This blog is so late the issues could have their own episode of "Where are They Now?".
Since we last spoke...
Tim Legler, Steven A. Smith, and Harold Reynolds (wait that's not Harold Reynolds? What do you mean, there is more than one bald ex-athlete commenting on an ESPN magazine show? Sorry Greg Anthony) declared both the Spurs and the Pistons the greatest team ever, on an alternating basis game by game. It went like this.
After Game 1: "The Spurs are an unstoppable machine! They will destroy the Pistons in 3 games, yes I know they have to win 4 but the officals will see how one sided the games have been and declare a mercy rule to spare the Pistons the humiliation! Spurs forever!"
After Game 2: "The Spurs are the greatest team ever ever ever ever! They will win so easily that the series will be called in only 2.5 games. Yaaayyyy Spurs, I'm moving to San Antonio and I'm going to bear Manu Ginobli's babies, yaaaayyy!!!! Fuck the Pistons, fuck them right in the ear, they might not even score in game 3. I submit myself to the world domination of the Spurs!"
After Game 3: "The Pistons were merely playing with the Spurs, padding their confidence for their eventual slaughter! It was all a game, and we the lowly "not-Pistons" were fooled. I will make no such mistake ever again. Forget being the best thing since, the Pistons are better than sliced bread! Oh how I worship those deceitful Pistons. The Spurs might not even score in game 4! Oh I love being right about all my predictions!!
After Game 4: "Hoooommmmmmmmmm I worship you Ben and Rasheed Wallace, Chauncey Billups, Rip Hamilton Hoooooommmmmm I will have no other gods above you Hoooommmmmmm I will make no false idols and worship them as if they were you Hooommmmmmmm I am at your mercy and will do your every bidding! Submit to the rule of Detroit or be damned!"
After Game 5: "Silly us, we thought it was the Pistons that were fooling around, but in fact it was the Spurs, what a wonderful reversal of fortune for us since we spent the post-games of 1 and 2 exhaulting them. Please remove these ridiculous Piston shrines and re-intall the Church Of Duncan in downtown Bristol. Oh how I love a good gag, how could we be so foolish?"
After Game 6: "Sisdufosj Ahdksdjfosijdfl NO IDEA WHAT'S HAPPENING! Skdskidfisjd fjfidjmslkj PISTONS! fjslfkjdieivj evjvlkjsj agjedib SPURS! seivvee wowirbov niviov HELP! TRAPPED IN BETWEEN BANDWAGONS, MISSED THE JUMP, GOING TO BE RUN OVER! eksjfi kskdid."
After Game 7: "See we knew it all along. From the beginning of the season I said that the Spurs would beat the Pistons in 7 games by that exact score and that the circumstances of the game would play out exactly as they did and that everyone would say exactly what they said in the post-game interviews and that the weather would be as it was and that the attendance would be as reported and I knew everything all along and gee whiz aren't I smart. When in reality I had NO FREAKING IDEA what was going on in this series and I flip flopped more than the B-Slants shoes on a summer walk and jumped on and off Bandwagons faster than Red Sox fans during a 4 game split with the Yankees."
As you can tell I was not the biggest fan of the NBA Live crew this past week. I normally can't stand Steven A. "Browbeater Angry Black Man for the sake of being Angry Black Man" Smith when he knows what he's talking about. When he's giving guesses and conjecture in his arrogant standoffish, "You are a moron if you are not me!" way he drives me to homicidal rage.
I just wish one of them would have come out and said, "We really don't know what's going to happen in this series and wasting everyone's time varying our opinions based on individual game performances is futile. Let's just sit back and watch a great series and we'll dissect it at the end." But no, Steven A. "I've Never Been Wrong" Smith couldn't even read that sentence out loud without falling into convulsions nevermind saying it on his own.
This is what happens when I sit on a post for too long, it compresses in my head and grows in wrath until, when it finally comes out, it sounds like a demonic call to war. I'm really not this angry all the time, I just get off on these crazy tangents and next thing I know I'm coming up with a different "name" to go between every announcer's first and last names. It's a slippery slope my friends, very slippery.
Other things that have gone on in the past week +.
- The Red Sox won 7 in a row, took over first place, backpedaled twice against the Indians, but managed the last game of the series. Meanwhile, the Baltimore "You Had Your Chance" Orioles slipped out of first for the first time since April. Calling all those who said the Orioles are for real! Anyone...anyone...awfully quiet on that Baltimore bandwagon now isn't it? Just remember who told you when the Red Sox were faltering around .500 that it was still going to come down to them and the Yankees, just remember.
- The weather here has spanned the gamut from November to seasonal, from Arctic to monsoon, and from New England summer to British fall. What the hell is up with Mother Nature this year?
- Kenny Rogers may have become an all star and also lost his damn mind. There's no reason other than insanity to attack not one but two camermen in one walk out to the field. Did the voices in your head tell you to, "Kill the cameras, they can seeeee you!" Kenny? Furthermore, why do you have to miss a start for a tiny fracture in the pinkie of your right hand when you are a left handed pitcher? How much better will it be in 5 days? Or is this missed start a chance for a trip to the "rest home".
- The Bucks won the lottery and then threw away the ticket before they cashed it. If Andrew Bogut (a shade under 7 feet and WHITE for the love of God) plays in one all star game I will eat my hat. On the other hand in Marvin Williams and Chris Paul combine for less than 8 I will eat both of my hats. (I don't know why I would eat two hats.) All I'm saying is the Bucks blew it, big time, Greg Ostertag, Big Country Bryant Reeves, yeah all those 7 foot white guys panned out real well. Let's see who can he cover? Duncan? Hell no. Garnett? Double Hell no. Stoudemire? No way. Ben Wallace? Maybe but he won't score, not one single basket. Shaq? Hahahaha!
- Now don't get me wrong, Marvin Williams will be a star. BUT the Hawks took him at number 2. One huge problem with this for me, he's allegedly the second best player available, but he wasn't even one of the 5 (according to Roy Williams' starting lineups) best players on his college team! He played like 20 minutes per game. Big risk, probably big reward, but they needed Chris Paul and bad.
- The Celtics should be locked up for the steal they got with the 18th pick. Gerald Green is a perfect compliment to Al Jefferson and will signal the end of the Paul Pierce era in Boston. There is no way he should have fallen to 18, he was suppossed to go number 3! Can you imagine Danny Ainge's face when he fell to 10, then to 12, then when Danny Granger went at 17 to Indiana his face fell a little knowing that we're never going to beat them as long as Jermaine O'Neal walks the Earth, but then he checked the board 3,238,493 times to make sure he wasn't hallucinating that Green was still there and then did the funky chicken dance when the pick was announced.
I still hate Danny Ainge, his circuitous trades involving Antoine Walker and his return boggle my mind, (and make for one of my weirder posts) and he really shouldn't get any credit here. Just because other GMs are morons and pass on the best high school player doesn't make him a genius.
Too many phone calls about this coming 4th of July weekend have totally disrupted my flow here so I'm going to wrap it up.
Big make or break weekend for the Dockside, wish us well.
Wait, 2 more things:
1. Jeremy Roenick is an IDIOT of the worst degree.
Read: THE FANS PAY YOUR OUTRAGEOUS SALARY, AND SOME OF US WILL NEVER COME BACK AFTER THIS INSULT OF A LABOR DISPUTE YOU SELF-CENTERED REALITY IGNORANT JACKASS.
2. Wibledon is the most boring over-hyped sporting event in the world. Period, I just don't care.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Sunday, June 19, 2005
A Few Questions on Sunday Morning
1. Where did all my money go? Sometimes I think that Fenway Park employs little hobbits to run around stealing the cash out of your pockets between innings after you've had 5 or so beers.
2. How did I get this huge bruise on my left shin? Was there a 12 year old girl with a crush on me running around kicking it, or did a 2 AM soccer game break out and I was remis for being without my shin guards? Actually, I just remembered, it happened when I was walking down the stairs from the bleachers. I was trying to avoid an old woman who was really struggling to get from step to step by sliding past on her left, my foot slid off to the left of the step, crushing my toes and my shin between the aisle seat and the step. And of course this caused me to stumble to the right, therefore almost knocking over the old woman I was initially trying to avoid. Maybe it would be better if I didn't know the answer to this one.
3. Why have genetics and fate forsaken the Red Sox? The only way Mark Bellhorn can be up in as many crucial situations is if he has been cloned and he bats 4 times in the order. Damn you Bellhorn! His "actual" stat line usually reads 0-3 with a walk and 2 strikeouts and a walk, but in reality he bats 12 times a game, mostly with men on base, and strikes out 13 times. A guy sitting in the section to our left last night was actually ejected from the game for wearing a Bellhorn jersey. (Yeah I stole that joke, sorry Rob).
3a. How low does Bellhorn's average have to get before we'll see Bill Mueller at second and Kevin Youkilis at third? He's dancing around the illustrious .230 mark, is Terry thinking, "Gee if he can just get it up to .245 he'll be producing." I understand that you have to stick with your guys but 5 men left of base in last night's game and an American league leading strikeout total is enough for me.
4. How much fun is Jake Ivory's? I had never been there before last night. The dueling pianos were awesome, the crowd was young and friendly (did you say young and friendly on Landsdowne Street? Arugh?), their goofy games etc. keep everyone involved all night, and they serve huge 22's of Corona. And as if that weren't enough I have two words for you bachelorette parties. One girl who's tied down forever and a dozen who are desperate for a "confidence boost."
5. Am I a lame old man for watching the "Law and Order" marathon all morning? I think I have the answer to that one too...
6. Over/under 5, the number of total hours Jason Gore has slept in the last 2 nights? I'm going under, apparently he spent most of the night eating.
6a. Should Reteif Goosen have made the "All Boredom Team"?
7. Which Spurs team will show up tonight? Or rather which Pistons team will show up tonight? Even better, which referees will show up tonight?
7a. Why is this series so boring? Two boring teams, poor play, blowouts, bad officiating, too much defense, Larry Brown, two shitty cities, and the list goes on.
8. Does Skip Bayless' argument about instant replay in the major leagues have any validity? I'm on the fence, I think replay is great, take 4 hours if you have to but just get the calls right. In my opinion losing a game as a result of an officiating error is inexcusable and is not "part of the game" as may purists put it. It's robbery committed on the fans, the players, and it destroys the integrity of the game. On the other hand I really only like replay in football and basketball, once you open pandora's box in baseball are we eventually going to be looking at balls and strikes, or maybe switching to Questech? That would be disasterous. With a 162 game season a call here or there might not make a difference, but I would definitely support using it in the playoffs. Just look at last years ALCS, they got the calls right, but it would have been comforting to know that technology was going to prove that A-Rod was a slap-happy biiiiaaaccchhhhh.
9. Why doesn't the Sports Guy know anything about pizza? He put Pinos in Brookline in his "All Time Food Pantheon". Good lord man! It's not even the best pizza on that block! Prestos is without a doubt superior, bigger slices, endearingly gruff service, a two foot pizza for chrissake! The only thing they don't have is the bottle of tequilla that Pinos keeps behind the counter. Clearly the mistake of a graduate from a second rate school, Holy Cross. I suppose he can't be blamed for his mis-educations.
Sidenote: In the same article he mentioned the Heritage diner in Auburn, where the B-Slant was born and raised. He got that one right, the breakfast is great but they have this 18 year old snot faced kid working there that makes you want to sling your breakfast special right into his sneering mug. He's the most obnoxious service person I have ever encountered.
2. How did I get this huge bruise on my left shin? Was there a 12 year old girl with a crush on me running around kicking it, or did a 2 AM soccer game break out and I was remis for being without my shin guards? Actually, I just remembered, it happened when I was walking down the stairs from the bleachers. I was trying to avoid an old woman who was really struggling to get from step to step by sliding past on her left, my foot slid off to the left of the step, crushing my toes and my shin between the aisle seat and the step. And of course this caused me to stumble to the right, therefore almost knocking over the old woman I was initially trying to avoid. Maybe it would be better if I didn't know the answer to this one.
3. Why have genetics and fate forsaken the Red Sox? The only way Mark Bellhorn can be up in as many crucial situations is if he has been cloned and he bats 4 times in the order. Damn you Bellhorn! His "actual" stat line usually reads 0-3 with a walk and 2 strikeouts and a walk, but in reality he bats 12 times a game, mostly with men on base, and strikes out 13 times. A guy sitting in the section to our left last night was actually ejected from the game for wearing a Bellhorn jersey. (Yeah I stole that joke, sorry Rob).
