with the Red Sox at the outset. If Schilling or Beckett go down or Clement falls apart in the second half again all bets are off but going into the year I like where Boston stands on the mound better.

In the bullpen things always begin, or I should say end with the closer. For the past decade no one in baseball has been able to hold a candle to the Yankees in that department, and while the Red Sox have had some success against Sandman I won’t be holding my breath for Keith Foulke to out-duel Mariano Rivera on a regular basis. Foulke is probably the third biggest question / concern for Red Sox fans after the health of Schilling and Beckett and his physical well-being is only one part of the equation. After the nightmare he suffered through last year, including the abuse from the fans, the media, and his teammates it would be ridiculous to assume that he is coming into this campaign with a full set of marbles mentally. His confidence is surely on a tenuous balance and if he gets off to a slow start that will only get worse, not to mention how quickly the Red Sox faithful will turn on him. If he doesn’t produce however, all is not lost. Jonathan Papelbon could be there to save the day and begin his Red Sox legacy. Deep down inside every Red Sox fan is at least somewhat hoping for this, we won’t admit it but we’ve all given up on Foulke as the answer and are looking for something better. The grapefruits and talent that Papelbon showed last year indicated that he could be that solution.

The other question for me regarding Boston’s bullpen is the age and durability of Mike Timlin. I know questioning Timlin’s ability to eat innings is like doubting Star Jones’ love of cheeseburgers but at 40 years of age it’s a legitimate concern. He was ineffective in the World Baseball Classic and seemed to have a bit of a dead arm, if that carries into the season he could leave a large void (something like 81 appearances large) for the rest of the staff to fill.

The Yankees on the other hand lost their version of Timlin with Tom Gordon heading out of town. Filling that void in New York will not be a one man show. The role will initially go to the psychotic Australian Kyle Farnsworth with lefty help coming from ex-Sox reliever Mike Myers. Tanyon Sturtze still sucks (or maybe I just hate him) and aside from his numbers (56 games 5.91 ERA 76 hits in 70 innings) I don’t know a thing about Scott Proctor. After Rivera nothing is really jumping out at me on this list as remarkably reliable.

The complimentary guys in the Sox bullpen aren’t awe inspiring either but I feel slightly better about their chances to be solid contributors. Julian Tavarez will probably hurt his pitching hand punching something hard because he’s as dumb as a bag of hammers but when he’s on the mound he has good career stats (642 games, 4.33 ERA, 626 strikeouts) although all of that was in the Norris Division (NL). David Riske also looks alright on paper, coming into Boston with a career 3.59 ERA and American League experience. Rudy Seanez is someone about whom I know almost nothing despite the fact that he pitched in 9 games for the Red Sox in 2003. (He did?) However, last year in 54 games his ERA was a very solid 2.69 and he only gave up 18 earned runs and struck out 84 in 60.1 innings for the Padres. Even if he adds a little onto that because of the switch to the major leagues…I mean AL (sorry I keep slamming the NL like this but they just don’t hit as well) he should still be pretty valuable out there.

The biggest weakness I see for the Sox in terms of relief is the lack of a proven left hander. Lenny DiNardo, (despite being involved in one of my favorite, “Oh shit back the camera up a little,” moments with Johnny Pesky during the ’04 ring ceremony when the grizzled Pesky audibly muttered “DiNardo you son a bitch!” as he passed him in the handshake line) is probably not going to be a Myers-like option. Everyone else out there is right handed. That means with Matsui up and the bases loaded in the seventh we basically have nowhere to go. That will become an issue at some point.

That being said I still think overall the Sox edge the Yankees again in terms of complimentary relievers. So where does that leave us?

Well oddly enough this season there is actually another team in the AL East that might merit a look. The Toronto Blue Jays were one of the most active clubs in the off season and seem poised to cause some ruckus in that hideous dome they have up there. Their lineup is stacked with solid talent like Troy Glaus, Eric Hinske, Vernon Wells, Reed Johnson, Frank Catalanotto, and Bengie Molina. On the hill they added A.J. Burnett to former Cy Young Award winner Roy Halladay and Red Sox killer Ted Lilly forming a very solid top three at the head of their rotation. They also have flamethrower B.J. Ryan and Scott Schoeneweis anchoring down the bullpen. On paper that should be plenty to compete.

