I’m back, in an Ali-like (sans the talent, hair, credentials, and personality) return to the ring for the B-Slant. Following a three month plus summer vacation (where I literally didn’t go anywhere, I just stopped writing) I’m drawing inspiration from a long weekend with some of my old teammates (one of whom actually mentioned that his wife read this…wow she must have a boring job) and getting the site started up again. (Sidenote: how goofy is that picture to the right?)
And really, what better time to do it? BC is 3-0 and has won consecutive home games in double overtime. (That might be one of the most two faced sentences in the history of writing, on the surface it sounds good but when you consider that BYU and Central Michigan were involved in two of those games it slides dramatically downward.) The Patriots are 2-0 (see previous parentheses and replaces BYU and CM with Buffalo and the Jets, and for good measure think 17 fourth quarter points.) The Red Sox, by falling so far out of the race, have ensured that I will survive this October without a fourth straight coronary. And perhaps most importantly my Madden season is off to a 1-0 start with a dramatic fourth quarter comeback launching my Bengals (I love throwing to Chad Johnson, Carson Palmer has the easiest job in the world) over the Ravens 24-21.
So rather than going into longwinded explanations as to why I lost my motivation and my ability to write (not the most interesting story ever told) I’m just going to jump right into things with a quick review of this weekend, from my own experience.
The only sporting event I saw the entirety of was the BYU at BC football game, and to say I saw the entirety of it is to severely diminish the amount of time I spent just outside the stadium tailgating. A couple of quick thoughts on this through my booze addled eyes.
1. Tom O’Brien (or TOB) is really an overrated and under-criticized coach. His play calling is so easy to predict that even with my minimal understanding of the college game and crappy seats in the stadium I can call out with an 80% success rate the direction and nature of almost every play. If I can do this is it any wonder that the BC running game has been less than effective so far? Furthermore, I thought TOB was from the Tom Coughlin School of coaching, meaning his teams should be smart disciplined and make few mistakes. Why then do they rack up the personal fouls and stupid mental mistakes at about a 10 per game clip? Does the Tom Coughlin School just teach you how to be an asshole? Congratulations TOB on becoming the winningest coach in BC history, now kindly go away and make room for someone who can take us to the next level.
2. Mormons travel freakishly well. I guess when you’re not allowed to drink and have multiple wives traveling across the country to watch your team lose starts to seem like an upgrade from praying and….what else do Mormons do exactly? There had to have been 5,000 BYU fans in Alumni Stadium Saturday with, of all things, BYU “Superfan” shirts. Seeing BC fans read “Superfan” on the shirts of their opponents is like watching two girls discover that they wore the same dress to the prom, much anger and many polygamy jokes ensued. Speaking of polygamy jokes, a little known fact about the BYU fans in attendance, of the 1,000 women in the building only 800 were married….to the same guy.
3. Drinking with guys you haven’t seen in three years for 16 hours straight is an extremely bad idea. As is walking 2/3 of the way from BC to Somerville at four in the morning (roughly 4 miles) in order to get close enough to home to make the $15 in your pocket cover the remaining cost of a cab…which it doesn’t by the way. Sorry to the driver, that .75 cent tip was not intentional. Much more on this subject and the swimming alumni weekend in a coming post.
Now on to the NFL. When I think of an ideal way for a Super Bowl contender to start the season that vision normally does not include a fumble returned for a touchdown on the first offensive play, a victory garnered only by a gift safety in the second half, and nearly blowing a 24 point lead in the fourth quarter of week two. That being said the Patriots are (typically) 2-0 and have already put themselves in the driver’s seat in the AFC East without playing a quality game to this point.
I do have some concerns however. J.P. Losman didn’t look like Joe Montana in week one, but he moved the ball much more effectively against the Patriots defense than I had hoped he would given his rather extensive history of…well…sucking.