3a. How low does Bellhorn's average have to get before we'll see Bill Mueller at second and Kevin Youkilis at third? He's dancing around the illustrious .230 mark, is Terry thinking, "Gee if he can just get it up to .245 he'll be producing." I understand that you have to stick with your guys but 5 men left of base in last night's game and an American league leading strikeout total is enough for me.
4. How much fun is Jake Ivory's? I had never been there before last night. The dueling pianos were awesome, the crowd was young and friendly (did you say young and friendly on Landsdowne Street? Arugh?), their goofy games etc. keep everyone involved all night, and they serve huge 22's of Corona. And as if that weren't enough I have two words for you bachelorette parties. One girl who's tied down forever and a dozen who are desperate for a "confidence boost."
5. Am I a lame old man for watching the "Law and Order" marathon all morning? I think I have the answer to that one too...
6. Over/under 5, the number of total hours Jason Gore has slept in the last 2 nights? I'm going under, apparently he spent most of the night eating.
6a. Should Reteif Goosen have made the "All Boredom Team"?
7. Which Spurs team will show up tonight? Or rather which Pistons team will show up tonight? Even better, which referees will show up tonight?
7a. Why is this series so boring? Two boring teams, poor play, blowouts, bad officiating, too much defense, Larry Brown, two shitty cities, and the list goes on.
8. Does Skip Bayless' argument about instant replay in the major leagues have any validity? I'm on the fence, I think replay is great, take 4 hours if you have to but just get the calls right. In my opinion losing a game as a result of an officiating error is inexcusable and is not "part of the game" as may purists put it. It's robbery committed on the fans, the players, and it destroys the integrity of the game. On the other hand I really only like replay in football and basketball, once you open pandora's box in baseball are we eventually going to be looking at balls and strikes, or maybe switching to Questech? That would be disasterous. With a 162 game season a call here or there might not make a difference, but I would definitely support using it in the playoffs. Just look at last years ALCS, they got the calls right, but it would have been comforting to know that technology was going to prove that A-Rod was a slap-happy biiiiaaaccchhhhh.
9. Why doesn't the Sports Guy know anything about pizza? He put Pinos in Brookline in his "All Time Food Pantheon". Good lord man! It's not even the best pizza on that block! Prestos is without a doubt superior, bigger slices, endearingly gruff service, a two foot pizza for chrissake! The only thing they don't have is the bottle of tequilla that Pinos keeps behind the counter. Clearly the mistake of a graduate from a second rate school, Holy Cross. I suppose he can't be blamed for his mis-educations.
Sidenote: In the same article he mentioned the Heritage diner in Auburn, where the B-Slant was born and raised. He got that one right, the breakfast is great but they have this 18 year old snot faced kid working there that makes you want to sling your breakfast special right into his sneering mug. He's the most obnoxious service person I have ever encountered.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Inter...esting
The weather in New England stinks.
Don't tell me about the beauty of the changing seasons, the yearly variety, the monotony of eternal sunshine, the first snowfall of the winter, or any other meterological justification for our misery. It just stinks.
I'm sitting here on a Tuesday in June and it is no more than 65 degrees and pouring. Yesterday it was over 90 with 100% humidity and from 93 north in Quincy a haze clouded the skyline so that it looked like a glimpse into a polution ridden future.
Maybe I'm stupid. I'm the idiot that waits around all snowy winter for May to arrive. Then when it's 45 and rainy the week leading up to Memorial Day I prophesize that it cannot get any worse. Then when the sun finally shines it's like someone kicked the ant hill, people everywhere squinting against that mysterious yellow beacon in the sky. I'm elated for those few weeks of the summer when it is truly comfortable here, and then in September I begin to dread the doldrums of winter again.
Thank you, but I've had enough. When the season at the Dockside ends I'm out like the perverbial fat girl in dodgeball.
Of course now that I finish this rant the rain is abetting and the sun is trying to poke it's teasing little grin out of the clouds. Here is where a lesser writer would resort to the old adage, "If you don't like the weather in New England just wait a minute." Instead I will fall upon and even more grizzled and over-effused expression of New Englander angst, "What the fuck!"
So, now that we have that out of the way, what do I want to write about?
Let's see. We have the Red Sox, but I'm not sure I have rant enough left in me to elucidate the seething volcano of rage I felt watching them play so horribly at Wrigley this past weekend. Sure they blew out the Reds last night, but Cincinnati hasn't been .500 since they beat the Sox in the World Series in the early '70s.
Instead...
How is it still unclear to baseball that Interleague play is a total and utter failure? It has completely lost its charm to me and the fact that the games are unfairly biased towards the National League is evident in the overall results. The American League is obviously the stronger, with the best teams (exclude the Cardinals) and the highest payrolls (yes that matters). Over the past 5 years the best teams in baseball have been, in no particular order the Yankees, Angels, Red Sox, Athletics (not this year), Braves, Cardinals, Twins, and this season the White Sox and Orioles. Yes the Marlins broke through and won the World Series 2 years ago, but they barely grabbed the Wild Card to get into those playoffs and consistently they haven't been there. Yet, the National League leads the overall interleague series 1124-1074. Those American League teams I mentioned are 504-469, a decent winning percentage for the top teams in the league. But if you exclude those top teams the American League is 570-755. Of course these stats can be a little deceiving since I did not exclude the top teams in the NL.
The point however, remains the same. The NL is killing the AL in these contests because having a DH makes the NL teams better while having to bat a pitcher makes the AL teams substantially worse. Furthermore, when the pitcher is a part of the batting order it forces teams to play NL style baseball (i.e. bunting, moving runners along, squeezing, etc.) but the DH does not force NL teams to play AL ball. All it allows them to do is pick and choose which style they would like to play based on given situations. Does this mean that the NL teams are better than the AL? Obviously not given that 10 of the last 15 World Champions have come from the AL. It just indicates that the games are unfairly slanted to favor the NL teams.
As if that were not reason enough to call interleague play a failure look at the unbalanced scheduling that it causes. Teams within the same division no longer play the same amount of games against the same teams, meaning that in a NL team could lose the division because they got swept by the Twins while their divisional counterparts swept the Royals. The geographic rivalries make cute story lines but while the Red Sox are playing the ever powerful Braves the Yankees are normally beating up on their brethren from Queens. An even greater injustice is done to the Braves themselves, while their "geographic" series matches them with the Red Sox their division rival Marlins are playing the perennial doormat Devil Rays. Unlike the divisional unbalanced schedule the other shoe never falls for the teams forced to play tougher competition, the geographic rivalries are the same every year causing the same teams to face the same injustice of having to overcome unfair scheduling season after season. So while the Braves are splitting with the Sox the Marlins will gain 2 games every season if they can take care of business against the D-Rays. Totally unfair, and no longer the novelty it once was.
It's time MLB to put a stop to the experiment. It was instituted to bring fans back after the strike of 1994. It worked. Fan attendence is back to where it was and baseball is once again America's past time, but it's time to renew the intrigue of the World Series and stop unfairly punishing teams who happen to be "geographically" matched up against tough competition.
But it's not going to happen. Attendence is up 7% during interleague play and if you think for a second that the owners are going to give up that kind of money (since it really is all about the $$) you're crazy. It will take a total lack of fan interest and a financial LOSS for the owners before this is going to change and such a development is nowhere in sight.
I know this is totally unrelated but the Lakers just re-hired Phil Jackson. I'm not even sure that I care. He cannot get along with Kobe, they don't have Shaq, Lamar Odom is a career long underachiever, and Vlade is 108 years old. Maybe his influence will get them back to the playoffs but how can they expect to compete with Phoenix, Seattle, Sacramento, Dallas, and especially San Antonio. If they were in the East this might mean something, but if they were in the east they wouldn't need Phil Jackson. My prediction: Phil retires still tied with Red Auerbach with 9 championship rings, in less than 3 years.
I'll now use the Phil story to segue into Game 3 of the NBA Finals tonight.
The Spurs are just impressive. There is no denying it. They ran all over Phoenix, out pacing the fastest and most athletic team in the league in a track meet. They beat them at their own game. In the first two games of the finals they have stuffed the Pistons tough minded defense right back down their throat, beating them at their own game. It's not like the NFL Champion Patriots who took what other teams wanted to do most and stopped it, the Spurs take what you want to do and do it better. It's not very exciting to watch but it certainly is impressive.
But now the series is back to Mo-Town, maybe the only advantage the Pistons have, but the only chance they have of crawling back into this series is if they take tonights game by the throat and don't let go. They have to shut down Ginobli, pack it in on Duncan, and make Parker, Horry, and Bowen beat them. Sure if Bowen hits 4 more 3's tonight it will undoubtably be over, but at this stage they have to take their chances. Who knows what they can do offensively? I think they can only hope to keep the game in the 70-80 range and try to pull it out at the end.
Don't you love how quickly we all jump on the Spurs bandwagon? If they lose tonight everyone will be saying, "Okay, now we've got a series! Look out for those scrappy Pistons." The media has been more fickle during these playoffs than I can ever remember. Think back to the beginning of the second round when after game 1 all the Stephen A. Gasbag's of the world were talking about 4 potetial sweeps. 3 of those series actually turned out to be interesting.
Riveting coverage of Sox interleague play continues tonight as they play game 2 of their crucial series with "rival" Cincinnati and their iron man Ken Griffey Jr..
What a joke.
Don't tell me about the beauty of the changing seasons, the yearly variety, the monotony of eternal sunshine, the first snowfall of the winter, or any other meterological justification for our misery. It just stinks.
I'm sitting here on a Tuesday in June and it is no more than 65 degrees and pouring. Yesterday it was over 90 with 100% humidity and from 93 north in Quincy a haze clouded the skyline so that it looked like a glimpse into a polution ridden future.
Maybe I'm stupid. I'm the idiot that waits around all snowy winter for May to arrive. Then when it's 45 and rainy the week leading up to Memorial Day I prophesize that it cannot get any worse. Then when the sun finally shines it's like someone kicked the ant hill, people everywhere squinting against that mysterious yellow beacon in the sky. I'm elated for those few weeks of the summer when it is truly comfortable here, and then in September I begin to dread the doldrums of winter again.
Thank you, but I've had enough. When the season at the Dockside ends I'm out like the perverbial fat girl in dodgeball.
Of course now that I finish this rant the rain is abetting and the sun is trying to poke it's teasing little grin out of the clouds. Here is where a lesser writer would resort to the old adage, "If you don't like the weather in New England just wait a minute." Instead I will fall upon and even more grizzled and over-effused expression of New Englander angst, "What the fuck!"
So, now that we have that out of the way, what do I want to write about?
Let's see. We have the Red Sox, but I'm not sure I have rant enough left in me to elucidate the seething volcano of rage I felt watching them play so horribly at Wrigley this past weekend. Sure they blew out the Reds last night, but Cincinnati hasn't been .500 since they beat the Sox in the World Series in the early '70s.
Instead...
How is it still unclear to baseball that Interleague play is a total and utter failure? It has completely lost its charm to me and the fact that the games are unfairly biased towards the National League is evident in the overall results. The American League is obviously the stronger, with the best teams (exclude the Cardinals) and the highest payrolls (yes that matters). Over the past 5 years the best teams in baseball have been, in no particular order the Yankees, Angels, Red Sox, Athletics (not this year), Braves, Cardinals, Twins, and this season the White Sox and Orioles. Yes the Marlins broke through and won the World Series 2 years ago, but they barely grabbed the Wild Card to get into those playoffs and consistently they haven't been there. Yet, the National League leads the overall interleague series 1124-1074. Those American League teams I mentioned are 504-469, a decent winning percentage for the top teams in the league. But if you exclude those top teams the American League is 570-755. Of course these stats can be a little deceiving since I did not exclude the top teams in the NL.
The point however, remains the same. The NL is killing the AL in these contests because having a DH makes the NL teams better while having to bat a pitcher makes the AL teams substantially worse. Furthermore, when the pitcher is a part of the batting order it forces teams to play NL style baseball (i.e. bunting, moving runners along, squeezing, etc.) but the DH does not force NL teams to play AL ball. All it allows them to do is pick and choose which style they would like to play based on given situations. Does this mean that the NL teams are better than the AL? Obviously not given that 10 of the last 15 World Champions have come from the AL. It just indicates that the games are unfairly slanted to favor the NL teams.