But in the end it won’t be. They made some nice moves but like the Orioles last year they will be gone by the middle of August. If they’re in it at the trading deadline they might be a piece or two away from hanging in until the end, but that doesn’t seem likely to me.

So what it will come down to AGAIN is the 19 games that the Sox and Yanks will play against each other, as it has for the past one billion years (I guess it only seems that long). For the last eight the Bombers have walked away with the AL East crown. I think that ends this year. They have mortgaged themselves out too far in terms of age and unreliable arms. Sure, if Johnson and Mussina return to peak form and Chacon and Wang hold themselves up to last year’s unlikely standards the division should be theirs. I really don’t see that happening though. This team can trot out 8 potential All-Stars in their everyday lineup but within that 8 they also play a half dozen potential season crippling injury victims (oh God in heaven let it be Damon that goes down first).

Earlier in the off season I thought that the Red Sox had taken a few large steps backwards, now I think differently. Basically they swapped Johnny Damon now for Johnny Damon a few years ago with a manly throwing motion and better wheels. They traded Edgar Renterria and his flat .270 and 30 errors for one of the best defensive shortstops in the league. They ditched the village idiot Kevin Millar for potential and a veteran in Youkilis and Snow. They upgraded their staff with one of the most pressure proven young arms in baseball and added bull pen depth. This is a better team than last year so while I said above that the Yankees out slam the Red Sox at almost every position I believe that Boston pulls it all together to make the better all around squad, and that is much more important than being just the sum of your very expensive parts. Ask last year’s White Sox. NY will win some games 18-3 and it will be impressive, but at the end of the day I think Brian Cashman would trade those results for the 2-1 victories the Red Sox will be hanging up on a regular basis.

PREDICTION:RED SOX: 96-66
Yankees: 92-70
Blue Jays: 81-81
Devil Rays: 80-82
Orioles: 75-87

VEGAS

A few years ago my grandfather, a man with whom I had a rather senility affected relationship, passed away. That afternoon my grandmother, whose relationship with me was more substantial albeit not remarkable, gave me the $50 dollar bill her husband had always carried in his wallet for emergencies. This bill in true sentimental fashion went into my wallet where it was to serve the same purpose. This wallet was then misplaced for nearly 30 months after it was left in a backpack at a friend’s house in Fairfield Connecticut after a night of rather immoderate consumption. At this point I was carrying a money clip almost exclusively and as such the missing wallet was of little significance since it contained superfluous items but no IDs, credit cards, or other cash.

After such an interval I had forgotten almost entirely about the existence of the bill contained in the wallet. In that same meantime the grandmother who bestowed the bill upon me also passed on. With the profit from her estate sale by father and his brother decided to take the family to Vegas, a city that was a favorite destination of my grandmother. Ironically, a few months before the trip, at long last the wallet was returned to me at a party by the friend at whose house I had left it. The $50 was still in it.

Upon arrival in Vegas I told this strange story to the family members who had assembled at Margaritaville in the Flamingo Hotel for lunch. We agreed that, given my late grandmother’s affection for gambling that I should wager the gift while in Sin City.

Each day as we wandered the town sightseeing I was constantly looking for a sign showing me where to wager it in an unholy tribute. It never came.

So, on the last night after five hours at Ghostbar in the Palms I decided it was time. I started to take the money to my favorite 4 AM destination O’Shea’s Casino located right next to the Flamingo, home of the “All-Day All-Night” five dollar blackjack tables and the 18 hour happy hour. As I approached the normally ignored voice in my head spoke up telling me that my grandmother would rather I put the money towards survival and a reconciliation of my negative standing with Bank of America (my account read -$217 at the time). Yet I proceeded into O’Shea’s Casino after squashing the voice in my head and (with an effort) bolstering my confidence in my intentions.

At first there were no seats at the $5 dollar tables available so after half of a one dollar beer and minimal deliberation I put the bill face up on the $5 roulette table. Ten minutes later I was bored and down exactly one dollar. Still no seats had opened up at the $5 dollar blackjack table so I decided to chance my $49 dollars on at $10 dollar table. A few hands into my play I had made the one dollar back (through a 6 to 5 payout on a blackjack and a tip to a waitress) and stood exactly even on my initial $50 dollars. Then fortuitously the dealer changed and a shuffle came simultaneously giving me a chance to think, worry and ultimately (with more relief than regret) bolt the table.

