I'm going to preface this by saying I have always hated Phil Mickelson...
Okay, now that all the women have clicked away let's continue. He's whiny, he chokes, he doesn't look like an athlete, and he seems like an incredibly pompous jerk. In short (excuse the last part) he's not Tiger Woods.
I love Tiger. I love that he swears, slams clubs, and pumps his fist when he wins. I love that nine times out of ten you know that his big putts are going in because the ball and putter collectively are too scared to do otherwise. I love that he spends ridiculous amounts of money on houses, boats, and cars. And to be honest I love that he doesn't sign every autograph or pat every kid on the head as he's walking the course. Nobody comes to your cubicle to ask you to sign something or be nice to their little rug-rat everyday, why should he have to?
Do I love all the tabloid nonsense about his affairs? No, he never should have gotten married. If you're a professional athlete worth one billion dollars DO NOT GET MARRIED. I don't care how hot, how Sweedish, how blonde, or how flexible she is just don't do it. Stay single and bang everything that breathes between Orlando and Vegas and nobody cares. Do it with pretty wife and two kids - instant pariah with a phony trip to "sex addiction" rehab for dessert.
(Two things on the rehab story. 1. How pissed is Tiger going to be when Elin still divorces him after he went though all that shit pretending to actually want to stop banging porn stars and cocktail waitresses? 2. Sex addiction = access and opportunity. It's not a fucking disease, it's called being rich, famous, and young enough to still have functioning plumbing. Find me a guy who says he wouldn't take that affliction and I'll show you a liar.)
All that being said, after everything that's happened in the last six months could there have been anything worse for Tiger than Phil winning the Master's?
Stop thinking. Short of a long list of 11 year old boys coming out Michael Jackson style and saying that Tiger has a "treasure" room, the answer is a resounding NO.
Not only did Tiger's biggest "rival" (I use the term loosely, it's like a dolphin being the rival of a great-white) win another green jacket, he also dumped a whole canister of gasoline on the, "We Hate Tiger Woods Because He Did What Rich Famous Guys Do" Club's inaugural bonfire of Woods related paraphernalia.
With one long hug with his cancer stricken wife on the backside of the 18th green Mickelson turned what was a moderately successful week for Woods (all things considered) into a disaster. Every woman watching thought one of two things:
1. (Sniffle, sniffle...)
2. Tiger Woods is an asshole. Why can't he be like that?
(It's one thing for every woman to think that, but what do the sponsors think? That's a huge question for him going forward).
The reality is Tiger Woods is not like that, and that's what makes him the greatest golfer in the world. It's not a good guy contest, it's not a nice husband / father contest, it's a golf tournament. Not being like Phil is what made Tiger the best, trying to be like Phil will be his undoing. Phil plays with the kids, takes vacations, gets fat, and seems like he genuinely puts his family first. Tiger hits balls until is hands bleed, everything else comes second. (Insert balls joke here...)
Would I let Tiger watch my kids (if I had any)? No chance. Would I want to learn how to win from Phil? Nope.
Tiger and Phil are completely different people, but on that April Sunday as Phil emerged from the veil that Tiger had cast around the entire week at Augusta to claim his third green jacket and embrace his wife like he never wanted to let go they were drawn into stark comparison both on the course and off. And for once Phil came out on top.
Enjoy it lefty, as a fan I hope that you stay a great dad and husband off the course and that Tiger goes back to crushing you on the back nine.