As if that were not reason enough to call interleague play a failure look at the unbalanced scheduling that it causes. Teams within the same division no longer play the same amount of games against the same teams, meaning that in a NL team could lose the division because they got swept by the Twins while their divisional counterparts swept the Royals. The geographic rivalries make cute story lines but while the Red Sox are playing the ever powerful Braves the Yankees are normally beating up on their brethren from Queens. An even greater injustice is done to the Braves themselves, while their "geographic" series matches them with the Red Sox their division rival Marlins are playing the perennial doormat Devil Rays. Unlike the divisional unbalanced schedule the other shoe never falls for the teams forced to play tougher competition, the geographic rivalries are the same every year causing the same teams to face the same injustice of having to overcome unfair scheduling season after season. So while the Braves are splitting with the Sox the Marlins will gain 2 games every season if they can take care of business against the D-Rays. Totally unfair, and no longer the novelty it once was.
It's time MLB to put a stop to the experiment. It was instituted to bring fans back after the strike of 1994. It worked. Fan attendence is back to where it was and baseball is once again America's past time, but it's time to renew the intrigue of the World Series and stop unfairly punishing teams who happen to be "geographically" matched up against tough competition.
But it's not going to happen. Attendence is up 7% during interleague play and if you think for a second that the owners are going to give up that kind of money (since it really is all about the $$) you're crazy. It will take a total lack of fan interest and a financial LOSS for the owners before this is going to change and such a development is nowhere in sight.
I know this is totally unrelated but the Lakers just re-hired Phil Jackson. I'm not even sure that I care. He cannot get along with Kobe, they don't have Shaq, Lamar Odom is a career long underachiever, and Vlade is 108 years old. Maybe his influence will get them back to the playoffs but how can they expect to compete with Phoenix, Seattle, Sacramento, Dallas, and especially San Antonio. If they were in the East this might mean something, but if they were in the east they wouldn't need Phil Jackson. My prediction: Phil retires still tied with Red Auerbach with 9 championship rings, in less than 3 years.
I'll now use the Phil story to segue into Game 3 of the NBA Finals tonight.
The Spurs are just impressive. There is no denying it. They ran all over Phoenix, out pacing the fastest and most athletic team in the league in a track meet. They beat them at their own game. In the first two games of the finals they have stuffed the Pistons tough minded defense right back down their throat, beating them at their own game. It's not like the NFL Champion Patriots who took what other teams wanted to do most and stopped it, the Spurs take what you want to do and do it better. It's not very exciting to watch but it certainly is impressive.
But now the series is back to Mo-Town, maybe the only advantage the Pistons have, but the only chance they have of crawling back into this series is if they take tonights game by the throat and don't let go. They have to shut down Ginobli, pack it in on Duncan, and make Parker, Horry, and Bowen beat them. Sure if Bowen hits 4 more 3's tonight it will undoubtably be over, but at this stage they have to take their chances. Who knows what they can do offensively? I think they can only hope to keep the game in the 70-80 range and try to pull it out at the end.
Don't you love how quickly we all jump on the Spurs bandwagon? If they lose tonight everyone will be saying, "Okay, now we've got a series! Look out for those scrappy Pistons." The media has been more fickle during these playoffs than I can ever remember. Think back to the beginning of the second round when after game 1 all the Stephen A. Gasbag's of the world were talking about 4 potetial sweeps. 3 of those series actually turned out to be interesting.
Riveting coverage of Sox interleague play continues tonight as they play game 2 of their crucial series with "rival" Cincinnati and their iron man Ken Griffey Jr..
What a joke.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Tuesday News Day
Your World Champs...maybe
Last year at this time I was up on my soap box, professing to the world that the Pistons had no more than a snowball's chance in hell of beating the Lakers in the NBA Finals. 5 games later I was shamelessly watching the golden boys of the world's ugliest city celebrating racously after demolishing the Laker dynasty.
So what will happen this year? I have no idea.
On paper the Spurs are better. Duncan is better than either Wallace. Ginobli and Parker are unstoppable when they get into the open court and are much quicker than Prince, Billups, or Hamilton. Bowen will shut down one of Detroit's perimeter options. But last year Shaq and Kobe were unstoppable, so I guess we'll call it a toss up.
Maybe someone will blow up the Palace during game 4 and rid us of a ultimately unsatisfying series.
On that note, all over the media today there is a backlash against the idea that this is going to be a boring series. This reverberation is similar to the Steve Nash MVP vote. I don't hear anyone saying that this is going to be a boring series, all I hear are people saying, "Whoever thinks this is going to be a boring series doesn't appreciate good team basketball," or, "Just because this isn't as sexy as the Suns versus the Heat doesn't mean that it won't be a quality contest." That sounds a lot like, "Just because Steve Nash doesn't put up 30 points per game doesn't mean that he isn't a deserving MVP." There is just such a negative reaction towards the superstar culture of the NBA recently. How can the same men (and women) who built this problem all of a sudden turn on it so violently? Remember that the media coverage of the one man Allen "I will never ever ever pass the ball" shows in the NBA are what precipitated this problem in the first place.
Pin me down and force me to choose I'll reluctantly take the Spurs in 6 because they have home court and damn it I just don't like the Pistons.
Other stuff on Tuesday:
Surging to the top of the list of "Stupidest Ways to Ruin Your Career" just behind Mark Rypien's back wall head-butt, is Rockies rookie short stop Clint Barnes will likely miss the rest of the season after injuring himself while carrying groceries up the stairs to his apartment. In other news the Rockies GM was found swinging by a rope in his office this afternoon.
Vikings running back Onterrio Smith will miss the entire 2005-2006 season after being suspended for his "third strike" from the NFL's substance abuse policy. He was caught transporting a device for beating drug tests through an airport. During questioning by airport security Smith attempted the ever popular, "throw anonymous cousin under the bus," defense which once worked for Patriots stars Terry Glenn and Ty Law. Smith would have been better off claiming the prosthetic penis was, "for the missus if you know what I mean."
The Red Sox were just handled by the St. Louis Cardinals last night in the first game of a three game World Series rematch. They fell 7-1 to Matt Morris who tossed a complete game 5 hitter. This would be perfectly acceptable if the "mole rat" of the MLB David Eckstein hadn't been the catalyst to the Cardinals offense. Eckstein is professional baseball's version of the pug, short, ugly, yippy, and obnoxious. I would rather have seen Pujols go deep twice, at least someone would have gotten fantasy points out of it.
The Major League "1st year players" draft was held today. Why is this a non event? Oh right because there's something like 10,000 rounds, 90% of the players never make it out of AA and there are two other drafts later in the year! I think I was actually drafted by the Expos last year, and signed to a A league contract. Think about this, only 4 number one overall picks have ever won the MVP, and Albert Pujols the game's best player was taken in the 13th round. This is a pack page story at best and deserves even less coverage than it gets. The Sox took a closer with their first pick by the way.
Call me crazy but I'm starting to think that Drew Rosenhaus isn't the devil. Sure it's all going to come crashing down on him someday, but read the front page article on ESPN.com today and you'll see that there is definitely a method to the madness. He has over 90 clients and no freaking secretary, the guy is a machine. The argument that since the teams can cut players with no consequences if they don't perform why can't the players demand more money when they exceed expectations actually makes a modicum of sense. The problem is that it totally discounts the fans. There is no attention whatsoever paid to the fact that the fans who scrape together money for tickets are subjected to the lunacy of rich men arguing over millions which in the long run will make almost no difference in their excessively deep pockets. It's somewhat nauseating but there is no denying the Rosenhaus knows how to play the game.
It's 85 and sunny and too nice to be sitting in here writing. More next week.
Monday, June 06, 2005
Hell Freezes Over
Write it down, June 6, 2005 at 4:11 PM. Skip Bayless said something that I agree with. I hope you like this time of day because obviously the world has stopped spinning.
Wait, nevermind, he was merely disagreeing with something said by Woody Paige so it cancels itself out. It's like adding an equal positive and negative, no matter how big or apparently impressive either side is the end result is 0.
Is there a show on television worse than "1st and 10"?
It's not possible, I know I rant and rave about this all the time but what are the producers at ESPN thinking putting these two blowharts together on the same set? Anyway, before I use this entire blog to rip each any every word uttered by the magical moron twins. (Paige just said, "I'll give you two words for Triple Crown 'Pu' and 'jols'." Ahh Woody that's one word...and it's a name...my GOD!)
So back to the point here, my agreement with Skip Bayless, a slightly rarer event than a full solar eclipse. There is some talk about Roger Clemens returning to Boston, or maybe to New York. Woody is of the opinion that the Rocket wants to return to Boston to mend fences with his original fans and the rescue the floundering world champions and that he will not go to New York because he's through with the circus of the New York media. Huh?
Circus? If the New York media is a circus the Boston media is the side show, just as loud and obnoxious but on a smaller scale. Maybe say that Clemens will not return to New York because they're 7 games out of first in mid June and have little to no chance of climbing all the way back especially with at least 2 teams in front of them.
He will not return to the Red Sox for an even more compelling reason. There's nothing left to be done here that hasn't already been done by his contemporary Curt Schilling. Whatever Clemens does will not compare with what Schilling did by vanquishing the curse and bringing the city it's first championship in 86 years, especially since Clemens was the ace of the Sox staff for 15 of those years. Furthermore, Schilling did what Clemens failed to do in Game 7 of the 1986 World Series against the Mets, he won the biggest game of his career in Game 6 of the ALCS at Yankee Stadium. Clemens may be the greatest Red Sox pitcher of all time, and he may be one of the top right handers of all time but in this town he will always play second fiddle to the man (men if you count Pedro) that brought the city what he could not, baseball satisfaction.
Now do not get me wrong, Clemens could do a lot of good for a team just holding on by a thread on the mound these days, but he will not want to come here. His family is in Texas, his 3 sons play within driving distance of Houston. He has experienced the two most intense media markets in baseball and nearly retired before resurrecting himself from another shallow grave for 2 more seasons in Houston and at least one more Cy Young. He could have continued to play in New York but he chose not to and even lied to the boss and had a retirement party in order to avoid playing another season under the brightest lights in sports. He is living on easy street in Houston. There is no pressure, he does not have to travel if he does not want to, he is making a ton of money, he is cementing himself as probably the greatest righty other than Nolan Ryan, and the lights of the media are dim and friendly. There is nothing left for Clemens to prove in Boston or New York and for that reason he will end his career in Houston, maybe with another Cy Young and a legend untarnished.
Okay, Skippy enjoy your time in the sun because tomorrow I'll be back to blasting you, and regardless of whether or not I agree with your stance on Clemens you're still an ass clown and your article about Shaq's legacy on ESPN.com today was 2 pages of assinine drivel. As I say the sun even shines on a dog's ass somedays.
On a totally unrelated note Mike Tyson is a complete lunatic. He is now comparing himself to Jeffrey Daumer, saying that if the media found a whole bunch of bodies and heads that they would rather accuse him of, "eating those people," than the late Daumer. Where does he come up with this stuff, and is he really insane or is he just the greatest self-publicist of all time? Maybe he just realizes that he's falling out of interest with the media and he says to himself, "Well, time to go coo-koo again, maybe I'll talk about eating babies, that always works."
The Red Sox return to the scene of their World Series victory tonight when they open a series in St. Louis. This would be great except for the fact that St. Louis is still the best team in the NL and frankly I'd rather not see them on the schedule. I'll go and take pictures of the stadium but keep Albert "Two Words for Triple Crown" Pu - Jols out of the batters box against Alan Embree's dead straight 90 MPH slow ball.
Wait, nevermind, he was merely disagreeing with something said by Woody Paige so it cancels itself out. It's like adding an equal positive and negative, no matter how big or apparently impressive either side is the end result is 0.
Is there a show on television worse than "1st and 10"?
It's not possible, I know I rant and rave about this all the time but what are the producers at ESPN thinking putting these two blowharts together on the same set? Anyway, before I use this entire blog to rip each any every word uttered by the magical moron twins. (Paige just said, "I'll give you two words for Triple Crown 'Pu' and 'jols'." Ahh Woody that's one word...and it's a name...my GOD!)
So back to the point here, my agreement with Skip Bayless, a slightly rarer event than a full solar eclipse. There is some talk about Roger Clemens returning to Boston, or maybe to New York. Woody is of the opinion that the Rocket wants to return to Boston to mend fences with his original fans and the rescue the floundering world champions and that he will not go to New York because he's through with the circus of the New York media. Huh?