After one last ineffective searching glance at the five dollar table it occurred to me once again that my late grandparents would likely rather see the $50 put towards life, not life on the wire. So I cashed in my chips exactly even, although now in the form of two 20’s and a 10.
On my way out of the casino I realized that I had done better than even, I had in fact made $50 dollars. By betting the $50 and leaving with three smaller bills I had taken the mystique out of an object I could never had utilized for any effective purpose. I had retained the dollar amount but removed the obligation and guilt from that value by shedding the bill itself.

Sure I should have listened to the little voice in my head the first time but maybe in some way the even-ending wagering allowed for a freer and more reasonable use of that money which is basically like making a $50 dollar profit. If that is true, I finished my trip to Vegas up (in terms of gambling) which is all you can ever ask for.

VEGAS RECAP:

Best Casino: The Wynn – Brand new, and unbelievable. Too bad we had to walk three miles in the hail to get there. (Yes it hailed in Vegas, the next day it was 70, go figure.)

Best Hotel: New York New York – It looks like the NY skyline from outside, has a roller coaster, and looks like central park, the village, and uptown all rolled into one on the inside. Also home to a great late night spot The Big Apple Bar

Worst Casino: Barbary Coast – Located next door to the Flamingo, this place is a pit in all senses of the word, a money pit, a smelly pit, a pit of rank old men. On the positive however, they do have the cheapest drinks in town ($2.50 beers, $4.00 Red Bull and vodkas).

Worst Hotel: Best Western (at the airport) – Of course I never stepped inside but who goes all the way to Vegas and stays 10 miles from the strip in a Best Western? Not I.

Best Goofy Gimmick: The Venetian – You can take a gondola ride through the interior of the hotel and around the exterior. It doesn’t look like Venice but it is pretty cool that there is a working waterway through the center of the building. The drivers also sing opera throughout the ride, we didn’t take it but I imagine that it would be awkward sitting there riding through essentially a shopping mall being serenaded by a woman pretending to drive a boat (they’re motorized).

Best Free Show: The Bellagio water show – We only saw it from across the street and a bus stopped in front of us for a few seconds but from what we could see it was awesome. They have a rotating song list and the water responds to the beat of the music. My question: who’s idea was this?

Best Bar: Ghostbar in the Palms – Being 60 floors up and two miles from the strip offers the best view around. Plus the window in the floor looking down onto the street provides constant comedy as some people gingerly step onto it and some meatheads try to pound their way through. Another bonus: literally the hottest people I’ve ever seen congregated in one area.

Honorable Mention: Centrifuge in MGM Grand – Circular bar right across from the entrance to the new Studio 54. Highlights: amazing girls dancing on the bar, friendly bartenders, a great view of the line at Studio 54, and the only semi-eclectic draft beer selection in Vegas.

Worst Bar: Sully’s in Bally’s – Overly expensive for a casino bar, staffed by a couple of old jerks and frequented by a mixture of suits and thugs. Very lame (at least the night we were there).

Most Expensive Bar (in the world?): Fix in the Bellagio – I work in bars and when this girl told me what it cost for a round of three drinks I almost passed out. This was however home to the hottest cocktail waitress on the planet so it was roughly worth it.

Best Bartender: The skinny dorky looking guy at Ghostbar – This might be the coolest place in the world and looks wise this kid just doesn’t fit, until you see him work which resembles lightning in a bottle. He’s the best I’ve ever seen.

Best Happy Hour: O’Shea’s 18 hour happy hour – 2 AM to 8PM, $1 domestic drafts. This actually doesn’t attract the garbage crowd you would think it would. It was mostly twenty-something’s looking to get wasted on the cheap.

Best Place to Win/Lose Money from 4-7AM: O’Shea’s yet again – Like I said before five dollar blackjack tables and a rowdy young crowd makes it hard to leave…which makes it hard to leave with winnings.

Best Place to Stay You Might Not Have Thought Of: The Luxor. Right on the strip, affordable, beautiful, and totally unique.

Random Questions: Why does every hotel that has a city theme (Venetian, New York New York, Caesars, Paris) all have the same faux-blue sky ceiling? Did some guy make millions off of this idea?