Also, I’m not going to over dramatize the departure of Deion Branch, he was a good (not great) player and a number one pick is definitely a good trade for New England. There is however a bit of a void at wide receiver, especially in terms of depth. For the Patriots to win they don’t need to have a singular number one option, but their go to guy can’t be Troy Brown either (not at this point in his career). Chad Jackson has potential and Doug Gabriel was supposed to be the third starter in Oakland behind Porter and Moss but I am not comfortable shouldering either of them with the load should something happen to Brown. There is a bit of a vacuum left behind here, certainly not one that I would call traumatic but nonetheless figuring out who can consistently catch Brady’s passes will be a top priority for Belichick and staff early in the season. I would look for a lot of balls to be heading towards tight ends Graham and Watson.
The running game should be solid with Dillon and Maroney (although a fantasy nightmare for owners of either, fucking platoons) and hopefully that can take some of the pressure off of Brady who once again is the lone star on the Patriots offensive roster.
My stance on this team after two weeks (of course it’s too early to really tell anything) is cautiously optimistic. After watching the Dolphins completely melt down yesterday I’m not convinced that they are anything more than an 8-8 team and we know roughly what to expect from the Bills and Jets (not to mention we already have two wins against them) so in my mind another division title is quite likely. As usual the biggest tests for the Patriots will come in the post season when they have to play teams like the Colts, Ravens, Bengals, and Steelers.
A couple of other Week 2 notes.
1. Tampa Bay and Oakland suck. I mean they really really suck. There isn’t much more to say about it than that.
2. Carolina must just be trying to lull everyone in the NFC South to sleep by starting out 0-2…right? Or maybe Day-Light Delhomme just isn’t that good, like I’ve been saying for THREE FREAKING YEARS! (Sorry I just can’t stand Jake Delhomme.) I still think they’ll be fine once they get Steve Smith back and Julius Peppers is an absolute freak.
3. I can’t decide what will cause a bigger riot, T.O. playing against the Eagles in week five, or T.O. not playing because of his broken finger. Either way the City of Brotherly love will look more like Beirut that Sunday.
4. It’s so funny that Eli and Peyton Manning are brothers and that they both play quarterback. So funny in fact that I think a gigantic multi-corporation ad campaign should be launched based on that fact. Wait…what? Their dad played football too? Holy Shit this like Christmas on Madison Avenue. These will literally be the funniest commercials ever!!! I’m envisioning a broken egg and a breakfast “audible” yes cha-ching!
5. Remember last Monday when the Eagles were going to win the Super Bowl by one million points regardless of who their opponent was? Haha. I don’t like the Giants any more than the next New Englander but watching that meltdown was pretty enjoyable. God I love it when Sean Salisbury is wrong.
6. Please repeat number five about the San Diego Chargers once they play a team with a chance of winning more than three games. Two words: Phillip Rivers.
7. If the Ravens make it to the Super Bowl this year I stamp today September 18, 2006 that I will not watch. That defense and Brian Billick make for some really dull games. I still get nauseous thinking about Stinker Bowl I when they played the Giants and nearly ruined the big game for me forever. Not that I think Steve McNair can get them there anyway.
8. I almost picked up the New Orleans defense for my fantasy team this week just so I could have at least one guaranteed interception from Brett Favre. But then I remembered that it’s New Orleans, and even Green Bay can score on them. It was kind of exciting to consider having the Reggie Bush experience on my special teams though.
9. Did the Ravens DT Kelly Gregg who picked up the Raiders’ fumble and rumbled forty yards with it actually die while he was lying (after maybe being tackled by Ray Lewis?) on the field or was he just making snow angels? Where do these giant dudes hide during the pre-season running drills?
10. And finally, can we stop trying to figure out if Reggie Bush broke NCAA rules already. I don’t really care anymore, it’s done and in reality he was a professional football player anyway. Does anyone really think he was at USC for academics? It’s not like he robbed someone for a cell phone and then led police on a high speed chase with four guns in the car and a bulletproof vest on….(cough) Maurice Clarett.
From here I would move on to the Red Sox…but I can’t. They have sucked out a good portion of my soul this year and I can’t pour that kind of angst out right now. Let’s go Tigers (don’t jump on me my family lives in Michigan now) and hopefully you’ll be hearing from me again soon.