Circus? If the New York media is a circus the Boston media is the side show, just as loud and obnoxious but on a smaller scale. Maybe say that Clemens will not return to New York because they're 7 games out of first in mid June and have little to no chance of climbing all the way back especially with at least 2 teams in front of them.
He will not return to the Red Sox for an even more compelling reason. There's nothing left to be done here that hasn't already been done by his contemporary Curt Schilling. Whatever Clemens does will not compare with what Schilling did by vanquishing the curse and bringing the city it's first championship in 86 years, especially since Clemens was the ace of the Sox staff for 15 of those years. Furthermore, Schilling did what Clemens failed to do in Game 7 of the 1986 World Series against the Mets, he won the biggest game of his career in Game 6 of the ALCS at Yankee Stadium. Clemens may be the greatest Red Sox pitcher of all time, and he may be one of the top right handers of all time but in this town he will always play second fiddle to the man (men if you count Pedro) that brought the city what he could not, baseball satisfaction.
Now do not get me wrong, Clemens could do a lot of good for a team just holding on by a thread on the mound these days, but he will not want to come here. His family is in Texas, his 3 sons play within driving distance of Houston. He has experienced the two most intense media markets in baseball and nearly retired before resurrecting himself from another shallow grave for 2 more seasons in Houston and at least one more Cy Young. He could have continued to play in New York but he chose not to and even lied to the boss and had a retirement party in order to avoid playing another season under the brightest lights in sports. He is living on easy street in Houston. There is no pressure, he does not have to travel if he does not want to, he is making a ton of money, he is cementing himself as probably the greatest righty other than Nolan Ryan, and the lights of the media are dim and friendly. There is nothing left for Clemens to prove in Boston or New York and for that reason he will end his career in Houston, maybe with another Cy Young and a legend untarnished.
Okay, Skippy enjoy your time in the sun because tomorrow I'll be back to blasting you, and regardless of whether or not I agree with your stance on Clemens you're still an ass clown and your article about Shaq's legacy on ESPN.com today was 2 pages of assinine drivel. As I say the sun even shines on a dog's ass somedays.
On a totally unrelated note Mike Tyson is a complete lunatic. He is now comparing himself to Jeffrey Daumer, saying that if the media found a whole bunch of bodies and heads that they would rather accuse him of, "eating those people," than the late Daumer. Where does he come up with this stuff, and is he really insane or is he just the greatest self-publicist of all time? Maybe he just realizes that he's falling out of interest with the media and he says to himself, "Well, time to go coo-koo again, maybe I'll talk about eating babies, that always works."
The Red Sox return to the scene of their World Series victory tonight when they open a series in St. Louis. This would be great except for the fact that St. Louis is still the best team in the NL and frankly I'd rather not see them on the schedule. I'll go and take pictures of the stadium but keep Albert "Two Words for Triple Crown" Pu - Jols out of the batters box against Alan Embree's dead straight 90 MPH slow ball.
Friday, June 03, 2005
PAPI!!
What else can I say? He's one of the top clutch hitters in baseball, and proved that yet again yesterday with his 3-run walk off blast off Orioles closer B.J. Ryan.
Red Sox nation owes D.O. a boatload and more. What a legend he is building for himself in Boston lore.
* It's going to be 80+ and sunny this weekend, perfect Dockside drinking weather. You know where I'll be.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Disgraceful
As if there were not enough reasons to despise the military engagements in Iraq and Afghanistan the Army just gave us another.
Following the events of September 11th former Arizona Cardinals defensive back Pat Tillman turned down a multi-million dollar contract extension and enlisted in the Army. His performance in basic training qualified him for Ranger school. After surviving the physically and mentally agonizing Ranger training Tillman and his unit were sent to Iraq and eventually to Afghanistan.
Ranger missions are shrouded in secrecy. They work on clandestine operations, most often laying the groundwork for larger general military actions. As such the exact circumstances of the mission Tillman's platoon was performing when he was killed are unknown.
What we had been led to believe by the Pentagon was that Tillman was heroically slain by enemy fire while, "storming a hill," and "barking orders to his fellow Rangers." President Bush himself related this story in the most public of forums, in a recorded statement broadcast at halftime of "Pat Tillman Day" at a Cardinals home game soon after the incident. Now, months after his death it seems that story is a propaganda fairy tale, told not only to the press and the public but also to his grieving family.
The truth, and I use that word loosely because it is becoming apparent that in the eyes of the Pentagon the truth is a passe principle deemed inconveiently ineffective in "wartime", is that Tillman was killed by friendly fire after a series of miscommunications and an ill advised order to divide his platoon on a desolate hill near the Pakistan border. According to reports the offending soldiers knew almost immediately what they had done, but were kept quiet by officals on the ground in Afghanistan. After his death Tillman's uniform and body armor were burned by his platoon mates.
The Army's public statement made no mention of friendly fire despite the fact that they had sworn testimony from 14 of his fellow Rangers, clearly indicating the true cause of his death.
The reason for these lies is obvious and the indicative consequences of such untruths strip me of the last shreds of faith I had in the integrity of our military leaders. To use the death of a true American hero to generate patriotic spirit and to boost military recruiting nationwide is one of the great injustices and grossest manipulations of a tragedy I have ever encountered. The "Sin of Spin" is one aspect of political life, I understand this, but to unabashedly lie to a grieving family because their son happens to be the highest profile foot soldier in history to avoid the windfall of criticism that would come from such a public mistake is a travesty and a crime. No parent deserves to be put through what the Tillmans have endured. The death of their son is loss enough, they need not be placed at the eye of a storm by calculating manipulative polticians. How can a family be expected to cope with such a heartbreaking loss when they are denied the truth and then forced to deal with the event all over again when the facts are finally revealed? For the family it must feel as though he died twice.
By entering the Army Pat Tillman allowed himself to be used to their ends in life, but he never signed up to be used and manipulated in death. The fact that he was killed by the very soldiers for and with whom he was fighting enough has afflicted more than enough tragedy upon him, to then use him as the poster boy of a factless propaganda campaign robs him of well earned dignity even in death. The Pentagon's actions and lies have debased and spoiled one of the great stories of selflessness in American history, and while Pat Tillman will always be a hero for his sacrifices his story will always be accompanied by an asterix and a black mark that should stain the integrity of our military forever.
Calls for retribution from the Pentagon have come in from far and wide. A net search yeilds hundreds of thousands of commentaries on this issue and mine is but one, but someone needs to stand responsible for this travesty and while nothing will bring Tillman back to life, accountability will help to ensure that this doesn't happen to the family of another American sacrifical lamb. Unfortunately we will receive no satisfaction on this issue. No one will stand accountable for the lies and the manipulations and no doubt they will continue, maybe with lower profile victims to avoid the scrutiny that surrounded the Tillman slaying, but the stories will remain the same. There will be another poster boy for American patriotism, a young man killed in noble service of his country, but will we know the truth or will his life be nothing more than fodder for a recruiting package? The fact that I even have to ask that question is problem enough.
This story makes me sick and scares the living daylights out of me. Where does it stop?
Following the events of September 11th former Arizona Cardinals defensive back Pat Tillman turned down a multi-million dollar contract extension and enlisted in the Army. His performance in basic training qualified him for Ranger school. After surviving the physically and mentally agonizing Ranger training Tillman and his unit were sent to Iraq and eventually to Afghanistan.
Ranger missions are shrouded in secrecy. They work on clandestine operations, most often laying the groundwork for larger general military actions. As such the exact circumstances of the mission Tillman's platoon was performing when he was killed are unknown.
What we had been led to believe by the Pentagon was that Tillman was heroically slain by enemy fire while, "storming a hill," and "barking orders to his fellow Rangers." President Bush himself related this story in the most public of forums, in a recorded statement broadcast at halftime of "Pat Tillman Day" at a Cardinals home game soon after the incident. Now, months after his death it seems that story is a propaganda fairy tale, told not only to the press and the public but also to his grieving family.
The truth, and I use that word loosely because it is becoming apparent that in the eyes of the Pentagon the truth is a passe principle deemed inconveiently ineffective in "wartime", is that Tillman was killed by friendly fire after a series of miscommunications and an ill advised order to divide his platoon on a desolate hill near the Pakistan border. According to reports the offending soldiers knew almost immediately what they had done, but were kept quiet by officals on the ground in Afghanistan. After his death Tillman's uniform and body armor were burned by his platoon mates.
The Army's public statement made no mention of friendly fire despite the fact that they had sworn testimony from 14 of his fellow Rangers, clearly indicating the true cause of his death.
The reason for these lies is obvious and the indicative consequences of such untruths strip me of the last shreds of faith I had in the integrity of our military leaders. To use the death of a true American hero to generate patriotic spirit and to boost military recruiting nationwide is one of the great injustices and grossest manipulations of a tragedy I have ever encountered. The "Sin of Spin" is one aspect of political life, I understand this, but to unabashedly lie to a grieving family because their son happens to be the highest profile foot soldier in history to avoid the windfall of criticism that would come from such a public mistake is a travesty and a crime. No parent deserves to be put through what the Tillmans have endured. The death of their son is loss enough, they need not be placed at the eye of a storm by calculating manipulative polticians. How can a family be expected to cope with such a heartbreaking loss when they are denied the truth and then forced to deal with the event all over again when the facts are finally revealed? For the family it must feel as though he died twice.
By entering the Army Pat Tillman allowed himself to be used to their ends in life, but he never signed up to be used and manipulated in death. The fact that he was killed by the very soldiers for and with whom he was fighting enough has afflicted more than enough tragedy upon him, to then use him as the poster boy of a factless propaganda campaign robs him of well earned dignity even in death. The Pentagon's actions and lies have debased and spoiled one of the great stories of selflessness in American history, and while Pat Tillman will always be a hero for his sacrifices his story will always be accompanied by an asterix and a black mark that should stain the integrity of our military forever.
Calls for retribution from the Pentagon have come in from far and wide. A net search yeilds hundreds of thousands of commentaries on this issue and mine is but one, but someone needs to stand responsible for this travesty and while nothing will bring Tillman back to life, accountability will help to ensure that this doesn't happen to the family of another American sacrifical lamb. Unfortunately we will receive no satisfaction on this issue. No one will stand accountable for the lies and the manipulations and no doubt they will continue, maybe with lower profile victims to avoid the scrutiny that surrounded the Tillman slaying, but the stories will remain the same. There will be another poster boy for American patriotism, a young man killed in noble service of his country, but will we know the truth or will his life be nothing more than fodder for a recruiting package? The fact that I even have to ask that question is problem enough.
This story makes me sick and scares the living daylights out of me. Where does it stop?
Monday, May 23, 2005
The All Boredom Team
And the winner is...
Today's 11 AM Sportscenter may as well have been the Tim Duncan show. It was all the analysts could do to contain their awe, with good reason, at his performance in yesterday's game 1 of the Western Conference Finals. 28, 15, and 4. Huge numbers, especially when you consider his injured ankle and his arduous defensive assignments, including Amare Stoudemire. While I was impressed by his stats, and especially his 11 crucial 4th quarter points, I couldn't stop thinking that Duncan was without a doubt the most boring super star in the NBA if not all professional sports...
Which got me wondering, who are the most boring stars in sports today?
NBA:
This is the easiest by far. Duncan's numbers are Hall of Fame caliber and then some. Since being selected first in 1997 in 586 games Duncan has averaged 22.5 points, 12.2 rebounds, and 3.1 assists. His shooting percentage is .507, an ungodly number even for a center. He shoots free throws at nearly 70%, and averages almost 40 minutes a game. In his 8 seasons as a pro he has been named to an all NBA team every year, a feat only bested by Larry Bird who was chosen 9 times in his first 9 seasons. If he retired today he would be in Springfield on May 24th 2010 unanimously.