With a chair at every slot machine, a bunch at every table, huge arenas, tons of restaurants and bars, and a variety of other seating-necessary places does Las Vegas have the largest concentration of chairs in any metropolitan area? And how many are there? Could every person in the country conceivably have a chair in Vegas? I think so.

Why do people flock to Caesar’s Palace every hour to watch the Atlantis statues talk? Is this really entertaining for people and do the poor bastards that work in the businesses around the statues want to burn them to the ground?

How does Celine Dion sell out every night at $200 dollars a ticket? Are there that many soccer moms and Canadians in Vegas?

Would you ever admit that you went to see Barry Manilow or Wayne Newton to anyone? Me neither.


And with that...blogging begins again. Did you miss me?

Hiatus

Just a couple of personal notes before I head out of town for a while. This has not been a terribly prolific month in B-Slant land on almost all angles.

Employment has been below average to say the least and the reversal of that fortune appears to be still on the distant horizon. As such motivation and enthusiasm has been low. It’s an odd connection that is struck in the human mind between that which must be done and that which can be done. In the last 4 weeks I could have written 28 columns (each of which could have had 12 hours + dedicated to it).

Needless to say I have not.

The answer to the question, “Why not?” should be simple. I was looking for a job.

It’s not that simple because for much of that time I wasn't.

There is a certain mental state that accompanies long periods of inactivity and as much as I would love to debunk such notions I am at least as susceptible to the afore mentioned affects as anyone. The lack of time constraints has left me in limbo with no sense of day or night and as such no sense of proper hourly relegation. Two hours scanning the Rants and Raves section of Craig’s List…no problem! Nothing better to do, right? Why write a post when you can watch I-Robot on HBO 47 times?

Most facets of my life have suffered the effects of this inspirational malaise. The only beneficiary has been my physical state. I haven’t been in this kind of shape since my collegiate athletic career ended. Each day I have hours at a time to dedicate to working out. I’m a gym guy. I have “hey” friends in the weight room, and if my admission card is not working the front desk associates know my face and wave me along with an all too familiar smile.

In addition to a diminishing waistline I also have a diminishing patience for the activities and preoccupations that occupied my free hours during my days of employment. TV has lost all attraction to me. Every DVD on my shelf represents two hours of further waste. Maxim? I’ve read it, all of it, the jokes, reader letters, “Circus Maximus” it’s done. My MP3 player is filled with songs just for the sake of downloading them. Do I want to listen to "Smells Like Teen Spirit"? Absolutely not! Do I have it anyway? Yup.

Gracefully this age of the "slowly ticking clock" is over. From tomorrow (3/3) to next Sunday (3/11) I will be venturing south of the border (the Massachusetts border that is). Upon my return I will begin training at the new gig (details later, I’m not saying a word until it’s finalized). A few days after that I’ll be heading to Vegas for the first annual “Grandma Barbini Booze and Gambling Festival” which will conveniently coincide with little B-Slant’s 21st birthday. (I don’t know if I’ve ever seen her abominably wasted…this time I will.)

With all of these journeys in my near future the frequency of posts on the B-Slant will be diminished to an almost indiscernible degree. I can officially guarantee that I won’t post anything between this Saturday (3/4) and the following Tuesday (3/13). There may be some work done during the intermittent week, but once I hit Vegas all bets are off.

It is my goal to publish a running diary of my five days in Sin City, live as they happen (hopefully drunk and unedited for honesty’s sake). The likelihood of that will depend largely on the internet access available at the Flamingo Hotel and Casino (gggghheeettooooo…) and my ability to operate electronic equipment after my first 12 hours in the Vice-Mecca that could easily swallow me and my addictive personality whole.

Hopefully when I get back to writing regularly Manny will still be Manny, the NFL will have a new CBA, the Celtics will have the 8th spot in the East locked up, Paul Pierce will be player of the month for March (which he should have been for February 33 pts a game!), the Bruins will…huh…, BC will advance to at least the Sweet 16, Craig Smith will stop sucking, Adam Vinatieri will be a newly minted Patriot for the next 100 years, the Pats will have also signed newly released Trevor Pryce (a Patriots dream defensive lineman), BC hockey will be in the Frozen Four, I will have a job bartending at Fenway and at the Cask and Flagon, someone from ESPN will see this blog and love and it want to take me to the next level, and that 260 million dollar Power Ball ticket will make all of our dreams come true.

If not, business as usual will come again at the end of March. Hey, I haven’t had much to say lately anyway.


PS: Just a quick note on the way out, I met the guys who run Barstool Sports tonight. They are exceedingly fun people who are great at what they do. Check out their publication whenever you get a chance. (And while you’re there don’t be afraid to link them over to me…) Keep up the good work guys, but look out, I'm coming for your job.

Don't Do It

I only have three words to say to Paul Tagliabue, Gene Upshaw (right), the NFLPA, and the 32 NFL owners. Don’t do it.

Don’t become everything that fans hate about MLB, the NHL and the NBA.

Don’t ruin sports most dominant mega-empire over a cap number and revenue sharing.

Don’t allow NFL free agency to resemble baseball’s yearly bidding war between the Yankees and everyone else.

Don’t let the egos of 32 of the richest men in the world derail our favorite sport.

Don’t make the “Jeremy Roenick” mistake that your inferior counterparts in the NHL made, assuming that the fans are stupid and blindly loyal.

Don’t make your fans explain to their kids why their favorite team just cut their favorite player on “Bloody Thursday.”

Don’t put fans through the agony of watching their home team destroy their future by cutting talent to get under the cap, thereby erasing the parody you worked so hard to build.

Don’t force teams on the rise to stop rising.

Don’t go into 2007 without a cap, leaving teams to boycott free agents and draft picks.

Don’t damage the fan’s opinion of America’s most successful sport over something we can’t and don’t want to understand.

Don’t do it.

Just fix it.

Sometimes We DO Know Better

At this point picking on Isiah Thomas has almost lost its appeal. It's like beating on a retarded kid on crutches blindfolded.

But this Steve Francis deal is just BEGGING to be ripped apart.

How in the name of Scott Layden can anyone in their right mind trade a monstorous expiring contract and a small-ish contract for an overpaid perennial malcontent with a propensity to shoot too much and destroy locker room chemistry when they already have the exact same player on the roster?

For the past week this deal has been a tounge-in-cheek joke among NBA writers and analysts, no one actually thought that Isiah could be this stupid. Maybe sarcasm is lost on Thomas and when he heard everyone talking about it he thought, "Hey, Charles Barkley was talking about this deal, it must be a good one. Get the Magic on the phone!"

Or maybe Isiah locks himself in a closet in MSG and doesn't read the newspapers or watch television so he thought that this was the best deal he could come up with. Either way this is a shocking display of incompetence.

Looking at the Knicks right now they will be in the worst financial shape of any team until at least 2010. Their payroll right now is over 123 million. After this season the only contract that expires is Eddy Curry (who they will surely resign). Following the '07-'08 season (with a payroll of just over 125 million) they will finally get out from under Alan Houston's 20 million per year and will see the expiration/team option on a few others. That will bring them down to 65 million if they don't pick up options on Jerome Williams, Channing Frye, and Nate Robinson which add up to just under 11 million. Let's say they retain Frye (2.4 mil) and Robinson (1.2 mil) , now they'll be around 70 million (20 mil over the cap) and 36 million of that will be tied up in Marbury and Francis. In '08-'09 they will owe their backcourt ball hogs 39 million, with higher options for Frye and Robinson rounding their payroll out to around 68 million, that is of course assuming that they only have the seven players that I'm factoring into these numbers on their roster. In short, they're screwed.

Just for perspective the Knicks have 4 of the top 30 players in the league in terms of salary (Houston, Marbury, Rose, and Francis). The Pistons have none and the Spurs have one (Duncan). Kobe Bryant makes less money than both Houston and Marbury, as do Jason Kidd, Jermaine O'Neal, and Tim Duncan. Making less than the 2 mentioned above and Rose are: Tracy McGrady, Vince Carter, Dirk Nowitzki, Paul Pierce, Baron Davis, and Shawn Marion. Round out the foursome with Francis who makes more than Michael Redd, Ray Allen, and Elton Brand.