Despite all that, he's just dull. His bread and butter move is catching the ball with his back to the basket on the left block, making some advance towards the basket by either squaring up or spinning to the lane, and hitting either a baby hook from 6 feet or a 10 foot bank shot. Unstopable, but boring as hell. He hardly ever dunks because he can't beat anyone off the dribble, and when he does jam it is an understated old-school flush with no flair. He hardly ever gets more than 6 inches off the floor, luckily at 7 feet he doesn't need to. On the defensive end he plays strong, effective, hands up defense. He blocks a fair amount of shots, 2.54 per game for his career, but his blocks are intelligent. He never swats the ball into the first row, he tips the ball to himself or to a teammate. Off the court he is quiet and respectful, never in the news or flanked by an Iversonesque entourage. He is well spoken and says the right thing, probably because he wants to, not because it's the party line. In short he is a coach's dream, and is the opposite of all that is wrong with the NBA, and NBA fans. He will never be appreciated for the player he is precisely because of the traits that make him great. NBA insiders and Spurs fans will always recognize his greatness, but to the average fan he is the crown jewel of boring super stars.
GOLF:
When you are the most boring super star in the world's most stuffy and gentelmanly game you know that you are really really boring. Vijay Singh is a quiet assassin on the golf course, but he plays the game with literally no personality or fire. Coming into this season Vijay was ranked number 1 in the World Golf Rankings, a crown once thought to be perfmanently affixed to the head of Tiger Woods. He has 27 PGA tour victories, 22 internationl victories, 5 President's Cup appearances, one Master's title and 2 PGA Championships. This season he is number 1 on the money list, and he lead the tour in earnings in both 2003 and 2004. The older he gets the better he seems to play. Since 2003 he has won 16 times and has amassed 41 top 10 finishes. At one point he finished in the top 10 in 12 consecutive events and is one of only 6 golfers to win 9 or more tournaments in one season.
Despite his astronomical achievements over the past 2+ seasons he is nowhere near the pantheon of Woods, Mickelson, and Els in terms of fan support, endorsements, or overall interest. Why? Because he is a machine. His work ethic is legendary. Other golfers marvel at the amount of time he spends on the range and his intense off season workouts have reached mythical status on the PGA rumor mill. On the course he rarely makes a peep, except to allegedly call out Phil Mickelson. When he makes a good shot there is no smiling, no fist pumping, seemingly no reaction at all. When he makes a bad shot the stone face remains. He is like Ivan Drago, the Russain from Rocky IV. You marvel at his strength and ability but the idea of sitting down to lunch with him is as appealing as the Russian winter. Golf is not a self sustaining entity like football, it requires side stories outside of yardages and wind speed to hold the average viewer. The game, as a spectator sport, is not intriguing enough to the average Sunday viewer to subsist on it's own. Super stars and their stories are what drive the marketability of the tour, without them attendance would plummet and TV ratings would disappear. A tour full of Vijays would be a tour destined to play to empty courses and itchy channel changing fingers. That's why you only hear about his numbers, in a sport already bogged down by technicalities his is the definition of mechanical, and therefore too boring.
MLB:
This one is a little bit tougher. There are a few names that immediately come to mind, but I'm going to go with the first name that popped into my head, Greg Maddux. In his 19 years Maddux's career has been defined by one word, and even it is a boring word: location. The basis of his success has been that he can move the ball inside and out, up and down with such exact control that each hitter's weak zones can be exploited. As a result Maddux has accumulated fantastic numbers, 307 wins, a career 2.96 ERA, 17 consecutive seasons with 15 or more wins, 105 complete games, 34 shutouts, only 882 walks in 4236 innings, opponents are hitting .245 against him with an on base percentage of only .289, their slugging is .345, and their OPS is a shockingly low .630. Twice in his career he has had a season ERA under 2.0. His overall winning percentage is .636. Once again, Hall of Fame numbers.
Maddux, like Duncan, is boring because of what he does so well. As fans we like to see 98 mph fastballs and 14 strikeouts over 7 innings. We never see that from him. He has often been compared to a surgeon because of his exacting control, patience with hitters, and ability to exploit every weakness to his advantage. If he walks a batter it is probably intentional and he is regularly at the bottom of the league in terms of batters hit by pitch. His mechanics are simple and compact, his leg kick is low, his arm slot is normal, and he finishes in the best fielding position of any pitcher in the last century (as evidenced by his multiple gold gloves). Maddux has never tossed an elderly man to the ground nor has he pointed to his head to tell an opposing catcher to watch it. He has no stare, no intimidation, and worst of all he frequently wears glasses on the mound. The simplicity of his game can be summed up by the fact that he credits his success to finger pressure he exerts on the ball upon release causing it to sink. He is so boring that I actually can't think of a single funny thing to say about him. He'll be laughing all the way to Cooperstown, but nonetheless he stands at the top of baseballs most boring super stars.
NFL:
Since I'm limiting this list to super stars I'm going to stay away from any Patriots player for this category. They, as a team are boring to anyone outside of New England. Since I live here I think they're fascinating, but they don't even have a single star worth mentioning. In their stead I will choose one of their favorite victims, Marvin Harrison. Although recently involved in a fight with alleged autograph seekers Harrison is usually the quiet, underappreciated cog in the Colts offensive wrecking crew. Peyton gets the glory, Reggie Wayne celebrates in the end zone, Harrison rings up huge numbers. Sine 1996 he has accounted for 845 receptions (93.8 per season), 11,185 yards (1243 per season), 98 touchdowns (10.8 per season), 13.2 yards per catch, and has missed only 5 games. Harrison has been the go to guy in football's best offense for so long that it is so routine to watch him beat double teams that he hardly gets credit for it anymore. Unlike other members of this illustrious club, he often makes the spectacular catch, one handed, end line tap dancing type grabs that defy physics. So why then is Harrison so boring?
Perhaps it isn't entirely his fault. He is overshadowed by the most highly regarded quarterback in the league. His personality is diminutive and quiet, his touchdowns are celebrated by everyone but him. He has never pulled a cell phone from the goal post, mooned cheese heads, grabbed pom poms, or had any writing implements on his person. Maybe the fact that he is boring is more of an indictment of Joe Horn, Randy Moss, and T.O.. Whatever the reason, people show up and tune in to see big name receivers who have substantially less statistical backing than Harrison, more to see what they'll do if they score, not how they score. Regardless, it is interesting to watch the Colt's machine move up and down the field on everyone but New England, but it isn't Harrison's heroics that keep us watching. As for his spectacular catches, the reason he gets minimal credit for them is that he makes them look easy. What is physically impossible for the Freddy Mitchell's of the world is a walk in the park for someone of Harrison's ability, so to us it looks less spectacular, and his lack of flair makes the total package rather vanilla.
COACHING:
Giving this award to Bill Belichick would be like giving the MVP to Jordan every year in the '90s. He should have gotten it, but didn't because the media wanted to keep it interesting. Since we all know that Bill is quite possibly the most boring human being in the world, sports not withstanding, I'll call this the "Belichick Award for Second Most Boring Coach". My choice here may seem a little off but I have a reason so please read on. Phil Jackson. Once again his stats are unquestionable. He is tied with Red Auerbach for the most championships as a head coach with 9, 6 with the Bulls and 3 with the Lakers. He could pretty much point his finger at a job and it would be his. He has been mentioned in connection with the coaching vacancies of the Knicks, Cavs, and Lakers. Jackson is in that rarified air of people that can pick and choose when and if they want to work, and if they so choose the red carpet and the millions are rolled out to match.
What makes Jackson boring to me is that I just can't figure out what he does. Everyone talks about this triangle offense that has won him 9 rings, how long does that take to implement in practice, a week, a month? He never calls timeouts at the junctures where all coaches call timeouts, he prefers to let his teams play out of their dry spells, a policy that works sometimes but more often than not forces him to call a timeout later at a more desperate time. He hardly says anything during the games, and sits on the sideline for the majority of the game, legs folded, face placid. Not to mention that Jackson has been blessed with perhaps 3 of the 5 best players in the last 15 years in Jordan, Kobe, and Shaq. It seems like he is more of a passenger of his teams trains to glory than the driver. Maybe there are all sorts of things that I don't know about that go on in the background, but how much teaching is done when you are at helm of a veteran team that has already had great success in the years before your arrival? I just don't see Phil as a guy who tailors a strategy around what he has to work with and who is able to milk the very best from a group of players. He is more of a Jaguar repairman. His machines run to great success on their own because of superior building, all he has to do is troublshoot now and again and they continue to sail. Set it and let it run is not interesting coaching to me, and that makes Phil boring in my opinion. Besides who really buys that Zen ooddooo vooodooo crap anyway?
Mike Scioscia of the Angels was a close second in this voting, but I went with Phil because I don't think you can call Scioscia a super star by any means. If he had won a few championships it would be a land slide, the man is simply stone faced all the time, I don't think I've ever seen him move any part of his body from the neck up and that includes speaking and breathing. His interviews are a small step up in terms of interest from Belichick's and that still puts him in the Chia-Pet category of boredom.
NHL:
Can one player be more boring than another when the entire league hasn't played in a year and may never again return to the United States? No. The only player I exclude from this list is Joe Thornton formerly of the Bruins because his Swiss team won the Swiss professional championship and in the parade they dressed him up like a freaking king, flowing glistening robe and all. Robes are cool i.e. not boring.
HONORABLE MENTION:
Todd Helton: Not his fault that he's been on a terrible team in Colorado. Career .337 hitter who just takes the abuse of losing day after day. Speak up and get your ass out of there while you still have some lead in your pencil Todd!
Keith Foulke: Always looks bored or scared. They alternate, when he's pitching he looks scared, when they win he looks bored. Repeat.
Ben Wallace: Rebounding and defense are boring, period.
Reteif Goosen: South African version of Vijay.
Priest Holmes: Ridiculous numbers, sporatically good team = boring.
BC Basketball: See Seton Hall post from February, BORING!
* If the irony of this post is lost on you then you my friend are as much a part of the problem as the athletes whose behavior relegates these stars to the backburner of sports coverage due to their adherance to the rules of society.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
I'm Shocked!
Sigh...
No I'm not.
1.1 innings, 7 hits, and 7 earned runs.
I'm not going to do what you think I'm going to do. I'm not going to blast Wells for being a fat, useless, Yankee loving, drunk that rushed back too soon from his foot injury to ensure that he makes the requisite number of starts to trigger his salary bonus. I'm not going to do that.
Okay maybe I just did, but I'm only going to say it that once. And believe me I'm showing an awful lot of restraint here since I can't stand this guy to begin with and his performance today is just begging to be blasted.
So since I am not letting myself fly off the handle I will merely present these facts to accentuate how truly deplorable Wells' performance was.
The A's have quite possibly the worst offense in the A.L. and certainly have the worst of the teams the Red Sox have faced thus far. Coming into today, as a team, they were batting .238 with a tawdry OPS of .655. Overall they rank 29th out of 30 in team batting. They are 29th in runs, 27th in hits, 28th in doubles, last in home runs, last in total bases, 29th in RBI, last in batting average, 25th in on base percentage, last in slugging (by almost 30 points), and last in OPS.
So how, pray-tell do you give up 7 runs in 1.1 innings to a team that is last in 5 out of 10 offensive categories?
You pitch hurt, you pitch out of shape, and you pitch with no desire to be in your uniform, that's how.
I'm telling you right now the Wells signing is going to end up looking about as good as the Mo Vaughn signing looks to Mets fans. (Okay nothing will ever look that bad...) It's one thing if Theo has a thing for fat girls, no problem, but fat guys? This is way beyond the moped rule Theo, all of your friends have found out.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
North Country
Hey kids, I'm writing to you from the North Country of Canton New York, which plays host to St. Lawrence University and it's Sunday graduation and just about nothing else. It takes about 7 hours to get here from Boston and 3 of those hours are spent on a one lane, occassionally dirt, "highway". Among the highlights of Canton are snow, toothless townies, Canadian radio, cheap Labatt, and snow.
Naturally, as the entirety of my day yesterday was spent in the car my only entertainment was letting the radio scan for ESPN affiliates, which would come in for 20-30 minutes and then fade into static, only to be followed by another scan, another station, repeat.
As such, I heard these ESPN headlines about a hundred times each.
The lead story throughout the afternoon was Tiger Woods missing the cut at the Byron Nelson Classic by 1 stroke after a bogey on 18. 2 things. 1 Byron must be laughing in his grave (yea I know he's not dead but he's so close that I'm going to presume) since he held the previous record of 113 consecutive cuts. 2 Tiger doesn't care about this one iota, now he'll spend the weekend with his smoking hot wife and his millions. No sympathy. Regardless, the record was insignificant, Tiger will be judged on major victories, not on whether or not he finishes in the top half of a meaningless field a few hundred times.