The only hope the Knicks had for the future was the development of Curry and Frye. Now playing in a lineup with three shot loving ego maniacs the young frontcourt duo will be lucky if they see six shots a game each. The upside is with all the shots being launched from outside they will have plenty of opportunity to hone their offensive rebounding skills.

What really capped this shocker off for me was Isiah's quote, "This is one of those things that seems so crazy that it just might work." (I shit you not he really said that.) Thank God I'm not a Knick fan. If the GM of a team I supported ever used that line of garbage to defend anything I would be forced to go back to watching hockey...(shiver) Yikes.

This just proves my theory that sometimes fans and media people DO know better. For example everyone knew that Chris Paul was a can't miss NBA point guard. Still three teams passed on him, two of which took guards. Marvin Williams and Deron Williams may both be great players but everybody knew that in both the short and long runs Paul will be better. Fans are wrong a lot of the time, but occassionally if something seems way to obvious there is a reason. Other examples: Shawn Bradley, Darko Milicic, Lebron James, Michael Olowokandi, Kent Benson, to name a few. Unfortunately this concept is totally lost on Isiah.

Nothing makes me happier than watching NY fans suffer, but this is sad even for me.

I wish the Yankees would implode like this.

Weekend Notes

At long last my wait is over. In a term of misery comparable to that of the Red Sox championship drought the United States had been without a medal in the noblest of sports for the past 25+ years. That sport of course is ice dancing. Take a deep breath America, we are vindicated. When the "Hot Girl" (Tanith Belbin) and "That Guy who 'Danced' With the Hot Girl" (Ben Agosto) walked off the ice on Monday evening, silver medals in hand, the collective psyche of ice dancing fans throughout the country was unburdened and for once we could revel in the simple joys of a man in rhinestones throwing an anorexic in the air while stylishly bobbing his head to a cliche beat.

No longer will we listen to the jibes of the Russians over a Stoli martini. "Stupid Americans, zu will never vin a medal in ze ice dance! Ve dominate your silly democracy with our floppy hair and albino skin!"

Nor will the taunts of the Norwegians echo in our heads for another four years. "Sure you vin ze snowboarding and ze speed skating but you don't have ze girly men it takes to win the ze ice dance...and our leotards look much better on us!"

(Yes I am spelling the Norwegian and Russian accents the same. Oh like you could do better?)

Indeed America this is one of those times of athletic greatness and accomplishment that we will look back upon and say, "Wow, people were actually interested in that limp-wristed Sally pants "NOT A SPORT" back then? Where's a little Cold War when you need one?"

Guys, unless the amount of skating you watch relates directly to the amount of sex you get from the missus don't ever let me catch you watching ice dancing...ever!

With that said, let's move on.

NBA All Star Weekend:
Good thing Kenny Smith wasn't judging the ice dancing competition in Torino because we would have another international scandal on our hands (see: '02 games).

The "other" A.I. (Andre Iguodala) got flat robbed in Saturday's dunk contest. To begin with two of his dunks (behind the backboard and behind the back) were better than any of Nate Robinson's, including the one that took the 5'9" Knick rookie 14 (not a typo) tries to complete. Furthermore A.I. actually won the contest until Kenny Smith got a message from TNT saying that he had to walk the party line and give the trophy to an undeserving (albeit game) Robinson whose stroke of genius in incorporating Spud Webb into his highest scoring dunk handed him the title based on sentiment rather than performance.

This may have been the death rattle for an already struggling contest that has not seen any legitimate star power since Vince Carter was hanging from the rim by his elbow.

The All-Star game itself was entertaining, with a big comeback and a few last second shots, but in the end it was a microcosm of the NBA as a whole. The 24 super stars involved in the game played it like a dramatized version of a regular season matchup. They walked through the motions for the majority and then turned it on for five minutes creating a memory of a furious finish and a vague sense of prior dissatisfaction. I don't mind that no one plays defense, in fact I prefer it that way. But if no one is going to guard you then you have to complete the alley-oop, hit the jump shot, and finish the break.

Lebron James took the MVP in a slightly contested decision. In my mind it should have gone to Tracy McGrady even in a loss. He put up 36 and he was playing in his home arena, give the people what they want. James was clearly the only guy on the floor putting out max effort from "go" which is why he went for 29 against defenders who had no interest in even trying to stop him. Still, I do give him credit for being the one guy who came to play.