Dana Patrick will race in her first Indy 500 on Sunday. This is only a story because she's cute, if she looked like Roseanne we would never have heard of her. If she wins that's great, if she crashes it will just be another accident caused by a woman driver. (Oohhhh!)
Why does ESPN have the rights to the NBA Playoffs but does not carry the radio broadcast? It was a very sad moment at hour 5 when I realized that I was not going to have the Pacers v. Pistons game to carry me through the last few hours. Not to mention that since they weren't covering the game they ESPN Radio refused to give timely updates about the game, and when they did give updates they just mentioned the score and what quarter it was, not even how much time was remaining. It's as if they were saying, "Fine! You won't let us carry the broadcast, we're going to pretend these games don't exist! So there!" :-P Luckily Fox Sports Radio does a "gametime react" where they basically give everything short of play by play.
Pistons fans are rioting in their dirty run-down streets today. How are they down 2-1 to the Pacers? Reggie didn't even play well last night and they still lost. It's like Indiana is a black hole causing a league wide implosion wherever they go. Maybe if they had Ron Artest they would have a chance against Miami, not that I think they're going to be able to win 2 more.
Beyond the score I have no idea what happened in the Mavs v. Suns game last night. There, I said it, I'm clueless, someone write me a recap in a response to this.
I'm really starting to think that T.O. isn't going to play this season. His agent Drew Rosenhaus has absolutely poisoned his perspective and is, in the long run, going to cost him millions and more importantly the respect of his teammates. T.O. has been put in a no win situation. If he backs off his enormous ego takes a hit and a blow is landed for the ownership, if he doesn't he'll miss the entire season because I'm getting no sense that Jeffrey Lurie or anyone in the Eagles camp has any interest in giving in to this arrogant misanthrope. In fact, they can't, if they do they're opening a huge Pandora's box. Who knows when he'll decide he's unhappy again and demand that they pony up another 50 million. We'll be talking about this every off season.
Ty Law met with the Dolphins yesterday. HA! Go ahead Ty, take the money from Miami. You might as well end your playoff career with a Super Bowl win because you will never see the post season again. "The Law" is in for a harsh reality.
Yay! Time for the "President's Reception and Cocktail Party".
Snooty Academic: "So what do you do son?"
Me: "I'm a bartender."
Snooty Academic: "Good, get me a gin and tonic."
Me: "Ahh...I don't work here."
Snooty Academic: "Bombay Sapphire, extra lime."
Thump, as Snotty Academic hits the flooor.
Naturally, as the entirety of my day yesterday was spent in the car my only entertainment was letting the radio scan for ESPN affiliates, which would come in for 20-30 minutes and then fade into static, only to be followed by another scan, another station, repeat.
As such, I heard these ESPN headlines about a hundred times each.
The lead story throughout the afternoon was Tiger Woods missing the cut at the Byron Nelson Classic by 1 stroke after a bogey on 18. 2 things. 1 Byron must be laughing in his grave (yea I know he's not dead but he's so close that I'm going to presume) since he held the previous record of 113 consecutive cuts. 2 Tiger doesn't care about this one iota, now he'll spend the weekend with his smoking hot wife and his millions. No sympathy. Regardless, the record was insignificant, Tiger will be judged on major victories, not on whether or not he finishes in the top half of a meaningless field a few hundred times.
Dana Patrick will race in her first Indy 500 on Sunday. This is only a story because she's cute, if she looked like Roseanne we would never have heard of her. If she wins that's great, if she crashes it will just be another accident caused by a woman driver. (Oohhhh!)
Why does ESPN have the rights to the NBA Playoffs but does not carry the radio broadcast? It was a very sad moment at hour 5 when I realized that I was not going to have the Pacers v. Pistons game to carry me through the last few hours. Not to mention that since they weren't covering the game they ESPN Radio refused to give timely updates about the game, and when they did give updates they just mentioned the score and what quarter it was, not even how much time was remaining. It's as if they were saying, "Fine! You won't let us carry the broadcast, we're going to pretend these games don't exist! So there!" :-P Luckily Fox Sports Radio does a "gametime react" where they basically give everything short of play by play.
Pistons fans are rioting in their dirty run-down streets today. How are they down 2-1 to the Pacers? Reggie didn't even play well last night and they still lost. It's like Indiana is a black hole causing a league wide implosion wherever they go. Maybe if they had Ron Artest they would have a chance against Miami, not that I think they're going to be able to win 2 more.
Beyond the score I have no idea what happened in the Mavs v. Suns game last night. There, I said it, I'm clueless, someone write me a recap in a response to this.
I'm really starting to think that T.O. isn't going to play this season. His agent Drew Rosenhaus has absolutely poisoned his perspective and is, in the long run, going to cost him millions and more importantly the respect of his teammates. T.O. has been put in a no win situation. If he backs off his enormous ego takes a hit and a blow is landed for the ownership, if he doesn't he'll miss the entire season because I'm getting no sense that Jeffrey Lurie or anyone in the Eagles camp has any interest in giving in to this arrogant misanthrope. In fact, they can't, if they do they're opening a huge Pandora's box. Who knows when he'll decide he's unhappy again and demand that they pony up another 50 million. We'll be talking about this every off season.
Ty Law met with the Dolphins yesterday. HA! Go ahead Ty, take the money from Miami. You might as well end your playoff career with a Super Bowl win because you will never see the post season again. "The Law" is in for a harsh reality.
Yay! Time for the "President's Reception and Cocktail Party".
Snooty Academic: "So what do you do son?"
Me: "I'm a bartender."
Snooty Academic: "Good, get me a gin and tonic."
Me: "Ahh...I don't work here."
Snooty Academic: "Bombay Sapphire, extra lime."
Thump, as Snotty Academic hits the flooor.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Walk Off
Make that 2 for the season.
Clearly inspired by his front page coverage on the B-Slant today Kevin Millar just jacked a 2 run walk off home run to lift the Red Sox past the Oakland A's 3-2.
Of course he wouldn't have had to hit his shot to left had he not made 2 errors earlier in the game, but we don't need to discuss that.
It's always good to get wins in the 9th. It energizes the crowd and often galvanizes a team. Hopefully they'll stay on this hot streak.
Oh Skippy Skippy Skippy...
MVP
Steve Nash won the MVP in a narrow margin over Shaq on Sunday, and in doing so sparked a nationwide controversy, into which Skip Bayless, the B-Slant's favorite whipping boy poked his weasely little nose. Now, the question here is not which player is more dominant? That is obvious, Shaq is the most dominant force is sports. The question is who is more valuable? That is debatable and both players would have been deserving winners. So why did Skippy's article manage to raise my ire so quickly, you mean besides the condescending way in which he writes everything? (For example Nash, "...the league's Most Valuable Player? That's more laughable than Shaquille O'Neal's many hilarious one-liners.") It bugged me because it invoked all that is wrong with sports journalism, the need to be the dissenting opinion, which Skippy is guilty of everyday of the week and twice on Sunday. Read the article on Page 2, it's self evident.
His beginning statement that Shaq's maturity contributed to his MVP status as much as his numbers is ridiculous. What kind of maturity does it take to catch on the block and shoot a baby hook all the while surrounded by a solid supporting cast? It takes much more maturity and leadership to manage the controlled fury of one of the youngest and most athletic offenses in the NBA. Not to mention the fact that he always has the ball compared to Shaq who merely catches and gets fouled. Skippy then points to the fact that the Lakers without Shaq this season, fell to 11 games out of the playoffs. That is true, but Shaq was not involved with that team in any way! You cannot make a comparative argument about the value of a player in a given season based on the failure of his former team, that is, "more laughable than Shaquille O'Neal's many hilarious one-liners." You can only argue that his current team is better with him, an argument which further tips the scales in Nash's favor.
As proof, I will now use Skippy's own stats against him. With Nash the Suns were the first team EVER to follow a 50 loss season with a 60 win season. That alone is enough of a statement as to Nash's value, but Bayless continues to argue that Dallas is "a little better" without him. One problem Skippy, THEY LOST MORE GAMES. I don't know how exactly you quantify "better" but by my crazy math going 60-22 in '03 is better than 58-24 this season. That is not to take anything away from Shaq's role in improving the Heat, of course they were substantially better with him, but the Suns with Nash completed a never before seen turn around.
As he continues Bayless makes his only valid point, that Nash is a liability on defense. But Nash's defensive woes can be helped by his teammates. Shaq's free throw shooting is a liability with no weak side rotation, unless of course he bricks one so badly that it comes back to him. So at best for Shaq this is a wash, at worst his greatest weakness in comparison with Nash's greatest weakness clearly comes out as more glaring.
Skippy then veers completely off course by trying to debunk Nash's numbers, 15.5 pts to go with his NBA leading 11.5 assists, by suggesting that half of his assists came from easy fast break points or spot up 3 on 1 three pointers. What an asinine argument. Do you think this blow hole in a suit sat in a video room and watched Nash's games, counting the number of assists that came on uncontested shots? I don't. Not to mention, what does he know about throwing an alley-oop to a charging Stoudamire? It's not as easy as say, a dunk after bowling over a player whom you outweigh by 75 pounds. And if Nash didn't make those spectacular behind the back passes to his super-athlete teammates how much of the Suns offensive output would be lost? Since speculation on percentages is a sign of ignorance I won't emulate our beloved Skippy.
The last 1/3 of his piece is just full of hilarity. He says that Wade is not the best player on the Heat because Shaq taught him how to win, suggests that Shaq's interview skills make him more valuable, and that there is a "Giant Bias" in the voting. I guess Skippy just really ran out of steam towards the end here. Maybe the voters didn't vote for Shaq for a valid giant bias. Maybe being big and taking up space is important, but not as important as being the catalyst on the team with the best offense and the best record in the NBA.
As if his condescending tone throughout wasn't enough Skippy tosses this little nugget in at the end just to chap my ass a little more. "So when a delightful little overachiever overachieved to the max, some voters thought, 'Hey, why not someone new and different?'" Did he just refer to the man the collective NBA media, the "experts", the guys who are paid specifically to watch and comment on the NBA, chose as their MVP as a "delightful little overachiever"? Has their ever been a more arrogant and misguided statement, he just insulted the best basketball writers in America, and challenged their integrity in an internationally observed forum. Skip Bayless, a guy who regularly gets pistol whipped by another moron Woody Paige on "1st and 10" had the gall to call into question the validity of a vote cast by the most qualified observers of the game? What an insult to the voting process and the sports journalism field as a whole. The only thing delightful about this Skippy, is that you are not respected enough to have an MVP or Hall of Fame vote in baketball or any other sport as far as I know.
Of course he finished his article by saying that the MVP voting has given Shaq more motivation to win another championship, immediately following his statement that Shaq didn't seem to care about not receiving the award. Hey you self-contradicting hypocrite, how can it be extra motivation if it doesn't matter to him that he lost in the first place?
Here's the thing. Shaq could have won the MVP but he didn't deserve it, and it's refreshing to see the basketball media paying some homage to a truly valuable player without huge scoring stats. Nash has been the engine of the fastest moving highest scoring machine in the NBA and without him Phoenix went into the tank, so to even think that his contributions to that team were not MVP worthy is ridiculous and he is 100% deserving of this award. The fact that it was a close vote only shows the respect that both players garnered from the media and that in every campaign of 32 teams there are going to be multiple players who have spectacular seasons. It just depends on what you put the most emphasis, this year it was passing and assisting. Case closed.
Keep on writing Skippy, blasting you is going to keep me well stocked with comments to spare for years to come.
Tuesday News Day
1 FOR THE SEASON
- Kevin Millar got off his proverbial backside last night with his 7th inning homer against the Oakland A's. Millar had been homerless to this point, a fact not lost on his teammates, or the media. Curt Schilling said, on Millar's 1st homerun, "...he's been hearing it from both sides, and to get that out of the way is nice." The Sox infield has been sorely lacking in power numbers to this point...
- Speaking of sore, Manny Ramirez was hit by a pitch for the second day in a row in the 1st inning of last night's game, this time in the head. He was reportedly dizzy and unsteady afterwards and left the game. The team has not said if he will miss any action. The B-Slant isn't sure what Manny did to piss off the respective pitching staffs of the A's and Mariners, but we would love to see him make amends so he can stop getting drilled. Maybe take them out for drinks at the Four Seasons, we know you can do that in any condition.