The one aspect that made the price of admission worth ever penny was seeing Yao Ming talk and the rest of the players dance. You would think that at this point Gumby would have a working understanding of the English language but to me he still sounds like he did in that GPS commercial he did a few years ago where the yokel asks him if he needs directions and Yao in a moment of acting nirvana says, "NoIgotThhhem."

All in all I think that the NBA All-Star game is the best of the major pro-sports, based on the potential for incredible athletic displays, huge highlights, and star power. That being said in the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king.

The Olympics:
Two of the biggest stories of this weekend came from Torino, as should be expected, but the crux of what went on seemed to be more soap opera than international showcase.

First, we have the ongoing war of words between the American speed skaters Chad Hedrick and Shanie Davis. Hedrick is calling out Davis for refusing to take part in the team relay, an event in which the US could have taken a medal had Davis competed, and in response Davis is launching the proverbial fire hose at the entire American team and US Speed Skating in general claiming that he has been a victim of racism and unfair treatment.

Frankly, who gives a rats ass? In two weeks these guys will be nothing but a memory and a headline in the Olympic archives. In some respects I see both sides here. Hedrick wanted to mount a challenge on the all time record for speed skating gold medals in one games (5). To do so he would have needed a victory in the relay, so to say that his motives were entirely altruistic or team based is probably stretching the truth. In fact, these guys are not teammates. There is no doubt that Davis is an asshole, no one disputes that, but speed skating has always been (until these games, the first to feature a team event) an individual sport. Hedrick and Davis don't train together, they compete against each other in non-Olympic years, and in almost all respects the only thing that they have in common is the uniform on their back. Should we blame Davis for not wanting to jeopardize the chance to achieve his lifelong dream of being the first black athlete to win a Winter Olympics individual gold so that he could aid Hedrick's own selfish ambitions? I don't think so. This isn't football where you need to other 10 guys on the field to succeed in order for individual glory. In this sport it's always been every man for himself and while his demeanor and the invocation of the race card are patently offensive, Davis' decision not to compete in the relay is not.

The other story from this weekend was the continued failure of Bode Miller. It's a damn good thing that the enigmatic Miller gave himself an out before the games by saying that he doesn't care about the medals because he certainly has not skied like he deserves any. In his last legitimate shot at the podium Miller finished sixth in the Super G and once again triumphed the value of effort and fun in defeat. Maybe he actually buys this stuff, and if he does good for him. I don't put any stock in the criticism of Miller for drinking too much etc. he has always behaved that way and has consistently competed at a high level. I do believe however that he took himself out of a competitive mindset before the games even began with his repeated elocutions on the over-emphasis on medals and his disagreement with the gold-oriented view point of USA Skiing. Sometimes if you go into something thinking that you don't care about winning the actual effect on your psyche is the make you believe that you aren't going to win.

Perhaps an even bigger surprise is the utter failure of Daron Rahlves who's highest finish in these games was 9th. Coming into Torino the US team was touting itself as the best in the world. Now, after just one gold medal it seems that they are merely the best at giving the other competitors something to stew on before whooping their asses. I give joinbode.com 3 months before it's taken down and we never hear from him again. Single tear.

Ricky Williams:
Just let me trade places with this guy. Give me the body, the work ethic, and the skills to be an NFL running back and he can come be unemployed and smoke as much pot as he wants in my very drug friendly neighborhood.

Reports leaked (HUGE breach of the CBA with the Players Association) from the NFL offices this week that Williams had failed another drug test, his fourth leading to a possible year long suspension. Since that report surfaced information has been coming in suggesting that the positive test was for something other than marijuana. Williams' mother swore on her life (literally) that her son had not smoked pot and that he likely failed the test due to one of the supplements involved in his yoga regiment.

Yoga...8 million dollars...yoga...8 million dollars... Tough choice huh Ricky? At this point if I were Williams I wouldn't even be walking within 500 yards of GNC or a Snoop Dog concert. He probably doesn't have the 8 million in signing bonuses to pay back to the Dolphins and if he gets suspended for a year he can kiss any career he might have had left goodbye. I just can't imagine what goes on in his head as he contemplates doing things that could jeopardize the guaranteed financial stability for life that would be all but handed to him if he stays out of trouble. In all reality he probably on has 3 to 4 more years left in the league. If he could keep his nose clean for that long he could move to Jamaica or India or someplace where the weed flows like wine and live the rest of his days smoking joints rolled in 100 dollar bills. As is he'll be lucky if his appeal is accepted and his suspension reduced, either way he's taking a hit.