- Cla Meredith, the secondary goat of Sunday's game 2 loss to the Mariners, behind only Terry Francona for bringing him in, is still getting blasted for his performance. The kid is 21 and was brought up straight from AA after only 14 innings of work. He had not given up a run for the Portland Sea Dogs, but then again he had not faced anyone with major league skills, like for example Richie Sexson. Is it any surprise that he got rocked? Send the kid back down, leave his damaged psyche alone, and rip Francona for this senseless move. No one said it was easy to manage the second game of a double header but there were other arms available.
- Barry Bonds is apparently in danger of being convicted of tax fraud. Are you kidding me? The only thing that would surprise me more than this would be if Barry used illegal steroids to help enhance his performance... Actually this is dumber that using steroids because this can actually be proven after the fact. Between lying to the Grand Jury and tax evasion we might be seeing Bonds in pin stripes, the bad kind.
- Imagine being this guy. You're at a race track in Florida, holding your tickets for the Derby. Somehow on your Superfecta ticket you landed a 50-1 underdog named Giacomo winning followed by Closing Argument, Afleet Alex, and Don't Get Mad. You're thinking, "I might as well throw this ticket away because there is no chance this Giacomo is going to win, I should never play the Quick Pick again, that's it I'm reformed, after I lose this one no more gambling for me." But you don't throw the ticket away, you put it in your pocket after taking it out of the machine, or so you think. Then the race starts and things look to be shaking down as planned, except Giacomo is still in the top 4 about halfway to the finish. As they round that final turn and start heading towards the stretch a horse starts to make a charge, MY GOD IT'S GIACOMO heading up to pass Closing Argument. Now another horse, Afleet Alex is making a charge but he's too far behind to catch Closing Argument but is solidly in third. Giacomo holds on to win by half a length with 2-4 falling as stated above. Now imagine that you suddenly realize that you hit the Superfecta in the second highest paying Derby upset in history...but you lost the winning ticket worth over $800,000. 2 panicked hours later you still can't find it. At first you're laughing, "Haha, yea I know I have it somewhere." Then you're getting nervous, "I know I have it I just can't remember where I put it." Then you freak, "I don't fucking believe this! Who stole my ticket." Then you sob like a fat girl on prom night. The track closes and you have to go home, you just lost a one in a billiongazillion chance. You go home to a bottle of Jim Beam and nearly kill yourself drinking 2/3 of it, but in the morning you get a phone call. A track employee found your ticket next to the machine from which you purchased it, you lucky stupid bastard, and you still get your 800 grand. Just imagine that.
- I just had to listen to John Kruk say this about Ricky Henderson on Baseball Tonight, "If I had that physique I would wear a nice tight shirt to show it off too." John, buddy, you are a really long way from that physique and if you could keep your homo-erotic thoughts out of Baseball Tonight that'd be great. Thanks.
- Speaking of Ricky Henderson he's making a comeback with a Padres minor league team the Surf Dawgs. Three words: Give, It, Up.
- Greatest Ricky Henderson quote, "Today I am the greatest of all time." Sometimes I think Ricky had a self confidence problem.
- Please go check out barrybonds.com. This guy is not from this planet, I swear he was born on Neptune and his saga on Earth is the greatest reality TV show throughout the galaxy.
- Freddie Mitchell was the cut by the Eagles. Poor Fred Ex, huge mouth, tiny body, not a whole lot of talent, no Super Bowl ring, and there's a good chance he'll end up in Tennessee or Washington where all mediocre receivers go to catch 27 balls and 1 TD. In this case that 1 TD will be followed by a huge celebration and a subsequent fine. Who exactly is Donovan going to throw the ball to this season? Anyone in Phili have an answer for this?
- 50-1: the odds that Giacomo would win the Derby. 100-1: the odds that Bellamy Road, Steinbrenner's horse will stay out of the glue factory now that his injury will keep him out of the final two Triple Crown races. Hey it's easier than killing Cashman.
- 10000-1: the odds that anyone other than the B-Slant is watching the 2003 homerun derby on ESPN right now, which is why this post is now over, and I'm going out into the sunshine.
Monday, May 09, 2005
Sir Charles
Quick random note.
Charles Barkley is comic television genius. And I quote, "Dan LeBetard wrote a column in the paper today saying that the only reason Steve Nash won the MVP was because he's white. (That is not what the article said as an aside) That is stupid and asinine and that pisses me off" He continued, "This is why I would never let fans or reporters vote for the MVP, if you did not have Shaq and Steve Nash on your ballot you are stupid and you wasted your ballot."
To which the white host of the pre-game show who's name escapes me said, "So you're taking it out of my hands. I had a vote, I voted Shaq, Steve Nash."
Cricket...cricket....
"Well that's great," Charles said, and then totally went off on a tangent about how great of a player Magic Johnson was. So random.
Charles Barkley is comic television genius. And I quote, "Dan LeBetard wrote a column in the paper today saying that the only reason Steve Nash won the MVP was because he's white. (That is not what the article said as an aside) That is stupid and asinine and that pisses me off" He continued, "This is why I would never let fans or reporters vote for the MVP, if you did not have Shaq and Steve Nash on your ballot you are stupid and you wasted your ballot."
To which the white host of the pre-game show who's name escapes me said, "So you're taking it out of my hands. I had a vote, I voted Shaq, Steve Nash."
Cricket...cricket....
"Well that's great," Charles said, and then totally went off on a tangent about how great of a player Magic Johnson was. So random.
97-70
UNLUCKY 7'S
I seriously started this post 2 hours ago but an Entourage marathon (self-induced since it was On Demand) has fully absorbed my afternoon. There is no doubt that this show keeps at least a dozen no talent, super hot blondes in work every week. It's like a charity for ex-Stuff Magazine models. Who doesn't need a buddy to hit it big in Hollywood?
I have been uniquely fortunate to have the opportunity to attend the last 2 games 7s in which a Boston team has been involved. Last October there was the ALCS game 7 in the Bronx. We all know how that ended.
Saturday night at the TD Banknorth Garden was a parallel universe in which all the good from October was flipped reversed and smashed on the parquet floor. In short, it was like being a Yankee fan during ALCS game 7... Okay not even close, there is no way an NBA Playoffs Round 1 game 7 can compare with that but it still wasn't a picnic.
Anyway, before the lowlights, a couple of highlights. My buddies Brian and Alex came through huge with 4 3rd row loge tickets for face. They're such good guys that they gave up their ridiculous seats so that they could go home for mother's day. Kinda warms your heart doesn't it? Celebrity sightings: David Givens, Daniel Graham, Deion Branch, and David Ortiz all within 25 feet of our seats. Why was every Boston sports star whose name begins with a D within our sightline?
For the first 10 minutes of the game it felt like a playoff atmosphere in the Garden. It was loud, it was full, fans were waving little white towels provided by the Celtics at the door. The scene was encouraging to those of us who are hopeful that the C's will shortly return to glory, but it died, hard. One of the Pacers most important game 7 achievements was the silencing of the crowd over their 11-2 run to start the 3rd quarter. You could hear the change falling out of my pocket as I slumped in my seat.
The first half was closely played, that is to say it was poorly played. Bad shooting, bad officiating (MUCH more on this later), bad transition defense, and bad coaching. Both teams were lucky not to be down 20 at the half, if either had been able to shoot in the first half they could have put the series away. And in reality it was the Pacers who seemed to blow the most opportunities despite the fact that they went into the locker room with a 35-32 lead.
The second half was a disaster. There is no way around the fact that the Celtics just forgot to come out of the gate. They were outscored 29-18 in the 3rd and 33-20 in the 4th and at one point were down 29 midway through the final period.
All of this happened with Reggie Miller, allegedly making one final stand to extend his career, on the bench while his back-up Fred Jones lit it up with 13 of his 16 in the final 12 minutes. In his last 3 games Jones had 5 points...combined. Miller finished the game with 5 points in 28 minutes and was essentially a cheerleader.
"Allen Iverson without the skills" thug Stephen Jackson scored 24 points and was the difference in the game. There weren't many big shots taken because it was an utter annihilation but Jackson keyed the runs in both the 3rd and 4th quarters. With over 4 minutes to play it was over and Doc was emptying the bench.
So, how the Boston Slant asks, did this happen?
First, the Pacers forced the Celtics to play their style of play, slooooowwww. The first 24 minutes were so agonizingly slow that at the half we were looking at a game that might not get out of the 60's. It was like watching BC all over again.
That being said, the Celtics failed on both ends of the floor within the game they were forced to play. They shot a abysmal 37% from the field and only managed to take 16 free throws. The Pacers shot a hardly blistering 47% but it, along with their 30 free throw attempts was enough. What really had me tearing my hair out was the fact that the Celtics were missing easy shots, 10-12 footers with a hand barely in their face, while the Pacers seemed to always be shooting uncontested. Indiana's ball movement, which was by no means stunningly impressive, made the Celtics look as though they have never seen a skip pass or heard of weak side help.
The real key was that Indiana just wanted it more. They came out to start the 2nd half with purpose and out shot, out defended, and so completely out played the Celtics that they deserved to win. Maybe it was for Reggie, maybe it was to get another crack at the Pistons but whatever it was the Pacers were motivated and the Celtics were not. It's as simple as that.
70 points represents the second lowest total for a Celtics team in the playoffs. How can a team lay down so meekly in a game 7 at home? The Mavs or Suns might score 70 in a half in their series.
This game was so ugly that Larry Bird, sitting behind the Pacers bench, got up and left with 3:30 to play. Larry, Pacers executive, Celtics legend who perhaps had more invested in this game on both sides than a parent watching brother play brother was out the door before the final buzzer. Embarrassing.
While the Celtics certainly played their way right out of the playoffs on Saturday there is no doubt that they were ushered there by some absolutely atrocious officiating. With all the haze surrounding the refs in this year's playoffs it's easy, as a losing fan, to jump on the conspiracy bandwagon, I won't do that. But I will say that this game was called in one-sided fashion, causing myself and other fans to question the integrity of the refs and their objectivity. Most likely we were just being outraged fans who felt that their team didn't get a fair shake, but after two consecutive possessions where Pacers guards penetrated and threw up wild shots only to be bailed out by foul calls while on the other end Pierce and Payton were absolutely mauled by Jermaine O'Neal all of our eyebrows were raised. If this game was fairly called the Celtics would have lost by 20 instead of 27 so it doesn't matter, they still couldn't shoot, and I'm sure that the refs tried to be professional. That doesn't change the fact that they blew it badly on at least half a dozen occasions and gave fodder to an already alarming debate.
Of course it's hard to speculate on any Pacer-friendly NBA conspiracy because with their victory they have earned the right to play the Pistons in the series the NBA has dreaded since November 19th. Some in Detroit and Indiana are actually saying that this series should be played in empty arenas, which might not be a bad idea since every game in Detroit is going to be delayed and interrupted by some type of bomb threat. With that in mind I cannot be too upset that the Celtics lost this series. Sure I'm incensed at the way they played on Saturday, but had they won the Pistons would have pounded them in 5 and the season would be over anyway. At least now we get to see Reggie's career end at the hands of a maniacal baseball bat wielding Pistons fan.
So now that we've put the '04 - '05 season to rest it's time to look towards next year, and all I can ask is that Danny Ainge controls himself at the wheel. Don't make 48 non-sensical deals in the next two months, all of which will be undone in February when you bring back all of the traded players and we end up with the exact same team. Sign Antoine, so what if you hate his game he balls hard and the C's only won the Atlantic because of him, but don't get saddled with a lousy long term deal. Lock him up for the short run and then deal him if you don't like the results.
Most importantly hold onto this youth that we've acquired here. Al Jefferson is going to be a star in this league and his development should be priority number one, when Pierce is done Jefferson will be the face of this franchise and as he rises the combination of the two should make for decent teams. That, along with Tony Allen is enough of a nucleus even if you lose Walker. But you must get rid of Mark Blount and make getting a viable veteran big man priority number 2. LaFrentz is not the answer, nor was he when they drafted him. Please never again draft big white kids from Kansas, it'll be like Alex Smith in 5 years.
That's it, draft smart and hold onto what you've got. It's not complicated Danny, but it requires that you control that itchy trigger finger of yours, which isn't your strong suit, especially after such a miserable collapse. I bet you want to trade everyone don't you, just scrap the whole team and trade them for some more big white kids, maybe some Europeans this time? DO NOT!