Manny Being Manny:
This season might not be getting off to such a hot start for the Sox and their oft-brain-soft left fielder. For some reason Ramirez has requested permission to report to camp on March 1st, six days late, reportedly the Red Sox have agreed. Here's the problem, why would he report on March 1st if he's going to be playing for the Dominican Republic in the World Baseball Classic (somewhere other than Fort Myers) on March 3rd? Is he literally going to show up for one day and then take off to their first round game? I understand the Red Sox agreeing to the request in an attempt to start the season off on a positive note in Manny's mind but the logistics of this indicate to me that Manny has no intention of reporting to camp at all, or at least not until after the WBC.

We all know that at least a part of Manny's very strange personality doesn't want to be here and that at some point he's going to make up that functioning part of his mind and decide that he's leaving whether we want him to or not. For the Red Sox that point cannot come this season. With the offensive losses already suffered by the club the last thing in the world they could afford to would be the removal of the best right handed hitter in the American League. They need to convince Ramirez that they made a "good faith" effort to trade him, point to his enormous salary as the reason they could not, pat him on the butt, and collect 140 RBIs from his spot in the 3 hole.

Daytona 500:
I don't watch NASCAR, I don't get NASCAR, and I don't really like NASCAR. That being said there is something undeniably impressive about guys racing each other at 190 mph six inches away from each other's bumper.

In watching the Great American Race on Sunday I did have a few questions however.

• I am not from the South and as such do not have a southern accent. Am I still allowed to participate in NASCAR in any way? Everyone they interviewed sounded like Jessica Simpson in The Dukes of Hazard.
• How can this legitimately be considered a fair competition if you are allowed to do something that so flagrantly breaks the rules like...oh I don't know...run Matt Kenseth off the road? What Tony Stewart did to Kenseth in forcing him onto the infield would have killed a family of four on the highway. How does that not warrant a disqualification?
• Wasn't Tony Stewart the one on his soap box screaming for SAFER driving this week? Was it all just an elaborate ruse to fool us, like when Kobe Bryant pretended to be a good guy for 5 years?
• Is there another situation in life where rear ending someone can be considered a helpful push?
• Was the amount of confetti dumped on Jimmy Johnson's car in the victory lane an assassination attempt?
• 200,000 people? Did I hear that right? So that's twice the number of that can fit into The Big House at Michigan? Further proof that...well...I don't know what the hell that proves.
• Can I get a pit crew to work on my car? They do the same amount of work in 15 seconds that it takes my dealership two weeks to accomplish. And can I pay by the hour?

Curt Gowdy

Read about Gowdy's life and death HERE. I frankly don't know enough about his career or his contributions to sports to speak knowledgeably and fairly about him. In reading about him yesterday and today however I did discover a few remarkable things. He is truly a legend of an era that has past.

Gowdy is the only person ever to be inducted into the baseball, football, and sportscaster's halls of fame. He called 13 World Series, 16 All Star Games and 6 Super Bowls. He was also in the booth during the infamous Heidi game when NBC cut away from the Jets at the Raiders late in the fourth quarter to televise the musical. That day changed the landscape of football broadcasting in America. In addition to his announcing accolades he also hosted the wildly popular "American Sportsman" for 20+ years.

As the Red Sox play by play announcer from 1951 to 1966 he most famously called Ted Williams' last major league at bat, where he homered into the right field bleachers.

In today's era of specialization there is no comparison to Gowdy. A qualified and knowledgeable announcer of multiple sports and events Gowdy's greatest difference from today's breed of announcer may have been opportunity. Never again will we see someone with the unprecedented access that Gowdy had to the biggest games regardless of venue or circumstance. A popular saying at the time, as quoted by Al Michaels to ESPN radio yesterday said, "If you turned on the TV and heard Curt Gowdy's voice you knew it was a big game."

Having learned all this I think I wouldn't mind trading places with Mr. Gowdy, not now of course, but maybe starting in 1944 when he broadcast his first game. I wish I had seen him in his day.