Alright enough whining, there's lots of news to talk about in the next post, either tonight or tomorrow. Cla Meredith, Terry Francona, Barry Bonds, the Yankees, Steve Nash, and another tongue lashing for Skip Bayless from the B-Slant.
Friday, May 06, 2005
Buenos Whateveros Amigos!
Cinco de Mayo!
* Before reading this post please keep in mind the following.
1. I got up at 8:00 AM this morning to go to court for an accident that happened on September 30, 2002. The accident took place in Brighton, so naturally the hearing was in Worcester, and when I claimed that the road upon which the accident took place was one lane rather than two (which would swing the verdict in my favor) the mediator looked at me as though he had never heard of a "one lane road". I now have to take pictures of an accident site from nearly 3 years ago to submit as evidence. What do they want me to do, crash my car into a stunt car to simulate the circumstances?
2. I then worked a 4-12 shift, while training my replacement at the Red House, who had clearly never seen the backside of a bar until tonight.
3. This post was written while sipping illegally imported Mexican Tequilla at 1:40 AM in honor of Cinco de Mayo. (A sidenote on Cinco de Mayo, if every country had a holiday for a day when they whooped on the French army the aggregate intelligence of the world would decrease by 11% or more due to all the school that would be missed for "national holidays". It's like having a parade for not finishing last.)
Since it's been a while since my last post, due to sedentary habits and rather influential distractions, and since my lucidity is only bound to decrease with each sip of 1921 Reserva I'll make this quick.
- The Celtics forced a Game 7 tonight by just barely squeaking past the Indiana Pacers in Game 6. This is notable for 2 and 1/2 reasons.
1. There is absolutely no reason that the Celtics should be in this position. A team cannot win 2 games in a series by a combined margin of 60+ and take more than 5 games to close...can it? Well apparently it can. This is a sad state of affairs, but redemption and major face saving is possible on Saturday.
2. As of this moment I am under the impression that I have a ticket to Game 7 on Saturday night. Please oh please let this remain true for the next 48 hours.
2 and 1/2. Even if I don't have the ticket I already took Saturday night off which means I only have 2 nights left on that God forsaken bar, and it means that I can have a normal weekend night....(the B-Slant's liver says, "Maybe that's not a good thing.")
- Bronson Arroyo took a no hitter into the 7th this afternoon. I don't know what to make of this. Everytime I get real excited about this kid he comes out and puts up a 4 and 2/3, 6 hits, 5 runs etc. type outing and takes the wind out of my sails. But this is exactly what the Sox need right now with Schilling down and Wells fat. The spot-starter heavy staff did a remarkable job on this 7 game road trip. The Sox return home having gone 5-2 and still within shouting distance of first place in the East. Arroyo is definitely a bandaid not a solution but I'll take it.
- Chris House, the Red Sox most recently infamous fan (and ex-Curry head football coach) will not be charged in the Gary Sheffield incident. Thank God it's still legal to get assaulted by a 'roid raging maniac for trying to pull your arm out of the way of a foul ball in this state.
- The Brewers have won 7 straight games...well...hmmmm... Nope still don't care. They're the freaking Brewers!
- The respective "media" has lost it's mind and it's perspective. It's May 5th, Cinco de Mayo! Buenos Whateveros Amigos! and they seem to believe that it's over for the Sox and Yanks this season. Are they insane? They are literally talking about who is in a better position to acquire Roger Clemens at the trading deadline, Clemens!? Okay, read and understand...
1. The Yankess have Randy Johnson, Derek Jeter, and Alex Rodriguez. The only trio comparable to that in the major leagues is...
2. The Red Sox have Curt Schilling, Manny Ramirez, and David Ortiz. Don't talk to me about season ending injuries in May. June 15th and he's still not throwing then I'll host the panic party.
3. Keith Foulke, Mariano Rivera. They are still better than BJ Ryan.
4. Bruce Chen is the ace of the Orioles staff, of course it should be Ponson but his ERA is near 7. Erik Bedard is...who? The Blue Jays have Roy Halladay and....right.
5. The Yanks and Sox are old, but old = experienced.
6. The Central is not more competitive, the White Sox are just hot. The Twins will win by 12 games and if the White Sox do get in they'll lose in 4 to the Yankees instead of 5 like the Twins. However, they do get to play against the Royals 19 times each which will be a huge Wild Card edge.
Maybe there is a shake up in the works for the AL this season but don't talk to me about it in the first week of May. If the Orioles are still in first at the All Star break and the Yankees are still floundering then I'll listen, but at this point all you have are hot bats and unproven arms leading the way. On an average day the Yanks and the Sox are still the best in the league. Sure, if the Orioles can keep this up they can win the Division, but they haven't shown that they have the arms in the last 5 years and little has changed.
I still stand by my prediction that the East will fall into place much like last year. Sure the Wild Card could come from another division because the Red Sox and Yankees will have to play at a higher level more often given the unbalanced schedule, but I won't believe it at this point. There is too much talent in place to give up on Boston or New York one month into the season.
- Cinco de Mayo! Arriba! Buenos Whateveros Amigos! Mas Tequilla Por Favor!
Sunday, May 01, 2005
BLOWOUT SERIES
110-79
Aside from a few minutes in Game 2 there has not been a closely contested well played game in this series yet.
After watching (some of) last night's game (see previous post for the reason I didn't see it all) it is hard to imagine how the Celtics have been challenged by the Pacers, never mind how they could lose 2 games. They demolished Indiana without Antoine Walker on their home court in a crucial swing game. The C's shot 56% while the Pacers built several houses and a high rise at an NBA Playoff record low 26%. All five Celtics starters were in double figures, the Pacers only had three players in double figures and only one, Stephen Jackson (24), with more than 12.
This was the worst playoff lost in franchise history.
There is not anything else to say about this. A 31 point margin does not make for the greatest blog fodder.
Game 5 is in Boston on Tuesday. Who knows which version of both of these teams will show up?
************************************************************************************
Since it's a lazy, rainy Sunday afternoon I'm just going to spew some random thoughts as they occur to me.
-I'm watching the Red Sox play Texas right now and Kevin Youkilis is batting with Varitek on third and 1 out in the top of the 2nd, Texas is up 2-0 on Matt Clement. This is already Youkilis' second stint with the Red Sox this season after being sent down to make room for Curt Schilling on the roster. It must be incredibly difficult to be the 26th guy on a major league team. You go from a private plane, first class hotels, big cities, nice clubhouses, etc. to bus rides, rest stops, Best Westerns, small towns, and tiny band box stadiums. It must be at least twice as difficult having played in the playoffs and the World Series, broken a curse, been part of a legend, and ridden a Duck Boat down Boylston while 4 million people adored you. You think he talks about it all the time at Pawtuckett?
"Hey Hanley come here, did I ever tell you about the time we won game 7 at Yankee Stadium?"
"Ahh...yeah Youk you tell us about it everyday..."
"Yeah that was awesome...wanna see my World Series ring? I hope we stop at Wendy's soon."
By the way he walked. Varitek scored on Damon's grounder to second.
- It's nice to see that Donovan McNabb finally told T.O. to shut up. Can you imagine what McNabb is actually saying behind the scenes? Owens must really think that he can throw the ball to himself, apparently he doesn't remember when he basically had to do that in San Francisco. Talk about having no perspective on life, he's actually talking about sitting out the whole season! I hope he does for 2 reasons. 1. Phili fans will murder him. He won't be welcome anywhere in Pennsylvania (big loss there). Too bad there's no one in Phili with the chops to write anything more than a sentence about it with a link to a wire story and a picture. 2. The Eagles will still be the best team in the NFC and just like they did last year, will make it through the playoffs without him. Then what will he say about McNabb's fatigue?
- Clement doesn't look real impressive once again. He just worked out of a bases loaded jam in the second after giving up 2 in the first. The bases became loaded after a hit batter and 2 walks. This is why his hits to innings pitched ratio is such a telling stat, he's in trouble all the time and if he's walking people it's only going to get worse. He's been lucky so far but sometime real soon some big hits are going to start racking up his ERA if he doesn't straighten himself out.
- I really wish D.O. would take just one ball the other way so teams would stop going into the overshift with the shortstop playing just to the first base side of second. That defense is so debilitating for Ortiz not just because he pulls the ball all the time but because he goes up the middle as well. Twice last night Michael Young the Texas shortstop cut off Ortiz grounders behind the second base bag. Those are sure base hits in a normal defensive alignment.
Haha, wish granted, he just doubled to left.
- Back to the great city of Philadelphia for a second. The Sixers are up 8 on the Pistons with 6 minutes to play. Is there any way that both of these teams can lose this series? I can't stand Iverson and his 50 shots a game and the Pistons play such physical defense that it slows the game to an agonizing crawl that always keeps the scores under 100.
- Major League baseball teams are like 2nd grade classrooms. One person gets sick and it runs through the whole damn team over the course of a few weeks. I remember reading about this happening in Milwaukee recently and now a bunch of the Red Sox have what they're calling "The Mueller Flu". Bellhorn's not playing and Mueller just returned to the lineup after missing something like six games. Can we please get some anti-bacterial soap into the clubhouse? Maybe that's how the Orioles are in first place, they are carrying flu strains around in their bags and are releasing them into their opponents clubhouses.
- Ut oh here come the Pistons. 80-78 Phili with 50 seconds left. Billups on the line for 2 with a chance to tie. Iverson just made a bone head play, tried to play defense with his hands as Billups went by him. He hit both free throws, tie game.
Iverson just nailed a huge shot with 28.3 to play. It was a real tough fall away just outside the left side of the paint. He has 34 after putting up 39 and 15 assists in Game 3. I still think he's a ball hog thug but he has been huge offensively these last 2 games. He has played every minute so far.
Oh man, despite his offense Iverson may have just cost the Sixers the game. He just blew his assignment on Billups who hit a three to give the Pistons the lead. If he could have moved his feet he wouldn't have fouled Billups the last time down, now this. Gotta play both ends kid.
Okay, now Billups wants to be the goat, he just fouled Willie Green for no reason at all with 3.1 seconds left. BUT Green almost air balled the first free throw so now the best he can do is tie. He hit the second. Tie game, Pistons ball at halfcourt.
I hope Billups torches Iverson again. Of course even if the Sixers lose no one will mention that Iverson blew it on defense twice, all they'll talk about is his 34.
Wallace air balled a three at the buzzer. Going to overtime. I can't overstate how bad Iverson just was on defense. If he could have stopped Billups one out of the last 2 possessions the game would be over. We're not talking about Kobe here, it's Chauncy Billups.
- Clement in trouble again in the bottom of the 4th. 1st and 3rd one out. This time it burns him, Kevin Mench just hit a sacrifice fly to Manny, 3-2 Rangers. Has he ever had a 1,2,3 inning? He's at 78 pitches through 3 2/3 innings.
- The Ranger's mascot is a big guy in a horse suit and Ranger's uniform. It's the scariest mascot I have ever seen, you can almost hear children crying all over the stadium. The head is so huge it makes the thing like 11 feet tall.
- Rasheed Wallace just nailed a huge three with 2:45 to play to put the Pistons up 5, but Webber just nailed one on the other end to get back within 2. Iverson actually passed the ball on that possession.
Chauncy Billups just basically backhanded Iverson with his pimp hand as Iverson drove to the hoop. Of course he dropped to his back with that Iverson grimace he always makes whenever anything goes against him. Wallace just hit another three, they're real tough when he hits from outside.
30 seconds to play, Pistons ball up 1. Billups just blew past Iverson again but Webber saved him with a blocked shot but he tipped it too hard, out of bounds.
Richard Hamilton just hit a really tough shot to put Detroit up 3. He might be the only thing scarier than the Ranger's mascot in that creepy plastic mask. He looks like a horror movie villain. 14.5 seconds.
Well that's game. Kyle Korver just put up probably the most ill advised shot in the history of the NBA. He ducked under the defense, and put up a double clutch 2 with 7 seconds to go. Why did he even have the ball? If you're going to take a 2 when you're down three it better be a damn good shot, especially with that much time remaining. Definitely not his finest moment, and oh the poor bastard just put up another air ball at the buzzer, they were down 5 after Hamilton hit 2 free throws so it doesn't matter but that was an ugly sequence for Korver. Have to figure he won't be seeing the court for a while.
- The Red Sox are up 6-3 and the only thing I saw was a 2 run double by Nixon. Damn NBA taking my attention.
Okay that's enough, I just scrolled up and realized how boring this must be.
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